


When we learn to Love and Hate

by Hyperballad



Category: X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - Fandom, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Don't read it if you expect realism, Erik you Asshole!, Explicit Sexual Content, Fairy Tale Elements, Falling In Love, Homophobia, Honestly Charles What Are You Thinking, Kind of like Pretty Woman, M/M, Nonsense, Office AU, Yaoi influenced
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-04
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-02-06 23:12:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 115,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1876074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyperballad/pseuds/Hyperballad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charles Xavier, a novice working for Lehnsherr Enterprises, meets the homophobic boss from hell, Erik Lehnsherr. They hated each other but tolerated one another for the job at hand. Little did they know that being together all the time will change their lives forever and bring them closer to one another in a way they never thought possible...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [unvb](https://archiveofourown.org/users/unvb/gifts), [lisa999](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisa999/gifts), [lamlinh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lamlinh/gifts).
  * Translation into 中文 available: [When we learn to Love and Hate 生命何必以心跳来衡量](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3775576) by [Analgisia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Analgisia/pseuds/Analgisia)



> STATUS: Completed.
> 
> Greetings to all! I'm kind of on a half-hiatus status and will be popping in indefinitely, but I'm posting my weird shit again! LOL! ^_^ I'm a big fan of Yaoi, so I am doing this as a sort of homage. I just love it to bits but I really hate it when some of them end up so tragic. I'm bringing this topic up because as you can see, my work is heavily influenced by Yaoi. I love that Seme-Uke thing in my pairings and I can't think of anything better ;) I think this new work of mine is deliberately full-on smutty Yaoi and Erik Lehnsherr in this fic starts off as a jerk.This is sort of an experiment for me. I don't know if it will be a success or utter fail! So please dear reader, be gentle with me! XD My work is a mixture of a lot of influences so be my guest and point out any similarities if you will.
> 
> A topic I have a bone to pick with because of its inclusion in my fic is Sexual Prejudice. I'm using Homophobia because its the most widely used term out there. I feel that everyone has a right to be themselves but if our actions impact others so negatively — using a position of power to bully, harass and hurt anyone different from us because we can't accept and understand them — have we truly evolved as human beings socially or emotionally? Or have we been reduced to nothing more than words of hate and discrimination? I am hoping this is not the sum of humanity and I pray for a time to come when we will all stand equal. Thank you always, to the people who care to read my words, even if I am so kooky and ridiculous XD
> 
> I would like to dedicate this work to two people. First to unvb, thank you for your awesome art and I will treasure it always T_T and I would also like to dedicate this to Lisa as well, thank you so much for your support for my work, that means a lot to me. T_T <3 I plan on creating a new set of fics for each of you. Kind of working on something personal for now ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adding this lovely fanart by unvb. It's just so beautiful and with all my heart, I thank you for creating this for my fic :')

 

                                 

 

 

 

 

_**ERIK** _

 

I hate pretty boys. I just hate them. Every single one of them, no matter how much they deny it...they're GAY. I know some of them just can't help it. They were born that way. So blame your parents' gene pool, blame the company you keep, blame your upbringing and your environment if you turn out to be a fag or if you get born in this world looking like one. I will despise you on sight but hey, don't take it personally. I admit I'm homophobic. Something about that effeminate behavior, that type of flamboyant living and overt 'gayness' repels me. The very worst are the ones that are so subtle you can't even discern them from real men. There are clues to their nature sometimes but those factors tend to fall in a gray area. That's why I'm extra cautious over that type. As long as you keep your distance, I'm fine. And don't blame me for generalizing either. I mean look, your kind are everywhere. Fags on TV, closet homos in church and in the government...even at the place where I work. Damn, you just pop up like fucking mushrooms.

You're probably thinking I must have had a homosexual encounter when I was young that's why I'm like this. The answer is, no I haven't had that shit happening to me. I had gay little boys giggling and swooning over me, been proposed to at a bar by a transvestite but to have actually had that sexual brush with another man, nope. Never. I can't remember ever having had one even when I was young. And no, I didn't have an obscene Uncle fondling me secretly or anything of that sort. I had the typical dysfunctional family upbringing common in this day and age. I also have my rebelliousness and overconfidence in myself that helped shape the brilliant mess you see before you now. My parents have been divorced for some time and I guess the only terrible thing that happened to me was when my younger sister died at a young age. As you can see, I'm a man through and through. Not that I want to brag about it but I know I'm easy on the eyes and girls just about fall over themselves to sleep with me. I had banged most of the high school babes back in my old Alma Mater, the really pretty ones. It got even worse in college. I slept with just about any woman that was willing to get in bed with me, even if they looked like total dogs; I’d have sex with them no matter how hammered drunk I was or if I was high. I was bolstering my alpha male status, flaunting my masculinity just about everywhere I go. I was the popular kid back then; the golden boy in everyone's eyes.

So it really pissed me off when a guy that I knew once to be a manly man in college, turned out to be a queen underneath. When that one friend admitted to me that he was gay, about eighteen years ago, I just lost it. I remember all the times this guy put his arm around me in a supposedly friendly gesture of bosom brotherhood 'affections' and slapped a hand at my ass in rambunctious locker room play; all the times I shared a bottle of whiskey with him and I thought to myself, fuck, you've been hitting on me all the while! After his admission, I rewarded him with a punch in the face and I refused to see him ever again. I knew why he admitted he was gay. It was because he was going to admit he had a thing for me and I just about shriveled up at the thought of another man touching me sexually. It was sick, disgusting! I nearly vomited when I got back home.

Fast forward to my present and here I am...still homophobic. I don't hide the fact too. I've been known notoriously in the office to browbeat and bully fags until they end up in tears and they leave the office permanently. But new ones just can't seem to stop flocking in. I had proposed to my boss that he do a thorough screening of new applicants to root out the gay ones but he refused, on the grounds that he did not share my views and that he was not prejudiced. Besides that, gay discrimination is against the law. You must wonder why my boss never fired me for my behavior. I ask you, how could a father fire his son if he is to own the company in the future? Yeah, I'm riding on the coat-tails of my father's legacy. But I don't care. He was the one that suggested it, anyway. He was confident that I would somehow grow out of my ‘selfish-prick phase’ as he so gently put it. I didn't give a fuck what he thought then. Things always go my way so if the company was being handed to me on a silver plate, so be it.

Due to my homophobia, I had very few friends in the office, the ones I consider my best mates. I hung out with men and office colleagues that I knew were _definitely_ men and not closet homos. I made sure that they are actually married to women; that they have kids and that they belonged to good, well-bred families. I know because I drilled them on the details of their lives before I allowed them the pleasure of my company. On that note, I dated a lot of women from inside and outside of the office when I need female companionship. Still have the old charm and my good looks, I guess. I work out, keep my tan; keep myself looking nice and clean, wearing my corporate suits and fashionable ties. But even with the ladies at work, I ended up being notorious for one other thing. I was known as 'Erik Slam, Bam, Thank you ma'am Lehnsherr' because once I sleep with one of them, I tend to not go back for seconds and I don’t stay in a relationship for too long. It's a bachelor's life for me since I like to play the field, so to speak. I knew I was quietly loathed by most of my office-mates. Not only for the reason I’m a Homophobe but because I'm a jerk and an asshole too. Yeah, I know right? How can I live with myself? I've lived my life like this for so long that I got used to being so despicable and cruel. So when this rookie came into my life, this newbie, I never thought...that someone can change me so completely. His name is Charles Xavier and this is our story.

"Look at that boy! Just look at him! He's just asking to be reamed by one of his homo-faggot species!"I said in a low growl as I glared at the newly hired assistant. He was supposed to be Emma Frost's assistant but for now he's a reserve because Emma was still hung up on her own assistant Raven Darkholme, who had decided that her resignation was just a temporary leave after all when her intention to live in France fell through.

"I don't know Erik, he looks like a nice kid, like a choir boy-"Janos Quested said. We were dawdling in the coffee room, procrastinating as always but of course, we get the work done even if we have to do it half-assed. My mates and I are the top dogs in the office anyway.

"What the hell? Can't you see he has gay stamped all over his face?"I fumed and flung a sour glance back at the boy. I was told his name was Charles something, I can't remember the last name and from the looks of him, he has the seal of approval from the god of straight-looking gays. Let me describe him so you will know why. His wavy, dark brown hair was cut short, parted to the side in a dorky way and he wore metal-rimmed glasses, which somehow enhanced his large deep-set blue eyes. His perfectly formed eyebrows tell me he plucks them and trimmed them to look that way. He was very fair; his skin pale but there is this light blush on his cheeks. His nose was straight but slightly hooked, with faint freckles above the bridge and when he smiled at one co-worker once, I noticed his lips are very red, like he just dabbed lipstick on them and he had this dimple on the left corner of his mouth. The shape of his face was very feminine, even though his body was slightly muscular. He favored wearing cardigans, sweater vests and button down shirts and light slacks. When he moves, there is a gracefulness to him and awkwardness all at the same time. At the moment, he was reading a thick paperback novel and was drinking some fruity-smelling tea during his break time. See how gay he is? I hated him immediately. He must think he looked the part of an adorable novice waiting to be petted and coddled. He had never crossed my path yet but if he ever so much as looked me in the eye, I intend to make it known that I despise his kind.

"Gotta agree with Erik, Janos. He does look kinda soft-"Victor Creed said, eying Janos. The exchange of looks did not escape me. I know they placed bets between each other or some other colleague at the office to see how soon I could send my 'target' packing. But I have noticed that they have grown tired of the game. I guess years of doing this must have lost its appeal to them. They just don't understand why we have to remove these disgusting homosexuals from the workplace. Once I inherit my father's business, that's going to be at the top of my agenda. No gays allowed in this company. I will have the right to reject them even if they are overqualified. Fuck ‘em. I don't care if the LGBT community or some poofy schmuck attempts to retaliate against me. I can make the law work for me if I have to. Right now though, I'm weeding them out one at a time. I thought of something really nasty for that rookie, a plan forming instantly. I laughed in an insolent way and pointed to one of the HR personnel walking down the aisle.

"See that girl? She's Kitty Pryde, the new head of the HR department. She has a thing for me even though she's heard about my rep so she's a bit distant. The thing is, I can still twist her around my little finger. I can put in the word and have her arrange it so the newbie becomes my assistant-"

Janos' eyes flew wide open."What? Erik, you'll get in trouble with your dad again! Don't you remember the last time you did this?" After I had sent countless, suspiciously effeminate men resigning while they were under me, my Dad made it a point that they be steered away from my management. I rarely had anyone staying under me, be it a man or a woman because they could not stand me or in the case of the women, they have outstripped their use to me.

"Ha!Ha! Nice one, Lehnsherr! Let's see how fast you send this one packing-"Victor chuckled, slapping my back.

I shrugged carelessly, a cruel smile forming on my lips."I'll make his life a living hell! He'll slap that resignation on my desk faster than I could stick it into a total dog for a quick one. He'll be crying his baby blues out as he flutters his faggoty fingers in the air, barfing rainbows and shitting flowers for all I care-

The guys howled laughter at my wit and newbie eyed us apprehensively. He must’ve sensed we were talking about him. By this time, you're probably wondering why I never got sued or appeared in any workplace inquiries, right? I use my connections, of course. I can make it appear that they were the ones behaving indecently in the office, making sexual advances towards me; first one to sound the alarm wins. Good thing my Lawyers and mates back me up. So those fags end up so humiliated after, that they just give up. See how easy it was for me? Like I said, things always go my way. Later in the day, there was a tentative knock upon the door of my private office and when I called for the person to come in, I realized it was the newbie. He averted his gaze and kept close to the doorway. He must have heard about my reputation, like the others that came before him.

"Sir, HR informed me that I was to report to you as your assistant-"Charles said softly.

"What? Stand straight and speak clearly, boy! I can't understand what the hell you just mumbled!"I barked out.

Charles immediately stood straight, chin lifted high and he spoke more loudly, repeating what he had said. He was blushing slightly and he made sure to keep his eyes down, avoiding meeting my eyes.

"What's your name, boy?"

"My name is Charles Xavier, Sir-"I laughed inwardly because I heard the slight tremble in his voice, his huge eyes moist and frightened.

"Well Xavier, the next time you come in to this office, make sure to wear something more corporate, got it? This is an office, not a college editorial for a gay fan club-"

"I don't...y-yes Sir!"Charles stammered.

"What? Were you going to say something?"I challenged him. Charles visibly swallowed and tried to speak clearly."I don't belong to a gay fan club, Sir-"

"Hah! Could've fooled anyone! If you want to be taken seriously, try to behave and dress like someone who works in a professional setting-"

"I'm sorry Sir. I'll try my best to look more corporate tomorrow-"Charles bowed his head low, ashamed of his appearance. I just rolled my eyes at him mockingly.

"Fine! Come over here so I could give you your instructions and the memorandum!"I said tersely. I never hide the contempt in my voice and I made it quite plain that I disliked him instantly. Charles slowly came over and took the paper work. I had some instructions written out where he will be seated and what work he will be doing, in a cubicle right outside of my office, away from everyone else. My office was designed that way for a reason. Let's just say, the convenience of having _MY_ office allows me to take my current conquests and fuck them out of their minds when I feel the need to satisfy my raunchy urges at work. Recently, my female assistant vacated the coveted position because she was too besotted with me and I don't like inconveniences like that. I had to let the girl go and I gave it to her straight. She sent in her resignation with HR and left the company, too angry and ashamed to face me after. I had thought it was obvious from the beginning that the sex was only for fun. I wasn't into serious relationships, remember? I suddenly remembered that I banged that girl right on the desk that newbie will be using and that brought an amused smile to my lips. Dad of course, sent me up to the main office later to explain why Charles would be working under me and It was quite opportune that my previous assistant resigned and I told him I badly needed one and he was the only one available. He told me to try and be civil to Charles after he saw Charles's picture in his resume, knowing my penchant for bullying effeminate looking men. I let newbie feel a little more at home at first. I gave him some space because he was too cautious with me and then just when his guard is down, I'm going to pounce.

I have always treated sissified boys like him the same. Always, when they report under me there have been no exceptions. I burden them with paperwork; overwhelm them with reports that need to be emailed and documents that must be prepared online, ASAP. I run them down with out-of-office errands, a free slave if you will, until they are so exhausted. And when they fail to meet my expectations or fail in any of the tasks I assigned them, I let them have it. It was a convenient way to reprove them on their actions and make them feel demoralized and inadequate. I was always careful about the 'colorful' terms I say about them, ragging them to the dogs and back without any word indicating their sexual orientation; I make sure I prevent them from recording any conversations with me that are indicative of discrimination or bullying, by having them leave their cell phones on their in-tray when we have 'the conversation' in my office. So it was no different with Charles. If I wanted him to get me coffee in the morning before getting to work, I have him go to the farthest Starbucks I know that sells some obscure coffee type and I give specific instructions on how I want the reports to look on my desk, all prepared and organized before I enter my office. He flailed about over the mountainous paperwork I gave him and he was so clumsy about everything a few times that I kept telling him repeatedly what a disappointment he was and how poor his performance was. He struggled and aimed to do better but I could see how harangued and worried he looked all the time. After office hours, I see him looking so dejected and down-trodden as he picks up his briefcase from the view in my office, preparing for his daily departure from work. He wore suits this time, but they looked wrinkled and tired, like he was by the end of the day. I enjoyed seeing him look like this.

As the months passed though, the harder I put pressure on him, the more Charles made every effort to improve himself. He was actually getting into the groove of things under me and I did not like that. I wanted to see him break down. I wanted him to lose it and act like a total basket case and humiliate himself in front of his colleagues at the office...but he clung on. He was a tenacious Son of a bitch. I have to admit, he was doing a good job. That doe-eyed rookie was long gone. When he came into the office nowadays, his face was set seriously that people did not see him crack a smile at all. He threw himself in his efforts to do his job right. I also noticed the fact that he tried to act more masculine when around me, to show everyone he was not a homosexual. But the sad truth is, he is still just another nerdy, gay-ass faggot before my eyes and I still didn't like him. Not once did I praise him when he performed exceptionally and yet, he did not question me why. He quietly accepted whatever I threw at him. He was somehow different from the other queers that set foot in the office; he was willing to be subjected to a hellish existence under me and being treated as my personal door mat.

I finally caused a small crack in that veneer of seriousness when our group had to do a small get-together at a bar. Reservations were made so that an entire room was set up for our use only and they had an open bar and a Videoke set up for our enjoyment. Charles had to come because it was Company-sponsored and the headcount was compulsory. The ladies from the office all joined in. I was there surrounded by the male staff of our department, along with my best mates Victor and Janos. Charles sat in with us boys, still striving to prove he was manly. There were twenty of us there. We were all getting into it, enjoying a moment of relaxation, free from the stress of work and deadlines. Charles tried to engage some of the guys in a conversation but he did not have much to say to them so he ended up drinking quietly by himself. That was the day I let the first bomb fall on his head. I started by telling the guys at work how gay reading this so-and-so author is; I was actually targeting the books Charles read during his free time. He read a lot of books during his lunch. Anything that I know that Charles was into, I flagrantly deemed as gay and the boys laughed at my detailed narratives. I was pretending to entertain everyone with the amusing opinion I have of homosexuality. Charles's expression showed his discomfort and he was blushing deeply, as I stole a glance at him from the corner of my eye. I then started to describe how I thought a gay person behaves and again, I was careful to make it seem I was describing just about any queer guy but I was actually describing Charles, his quirks and his mannerisms. I just about flat-out told everyone how gay Charles is. The guys all laughed and some of the ladies joined in on the hilarity. Charles finally couldn't stand it and excused himself to go to the Men's room. He never returned to his spot on the table that night.

When he came to work come Monday, he was wearing a dark gray suit that raised one of my eyebrows. It was jaunty and somewhat similar to a style I would pick. He combed his hair back, not parted to the side and he was not wearing his glasses, perhaps he had contacts on. He behaved as if he did not remember the mean words I said at the bar about him, even though they were just insinuated. At lunch, he did not read any books but instead I saw him at the Lounge room used by the male workers and he was actually using one of the billiard tables we had set up there and he was playing by himself. At one point when there was no paperwork coming in yet, I saw him playing with a racing game on his mobile phone. He was actually doing the things I would have been doing and I bristled at it. He was trying to show me how much of a man he was. That was it.

"The fucking queer is trying to get at me!"I told Janos and Victor as we ate at one of the top diners in the area. They both quietly listened as I told them the deal with Charles and his actions.

"Did you see him these last few days? He was trying to imitate me! As if that would make him look more like a man in front of everyone else!"

I thought I would get some sympathy from Vic and Janos but they laughed uproariously instead and it pissed the hell out of me. I could feel my face burning with humiliation as they laughed. My plan had backfired on me.

"I did not crack a joke here, you shitheads! I'm suffering a bad case of a fag attack!"

Janos tried to control his laughter."Well that's what you get for trying to tell everyone he's gay, even if you did it in an underhanded way. Everyone knows your style, Erik! Though I have to admit, you do say some funny points when you go on one of your homophobic diatribes-"

"Fuck off, Janos!"I growled at him and that got them laughing again.

I wanted to blow up at them but instead, I was trying to think of a way to get back at Charles, enough to make him retaliate and then the opportunity presented itself when he came knocking at my office, asking if he could take a leave on Halloween. He mentioned that he always had a family reunion on that day each year and that he was asking if he could attend it. At first, I told him sure, he could go. But he just piqued my wickedness by giving me exactly what I need. A few days after, I got him talking about his planned trip, if he had booked a flight and what airline he would be taking. He must have thought I was getting on friendly with him that he excitedly showed me his tickets. I noted the time stamp and I was telling him to enjoy his time with his family. He gave a small smile at that along with an odd look but that was that. On the day that he was to leave, all packed up and ready at the airport, I had my driver stop him from leaving with a message about an emergency at work. Of course, he was fuming silently, trying to be understanding about it (so my driver tells me) and then he became outright furious when he realized that the emergency was that he was going to house-sit for me while I go on a short trip to Switzerland. I had my driver lie for me and inform Charles I had to go on an important 'overseas business trip'. He had no choice but to miss his flight and stay so he can take care of my household affairs for a week. I lived by myself in an apartment complex and I gave Charles laundry and cleaning instructions and that if he does not follow them, he'll have to answer to me.

Imagine how mad he was when I got back from Switzerland and I gave everyone true Swiss chocolates except him, just so I could rub it in. Some of my friends came over into my office asking me about my trip and wanting to know if I enjoyed it and I loudly told them how fun and relaxing it all was. Charles glared at me from his table. I could see his pretty little face right out the Plexiglas wall that separated us and he wore his glasses that day. As the day neared it's end, he finally knocked on my door and asked if he could speak to me privately. I had him sit on a chair in front of my desk and then I stood up and checked his in-tray. His phone was there. Good. Then I calmly and insolently sat back in my own chair before my desk and smirked at him. He didn't mince about or falter. He got right to the point.

"What is this about?"

"Sir, I don't want to sound like I am accusing you of anything but if you had an important business trip to go to, why didn't you tell me beforehand so I could have cancelled my own trip? You knew I booked tickets for my flight back home to my relatives!"Charles tried to keep himself calm and professional, but his eyes looked wounded.

"It was an emergency trip, Xavier! And I left my phone at my apartment! That was why I had my driver inform you-"

"From the way everyone here at the office is talking, it did not sound like it was a business trip. It sounded more like a vacation to me-"He cut me off, the nerve of him!

"I met up with a client about the details of an acquisition. The client had to show me around and see the sights-"This was in fact partly true. I did meet up with a client but it was not exactly about an acquisition. It was more of buttering up one of our known clients there so we can push for more business ventures in the company. Still, I did extend my trip more than was necessary. But Charles did not know that. I hardened my expression and narrowed my eyes at him. I spoke in the angriest tone I could muster.

"Anyway, why the fuck do I have to answer to you? You are just my assistant! And yet you come in here accusing me of just lazing about? I only went on that trip for business! What are you saying here? That you are not up to the job? Hmm? If you can't accommodate the needs of this department and your superior, if you can't be relied on to do your job, you might as well quit! I'm not holding back the door for you! It's always wide open! You are free to go! I don't need you! You've been nothing but an annoyance to me!"

Charles stiffened at my words. He had never looked me in the eyes before. He was always careful to keep his gaze averted because he knew that if he tried to stare me down, I would put some meaning into his look and that I would probably announce to everyone that he tried to make a pass at me. That was how I had done in those other gay assistants who came under me. But now, he did not care about that. He took his glasses off and met my eyes with his own and I could see the hurt in them...the pain. He looked close to tears. When he did that, I finally had a good look at his eyes and his face. I never tried to notice how he really looked like before. When our gazes met, I did not know what the hell happened to me. My heart suddenly started to race. I chalked it up to a feeling of nervousness because I may have gone too far with him. He has very beautiful eyes. I never noticed them before. Clear blue, large and expressive. He had the kind of eyes that if you look into them, you could get lost just staring into them. The way his face also looked at the moment, so poignantly hurt made me feel so guilty that I almost wanted to stammer an apology. I could not understand why I would feel that way. Up close, his face was just exceptional. He was beautiful and austere at the same time; I have no other way to describe it. Like an avenging angel perhaps? An anguished, working-class every man that looked like royalty? Shit, listen to me, right? I could have spouted poetry describing him in detail! I think I suffered some temporary insanity at that time-

When Charles found the strength to speak, his voice was soft and sad, clotted over with suppressed tears."Sir, I don't know what else I could possibly do to make you see I'm trying so hard! I'm doing the best I could at work so that you can see that I want to meet your expectations! I want to prove to you that I'm not like the rest! I'm only here to do my job and to stay if I can! What more do you want from me?"

He wiped at his eyes to prevent the tears from falling but he was too late and there was a small line of wetness flowing down his right eye to his cheek. He still held my gaze, looking more boyish and beautifully tragic as he tried to control himself.

"Even if you don't say it outright, Sir. I know you think I'm a gay. Everyone here at the office tells me how much of a self-professed Homophobic you are but I didn't want to let that get in the way of what I needed to do here. I came here for the work, to add the name of your company to my resume and step up the ranks. That's all! Please just accept me for the work I do, not for what you think of me personally! I'm sorry that I am an annoyance to you but it makes me want to prove to you all the more that no matter what you put me through, I'm going to stay-"

That stunned me silent. No one had spoken to me like that before. He should have been shouting curses; he should have voiced out every caustic remark, every angry thought he had of me. And yet, he was imploring me, asking to be accepted and knowing I would never do such a thing for someone so beneath me and someone homosexual. I think I somewhat get why he did not want to resign from under me or move on as an assistant to someone else. He wanted to be acknowledged under me; to get a promotion under my name and with my recommendation. I suddenly lost my mind, that's it. That was why I don't understand why I said the things I said to him at that moment.

"Are you sure you want to stay under me, Xavier? You know how much of a slave driver I am-"

He didn't say anything but his expression grew resolute. He and I both know he was doing great as my assistant and he showed an exceptional acumen for the business. I've seen the treatise he did for analysis and his own written reports. I could actually get him promoted. We also both know that he could not just remain stagnant in his position, that would be unfair to him and based on his performance, he deserved a better slot in the ranks. He spoke firmly this time, his eyes determined.

"I do, Sir-"

I gave a small shrug at that and smiled."I know I've put you through a lot, Charles and much as I hate to say this, you truly are doing great at this job. If you want to stay, fine. But I think we can make arrangements for an apprenticeship under me-"

Charles's eyes widened."P-pardon?"

"We can't just have you staying as an assistant now, can we? Since you've made your point that you've been trying hard to meet my demands! I'll bring this up with HR tomorrow. Remind me if you must and put it on my schedule-"I drawled out. _What?_

"I'm not sure I understand? You're not pulling my leg are you, Sir?"Charles said timidly, suddenly losing all that flame and fire of emotion he showed me earlier.

"Oh for crying out loud! You want me to spell it out? I'm promoting you! And by the way, I will reimburse you your plane fare. It will come out of my own pocket. I apologize if my business trip had caused you such trouble-" _What the hell am I saying?_

Charles was too shocked and startled by my magnanimous behavior at the moment and the uncharacteristic praise that I had uttered to him for the first time. And I even apologized to him! Honestly, even I was shocking myself. I don't know what happened to me. If it was the look on his face or his eyes that did it or maybe aliens from another planet had grabbed hold of me in Switzerland and they did their alien version of lobotomy on me, who knows? But I suddenly found myself...liking Charles. Perhaps just a tiny bit. I liked seeing the perseverance in him, that fiery honesty. Anyway, there was no taking back what I had said. What's done is done and I could beat myself up about it later. I think I was still possessed by this stupid need to make it up to him that I took a box of Swiss Chocolates, the ones I was reserving for myself and handed it to him. I suppose I was giving it to him to prove that this was not a cruel prank but that I meant my actions professionally.

"Here, your present. I forgot to give it to you-"It was bigger than the ones I gave everyone else. Charles could only look at the box in awed silence. He was that shocked that he was rendered speechless. I actually moved forward on the table, took his hand to turn it around and placed the box on top of his open palm.

"Snap out of it, Xavier! Get your present and just go! Leave my office if you don't have anything else to say!"I cried out sharply at him, pretending to be annoyed with him again.

Charles finally scrambled up from the seat and took the box, hugging it to his chest. He stood there and then he smiled at me so endearingly I felt my heart racing again at the sight of him happy like this. _Jesus, help me! Am I liking him more than I had let on? Did I just go temporarily gay? I didn't know if I should get mad with him or at myself. I may start tearing up at the walls and howling out that I made a terrible mistake over this but I could not take it back anymore. I've started this just because of the look in his eyes and the expression on his face._

"Thank you so much, Sir! Thank you! I'll do my best!" He finally closed the door behind him and for once, he left work smiling and happy. I gave him that smile and now I'm so miserable because I did something extremely stupid. It would be so cruel of me to take back everything that I had said. Hell, I could do it too, can't I? I've treated others worse than how I treated him. I've beaten up a queer on the streets once for whistling at me. I've said the cruelest words to his kind and had done deeds I was previously proud of, humiliating those homos back in college. But now just with a look from an obviously gay man, I've doomed myself by committing to this insanity! I went back home drinking myself to a stupor to try and forget what I had done but when I woke up in the morning, I remembered everything. I can't even stop thinking about his face, his eyes and when he smiled at me. I decided I was going to be dismissive and cool towards him this morning but when I arrived at the office and he had my coffee ready, with all the papers in order as usual, I couldn't bring myself to do it. It was the odd way he was looking at me. And he was smiling again! Damn that smile! I wanted to wipe it off his face with one mean word but I greeted him a 'good morning' instead when he greeted me first along with the smile. It wasn't a big grin. It was a small, endearing one that lit up his face and eyes and he looked like this cherubic boy you want to wrap up in your arms and hug tightly. _God, I want to slam my head on my desk for thinking that about him!_

The day went about as usual but there had been no animosity between us. Usually he was quietly brooding or speaking solemnly when addressing me, while I would speak to him contemptuously and rudely, looking down on him in an insolent manner as if he was a worm beneath my feet. Now there was this odd shine in his eyes and lightness in his voice, especially when I remembered his promotion and I had met up with HR about it. Kitty was there and she was shocked to know that for the eight month period of hell I had imposed upon Charles, it was indeed madness that I am now promoting him. The news spread like wildfire at the office. Not that what I had done did not come with a good turn. The people around the office actually stopped me in my tracks to ask about Charles and that they think I did a good thing to promote him. Even my dad called me up in his office to commend me. But I made it clear that I only did what was right, not because my worldview about homosexuality had changed. Anyway, Charles was happy and he was amiable to everyone, especially towards me after what I did for him. It just sickened me that he had to go and do that. I didn't want him thinking I was going soft and then spreading a story around that I was actually nice to him. What would people think? So the day after that, I was more tepid and reserved towards him and he immediately understood that this does not change things between us. It just lessened the hidden loathing we have for each other. Now how the hell am I going to get rid of him if I am promoting him? How? I could have just picked up a boulder and dropped it on top of my head!

Janos and Victor actually ragged me about it but I told them the excuse about Charles threatening labor laws at me that was why I did it.

"Shit! Are you losing your edge, Erik? You could've threatened him back! You're usually good with mind games like that! What the hell happened?" Victor cried out.

I shrugged."He did mention I have a bad history with previous employees under the company and the labor department will look into that plus he put in a good argument when I was about to sack him-"I lied through my teeth.

"You're being strangely resigned to this, Erik. It's not like you-"Janos said suspiciously but I waved him off as well, looking annoyed.

"Well what the fuck, ok? What was I to do? He was smarter than the others!"

"So you admit he got one over you? Are you gonna go around with a sign over your head that you've been beat?"Victor challenged me. That got my blood boiling.

"No! I've got something big planned to avenge myself on him! Just you wait!"I vowed angrily.

As I was talking to them about this and they were making suggestions on how I could get Charles, I realized we are behaving like a bunch of childish trolls out to cause misery on someone who did not deserve it. That guilt I felt at the way I've been treating Charles, it hung over me like a cloud that when I got back in my office and Charles spoke to me about a report I needed to follow up, I lashed out at him because I hated the fact that he made me feel this way.

"If that report was so important why the hell did you not notify me sooner?"I asked him sarcastically. Charles was taken aback by my abrasiveness and spoke quietly. He did not want to make waves about it so he told me he did try to contact me but that I must have been busy since I did not answer his call.

"Fine! Just bring it in! I'm doing it!"I barked out and then I fumed silently in the office after I slammed the door close. I don't know. Maybe the lack of sex is making me short-fused and making me act so crazy. For the past few months, I've been going out and meeting with friends but I did not go on my usual dates and I did not pick up any willing woman at the bars I've frequented. Maybe I should try and go out, relax and enjoy the company of an easy lay to drain the worries off and take this lunacy away from me. So I did. I slept with a woman whose name I could not even remember after I left work that day. I met her at some bar and I took her to a cheap motel, making sure I had my condoms ready. I thought it was going to help get my mind off things but while we were having sex, I wasn't even in the mood. Sure, my body was responding but it felt like I was just going through the motions that it left me unsatisfied. That was the first time that has happened to me. It must be because of all the stress at work, my advancing years (I'm 37 but I'm looking for an excuse, so sue me) or maybe I was still hung up on Charles unknowingly getting one over me.

I suppose that bout of sex just left me with a bad taste in my mouth and made me even more high-strung. I was quietly frustrated that entire day and I was dismissive and cold towards Charles as usual. He in turn, kept his distance, becoming aloof and serious again. Why am I doing this to myself? I could just use the old routine of accusing Charles of sexual advances to get him fired from work or to force him to resign. But I didn’t. That was my last ace in the hole. I'm saving it up as the worst possible thing I could do to Charles. Damn, I'm so fucked up! That night after work I went to another bar, looking for some woman to get in bed with to get me through the night. I decided to go drinking first to buoy my spirits up but I got so drunk that when I tried to pick up a girl I ended up saying rude, sexually aggressive words to her, forcing her to go sleep with me, that one of her friends called the bouncer and I got beat up and thrown out of the bar. I haven't been punched like that before. I temporarily blacked out and when I woke up, shivering from the cold I was still on the pavement but my inebriation had gone away. I started to get up, weak and staggering about. No one helped me up or offered assistance. I didn't expect it anyway. The whole fucking world is one big ball of indifference. It made me feel like loathing the entire human race. I hated the world and I hated myself. I started to weave about as I walked and the edge of my vision was hazy. Then I saw the last person on earth that I wanted to see coming out of a movie theater. It was Charles. He was not wearing his glasses that day.The moment he stepped out, he saw me immediately and our eyes met again. He saw the state of me: my sullied brown coat, my bleeding lip and bruised face. Then the look of concern and worry on his face warmed my heart.

"Sir! What happened to you? Were you mugged?"He went towards me but he did not reach out to help support me, knowing that I would be disgusted by his touch.

I shook my head and offered a slurred response."No, I was thrown out of a bar for trying to hit on a girl and the bouncer taught me a lesson in manners-"

"I'm sorry to hear that Sir. Do you need help? Do you need me to call you a cab?"

I waved him off."No! Just go home Xavier! I don't want you talking to me!"

He eyed me warily, assuming I was drunk."I know you don't like me coming close to you but I can't leave you like this, Sir!"

I was touched by his genuine concern for my well-being but I pretended to act annoyed."Fine! Get me a cab!"

Charles tried to hail a cab but none was coming around on this corner of the street so Charles asked if we could walk up to the main street. I agreed and stumbled after him as the buildings and the lights danced before my eyes and my insides swayed coldly in my belly. As we neared a lamp post, we noticed a blatantly homosexual drag queen wearing a hot pink dress and platform heels, smoking and leaning against it. His eyebrows were angrily painted in a black line over his paint by numbers eyes and his exaggerated brown lip liner pouted out as he blew cigarette smoke our way.

"My, aren't you boys mighty fine? I could have me a go at both of you!"The horrid thing cooed at us. I was horror-struck and so repulsed by being addressed by it. I reacted instantly and without any forethought. I struck out and punched the fucking ass bandit whore so hard in the face that the thing bleated out a short cry and fell down unconscious.

"Fuck! Shit! You fucking stupid dumb-ass homos! Fucking cocksuckers! I hate all of you! Why don't you all just die of AIDS?" I shouted down at it and I began kicking at its side. Charles was terrified by what I had done but was equally terrified that we might make a scene and get the attention of the authorities. He stopped me from going on and then he bent down to check the fallen homo-faggot to make sure that he, it, whatever it is will be ok. In his fear, he frantically hailed for a taxi cab and when he got one, he grabbed my arm and shoved me in. He told the driver my address and he was about to leave me but I reached out and clamped my hand on his wrist.

"Get in here, Xavier! We need to talk!"

"Sir, you're drunk, you are in no position to talk-"

"I'm not drunk! I can say what I fucking want and if I want to talk, we'll talk!" I hollered out at him. He was so anxious for me to get going that he finally relented and got in the cab with me. I was telling him the truth, I wasn't drunk anymore. Only dizzy from when I was beat up. I had a clear grasp of what was happening. I put an arm about his shoulder so he would sit close to me and he reacted by sitting stiff as a board.

"You know, Xavier. We never got down to discussing that crucial part of our office relationship. I wanna ask and you better answer me honestly. Are you really gay?"I drawled out slowly. Charles eyed me mistrustfully before answering no.

"Good!’Cause if you act like that fucking homo clown back there, I'll beat the shit out of you, you got that? All that disgusting behavior...all of them should be shot dead! Wiped off the face of the earth!"I rasped out vehemently. Charles was silent for a while and then he spoke quietly.

"Why do you hate them, Sir?"

"Why? You ask me why? They're like fucking amoebas! Like viruses, spreading an infectious disease over the natural order of things! They're all over the fucking planet! Can't you see how abominable they are? Their lewd, unnatural behavior-"

"I don't see them the way you see them, Sir. I admire them! In fact I think they are rather intriguing. They are honest about who they are and they aren't afraid to show it to the world. They have a right to behave in whatever way they want and they have a right to be themselves because that is who they want to be. This is a free country after all-"

"Don't involve politics in their defense! They are a disease, Xavier! They spread their filth, their ideals and their eyesore. But you know what? The thing I hate the most are those closet homosexuals that try to infiltrate the decency of a professional institution. You never can tell if they are really straight or not-"

Charles seemed to shake at my words and he responded shrilly all of the sudden."Why should someone's sexuality affect their work ethics? That does not stop them from being successful individuals, Sir! Do you want me to tell you what I think of you, since you are in a tell-all mood? I think you are a close-minded, homophobic bigot who also happens to be a chauvinistic pig, thinking you are God's gift to women! I don't know if that is because of a feeling of overcompensation to prove your manliness or if you were raised to think you really are the epitome of male perfection! You think you are better than other people but you are not! The world does not revolve around you, Mr Lehnsherr! And if you keep up with this type of behavior, people will just hate you behind your back and they will keep thinking you are the world's biggest asshole!"

We both grew silent because of his outburst and we did not say anything else to each other as we neared my apartment. The cabbie quietly drove on, wisely keeping out of it. Charles did not move away from me nor did I move away from him. In fact, I still had my arm around him as I mulled over his audacious judgment of me. Everything he said about me was true and to have someone really say it to my face like that, it kind of felt like a dousing of cold water over me. Sure, I had people trying to tell me off and calling me harsh names in return, but never with such a vehement feeling as this. Somehow he still looked concerned for me and he was even giving me advice to change my ways. I was amazed by his reaction and the strength of his character. Charles paid for the cab fare and he got out first and then he deposited me on my front step. He was saying his good bye so he could make his way back home but I reached for the hem of his coat to stop him from leaving me.

"Wait-"

He stared down at me, brow furrowed questioningly. I gestured towards my door."We aren't done talking yet. Let's get inside-"

He looked uncertain. He didn't want to enter my house at all but after much cajoling and forcing, he finally agreed to come into my apartment. I like my place. It's the typical bachelor's pad. I rarely ever take a woman here, for obvious reasons. My friends like coming over to watch basketball games and drink brewskies with me here on occasion because my Plasma TV is the best out on the market and comes with a great surround system. Charles was familiar with my place and without being told, he went to the kitchen, got me a bottle of Hildon water, imported from the UK. I took it and gulped it down in large swallows and then I sat in the sofa and gestured he sit next to me. Again, there was this hesitation from him but he sat next to me and we were both silent once more. Charles broke it this time.

"Sir, why do you hate so much? Why are you like this?"He said softly and when he turned those blue eyes at me, I felt my heart skipping in my chest again. There was no hatred in his eyes. There was only concern. The tender way he looked at me at that moment, it just went deep into my being. With super-human effort, I ignored it. I shrugged and leaned back on the cream colored sofa, sighing.

"Someone I knew from a long time ago betrayed my trust and ever since then, I lost any faith in people. People, they are all dirt to me. They show you this false side of themselves but they are all ugly inside. So why should I be any different? Why should I not shove the dirt right back in their throats?"Charles's eyes widened for a moment at my response but then he recovered.

"Oh. Then are you saying Sir that it is ok for you to wallow along with them and become like them? Do you have to live by the adage that if you cannot beat them, you join them? Why not rise above it? Why not be different?"

"Why do you ask so many damned questions?"I said, sounding annoyed again. He gave a short laugh at that.

"You asked me to come in here to talk with you. How can a conversation start if a question is not asked and there is no interesting exchange of banter?"

"So you find conversations with me interesting then?"I challenged him.

"No, Sir. You are too one-dimensional, if you want my honest opinion. You only stick to this hard-bitten belief of hating anyone different from you and from the way you treat women, I would have to say you probably hate women too-"

"That's not true! I love women! I give them all the loving they need in bed!"I said playfully but Charles did not find humor in my jesting. He grew solemn.

"Mind if I note how honest to a fault you are? I have never had anyone thoroughly run me down with a list of all my endearing flaws-"

He blushed at that."I know about your reputation at work from the beginning, Sir-"Charles said in a low voice, his eyes downcast.

"Well I don't deny any of them because they're all true-"I said gravely. I was drowning in those blue eyes again when he lifted them to regard me. Then my eyes fell to his lips. So rosy red. I bet he just put on some rose-tinted lipstick over them or something. His lips were distracting me so much that I was the one that looked away first. I felt the back of my neck growing warm all of the sudden. We had already taken off our coats and the heater wasn't even on.

"Do you hate me, Charles?"I asked quietly, keeping my own eyes averted this time. Charles did not answer at first and when he did, I admired his candor but I grew uncomfortable with it as he continued.

"I hated you at first. I thought you were the worst person I have ever met in my life and there have been so many times I wanted to quit but I did not want to give you the satisfaction that you got to me, because I kept thinking things will get better somehow and when you promoted me and even praised me...I thought to myself there must be something more to you. There must be an actual human being underneath all that narcissistic, inflated ego of yours. I think...I think you can be a better person, if you wanted to-"

I don't know why I suddenly felt so disturbed by his words. It's like he was telling me I might as well have been singing Kumbaya with him and praising Jesus for doing one good deed. I'm disgusted by that touchy-feely stuff,  It made my skin crawl and I grew even more distressed when Charles asked me:

"Why did you do it, Sir? For a moment there, I thought you were going to fire me or force me to resign-"

My eyes widened at that. _What the actual fuck! What do I say to him? How do I respond? Should I tell him I had an insane epiphany about him but that I couldn't take it back?_ My thoughts felt like mush because I don't know what response I could give that would not sound ridiculous. I don't even know what lie I'm going to foist on him so instead of answering I got up and mumbled that I need to take a quick bath upstairs and that he should wait for me and my response. But what happened was I ended up staying longer in the shower, hoping he would leave on his own. I even brushed my teeth. I dawdled way too long before my bathroom mirror that I was startled when Charles actually called out to me from my bedroom. He was still here! I hesitated for a moment before the closed bathroom door and then I drew in a bracing breath and pulled the door open.

"Sir? I've been calling for you but you weren't answering. Do you still need me to stay and talk? I'm sorry but it's getting kind of late, so-"

I don't know what hit me then. What crazy thing possessed me to do what I had done. Seeing him standing there in my dimly-lit bedroom, wearing a pale blue button-down shirt, loosely unbuttoned from the throat and exposing his pale and smooth neck, I just lost it. That look on his face, his tender eyes seeming to question and beguile; everything about him. I felt this strange urge to kiss him. I grabbed his shoulders and guided him towards my bed. He was too startled to react at first and then I had him sitting on the edge of the bed. I only had a towel wrapped around my waist. His eyes were wide and surprised as I lifted a hand up and touched his lower lip with one finger, tracing over it softly.

"You looked like you were wearing lipstick all the time. I guess I was wrong-"I whispered and then I bent down and kissed his lips. I kissed him with an aching gentleness that was so uncharacteristic of me. It was always the mindless, torrid kissing when I kiss someone, it was always perfunctory but this...what I did to Charles, it was just not me. I did this for some time; just gentle and slow, my tongue diving into Charles's trembling mouth, softly. My eyes were initially closed but when I opened them to look at him, I saw that his eyes were the size of saucers, trembling in their sockets as he stared at me while I kissed him. But he did not move away, nor did he bite me or lash out. He let me continue. His lips were so tender and like a woman's, yielding. I nibbled gently at his lower lip that it caused him to start up and shiver as if he had a fever. I could feel his face growing hot against mine and it was spreading down to his neck and his body. I think I was burning up in much the same way. I could practically hear his heart beating fast inside of his chest. Charles had kept his hands awkwardly to his sides while I kissed him and not knowing what to do with them, he crossed his arms in front of himself, letting me continue. He tried to twist his head away at some point but I used one of my hands and grasped him by the chin as I kept on kissing him. Charles moaned into my mouth that it sent this thrill through me. I pulled back and we were gasping over each other's faces, breathless. He tasted like candy. He must have been eating something sweet while he watched a movie earlier. Charles's wide eyes had now slowly become heavy-lidded and there was a look of eagerness and barely suppressed lust on his face.

I bent down and I licked seductively at his lower lip, causing him to shiver again and then I took his wrists and guided him to put his arms about my neck. I continued with the teasing kisses, licking at his lips, nibbling and sucking at them that it caused him to start up each time as if electrically shocked. He nuzzled closer, wanting to be kissed, his mouth parting open in his urgency for more. His arms were still wrapped about my neck and now he was gently and tentatively running his hand through my hair and the back of my neck. I felt my skin race with goosebumps and heat when he touched me. He moaned again and now he was the one that kissed me back, eager for my mouth. He did it so gently and in a shy manner that I thought he was adorable, the way he tried to be demure about it. The act shocked him into realization. He was kissing his superior in bed! I could see that written across his face as he shrank back in horror.

"S-sir? I thought...I thought you hated-"

I didn't answer him. I pulled him close and kissed him hungrily, my tongue diving into his sweet, red mouth. He melted against me when I kissed him deeply. He just simply grew resigned to it. I wrapped my arms around him and we just kept on kissing until we were breathless and gasping again that we had to stop. Both of us are burning up. I knew I couldn't let him leave without something happening between us. Whatever just happened, it had to continue. I reached forward and started to unbutton his shirt and then Charles reached up to stop my hand. Our eyes met and I could see how anxious he was yet still aching for more.

"Sir, what are we doing?"He moaned out.

"Erik-"

"Sir?"

"Call me Erik. Say my name. I want to hear you say it-"

"E-Erik. Why are we doing this?"

I didn't answer him. I undid my hands from his hands and I continued to undress him. He didn't exactly tell me to stop, did he? I managed to remove his shirt, his shoes and socks but seeing how frightened he was, I didn't make a move to remove his pants yet. I had to get him so aroused first that his fears and his anxiety would disappear that he would be willing to have sex. I think the reason why he did not make any objections was that he was afraid I would hurt him, after seeing what I had done to that queer by the street lamp earlier. The knuckle of my right hand was still throbbing and slightly bruised from when I had punched that sissified freak. And I had my own fears to contend with. What I'm doing here right now...I can't seem to stop it. The reckless thought of having sex with him, I should have been repulsed by it. Maybe it was because, I felt differently about Charles. He was not like any of them. I gently brushed the back of my fingers to his blushing cheek. I could see his eyes trembling with unshed tears. I guided him to lie back on the bed and I swooped down and kissed him again before he could say anything. I did it in a wrenchingly tender manner that was unlike me. He was burning up once more, his eyes closed this time as he savored my gentle kisses. His left hand was raised up close to his face, the other was in a loose fist on the bed. I touched him and kissed him like this, my hand trailing down to his belly, my fingers nearly brushing the fly of his zipper. He was quietly weeping as we kissed, his brow still furrowed anxiously. I pulled back so he could recover his breath and then he opened his eyes, imploring me.

"Erik, I've never had sex before. Please-"He uttered in a soft plea. He looked like he was unsure. He didn't know what to do but I could see his arousal; his need. He was a virgin! Haven't made it with one of those in a while. Some say the first time is always the best but what the hell do people know? All that bleeding and crying and pain you are causing another...it wasn't really enjoyable. It was messy and awkward, putting a damper on the fucking. I recall that during those times, I had sex with virgins as a means to build up my own male ego; 'popping a cherry' as they call it and adding the girl to my list of conquests. With Charles, it was just uncharted territory for me so I really don't know what will happen.

I traced my fingers softly over his face and pecked a kiss at his lips. He was just beautiful."I won't hit you, Charles. If that is what you are frightened about. I just want to touch you and make love to you. Do you want me to stop?"

His lower lip was trembling and he looked hesitant; he did not know what response he would say to what I had said. He was afraid, but he was also too aroused to stop now. He was possessed by this same need that gripped me, that it threw all caution to the wind; that it was a reckless and intense feeling that we both wanted to explore. Just so I could egg him on, I reached up and touched one of his hardening nipples, tracing around the pinkish Aureola. He was galvanized by the touch, his face going an even deeper red and he let out a small moan. He looked ashamed of his own lust but he did not fight it anyway.

"So sensitive-"I teased him. I then slowly bent down and kissed his nipple and then I licked it, gently sucking and nibbling at it and then I went for his other nipple. He writhed beneath me, moaning in pleasure. He hesitantly reached for the side of my face, with his burning palm pressed to my equally burning skin. His other hand reached up to try and stop his own mouth from uttering anymore lusty cries. But he just couldn't keep it dammed up. His breathing was hitching as he let out another moan. I cautiously reached down and touched him through his pants. I felt how hard he was and he thrashed beneath me even more violently as my hand fondled him. He let out a shuddery cry and nearly pulled away. His eyes were wide and agitated again so I spoke to him gently.

"I'll make you feel good, Charles. I'm just trying to stop myself but I want to lose control and make love to you so badly, it hurts-"

"I'm a man, Erik. I think you are just drunk-"Charles said by way of an excuse for why I'm behaving like this.

"I'm not drunk. I know what I'm doing and I know what I want right now-"

I reached up and touched his cheek tenderly, running my fingers over his pale skin, my palm tracing down to his neck. His skin was still so hot. I bent down and licked his lower lip again and we started kissing. If he really didn't want it he could have stopped me, but he didn't. He was tentatively putting his arms around me once more. I kissed him with more of my passion, my ardor, so he would really feel how much I desired him. I was kneeling over him as he lay beneath me and the towel about my waist had come undone. His eyes slowly opened and then he saw my erect cock, bobbing up between my legs. I saw where his gaze went that I broke the kiss and pulled the towel away, throwing it to the floor and then I unbuttoned his fly and pulled the zipper down. I slowly took his pants off of him, along with his underwear. He still did not make a move to stop me or pull away. He was afraid but he let me continue. I pushed him back onto the bed and now I did not hold back. I kissed him hungrily and I ran my hands over his body. I touched his chest, his belly and his hips. My hand went down even further and I touched his behind. His face was so red with shame and arousal but he let me go on. I liked seeing that expression on his face. He looked even more sexually desirable to me. God, I want to fuck him so bad! I never had a feeling as crazed and uncontrollable as this!

The lust in him...he never made any effort to hide it. His heavy-lidded eyes convey it; his trembling, burning mouth moans it out and his feverish body writhes around restlessly for more of it. Even down below, his cock was straining with arousal, the pre-cum shining on it's head. Out of curiosity, I reached down and touched his sex, caressing the shaft gently.

"Erik! Oh God!"Charles wailed out and then his body was arching up as I gave him a hand job. Touching another man like this, doing this to him like his body was so familiar to me...I've completely gone mad and surrendered to my lunacy! I don't recall suffering any recent head injury but the actions I am doing right now are indicative of one that had gone completely insane due to a blow to the head. I loathed homosexuals and effeminate men but why am I in bed with another man? What does that make me now? I pushed those thoughts away from me, because my own sexual craving for him was all that mattered. I suppose having sex with him is no different than how it is with women. I'd fucked women in the ass before so I know we needed some form of lubrication so that it wouldn't hurt him too badly. I didn't have any condoms stashed around at the moment so I decided to go bareback with him. It didn't matter. I rummaged around in one of my drawers and I found some KY. With trembling hands, I slathered some of it on my cock and his behind. He trembled violently when my fingers went to the cleft between his ass, massaging his hole. His blush deepened again and he let out a weak moan, shutting his eyes tightly for a moment. He was still lying down on his back, facing me. I positioned myself on top of him and parted his legs gently.

"Ready?"I asked him in a soft voice. He responded with another of his trembling moans, opening his eyes and I saw the blazing heat in them, the hunger. He wanted me. He wanted me to go on. His arms were thrown up in abandon onto the pillows and then I entered him slowly. So tight and so hot. He made these grunting noises along with me, his had a higher octave than mine. He sounded hurt. Both of us are basted in sweat, our skins sliding hotly against each.

"Charles?"I whispered against his cheek, wincing as I tried my best to hold back and not shoot my load before I'm done with him. He whimpered and the tears squeezed out of his eyes as he nodded minutely.

"Please Erik, please-"Charles moaned, his arms and his legs wrapping around me, indicating he wanted us to continue. My hips thrusted slowly, deeply into him; my own cock straining and hurting with building sensations. I wanted to quicken but I didn't want to cause Charles so much pain. I moaned tightly at his neck, kissing at the hollow of his throat and licking at the sweat, while his own moans filled my ears. I liked hearing him moan like this, breathless and desperate sounding. Oh that heat in him! That blissful tightness! It was killing me with pleasure. I quickened, breathing deeply of him, my arms propped at his sides as he clung to me. His eyes were closed but he opened them in a half-lidded gaze of lust, staring up at me. I couldn't stand it anymore. I went even faster, my hips pounding up against him that his cries grew louder, quickening in time to my pumping motions as I fucked him hard. He was driving me crazy with so much lust. I was desperate to end these peaking sensations, to find release in him. We went faster, our cries mingling in the air, frantic to reach that inevitable climax and then I did come inside of him. He started in shock when he felt the gush of my come in his backside. And then I collapsed on top of him, gasping. The room resounded with our gasping and our ragged breathing. When the heat had passed from me, I slid to his side and then I drew him close to give him sloppy kisses. I think I fell asleep for some time and when I woke up, it was still dark outside and he was still next to me, sleeping. I pulled him close again and kissed him possessively. He woke up in an instant, returning the kisses and then I was forcing him to lie on his stomach next so I could take him from behind. I still want more.

The blush rose to his cheeks again, his eyes heavy with desire for me. He wanted another go, too. I guided him to lift his ass up a bit, parted his legs then I used some of that KY and fucked him senseless once more. His cries rended the air with that wanton, ragged lust in his voice. I can't stop wanting him and taking him. I wanted to fill him up with all my heat and my own lust. I wanted to drive him insane with the same pleasure I was feeling. The sex. I can't begin to describe how fucking incredible it was. It was like I was melting, merging with him and it was like we were one fluid being. It felt as if I was so sexually starved for him. I wanted him that badly. I felt the hairs on my body stand on end just to hear him moaning for more of me. I don't remember how many times we kissed and touched and fucked each other. I've never had something as desperate and raw as this strange desire for him. He was so willing to do anything, giving his body freely for my pleasure. When we were done, it was almost dawn. I wrapped my arms around him and we slept until noon. It was the weekend anyway and we had no work.  He was the one that woke up first. He was already dressed, about ready to leave but I called out to him.

"Where are you going?"I demanded.

His shoulders hitched up stiffly. He turned to face me, his face filled with fear."Sir?"

"Come back here!"

He hesitantly made his way back and began stammering a response about what happened between us.

"Sir, about last night. I don't know what happened. Please don't beat me up because I-"

I snatched one of his wrists and drew him close to myself and kissed him again. That shut him up. I licked slowly at his lower lip, savoring the plushness of it. He moaned and sighed into the kiss and then when we parted I drew him close into my arms. He was breathless and blushing furiously, his body heat rising up.

"How many times do you need me to tell you? Call me Erik-"

I gently caressed the hair away from his forehead and he was surprised by my gentleness, eyes wide and still somehow wary of me.

"Charles, I won't hurt you. Don't be so afraid of me-"I soothed him, tracing my fingers softly over his face.

"But Erik, last night was a mistake. I-"

"Stop thinking about that for now! I don't want to think. I just want to feel! So take your clothes off and come back to bed!"I growled at him affectionately. Charles's eyes grew round at my words; he was too stunned that he just sat there, mouth hanging open and he did not comply. I let out an exasperated breath and started to unbutton his shirt for him and take the rest of his clothes off of him.

"Jesus! You can be slow sometimes, you know?"I complained and then I guided him back to bed and hugged him to myself. He had taken a bath and he had used my soap. I could also smell my shampoo in his hair. I pressed my nose to his hair and breathed in. I liked the smell of it. It was this citrus-sandalwood scent that smelled manly yet there was a sweetly juicy note to it. I kissed his temple and sighed contentedly. He lay there quiet and meek as he regarded me. We didn't say anything to each other for some time. I pulled back from him slightly so I can prop myself up on one elbow and drink in the sight of him.

"I wasn't drunk, Charles. I kept telling you but you just won't listen. I know what happened last night-"

"I'm sorry-"Charles said in a subdued voice.

"What are you sorry for? It's me who should be sorry! You think this is easy for me? I was the one that kissed you and forced myself on you! What does that make me now?"My voice rose in anger. I wasn't angry with him. I was angry with myself. Charles looked uncomfortable, at a loss for words. I shook my head slowly.

"Damn!"I muttered and eyed him. He did his best to keep his own eyes down, frightened by my anger. We didn't say anything for some time. Finally, I let out a tired sigh.

"Look at me, Charles-"

He lifted his eyes to look up at me tenderly and goddamn it! I want to make love to him again, just seeing his face like that! I ran my fingers gently over his brow, caressing downwards so that my fingers traced over his cheekbone.

"Don't involve the outside world, Charles. Let's just...let's just pretend that inside here, its different between you and me-"I told him gently. He looked like he was on the verge of tears again but he nodded, accepting what I had said. I reached gently for one of his hands so he can touch my skin.

"Touch me. It's ok. You can do what you want with me. You can let go and lose control-"

Charles let out a soft moan and hugged me to himself, kissing my cheek. He was so feverish again. He breathed hotly against my throat that it sent those flashes of heat and goosebumps down my skin, like fire and ice. Is it really like this when you do it with another man? Maybe because it was so different, it made it all the more dangerously erotic and sensual. The sex with him, it was just so intense and earth-shattering, it just about destroyed every inch of my sanity. He was the one that had me lying on my back, impaling himself on my cock. He rode me and he was so open and honest that it showed even in the way he made love to me. He was really into what he was doing with me, undulating so wantonly, leaning back so I can have this indecent view of his body, showing me his behind sliding up and down on my sex. The cries coming from his throat, like it was hurting him because it felt so good to have sex with me, it just aroused me and broke down all my defenses. How many times did we have sex that day? I couldn't even keep count anymore. But all I remember was how good it was to fuck him. I remember the natural smell of his skin, how hot he was and how gentle he was with me. I couldn't stop kissing his lips; I couldn't stop touching him. Like every moment was like our last time in bed together. We only stopped to eat what I had ready in the kitchen. There had been no time to even heat the cans of soup we had or toast the bread. We just ate to get that bodily need over and then we go and fuck each other frantically all over again. His hips must be killing him! The skin on my cock was looking a bit red and run through. The solution was to sleep for a bit, kiss for hours and then fuck again after. I couldn't stop myself because I wanted him so much. We had exhausted sex, that slow and almost thoughtless meeting of our hips together; our sex losing volition, just aching to be united and then there was that wild and frenetic one where we just about ram against each other violently, grabbing roughly at each other. We spent two days together and I can't even believe I could have sex that long...and with a man no less!

I almost did not want it to end, but I had to let him go. We had work the next day. When he left, I thought about what had happened between us. Perhaps now that I had fucked him so thoroughly, he would finally stop haunting my thoughts. That I could now drop him and treat him indifferently. That has always been how it was between me and my sexual encounters with women. I had supposed it would be the same with him. But when we met in the office come Monday and I saw his face, I felt my heart skipping madly inside of my chest. My pulse was racing at those remembered moments of lust and hot sex and I think he thought the same because a look of pleasure crossed his expression at the sight of me. He bit his lower lip and then he offered me a small, seductive smile. He had my coffee ready and the reports and the papers all organized as always.

"Good morning, Sir!"Charles greeted me affectionately. I looked up to see if anyone was passing close to my office because the blinds were drawn away and our doors were open. Seeing a few people about, I greeted him coldly with an annoyed stare and my silence. Charles noticed how frosty I was that his expression grew sad, averting his eyes from me. He knew my reputation so he had an idea why I was behaving this way towards him. I treated him the usual way. I was dismissive towards him and abrupt. I showed everyone outside that I glared at him behind his back.

"Xavier! Where is that report from Sales? I asked for it ten minutes ago!"I shouted out at him from my doorway and Charles looked up at me with those wounded eyes from his desk and I thought my heart would break at the sight of him. _Why? Why do I feel so terrible that I am doing this to you? This is who I am! I'm the Boss from hell! The homophobe! I treat women like dirt to assert my masculinity in front of people and I think everyone else is beneath me! I'm the egotistic bastard who thinks highly of himself! But why do you make me feel this way? What is it about you that you make me feel like I'm the worst scum on earth because of the way I am treating you now?_

Charles swallowed and looked back at his screen as he kept typing in front of his computer, his fingers flying on the keyboard."I'm finishing it right now , Sir! I'm sorry for the delay-"

"Get your head out of the clouds, Xavier and do your job! What have I promoted you for if you give me such a poor performance?"I said in a loud and gruff voice for all to hear. Charles winced at those words yet he did not say anything anymore but got right down to his work. He went about the office that entire day looking pale and lifeless; he could not hide the sadness he felt. He wasn't crying or anything but it made me feel guilty seeing him react this way towards me. What was I to do? I have my reputation to keep! And if people saw me treating him differently, what would they think? I didn't try to explain myself to him. When the day ended, Charles was practically rushing to leave the office. I watched his departure from the glass wall of my own office and he did not see the pained expression on my face. I was surprised by the wetness on my cheek and when I touched it, I realized that these were my tears. I was crying and I did not even know it.

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

_I was still riddled with this guilt that I had hurt him with my actions, even if we both knew who I was before I slept with him. I couldn't just change the way I treat him in front of others. What if people start becoming suspicious and go thinking I'm gay? I’m not gay! I’M NOT! Whatever happened between us, I did not want to think that it had turned us both into homosexuals. I'd like to think of us as still men. I just happen to like him. I desired him, that's all! It was his damned eyes that started this! What happened to me? What is this crazy thing that had possessed me and made me behave this way? Is this like some Karma shit for all the times that I had bashed gays and beat up fags in the street corners? Is this really how I feel inside and I’ve repressed it because in truth I really am…OH FUCK! No! Hell no! I’m not like that! But what am I now? What am I? Jeez, I’m so fucked up…_

It was almost Christmas and the days passed us by without us talking about what had happened. We focused on our work instead. Charles was his nerdy, serious self again; brooding and solemn when we talk about the business deals and things pertaining to office affairs. I had thought that if we just got back to the way we were, before we had sex, I will become indifferent towards him; that this unnatural desire for him would go away. But it didn't. The more I see him at the office, the more I remember that I had kissed his lips so passionately and touched him and that it felt so good to make love to him. I couldn't stop thinking about him. I dream about him every night and I wake up with a fucking boner each morning at these unconscious thoughts of him. Fuck! What the hell happened to me? I was a mess inside even though I dared not to show it to anyone. I've been so callous with numerous women before, dumping them and treating them with apathy after sex but how come with him, I feel so different? _I still longed for him, sexually._ I treated him like dirt as usual and I spoke to him in a curt and rude manner. He didn't retaliate. He didn't tell me what he thought of me like how he did it in the cab before. He accepted my rudeness quietly. But the thing that got me so mad was that he showed me these sad blue eyes of his and he did not hide them from me. I think that caused me to become even more abusive towards him.

I gave him huge piles of paperwork and had him running in and out of the office for errands. I had him working late hours with me so we can review the reports being sent in together. I took him with me to some of my business meetings and I humiliated him in front of other people to show everyone how incompetent he was. Charles just took his lumps and apologized. I hated him for being like this, for enduring even after all I had put him through. I wanted him to get mad at me, to try and voice out how much he hated me now but he just silently suffered, allowing me to keep treating him like this. It made me sick to my stomach because it was destroying me on the inside. I don't think he even knew. When Christmas time came about, I usually spend it with some woman at an expensive hotel after partying with my friends but today, it seems as if all the guys are off to spend their Christmas moments early with their families. That was the downside of having married colleagues. They can't be around all the time when you need them. It was always family time that's the priority. It makes me want to puke! I don't even spend Christmas with my parents! My Mom lives in a different state and Dad has his own family, with a wife and two little girls, although he did try to invite me over a few times. Charles could not book a flight back to his relatives in time because all the flights are fully booked during the season. So both of us ended up working late to finish up with a holiday report that had to be rushed in or else we would be swamped after the holidays if we don't look it over. After work, I would probably go to a bar and spend my Christmas Eve with some woman I will meet there. Charles and I were sitting together in one of the meeting rooms, finishing up running through the reports.

"Are you done with that batch?"I asked him after I had finished my own pile and Charles nodded without looking at me. His face was still stuck in one of the portfolios he was scanning through.

"Yes, Sir-"

"Well then, we are almost finished here!" I yawned and stretched. I can't wait to go out and have a tall glass of beer in my hand; to lie in bed with a warm body next to mine. I looked over at Charles curiously and a thought suddenly came to me. I decided to engage him in some small talk since no one was around anymore. Most of our colleagues in the department had already left to celebrate the holidays.

"So, since you weren't able to catch a flight, where will you be celebrating your Christmas?"I asked offhandedly, trying a hand at some civility.

Charles stopped looking through the portfolio and gave me an odd look."I'll be visiting my Mom and Dad-"He said quietly.

I found myself feeling awkward around him because I don't know if being civil when it was just the two of us would be ok with him or if I should just keep on being an ass. I mean, come on! Would another person like it if you keep swinging from one behavior towards them and then show a different side after? If I treated him in the usual way I treat him, there would be less confusion, no mixed signals. I cleared my throat and finished up with the rest of my report while we became coldly silent towards each other again. We did not even greet each other a Merry Christmas when we left the office separately. I left first but as I was walking out in the dark parking lot and I looked down at my watch, I realized it was very late. I don't know where Charles lived so I decided to go back to him and offer to give him a ride. I guess I felt that I still owed him for that cab ride. I don't know why I'm getting like this again. Maybe it was because I felt sorry for asking him to spend longer hours at the office on a Christmas night when he could have spent it with his parents. I just don't know. He was already out the door when I caught him.

"Charles, wait!"

He turned those clear blue eyes on me, his face startled and I swear, my heart did somersaults in my chest just seeing the look on his face; our gazes meeting once more. He had on this dark blue coat that enhanced the color of his eyes and he had a dark gray scarf around his neck. He wore his metal framed glasses today too. Perhaps he was alternating between wearing his contacts and glasses. I like his eyes, the tender look in them. I liked looking at his endearing, sweet face. I tried to act cool and walked over to him.

"It's really late. I owe you for that cab ride from before. I'd like to drive you back to your place-"

Charles appeared doubtful and looked away from me, his hands stuffed in his pockets. Seeing him stand out there, the wind blowing his brown hair about, the background of the city lights and night sky surrounding us, he just looked beautiful. The urge to kiss him rose within me again but I controlled myself. I was starting to believe that after how I had been treating him of late, he would definitely say no to my offer but he finally nodded in acceptance and he followed me to the parking lot. We got in the car and I asked him what address I am taking him to.

"Would it be alright Mr Lehnsherr if we make a quick stop over at the corner store? I'm not sure if they are still open but I just need to buy something for my parents first-"

"Sure-"

I drove him to the corner store and it was still open. He hurriedly got down from the car and went in. He bought something that I could not clearly see from the car window and when he got back into the car, I saw that he bought this big bouquet of flowers. White and Red roses, Baby's breath and small Daisies. I thought it was such a gay gift to give his parents on a Christmas day! I was quietly amused at the sight of it and then I asked Charles our next destination and he said he needed to get to the Graymalkin Church next. I chuckled inwardly. Charles going to church before meeting his parents! On top of being so gay, he's also a religious Nutter! He noticed my amusement but he did not say anything. In fact, he smiled back at me sadly.

"I hope you don't mind me going there, Mr Lehnsherr-"Charles addressed me formally. I shrugged and I gave him a small grin.

"No, this I actually got to see! I haven't been to that Church in ages!"

"Oh you want to join me?"Charles queried.

"Hell yeah! I wanna see what the inside of it looks now. I recall I've visited that church when I was very little-"

"Are you sure? I'm sorry if I have already inconvenienced you for driving me to my destination-"

"Why not? It’s a Christmas day, anyway!"I was indicating that I am in a giving mood, as this would be my excuse to treat him just a little bit better.

Charles nodded gratefully at that and then we arrived at the church after half an hour. It was located in this very antiquated side of the city where old, crumbling houses still stood and it had lots of these ancestral homes. Because it was late, there were not much people around but there are a few people here and there that came to say their prayers. Charles and I went in and he sat in one of the pews and said a short prayer. I just stood by watching him, waiting for him to finish. I looked about, admiring the church. Damn, time flies by but this place still looked the same. Charles got up and then he gestured we could go outside now. I followed him. I thought he was heading for the car but instead, he was going to the side of the church and he was heading towards the wrought-iron gates that divided the church...from the cemetery. It immediately dawned upon me why Charles bought those flowers and I felt like such an insensitive prick! I cursed myself inwardly as I followed him down the lines of graves and memorials until we got to a gravestone that had both the names of his parents on it with the date of their birth and death. Below that there was a simple epitaph: In loving memory of Brian and Sharon, may you always reside in the heart of your Son. It looked vaguely familiar to me. Charles unwrapped the flowers from the plastic wrapping and he gently placed it on the ground beneath the gravestone slab. He stood there for a moment, his expression gentle as he looked down at the grave. His eyes were slightly moist and then he spoke softly to them, his breath sending up puffs of condensed air in the bitter cold.

"Merry Christmas, Mom and Dad!"

I felt terrible about what I was thinking about him earlier and it made me extremely guilty. I tried to absolve myself of my actions and I thought what the hell! Why should I be guilty? He's just a lowly assistant that I'm recently training for a better position! Why should it affect me so much that I had these mean thoughts about him? But then, Charles took out a smaller bouquet of Daisies and Pink Carnations from the paper bag he was carrying and he was handing it to me. I was confused as to why he would be handing me that bunch of flowers.

"Here, you do the honors. You haven't visited her in a while. You might as well give the flowers this time-"

"What?"

"Your sister! You haven't visited her grave for the longest time. I see your father come here sometimes but I haven't seen your mom or you come around-"

He was talking about Ruth. My younger sister that had died when I was ten. How in the world did Charles know about her? I felt tears start in my eyes at the thought of her, how she died tragically. She was hit by a car right before my very eyes and I remember I grieved for her for the longest time. She was interred in this very cemetery and she was only six and to my shame, I’ve actually forgotten about her. I wanted to ask him how he knew and then a memory from long ago came rushing back to me...

_That first time I visited her by myself one afternoon, I had just ran away from home because my parents are fighting again. I just needed to be with someone that mattered to me. I know of no one else but my sister. So I went to her grave and I kneeled before her gravestone and I cried quietly. I cried for her as much as I cried for myself. I only had one Daisy with me and I placed it on the stone slab. After I had finished with my crying and grieving, I stood up but I lingered in the graveyard. I wasn't afraid to be by myself. I took a moment to look around and then I saw this little boy, he looked to be about six or seven, being led by a priest to a large gravestone. He was weeping openly, his fists pressed to his eyes as he cried. The priest had told him he will give him a moment by himself and then the old man went back to the wrought-iron gates to wait for him. I wiped at my own eyes and then I don't know why but I walked over to him to watch him as he placed these small bunch of Baby's Breath he probably picked up by himself and he placed it on the ground before the grave. He was trembling and weeping still and he wailed out to his parents in a small and broken voice._

_"Mom! Dad!"_

_I felt sorry for him. He lost both of his parents. I understood his grief but not the gravity of it. I made my way towards him and I kneeled right next to him as he kept on crying. He finally noticed my presence that he looked up at me with his anguished, tear-streaked face. He was a cute kid. His brown hair was cut really short; his blue eyes, vast and swimming in tears. His face was angelic and sweet. I gently reached out for him and without a word, I hugged him to myself._

_"I lost my sister too. Her name is Ruth-"I said in a quiet voice. When I pulled back, I pointed out where her grave was while I kept an arm about him. He was still crying and he tried to gruffly wipe at his eyes. His nose was dripping so I took out my handkerchief and wiped at his face and then his nose. He didn't appear to have a handkerchief with him. He looked up at me in awe as I did this. Then, seeing that he still needed some kind words to soldier him on, I hugged him to myself again and I whispered in his ear._

_"Don't worry. They're watching over you anyway, even if they are not here. They're up in the sky but it doesn't mean that they don't love you. They still do. Love never goes away. It's like the wind; you feel it even if it’s not there. It's going to be hard, I know but I promise, it will get better-" (Wise words coming from a ten year old like me, right? I think I was still so naive back then.) That little boy hugged me back. We hugged for some time and then the priest was calling him because it was time for him to go. The boy reluctantly got up, ran towards the direction of the call but he stopped to give me a small wave and a gentle smile and then he was gone. I didn't even know his name then._

"It was you? That little boy? How could you remember that? It was a long time ago!"I cried out, my eyes widening as Charles regarded me quietly, knowing that the memory of our first encounter had finally come back to me. He smiled at me tenderly and then he looked up at the bleak skies that are interspersed with dots of stars, winking down at us faintly.

"I remember what you told me back then. I never forgot that, Mr Lehnsherr. I always repeat those words over and over in my head and I have it by heart. You said to me, 'Don't worry. They're watching over you anyway, even if they are not here. They're up in the sky but it doesn't mean that they don't love you. They still do. Love never goes away. It's like the wind; you feel it even if it’s not there. It's going to be hard, I know but I promise, it will get better.' I thought those were the kindest words I have ever heard anyone say to me, even if they are from a total stranger-"

I felt my throat tightening as I struggled with my feelings. Shit! SHIT! I don't want to cry in front of him! He remembered those words even though he was just six! I must have had that much of an impact on him!

"That's why, even if you are like this now, even if you have turned bitter and cruel and full of hatred, I know there is some kindness in you. I always remind myself that it will get better because one day, it will be better for you too-"Charles said kindly.

I staggered away from him, my eyes stinging. Charles lifted the flowers up and held it out to me."It's time, Erik. You have to go and visit Ruth and remember her. You deserve this much for yourself-"

I wanted to say something snide, I wanted to say that I did not care about Ruth anymore, that I even forgot about her and that he could shove those flowers where the sun don't shine. I wanted to leave him there and make him feel like a pathetic idiot for trying to foist his feel-good shit on me but instead I took the flowers from his hand and sedately made my way to Ruth's gravestone. It looked like someone was maintaining it and it was clean and the grass around it was cut. There was a dried bunch of flowers on top of it and I removed it, holding it out to Charles, who placed it in the paper bag he carried so he can throw it away later. I placed the flowers against the gravestone itself and looked down at the name Ruth Lehnsherr. There was a picture included, which was covered by some protective resin to prevent it from fading. She was leaning on a table, smiling happily for the camera. I remembered her fondly; how sweet and kind she was for a girl her age, wishing that she was in a good place. I looked up at Charles, my eyes still hurting because I was trying so hard to stop the tears from coming out.

"I visit her grave sometimes on your behalf, Erik. I think she understands you are too busy-"

"Why would you do that? I was just a strange kid back then-"

"It doesn't matter. You were a kind boy and I wanted to do something to honor the kind words you said to me-"

I let out an exasperated gasp and a bitter laugh."Wow, now you've made me feel like a total ass because of how I have treated you as a man!"

Charles's brow furrowed gently in concern, He came forward to try and touch my shoulder in reassurance as I kneeled down by the grave."Goodness, Mr Lehnsherr! I didn't mean to make you feel that way. I just-"

Before he could touch me, I grabbed his wrist and pulled him down towards me, hugging him to myself. "Oh!" Charles cried out, startled.

"Thank you-"I said softly into his ear and we kept on embracing for some time, my heart seeming to soar and break inside of me. It was like I was in a time capsule and we were back in that moment in time when things were simple and children could have their innocent hurts. Charles made this small hum in his throat, accepting my response as he hugged me back. I liked that we were tender to each other like this again. I missed having him next to me; holding him against my body, our mutual loathing for each other long forgotten. It was getting cold so we reluctantly parted and decided to get out of the cemetery. I offered to take him to his house next but he said it was just a few more blocks away and he could walk there by himself. I insisted until he finally relented. He lived in one of those crumbling old ancestral homes that I mentioned. None of our colleagues at work would have been caught dead or living here. He practically lives in a mansion but it was decaying and in need of repair. He has a circular driveway with no cars in sight and the graying house stood forlornly by itself, enclosed by a rusty and rickety iron gate. I got the car around, close to the large crumbling steps before his doorway and I looked at his place curiously.

"You live here by yourself?"

"My relatives used to live here with me several years ago, but they had to move to another state for a better career and for business opportunities. I know I shouldn't stay here anymore but this place had given me such fond memories-"

"Why didn't you have it repaired, then?"

"My parents only left me a small inheritance, enough to get me through college so when the money ran out I couldn't afford to have it repaired anymore. I don't exactly earn six figures at work so I left it as it is-"

"Well the foundation looks sound but the wooden parts of the structure might be decaying. It could become a residential hazard later on-"I said seriously.

"I know, but I'm a sentimental fool-"Charles said sheepishly. He regarded me tenderly for a moment and then he said the magic words I wanted to hear.

"Would you like to come inside and see it for yourself?"

"Yes, of course!"

We both got out of the car and I was in awe of how amazing it looked on the inside. There was a glass dome at the top, that I could actually see the night sky through the glass. Beneath our feet was a decaying dark red carpet that was torn and permanently darkened in places. The place used to have these white, curlicued paneling that had gone a gray-yellow color same as the walls. Heavy, wine-colored curtains still hung over the large windows and what amazed me even more were the numerous books all over the place. In the shelves; on the floor and on the tables. Some of them leather-bound, most of them paperbacks. There was a large, old couch in the receiving hall and a large marble fireplace. The place may look like it was falling apart but it was clean and not too dusty. There was even some chaotic organization to the way the books were spread about that area. To conserve energy, Charles had only lit up the place where we will be sitting down. He had this large flashlight and he gestured for me to follow him as we explored the place. It was huge on the inside.

"Wow, if you really had the money, this place would look fantastic! But a young man like you shouldn't be living here all by yourself! It's not safe-"

Charles suddenly giggled and I thought his small breathy laughter was cute."Sir, I'm 33. I'm hardly a boy-"

I turned to look at him, surprised."Well you look so young. I thought you were just twenty-something or whatever-"I felt foolish because I failed to do the math or even inquire about his birth date.

"Yes, I get that sometimes. People are just surprised when I tell them how old I really am-"

We kept on walking down the dark hallways, looking at old portraits, some old sculptures and the dusty and dingy bedrooms. If he did the housework by himself, it would be a monumental task so it was quite understandable why he did not clean any of the other rooms. After he had shown me around, we went back to the receiving hall and Charles started up a fire in the fireplace so we could get warm. I wanted to know more about him so we talked for sometime as I asked him about himself. Like where his relatives are now and what his interests are. I also asked him for his birthday. He said his birthday was on September 21st. I remembered that on that day, no one even greeted him at the office because he probably never told anyone his birthday. I had him open up to me, telling me intimate details about himself. Then I asked him the question that had been on my mind while we were in the cemetery.

"Did you work at Lehnsherr Enterprises, knowing that I was working there and that my father owns the company? Is that why you were willing to work under me?"I had deduced that he must have researched about me, because he knew about my father and my sister.

Charles smiled ruefully at my words, a soft blush rising to his fair cheeks again."Yes. I wanted to see you again. When I was looking online for some good companies to work in at and build a career, I saw that Lehnsherr Enterprises had an opening so I submitted my resume. I was thrilled that I would be working in your company, even though at first I thought I would probably never get to see you or speak to you and then I ended up in your department after all. I was told I was supposed to be Ms Emma Frost's assistant but it turns out I was placed under your management. People at the office immediately warned me about you. They said all these awful things about you and I didn't want to believe it at first but when I saw you again for the first time and you frowned at me and passed your eyes over me like you were disgusted with me, I realized you had changed so much from when I last saw you. But I still wanted to see you anyway because I hoped that you would really take a good look at me one day and _really see me_ -"

That really got to me. I didn't realize that he made this tremendous effort to work under my father's company, just so he could see me again. It hit me then that he had more than just admiration for me. That was why he wanted to be near me. He had feelings for me. So that was why…That was why...

"Was that why you let me kiss you and make love to you, Charles?"

Charles seemed to start up in his seat when he heard me say those words. His blush deepened again as he looked away. I drew closer to him and then I lifted his chin up so he would look me in the eyes. He looked flustered and nervous at the same time.

"Why didn't you tell me it was you? Why didn't you remind me of that time when we met as little boys?"I asked him gently.

"I...I wanted to tell you but I thought that had been so long ago and I supposed you wouldn't care anymore because you've changed so much. I thought it wouldn't matter or make a difference to you-"

"Would it surprise you if I told you that it does matter?"

Charles's eyes went wide and his mouth opened slightly. God help me, he was making that endearing expression again! That tender look that he reserved only for me. I drew him close and kissed him gently once more. He moaned into my mouth in surprise but he was not able to pull away in time. He stiffened for a moment when I drew him in a warm embrace but he slowly softened and we just kissed like that, softly, oh so softly. I have not kissed a woman in this way, ever. Somehow, this gentle kissing was really nice. It made me light-headed and made me feel warm in a way I had never felt before. It went down deep into my chest and it felt so honest and so peaceful. We kissed for a long time, stopping on occasion to catch our breaths. When our lips part and he was breathlessly gasping, I would start kissing his wide forehead, his eyelids, his cheeks and his rounded chin. He moaned softly against me and we were like melting against each other again. His body was so hot, the heat was pouring out of his pores and this heady scent exuded from him. He smelled so good. His perfume smelled like a combination of Cedar wood and Bergamot, with a hint of ginger. I'm very particular about scents so I have some inkling knowledge of them. His scent was now associated with sex because this was how he had smelled like when we first had sex. I remembered it. I kissed him around his throat, sucking on it hard, knowing I'm leaving my kiss marks on his skin. He was restlessly lolling his head about, getting really aroused and then he suddenly started up violently from his seat, standing up and parting from me quickly.

"It's getting late, Sir! You must have somewhere you need to go to and I've kept you! I'm sorry! Thank you for the ride! I'm going to go get your coat-"

I ran a hand over my face looking up at him with both a mixture of reproach and amusement."I've nowhere to go to, Charles! And you're sending me off when you haven't even offered me anything to drink yet!"

Charles winced at my words, looking so rattled that he made such a poor host, running his hands through his hair absently."I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Sir! I don't have any coffee or beer! I only have tea!"

I sat back in the couch and crossed my arms in front of myself, making it apparent that I am in no hurry to leave at all."Well go make some tea then!"I said loftily.

"Yes, Sir!"

Charles rushed off towards his kitchen to prepare something for me. While he was gone, I checked several messages and season's greetings on my phone and then I turned it off so I would not be disturbed. Several minutes later, he came in carrying a tray laden with a tea pot, two tea cups, some fruit and some cake. He placed these before me and the flowery scent of his tea reached my nostrils. I wrinkled my nose in distaste. I always associate tea with the Brits and the dandy old-fashioned men, but men in our country drinking tea like this, I had always deemed as gay. I liked my coffee, strong and bitter. This drink he was offering me smelled perfumy and sickening. He poured the dark amber drink onto the tea cups, put two sugar cubes in each and he squeezed some lemons over them using tongs. He held out the teacup to me in a saucer with a small spoon. The teacup looked so damned delicate I was afraid to break it. I awkwardly took it from him and stared down at it before I drank it, stirring it with the proffered spoon.

"What the hell is it?"I said as I glared at the brew, afraid of what my taste buds would encounter.

"It's Earl Grey, Sir. It's my favorite tea. I wish I had something more to offer but I only have milk and water in the fridge. I don't think you would like those-"

I brought it to my lips and finally sipped. It tasted citrusy, with some faint bitter notes in it but I suddenly found myself...liking the taste. It had a refreshing mouth-feel to it and the Bergamot really finished it delicately at the end. I drank some more and then I held out my cup for seconds. Charles brightened when he saw that I finished my drink and wanted more. I sampled the cake he had with the tea. He said he had baked it; it was a Lemon butter cake. I polished the slice off and then I ate the Strawberries and Raspberries he had on a small plate. I lifted my cup up when I noticed the time on the mantle-piece clock. It was officially Christmas.

"Merry Christmas, Charles!"I greeted him softly.

He gave me that endearingly sweet smile he reserved for me and lifted his cup up in the air too."Merry Christmas, Sir!"

As it turns out, I spent my entire Christmas day with Charles after all. I didn't go out drinking or fucking a woman for some quick sex. We talked some more, deep into the night and I found myself fascinated as he told me some of the funny things that happened to him in this dilapidated mansion. He told me about his quirky but loving relatives and cousins who came to live here with him to help raise him. I laughed when he told me one of his cousins had played a prank on him once and shaved off his entire head. He was crying his eyes out, thinking all his hair had fallen off but then his cousin apologized and admitted to shaving his head while he slept. He said that was his one vanity, his hair. He told me about growing up in this neighborhood and how he frequently visited the graveyard because he had hoped to see me again but he never did see me. He kept going back to the fact that he was looking for me, even as the years had passed us by.

"Charles, what did you hope to accomplish in wanting to see me again?"I asked him and he was not sure how to answer so his gaze went to the fireplace, watching the flames dance in the embers. Even the firelight seemed to love the contours of his face and lent some softness to his eyes.

"To be honest, I don't really know, Sir. Maybe I just hoped that we could be friends-"

"I'm sorry to have shattered your illusion of any budding friendship. As you can see, I am not exactly what you had thought me to be. I'm a horrible person-"

"No you're not Sir!"Charles said automatically and I let out an impatient sigh, sidling my back onto the backing of the couch as I glared at him.

"Look how I treat you in the office now, Charles. I use my position to be rude and abusive towards you, just so I can show everyone else that I hate gay people and despise you personally because you look effeminate and queer to me-"

Charles bowed his head low, mumbling his next response."I understand why you had to do that, Sir. Your reputation would be put into question if you treat me better in the office-"

"Exactly! See, I'm a selfish prick, right? I don't care about your feelings or anyone else's for that matter. If you keep staying under me, you will just experience more abuse. I'll just keep saying all the hurtful words I have always said to you and you will see me doing things that will break your heart-"

Charles grew silent at that for some time, his expression hurt and then he spoke so softly that I did not hear what he had said.

"What did you say?"

"It's ok if you do that to me, Sir. As long as I can still see you-"He said it clearly this time and I felt my heart thump painfully in my chest at those words. Even after all the things that had happened, he wanted me. And the truth of the matter is I wanted him. I wanted him so bad it’s like an aching in my belly that won't go away and a pain in my heart and mind that crushes down on me but I still keep on wanting to feel it. I stood up and sat next to him. Then I leaned my head on his shoulder, looking up at the side of his profile while he looked down at me. He was blushing again and he was looking at me with that heart-rending tenderness. My face crumpled up and I tried not to cry but I felt the tears come unbidden. My tears slid down my face and down onto his shoulder.

"Why? Why are you like this?"I moaned out and then I reached for him and embraced him again. I wept openly onto his shoulder. I don't even remember him leading me up the stairs to his bedroom. He wrapped me up in his arms and hugged me as we lay in bed together. We didn't have sex that night. Just lying next to him, feeling the comforting press of his body next to me, was all I needed at the moment, even though I was quietly mortified for showing such weakness. What a way to spend Christmas night. Great! Just fucking fantastic! I have turned into a crying sissy overnight and I will never live it down. When dawn came, I woke up and I was face to face with Charles. He was still sleeping. Even while sleeping, he was exceptionally beautiful. I couldn't believe he was still single. I had been dreaming about him again (It doesn't take much guesswork to know what I was doing to him in my wet dreams) and I woke up with the usual morning wood, pressing uncomfortably within my pants. He did not wake up as I drew closer to gaze at his face. His eyelids are gently fluttering as he slept; his mouth closed and pursed together. He was breathing lightly and slowly. I reached out and I caressed his chest through his T-shirt, feeling for one of his nipples. I sidled closer and I pressed my hard-on against his own sex and that finally woke him up.

His eyes flew open and he looked quite startled."Erik?"

I didn't say anything. I grabbed the back of his neck and drew him close into a frantic and passionate kiss. My tongue played about on his lower lip again, teasing and licking and then I slide my tongue into his mouth and he readily opened his mouth to receive me, even meeting my tongue with his own. His expression grew lusty, darkening with his desire. His eyes grew heavy with want. I kept on kissing him while I grinded up against him, letting him really feel my rock-hard cock. He responded by indecently undulating his hips against me, his own fingers coming up to my chest and tracing down on my own hardening nipples. That intense lust was still there between us. I truly thought I would lose interest in him and yet here I want more of him. I rolled on top of him so that I could delve in for more. The kissing grew rougher, like we were eating up each other's mouths. He bit back on my lower lip hard, his mouth trembling in his excitement and he was moaning as we kissed. I stopped a moment so I could undo my shirt from myself, tearing some of the buttons off carelessly and then I was violently reaching for his shirt to take it off of him. He let out a small complaining cry, desperate to kiss me again, fighting me off so he can hook one arm about my neck, his other hand reaching for my behind to press me up against his own erection. We were violently trying to attack each other as we tried to get our clothes off. There was a moment's hitch when I struggled with my belt and I couldn't remove it properly because my hands shook uncontrollably as Charles suckled on my nipple and throttled down on my painful erection with his hand.

I let out a complaining growl and Charles finally stopped so he could help me with my belt as I satisfied myself for a moment, kissing his face and his temple, licking at his cheek indecently. We got each other naked and then we were just rolling around on the bed, restless to get at each other. I kissed his chest and sucked on his skin so hard I left marks on him. He already had those kiss marks from last night when I kissed his throat but I added some more, marking him possessively. Charles shivered and moaned beneath me, so sexually aroused that he kept licking at his lips and trying to grab at my cock. His face was so red with his arousal too. I fought him off so we can have this aching game of foreplay, trying to see if one of us would finally lose it and attack the other in a sexual frenzy. Charles's expression, like he couldn't stand it anymore that it hurts him was on his face again. That look on his face makes me lose all control just to see it on him. He moaned and writhed beneath me, trembling so badly that his hands shook as he ran his palms down my back and touched my chest. I looked about, my eyes crazed, looking for some lubrication we could use. He had a bottle of lotion close by. I thought that would do. I slathered it on my cock and I smeared some on his back side and then I positioned myself at his hole. I couldn't stand it anymore. I was going to explode with these sensations if I didn't release my heat into him. I slid into his tightness, my hard cock slipping into his depth, really feeling him. He let out this strangled moan at the intrusion, his face contorted as he endured me until I was fully inside of him again, ramming in deep. Both of our bodies had grown hot and sweaty in minutes; my hand slid wetly on the skin of his chest while I quickened my hips. I was propped up on top of him with one arm extended on the bed, with the other I had forced one of his wrists up on the pillows and held him down possessively. His other hand was formed into a fist and he pressed it against his mouth to try and stifle his desperate howls of pleasure. His legs tightened around my waist as I bucked up into him, going wild and losing all control in myself.

I felt like this savage, sexual beast that desired him so badly that I wanted to break him to pieces. His head was turning around on the pillows, lolling about from side to side. His eyes were shut tight as he savored my violent thrusting into him. He wasn't ashamed to yell incomprehensible cries or even moan indecently as I took him. I liked that about him; the honesty of his body and this secret side of him that was mine. How could someone that looked so serious and nerdy and gay be this much of a great fuck in bed? How can he be so willing to be indecent that he would ride my cock all day long and let me hear his desperate cries of pleasure? He may look timid but goddammit! He's a fucking tiger in bed! My hips pummeled faster against him that there was a resounding slap in the room that quickened as our heated flesh met. These dirty sounds, along with his wanton moaning. I was drowning in all of him and wanting to die of this pleasure he was giving me. I grunted and groaned along with him, gasping now, desperate to reach that white-hot place that unites us and then I orgasmed into him. I let out a choked yell when I came. I stopped moving my hips, eyes shut tight as I savored these sensations but he was still moving his own hips, fondling his own cock violently to bring release to himself and then he came after me, his come spreading on his belly and dripping down onto the bed. He let out this breathy moan of pleasure and collapsed back onto the pillows, gasping lightly as I gasped along with him, like we had been racing. I pulled back and I lay down next to him, sighing contentedly. He sidled up against me, lifting his face and I kissed him gently this time.

We slept again for a short time but when I woke up, Charles was sitting on the edge of the bed and he was pressing my shirt to his face and he was crying quietly. I was seized by this sudden affection for him again. I edged over to where he was sitting; both of us naked and then he lifted his face to look up at me. That poignant, indescribable hurt in his expression; his sad eyes. I almost...wanted to tell him that I love him. But that was stupid! I can't tell him that I love him! He's a man! I've said those words offhandedly before to some women but then I realize now that I'm with him, if I had said the words, I would have meant it this time. But I didn't dare say it. I was at war with myself on what I really feel about him. Saying it like that would have been meaningless.

"What's wrong, Charles?"

Charles shook his head slowly and kept crying, the tears flowing down his cheeks."Everything is wrong, Erik! Everything! You've thoroughly destroyed me! You've taken over my body and soul and yet...I can't stop wanting you. Isn't that insane?" He sniffed and tried to wipe furiously at his eyes. I put an arm around him and pressed my head against his, gently running my hand on his shoulder.

"What have I told you before Charles, huh? Inside here, when it's just the two of us, things will be different between you and me. If you want me to be gentle and warm, I'll do that for you. If you want us to both go wild and lose control, I’ll give you that too. Can't you see that I want you too? That I want to touch you and kiss you and make love to you so bad its killing me?"

He lifted his face up to mine again and nuzzled his cheek against my throat. His breath was hitching as he tried to get his tears under control.

"I just want to know, do you want this to continue? Because if all of this is just hurting you and making you miserable, we can stop. You can resign if you want to-"

Perhaps the prospect of not seeing me again, or being parted from me frightened him even more that what was happening between us. He pulled back to look me at me straight, shaking his head vehemently.

"Erik, I do want you! I don't want us to stop seeing each other! I...I just want to be near you always-"He said softly, cheeks beautifully flushed by his admission. My heart was aching at the thought that I had to keep on doing what I have been doing to him, hurting and rejecting him in front of other people when I feel this affection for him deep inside.

"Well then, do you agree to an arrangement between us?"

He understood what I meant, of course. He was silent for a moment, turning his face up to the ceiling as if he was trying to search the air for some solution and then he faced me and nodded grimly.

"Good, because I've come to the realization myself that I want to keep seeing you. If you want, we can always meet here at your place-"

"Alright, Erik-"

"I was about to do something...what was it? Ah!"I said brightly and then I reached for his cock and fondled him seductively. He started in shock and he looked down in arousal as I gave him a handjob. He was moaning indecently again, really letting himself get into it. He threw his head back, eyelashes dewy with tears as I worked on his throbbing sex. It reacted to my touch instantly. I nuzzled his shoulder and then I nibbled at his earlobe, moving up to kiss the back of his neck hotly. It sent a thrill through him that had him quaking and so aroused, his knees shaking because it was too much. I kissed his cheek and then I kissed his lips, part of his back pressed to my chest and then I quickened my movements. He broke the kiss, eyes widening.

"Hahhh!Hahhh!Oh God!"He moaned out lustily.

He hurriedly got up, pushed me back on the bed and climbed up on top of me. He was still slick and hot down there with my juices so it was easy for him to slide down my shaft and ride me. He had his burning palms on my chest and his behind thrusted out invitingly when he got me all the way inside of himself. His legs were still quaking in anticipation for the intense fucking that was about to happen. I grunted and let out strangled cries of my own as he rode me. He's still so fucking hot and tight! How could that backside of his feel this hot? Like I just slipped into something molten! He was doing it again, that obscene little display of his hole as he undulated on top of me and made these long, erotic drawn out cries that made the hairs on my skin stand on end; that made my heart race frantically in my chest and made my blood rush hotly all over. So fucking good! I threw my own head back in abandon, canting my hips up violently to meet him. I want to lose myself in him over and over. Needless to say, we fucked like animals in heat all day that morning and into the afternoon. We only stopped to take a shower, and then we made out some more. After that, Charles announced he would like to cook something for me. I followed him down to the kitchen, both of us naked. He hobbled a bit as he walked. It amused me because I've had him bending over and had been slamming myself against his hips repeatedly that he must still be sore from all the fucking. His hands shook slightly as he tried to chop some vegetables.

I wrapped my arms around him gently, hugging him from behind and kissing the back of his ear."Look at you, Charles. You're still trembling all over. Don't force yourself to cook something for me-"

"I want to do this for you, Erik-"Charles said affectionately and then he pecked a kiss on my lips and continued. He made us both some vegetable soup and scrambled eggs with buttered toast and I languidly looked him over, smiling at him as we ate, enjoying the sight of him going about naked. Charles wore his glasses and he was smiling back at me lovingly. Both of us felt the same. We were content to be together like this. This moment, this day...it goes right up at the top of my 'happiest moment' list. We didn't have sex anymore as the night drew near. We just simply enjoyed being together. We read some books and drank some tea, watched a movie on his DVD player and then he asked shyly if it was ok to go for a walk with me and I instantly said yes. He wanted to go back to the cemetery to see his parents again. We held hands as we walked and I found myself unafraid of being judged here. That it was ok to hold his hand and not feel as if this was so gay and disgusting. I was pleasantly surprised that this day had ended so wonderfully. I drove back home after spending that one Christmas day with him but the day after that, I felt heavy at heart because we would have to play the roles we had begun with before we became affectionate towards each other. I'm still the mean boss and he's still the solemn and brooding assistant.

"Damn it, Charles! One report is missing from the files! Where the hell is it?" I snarled at Charles as we worked with Emma and Janos to complete the new Analysis portfolio that would have to be sent up to the Merchant's group. It was a joint effort with Emma and Janos because Charles and I had completed the Holiday report and Emma needed a hand. We were all in a meeting room, high-strung to meet the deadline, all of us looking stressed except for Charles. Janos was frantically talking to someone on the phone to send up the new numbers soon or our necks would be on the line, while Charles and I, along with Emma and Raven sorted through the paper work on the table to make sure the report was organized and ready. Charles said he would get the report and ducked out of the room. He was running down the aisle as he brought a new photocopy of the missing file moments later.

"The fucking graphs! Where did you put it?" I said as I looked over the papers hurriedly for it and Charles calmly bent close to me to pull the graph from underneath the new photocopies he brought in.

"Here it is, Sir-"

"Well why the hell is it under there?"I asked him truculently and Charles softly told me that he brought it up as a reserve, in case the other graph went missing. I sniffed angrily and glared at him while we continued with the sorting. I tried not to smile at him, because deep down I admired the fact that he had the forethought to get that ready. He was such a goddamned adorable geek! When we were thankfully done, Raven went rushing out to take the report to the Merchant's department herself. I congratulated Emma and Janos, telling them we did a good job but I showed them that I am completely ignoring Charles, deliberately not acknowledging him. In my mind, I congratulated him for saving the day repeatedly by thinking ahead. I left the room and briskly walked back to my office. Charles had followed me and went back to his desk. I left him a Post it note there, telling him thank you and that I couldn't have done it without him. I sat down in front of my laptop, typing up a new set of documents, sending my emails and then I heard Charles make this small sigh. He had read the note. My door was open and so he peered in and gave me a loving smile. He was glowing with it but I did not smile back because our doors were open again and there are people milling about. I gave him a curt nod instead and went back to my laptop. He was still smiling anyway and then he went on his own desktop computer to continue working. I smiled inwardly and sent him an instant messaging of a smiley and a heart. _He'll definitely like that!_ Charles responded by sending me hearts and kisses. I couldn't stop that small smile from creeping up on my face.

"What are you smiling about?"Victor suddenly drawled when he had barged in unannounced. I frowned and closed Charles's IM to face Victor.

"Nothing. Just glad the Analysis portfolio is done-"

"Yeah, Janos told me-"

"Well are we off to lunch?"I asked Victor and he said he was ready. I got up and then as I passed by Charles's table, I glowered at him and tersely told him to make sure to get my messages and put any new reports on my desk. Charles nodded gravely, his face carefully solemn. Victor chuckled at how I glared at Charles and we both left. I thought about Charles as I ate with my friends and then when I got back to the office, Charles looked up at me quietly. As I passed by his table again to get to my office, I placed a small packet on his keyboard and went into my office hurriedly. It was a heart-shaped cookie I bought along the way. I wanted to give Charles something to eat now because his lunch was a little later than mine. I don't know why I wanted to do these sweet little things for him but like I've said, I've grown so affectionate towards him that I can't help thinking about him. I wanted to make up for my rudeness in the smallest possible ways. Charles entered the room after asking permission to enter, carrying a new set of reports that I needed to look over and on top of the report was a blue Post it note. It simply said thank you, with Xs and Os beneath it. I looked down at the note affectionately. Perhaps we can make this work. Perhaps, we can just drop this entire charade of hating each other and just be together...but my stupid fucking ego; my pride kept getting in the way.

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

This is a complicated situation I have put myself into. I've been known to be a homophobic 'player' that's so full of myself that if I change into someone who was actually likeable that if I stopped being who I am, what would my friends say? What would the people at work say? I've prided myself in my reputation and my position of power and to lose that, I would look weak before their eyes, I would be eating my own words and I would be a hypocrite that could not practice what he preaches. I would be the laughing stock of the entire company. Why did I have to go and end up having a relationship with another man when I'm supposed to be repulsed by him? Why? When our eyes met, something about Charles really touched me and I realized it had something to do with what had actually happened when we met in the cemetery many years ago. That was why I liked him. Maybe...I'm even in love with him.

I had seriously considered that idea because he made me feel so different. He made me want to be a better person. No one had touched me as profoundly as he had touched me before. No one had turned my entire world upside down and made me want to go crazy and see things in a better light. God! Why did he have to be a man? Why shouldn't it have been a woman? Maybe because it had to be him. I don't know what I'm doing any more. I kept reiterating to myself he's just someone so endearing to me and admitting to him in words that I love him would just be stupidity on my part. I can't possibly be in love with a man! I can't be! Maybe it's because when you become this tenderly intimate with someone, you tend to become fond of that person. That's when you become concerned for that person; that's when you worry for his or her well-being. The thing I worry about every day is how to deal with him at work. It's like in my head I'm walking on eggshells because if I change the way I treat him, if I stopped being mean to him, people would wonder. And he said he understood my position. He accepted this. I wished he would just resign from work so I could just see him in secret and no one would have to know about us and I wouldn't have to pretend to be abusive towards him. But of course I have told you about Charles's tenacity and his desire in wanting to build a career here, have I not? I suppose that was one of the reasons why I liked him.

I completely understand why he wanted to continue working at Lehnsherr Enterprises. My father's company is number one in our state; corporate-minded individuals and power-hungry upstarts would do anything to get a position here. To build up his career in such a prestigious company would be a big boost to Charles career-wise, especially if he was under my department and under my management. In a few years time, I would be taking over my father's business. That was why my father had me working in the Information Analysis Department and Project Reviewers Group so that I would have a deeper understanding of how the company works. And, of course, I didn't want to look incompetent so I worked my ass off like the rest of the people and delivered the goods come crunchtime. Sure, I could be lazy sometimes or hand a lackluster report in, but if I am to take over the company, I wouldn't want to lose revenue for an entire department. That would have been embarrassing. So when the big reports come in, I get my game on. Seeing Charles trying to grasp the business dealings and juggle around with the complication of being my assistant/protégé/lover all at the same time, I was impressed that he could even manage the high-pressure world we live in. He was that focused; that determined to rise up the ranks.

Because Charles was still under me and it's been almost a year and he's _still_ under me, my own friends are starting to doubt my capability in dealing with Charles. I had to give the excuse that I have to be careful because I'm on my dad's radar so I can't just humiliate him into resigning like how I did it to my previous assistants or the gay colleagues that I despised. I kept telling them that Charles threatened me with direct inquiries from the Department of Labor so I can't touch him. I told them I could probably drop Charles to the bottom of the bucket and place him in the most hellish and most hated division in our company once I take the helm from my father. I could kick him over to Sales &Customer Service. The Attrition rate in that group can be pretty high and we have been unable to retain anyone for more than a year. That would force Charles to eventually resign. I thought this was a good plan since that would allow Charles to remain under my wing for a few more years, but it seems they are not satisfied with that. They wanted me to do something more extreme. I said I was planning something, a delaying tactic really even though I had nothing. When New Year's Eve came, I didn't know they would actually take matters into their own hands.

The company had arranged for a New Year's Eve celebration, to be held at the Lehnsherr Enterprises Building itself, using our enormous Function room, which was designed for such company events. A fireworks display had also been planned for our viewing at the roof top. This time, Janos and Victor would be staying to celebrate at the company. We had our best suits put aside in the locker room. It wasn't uncommon to do that because most of the guys at work did not bother to go home. We just showered and got ready at work while the ladies had to leave early to prepare and primp up, wearing their expensive ball gowns and evening dresses. Even Charles was there and he had told me beforehand that he had bought a suit and it was the one luxury he availed for himself. The buzz of excitement hung in the air on that fateful day; it almost felt like some sort of juvenile promenade as we prepared for the party and when I arrived at the Function room some time later, I saw some of my other colleagues in the department are already there. There were a lot of people from other divisions present as well. Everyone that attended was in their best threads and looking all jazzed up for the event. Of course, the company heads were already at the largest table at the back of the room where my father presides over them. In the middle of the function room, round tables with white tablecloths have been set up and we were attended on by a famous catering company. I heard the food was lavish and the service was commendable. A mobile bar was also assembled and I saw Janos and Victor pretty much hogging a space to themselves. They gestured for me to join them. I made my way towards them and I could feel the eyes of the well-dressed ladies from the other divisions on me. I'm used to the attention. I stride confidently across the room and I know by the time this bash had ended, I would have had a go at two or three ladies willing to spend a night of debauchery with me and I would have new numbers to add to my cell phone.

But then I saw Charles, standing awkwardly by himself close to the caterer's table and he was drinking punch. He was bopping his head slowly to the music being played by the hired band, one hand in his pants pocket. He saw me and then he gave me a sweet smile. He averted his gaze and pretended to look about so no one would notice that we briefly locked gazes. I thought he looked so handsome, wearing that black and white stylish number and he had his hair cut and parted to the side. He wore his glasses too. He looked extremely ravishing to me that I wanted to take him to some empty room in the building and do indecent things to him while the fireworks exploded in the air. Even the thought of getting ladies and acquiring their phone numbers was struck completely from my mind. Charles had no idea that no matter how nerdy and awkward he was, he could take complete control over me. I can't believe that I desired him more than all these women, who openly flirted and eyed me sexually on the floor. He made my heart skip and made me giddy just with a look. Obviously I couldn't go to him and hang out with him. That would be absurd. I went straight to Janos and Victor instead and we drank a few rounds, laughing and enjoying each other's company, toasting and shooting up some shots. Then, we leaned back and looked out at the crowd, criticizing the appearance of some of the people on the floor. Some of them looked outright pathetic in their attempts to appear stylish or presentable.

"Look at that sad sack of shit, Bobby Drake from Sales! Can you believe he's actually dating that hot girl from HR? Whatshername? Ah, Kitty!"Janos said insolently as we all snickered at how exhausted-looking Bobby was that even his suit looked tired. He's a supervisor from Sales and like I said, that's one division in the company people hate to be in.

"Check out that idiot, Armando! What the hell do you call that outfit? Do I smell Studio 54 anyone? Shit! Talk about retro!"I said sarcastically and the boys guffawed laughter at what I had said. Armando was wearing a very shiny and very purple suit with silvery glitter on the black lapels. His suit was just hideous.

Then Victor pointed out to Charles, swaying in place in a restrained manner, as if he didn't want people to notice him enjoying the music. He appeared to be looking longingly at the dancers that danced in front of the band."Ooohh Xavier wants to dance! Who the hell let that fucking queer loose in here anyway? Look at him! He looks so stupid no one even wants to hang around with him!"

I felt a dull fury in the pit of my stomach at what Victor had said and had to pretend to laugh even though I did not find his attack on Charles remotely funny. Janos was cackling laughter at Victor's jab at Charles too that I felt like punching him in the face. Still, I had to _pretend_ that I found it all amusing.

"Let's face it. He's a good looking kid, but he has this vibe that prevents people from even taking interest in him. I think it's called a wallflower effect. I've seen it in my old high school. If a person is too quiet or too reserved, they tend to fade from everyone else's thoughts or even to draw anyone's attention-"

"Yeah unless they're fags!"Victor sneered and we all laughed wildly at that. Then, Victor shoved at Janos' shoulder and gave him a smug smile.

"Wait! Did I hear you right? You think Xavier is pretty? What? You wanna go over there and give him a smooch? Be his boyfriend?"Victor goaded him insultingly.

Janos' face fell and he shoved at Victor roughly."Fuck you, Vic! I was making an observation, ok? I'm not into that shit!"

"Ow! Ok man! Fine! I was only jibing you!"Victor cowered and tittered at the same time that we all dissolved into rough, trollish laughter.

Janos then changed the topic so it would shift away from him and he looked over at the two gorgeous ladies that had been dancing suggestively close to the bar, who kept eyeing me and smiling seductively. Janos gestured with his head towards them and then he looked over to me.

"Yessir, looks like you got the pick of the crop! Those girls look like they're game, Erik! I take it you have your condoms ready?"

I chuckled softly and looked over at the women, giving them a sultry smile and then I looked back at Janos."Well if you think they're game, why don't you go play?"I teased him.

Janos shook his head sadly at that, grinning right back at me."Erik, m'man! You know I live my indiscretions vicariously through you! My ring finger will give me away even if I take it off-"

"Sucks being tied, doesn't it?"I said throatily, holding a smug, self-satisfied smile this time. Both Victor and Janos chuckled weakly at that. They both knew they couldn't go around sleeping with just about anyone at work. They may pretend to be the bad boys at the office, but when it comes down to the nitty-gritty, they wouldn't dare to be caught in any infidelities. The upstanding, well-bred families they belonged to wouldn't have wanted a scandal and their suburban community church that they are members of would have none of that. If they ever did have any sexual peccadilloes on the side, it would not have been at the office where they would be seen. Victor reached out and slapped at my arm in encouragement.

"Well go on! Go get them snatches!"

I laughed at that and gave them both a meaningful look and carried my drink, going over to the ladies and introducing myself. Later, I was dancing with the two sex kittens and had gotten their numbers. They both wanted to meet up later in the night for some naughty fun at a hotel. One of them, the dark haired, Eurasian beauty said she could book it for the three of us. I had agreed to the meeting and I felt a pang of guilt run through me, thinking about Charles. I looked over at the spot where he was standing earlier, but he wasn't there anymore. I tried to look around for him, but I couldn't find him. Anyway, he knew about my player status. It's not like I'm tied to him, right? It's not like I've committed to some form of monogamy with him. We had talked about this and he understood that I still had to keep doing whatever I had been doing before we became lovers. I've resigned myself to the truth that yes, he is my lover, but I refuse to accept it as a homosexual relationship. He's...a special case. With him, it's different. I looked back at the bar and I noticed that Janos and Victor were not there.

They must've gone to the caterer's table to eat or perhaps they went over to our other colleagues in the department. I mingled some more with my other friends instead because the two beauties I will be banging later met up with their own friends for a while when I refused to leave early. I also got called over to my dad's table and was introduced once more to the other Company executives who would actually be working under me in a few years. I did my best to entertain them with pleasantries and discuss the state of the company at the same time. I had to show them that I have the potential to take over for my father. When I was done with the mingling, I went back to the bar and I saw Janos and Victor had also returned. Both of them were laughing uproariously over something and when I went to them, they both looked complacently wicked, smiling at me secretively. I quirked an eyebrow at them.

"Don't keep me in suspense! What's so funny?"

Janos elbowed Victor, indicating he spit out a response and Victor started snorting laughter, passing a hand over his mouth at the amusing secret they were keeping from me. When Victor got himself under control he lifted a glass of tequila up and chugged it down, belching and responding with smug cheeriness.

"We got queerboy for you, Erik! We locked him up in the printer room on our floor, naked! We put a bag over his head and shoved him in there! We had one of the department gals going over to him, telling him you sent orders to print up the last report he did for rewrites and the sucker took the bait! Ha! Ha! Ha!"Victor Bellowed laughter at their supposedly funny prank. Inwardly, I went numb.

"Yeah, we told him its compliments from you and if he tells anyone we will beat him up for you! He's gonna be stuck in there till Monday because the cleaners won't be around during the weekends! He'll be shitting and pissing in that little room and come out of there humiliated!"Janos said and giggled, tears streaming down his face at how amusing it was.

I felt the blood rushing to my ears and I felt my heart sink down to my stomach at what they had done. I tried to get myself under control first because I did not want to let on that what they did to Charles actually sickened me. I started to chuckle and shake my head, giving them both my most pleased and evil smirk.

"That was pure genius, guys! Well done! Man, I should have thought of that sooner! Did you throw his clothes somewhere where he can't find them?"

"Uh-huh! We threw it down the garbage chute on our floor-"Victor added and both he and Janos started laughing again, almost busting their sides at their own brilliant prank. We all high-fived and I congratulated them on a job well-done. What I really wanted to do was break their faces in for what they had done, but they are my idiotic best mates in the office and if I did that they would immediately come to the conclusion that I care about Charles and a lot of uncomfortable questions would be asked. It made me wonder, how could I have such a couple of pathetic creeps for friends? Inwardly, I was disgusted by their stupid caper, but I pretended that I was enthused and extremely pleased. I lingered with them at the bar, having them describe to me in thorough detail how they went about it and then one of the girls I had arranged to have a threesome tryst with came over. She rubbed my shoulder in a sensual manner and whispered in my ear that they were ready to go. I put my arm around her waist and smiled.

"Well go get your coats then. I'll drive us there-"I said huskily. The girl giggled and left to fetch her friend.

"Seems this wraps up my night, boys! 'Cause your man is out for some threesome fun!"I crooned, winking at them and both Victor and Janos howled laughter at that and made mock baying noises, slapping at my shoulders encouragingly. From previous New Year's events by the company, I usually never even stay for the countdown. I usually spend it with my own bedroom fireworks fucking some girl, whose name I eventually forget and erase from my phone.

"Yeah, boy!"Victor hooted after me.

I met the girls at the elevator once I got my own coat and as we got to the lower floor, I suddenly told them that I need to buy a special set of condoms I prefer using and that I was going to buy us a bottle of expensive champagne. I asked them if they could go to the hotel by cab for now and that they could send me a message on the details of the room they will book for us. The girls readily agreed and they pecked kisses at my cheeks and sauntered off. When I was sure they were gone, I headed to our department's floor using another elevator and I hurried to get to the printing and photocopy room. The entire place was dark and deserted. I felt the reverberation of the sound system from above the function room even from here. I could hear Charles crying in that small room and my heart seized up at the thought that if I left with those girls earlier and if Janos and Victor had not informed me of the prank at the right time, Charles would have been stuck in this room for days. What they did was so cruel. I swiped my ID at the door since the door could only be opened by a proximity card and I entered. Charles was sitting on the floor, his legs folded close to his chest and his arms wrapped about his shins, completely naked and not even wearing any underwear. Tears streamed down his cheeks and he looked wary and frightened as I approached, chest heaving and choked over with his sobs. My chest was hurting and my throat felt so tight all of a sudden at the sight of him.

"Charles-"I said quietly.

Charles wept again and shrank away from me, huddling into the corner where he was hiding, his face wet and he was blushing in his shame. He looked up at me with those wounded eyes.

"Why did you have them do this to me, Erik? Do you hate me this much?"Charles asked in a shaking and hurt voice.

I went to him slowly and I reached for his hand. He flinched slightly."Please believe me, Charles. I didn't know Janos and Victor would do this. If they hadn't told me, I wouldn't have known. I'm so sorry they did this to you-"

"I...I don't know if I could believe that, Erik!"Charles stuttered out, his voice still shaking because he couldn't stop crying. I brought my coat up and wrapped it around him.

"Come on, come up from there. I'll take you away from here-"

Charles tried to pull away from me, still unable to accept the truth that I was not privy to this cruel prank. I drew him close and hugged him tightly, my face crumpling up. Couldn't he feel my heart breaking for him? Couldn't he see that it hurt me that this was done to him? I could not understand where this affection for Charles, this immense concern was coming from that he could even make me break free from my own mold and drop the pretense of being myself. If it was my old self, I would have enjoyed the prank but to see it being done to him, it just filled me with these wretched feelings that I would have deemed gay before. Oh, fuck it! I don't care anymore!

"Charles, I care about you. Believe me, I would never have thought to do this to you. Please come with me-"I soothed him.

Charles finally relented and allowed himself to be helped up. I assisted him in putting on the coat, it was too big for his stature, but at least it covered him up. I even rolled the sleeves up for him and then I brought him out of the printer room. I knew I couldn't go to the locker room with him to get his other clothes. Someone might see us and accidentally inform Janos or Victor I was still in the office or worse, we might actually bump into those moronic goons. If I left him somewhere while I retrieved his clothing, there is still the possibility I would be seen so I decided to take Charles straight to my car. I saw no one from the office around the parking lot because they were all still probably partying upstairs, awaiting the fireworks display and then I remembered they threw Charles's tuxedo in the garbage chute. The chutes were numbered so I knew which dumpster his clothes had fallen into. I had to climb in that large metal garbage receptacle just so I could retrieve his clothing and his shoes. Then, I ran back to my car and got in, handing Charles's clothes back to him.

"Here, I got your clothes back-"

"Thank you, Erik-"Charles said gratefully, still sniffling and wiping at his eyes. I didn't want to go touching him in the car just yet. I can comfort him later. I asked Charles if it would be ok for him to duck down first so no one would see him with me. Charles understood and hunkered down on to the floor of the car on his side of the seat. I drove out of there as fast as I could and once we were on the road, Charles sat up straight, looking pale and husked out, but he remained silent. I wanted us to discuss what had happened so I took him to my apartment instead. Those two women I had arranged to meet with are probably wondering where the hell I was, but I didn't care about what they would think of me even if I stood them up. When we got to my driveway, I sent one of the girls a message that something important came up and I shut my phone off. I had to take care of Charles first. I led Charles into my apartment. He looked odd wearing my tan coat and his nice new shoes. My coat seemed to engulf him that he looked like a little lost boy. I would have thought he looked cute like this if it wasn't for the seriousness of what had happened.

"Give me your clothes; we have to wash them up first. They're filthy-"

Charles handed them over and then I left him on my couch so I could put his clothes in the washing machine and then the dryer. Afterwards, I put his clothes on some coat hangers to dry and then I went to Charles and sat with him on the couch. We didn't talk for a while. This awkward silence fell between us, which followed us from the car. I finally decided to start and bring up the topic at hand.

"Charles, I can't apologize enough for what had happened-"

Charles nodded slowly. He had taken his shoes off and he was slouched forward in the couch, his hands clasped in front of him and his arms are resting on his knees.

"I understand, Erik-"

I tentatively reached out and smoothed the hair away from his forehead and he was startled by my tenderness."You must have been so scared-"

He spoke in a reserved way, still shaken by the cruelty."I was! I thought I was going to be stuck in there for days and people will come in from work seeing me like that-"

"God, those fucking jerks! I wanted to punch their faces in for what they did to you!"

"But you couldn't, right Erik? Because they are your friends-"Charles said sadly.

I grew quiet at that and then I sighed."I'm sorry. Do you want me to keep apologizing? I'll keep saying it if that's what it takes to make it better-"

Charles finally lifted his head and reached for my hand, holding it gently in his own."No! I'm sorry! I think I'm not coming across clearly. I understand why you can't and I'm not accusing you. It's just the sad fact that they did this to me and you're stuck in this position-"

I snorted."Don't think about me, Charles. Think about yourself! I'm going to have to do something so they don't do this to you again! I won't stand for it! I have to get back at them somehow!"

Charles's eyes widened and he grasped my hand in both of his hands tightly this time."No, Erik! No! Forget about it! Let's just not talk about it anymore! I'm just glad you came for me and rescued me-"

I smiled at him affectionately then. I let out a breath and reached for the back of his neck, drew him close to me and hugged him. How can he not think about revenge on those two morons? In this day and age that type of naivety about kindness and righteous behavior does not work for an individual. You have to be hard, you have to fight back and retaliate otherwise, you're just fresh meat for the other dogs. Charles is just too tender-hearted sometimes. Maybe that's one other thing I like about him too; this innocence and belief in the goodness of other people. We just sat there in my couch, embracing as the clock drew closer to twelve. He suddenly pulled away from me when he realized something.

"Oh Erik! You're missing your New Year's party! Weren't you meeting a woman to, um, to celebrate with?"He said hesitantly. This was always the uncomfortable topic between us. Mostly he was visibly uncomfortable with it, but inside, I was uneasy and somewhat guilty about what I was doing. He was the _only_ one who made me feel like this. We never directly discussed the fact that I play around; that I'm not the monogamous type. I never felt guilty before if I was seeing eight or so women at the same time...until I met him. And, to actually tie myself to a man...he would be asking the impossible of me! That would be ridiculous! But that was the thing, wasn't it? He never asked. He never told me I should stop seeing other people. He'd allowed himself to be trampled on, to be treated as my lover on the side, knowing that I sleep with other women; that I see other people for the sex and my player status. He didn't look like the type that would sleep around either. He looked like the kind of guy who would only be in one relationship and if possible, be that someone's mate for life; he was the kind of man who believed in fidelity and true love. I was the first sexual encounter he had ever encountered and he would never go sleeping around any time soon. His heart and his body belonged only to me. Doing these things I have been doing to him and his quiet acceptance of it, it hurts something deep inside me. That was the center of my guilt. He made me feel this regret that I never felt over anyone before. I regretted that I forced myself on him and that he accepted my advances so easily because he had feelings for me. I can't take it back anymore. And besides, I wanted him to be mine. I desired him and longed for him deep down because I could not even stop thinking about him.

What was it about him exactly? What was so special about him that made me behave so differently when it comes to him? It wasn't just because of the kind and tender look in his eyes, or his endearing face and sweet smile. It wasn't because he was this beauty that people can't seem to appreciate because he was such an awkward nerd and a persistent worker...it was his honesty and openness. Everyone else just fakes it and everyone else pretends to be someone they are not, but he showed me who he was inside. He showed me his lust; he showed me his kindness and understanding even when I don't deserve it. He showed me that even across the span of years, an act of kindness can endure and reach out to someone. I wanted to tell him these things, to comfort him and let him know that even if I do all these cruel things to him, I go back to him anyway. That I want to see him before me, all the time; that I could drop all these other people for him. But I didn't say these words. I took his hand in mine instead and kissed it.

"Don't you worry about any of that, Charles. There are plenty of them out there, waiting for me, but what matters now is that I have to make it up to you-"

His blue eyes grew wide and he tipped his head to the side, looking at me tenderly. Damn it! His expression again! He's like this...this cute little pet that you find so adorable, but at the same time you find so sexy you just wanna rape it! I don't know what the hell I'm saying! I just can't stop when it comes to him that I'm beginning to have these weird analogies! I reached out and touched his cheek.

"Well what do you want me to do to make it up to you? I know! I know! I shouldn't, but I want to anyway! So tell me! Anything you want, I'm yours tonight, Charles-"

Charles blushed hotly and looked away; his downcast lashes could not hide the truth of what he really wanted. The desire for me was there; that wanton lust that he reserved only for me. If anyone knew what he was really like in bed, they would understand why he's so desirable to me! Charles bit his lower lip and tried to lift his eyes to mine. His eyes seemed to shine darkly with his intent, even though he was so flustered about it."Um, I want...that is...I...I want to-"

I ran a warm finger over his exposed thigh that was showing through the gap of the coat and he started in shock at the touch. I leaned in close and I caressed his neck in slow circles, gently massaging him with my heated fingers and he trembled and gasped softly at my touch.

"You want?"I asked throatily and then I kissed his lips seductively, my tongue diving in first and touching his burning tongue. He moaned into my mouth and kissed me back indecently, his red mouth latching on and sucking and biting at my lips like he couldn't stand not doing it. He suddenly pulled back, feeling embarrassed and putting a hand to his mouth, then he looked up at me, blushing; this yearning desire in him was just so evident, so exposed.

"I want to make love, Erik-"Charles said in a whisper and looked away, his shoulders slightly trembling. He didn't realize how cute he looked to me right now, just saying those words like that in an innocently lewd manner. I leaned in and I kissed his forehead, then I grazed a kiss at his cheek. I lick his earlobe and he shivered in arousal at it.

"How do you want it?"I whispered huskily into his ear. Charles couldn't stand it anymore and flung his arms about me. Moaning against me, kissing and licking at my cheeks and throat, his hands grasping tight at my back.

"Just love me, Erik! Just love me! I need you!"He cried out in a shaking voice full of feeling. I let out a charged breath and hugged him back, turning my head to the side so I can kiss him hungrily. This passion in him, this frantic craving desire...I want it all to myself. We fought against each other in some rough foreplay as I struggled to undo the coat from him and he was carelessly trying to unbuckle my pants while we kissed passionately. His fingers were shaking so badly as he broke our torrid kissing to unbutton my suit, undo my waistcoat and work on the buttons of my shirt next. He was gasping desperately as I kissed him around his face and I let him undress me. When he couldn't stand it any longer, he let out a complaining moan, grabbing my shoulders and then he was lying on the couch, pushing the hem of the coat he wore aside so he could position himself beneath me. We were so desperate to get at each other we didn't even bother to take our clothes off. I had my lubricated condoms in my pocket so I used one. I tore the packet, slipped on the condom and I entered him roughly this time, going in hard and he released this strangled, trembling yell; I was shakily groaning when I got myself all the way in him. Then, I was thrusting into him, my hips doing some wild frenetic, bucking that was so insistent, it was almost like rape. We moaned over each other's faces, eyes locked in this sexual frenzy for each other.

He folded his wide-open legs, feet in the air as we fucked frantically. I bent down and licked at his lower lip and kissed and sucked at his mouth. His moans took on a juddering quality as I thrusted into him faster, holding his knees tightly so I can really ram it in deep. That indecent moaning from him again; the crazed look of lust in his eyes. His tight and hot little hole that gave me so much pleasure; he could almost rival a porn star with his obscene sexuality and I want it! I want it all! I felt this raging need to release into him as we raced for an orgasm. So hot! He was so hot it was like both of us are going to burn up with it! My hips quickened, the rhythm pulsing in time to my rapidly beating heart and the blood rushing in my veins. I was coming and I was losing all control and when I reached the white-light edge of my climax, I felt him come beneath me too. He had his hand underneath the coat, tugging at his own cock frantically and the wetness of his come spread upon the front of the coat. His other hand was pressed up to my exposed chest and he was gasping breathlessly. His wet hair clung to his forehead, both of us sweaty and hot and amazingly sated. Charles's head fell back on to the couch and he sighed out contentedly. I pulled back from his delicious tightness, took the condom off my cock, tied the end and just let it fall to the carpet carelessly. I was sitting slouched up against the couch while he kept lying down, both of us still trying to recover.

After several moments passed and we silently sat there, probably shell-shocked by the orgasms that reverberated through us, Charles started to unbuckle the belt of the coat, demurely unbuttoning it, but there was nothing demure in his next actions when he parted his coat to reveal his nakedness to me, propping himself up on one elbow, his eyes full of his dark lust and darkening still. His belly was shining wetly with his come and he showed me his hard-on. He touched himself, licking at his lower lip seductively, smiling at me in a come-hither way and then he sat up, crawled towards me and then he reached for my fly to release my own hardening cock from my pants and then he took me in his mouth and sucked strongly and passionately.

"Oh fuck!"I cried out in a quaking voice. We shied away from doing that before because he knew of my hesitation when it comes to doing something so overtly homosexual. I associated cock-sucking strongly to dirty, gay bar fags going down on men, but he wasn't afraid to please me this time. He wasn't really an expert at giving head, but his enthusiasm, his appetite for it was no less appreciated by my pulsing cock. My hips bucked up in earnest as he sucked, licked and kissed my cock into ecstasy and I leaned back my head, getting so lost in it. I held his head down on my lap as I thrusted up to meet his lips and I quickened for more. His mouth, goddammit! It felt so good! He made gagging sounds as he moaned around my cock, but he took me all in. And, when I came into his mouth, he sucked and swallowed my come, licking my quivering, sensitive penis all around as if he did not want to waste one drop. He made these indecent slurping sounds and then he sat back up to look at me, his eyes heavy-lidded and pleased at the sight of my pleasure, his precious mouth puffed up and very red, glistening wetly.

"I'm sorry. You said you didn't want me doing that to you but I just couldn't help it-"Charles said softly, a naughty smile still on his lips."Did you like it?"

In response, I grabbed him roughly and kissed his lips hungrily. I could taste my own come in his mouth, but I didn't give a damn. We were way past feeling any disgust when it comes to sex. I've had fantasies about him, coming on to me wearing nothing but a gabardine coat and then he would be taking it off to show me his body, offering it up for my sexual pleasure and I can't get the image of him earlier out of my head now, when he took off my coat in an erotic display. I fucked him again on the couch, bareback since he seems to prefer that, but I was careful this time, not wanting to hurt him since there was no lubrication. I undulated into him with aching slowness. He whimpered into my shoulder, his eyes shut tight and probably in pain, but he endured me and let me take him this way. He was trembling in my arms, still half-wearing my coat and looking so damn enticing as he moaned and writhed against me, his sweetly-furrowed brow sweaty; his expression intense as he allowed me to go on. We could hear the fireworks exploding from somewhere outside and I was so lost in my lust for him that I couldn't care less if the entire planet exploded. We made love some more in my bed and I hugged him possessively in my arms after, not wanting him out of my sight for a single moment. He nuzzled his face gently against my throat, giving me these sweet little kisses. I kissed his brow in return as I held him. This wanting in me for him, this desire just won't seem to end! I want these moments with him to last longer, I want to keep it and hold it in my hand like something so dear to me. I made a decision then. I had to stop these mean things I do to him at the office. I want my cruelty to end. When we get back to work, I'm going to do something for him that will make up for what happened earlier.

"What the hell is all that crashing about?" Emma complained as she stepped out of her office to look out at Janos and Victor, who are now vacating their offices to move on to their new department...in Sales in and Customer Service. I stood at my doorway as well as I watched my two mates cursing quietly and glaring about at everyone else. They looked over at me furiously when they saw me, but I could only lift my hands up in a helpless gesture, giving them a regretful shake of my head. Meanwhile, Bobby and Armando awaited their departure so they could take the offices that my mates are emptying out. It took a few weeks, but I arranged it with my dad. I had looked closely at Janos' and Victor's work background and their files. I pointed out to my father that with Bobby Drake's Sales Analysis training, he could help expedite the processing of the Sales portion of the reports in our department and with Armando's background in Portfolio presentation, we would be more organized. I also informed him that Victor and Janos have a strong potential in Sales because both of them had a Sales background before joining the company and that it would help bolster our Sales department. I advised him he should give them a Managerial Project in analyzing the Attrition rate and investigate a means to improve it since with their knowledge in Information Analysis; they could research on the matter and find a resolution to the dilemma.

My dad had wondered why I would suggest such a thing since he knew Victor and Janos are my friends, but I told him the future of the company was more important to me and if I could help find a means for us to develop and plan each division better, we would remain at the top of our game. My dad was actually pleased that I had thought about this since it was a reasonable idea for organization in task management and it would also give Bobby and Armando the opportunity to be promoted, along with Janos and Victor to prevent stagnation. He commended me on the brilliance of my plan and he had told me that this definitely proves my potential to handle the company once he hands it over to me. Little did he know that I did it...for revenge.

I asked my father to do me one tiny favor and lie for me; that he should inform Janos and Victor that it was his decision with the Company Executives, not my suggestion so that they would not harbor any bad feelings towards me for coming up with the idea. When they both got their emails from our Executive Chief and they were informed that they were 'Promoted' as the new Managers of Sales and Customer Service Attrition Analysis, they had both begged me to bring this up to my dad and prevent the transfer, knowing that I had the power to do so. I pretended to be concerned and I made a show of taking this up to father, but then when I went back to them, I informed them the decision was final and that it was to help prevent stagnation. They still got mad at me, of course, but they had no idea that I had planned everything.

"Fuck this! I got out of Sales and now I'm being shunted back to it like shit down a pipe!"Victor cursed loudly for all to hear while Janos was raging quietly, his jaw set angrily.

I stood my ground and frowned at them."You both know I can't do anything about it! Besides, it was a promotion! You should be happy you are being given a Managerial position!"

Victor wanted to drop the box he was carrying as he shouted out at me."Well if you think its so great why don't you take the same position then, huh? So all three of us will be together at least!"

I shrugged."Sorry, I don't have a background in Sales. My forte is in Project Development and Research-"

"Ah, screw this shit!"Victor loudly complained. A Building Maintenance personnel was sent to collect all of their other belongings to move it to their new offices. When they were gone and the entire hubbub had died, everyone got back to work as usual and I headed back into my office and I closed the door. Charles had remained in his seat, still typing on the keyboard and his eyes are on his screen, but he heard everything that had happened. Since the door was closed, Charles lifted his head up to look at me directly when I stopped at his table and I smiled at him openly.

"You planned it, didn't you?"Charles said in a soft voice. He stared up at me, strangely awed because he knew I did it for him. In response I went to the side of the table, pretending to look at what he was doing while I put a hand to his shoulder, smoothing my palm around his back and then my hand went to the back of his neck. I ran my fingers gently through the hairs at the back of his head. He was probably in shock that I am openly being affectionate towards him in the office this time, with no fear or concern that Victor or Janos would burst in. I didn't have to leave my door open anymore to make people see that I abhorred working in close quarters with someone gay.

"They deserved it-"I said huskily, then I kissed his temple. He sighed at the kiss and looked up at me gently. I could see that there was something more to his gaze this time, something so eloquent and full of feeling. It was the gaze of someone so deeply in love, even though I would never admit that I love him back too. I left him so I could go back to my office and work on my own reports while Charles finished the documents and templates we needed for the next Portfolio. I was smiling as I worked and I felt this lightness in me, now that there was no fear of being seen by my mates. And, my suggestion did bear fruit. The Information Analysis and Project Review Department worked more efficiently this time. There was less bustle and rush for the deadline because Bobby made sure all the Sales Reports are in before the Portfolio is set up and Armando inspected the Portfolios in every minute detail before it was sent for presentation. There were fewer mistakes and more time to take on the next project. My dad was quite proud of me, even though I asked not to be commended on the idea. The mood in the office was lighter and there were no more hostilities. The other plus for me...is that I could do anything I want to Charles in my office and get naughty if I want to since Victor and Janos aren't barging in every minute to ask if I want to go on a cigarette break or go to lunch or even just to dawdle and goof around. Charles did his best to ignore my advances because he wanted to do his job, but I would steal kisses from him in my office, caress and touch him in secret that it would leave him so hot and bothered, quaking in his seat for more.

I'm changing even more each day when I'm with him. I'd actually put a halt to seeing women for now. I just want to be with Charles even after our working hours. I'd head out to his crumbling little mansion and we would have wild sex there or make out. Sometimes we don't even have to have sex. He'd encourage me to read books with him or cook some food together; sometimes we just talked and shared stories about ourselves or take a walk around his neighborhood. We watched a lot of movies together too, mostly they were tragic or sad and I'd see him actually crying or sniffling afterwards and then I would comfort him. Just being with him made me feel so at ease and at peace with my secret self. This domestic and peaceful setting between us...I really liked it. It's ridiculous, right? Coming from someone who has been living like the world is my oyster and everything else revolves around me, it's just impossibly preposterous! I've lived a life of parties and heavy drinking. I'd played countless women, done cruel pranks with my mates if we feel like bullying someone, especially if that someone was a gay-assed homo faggot. I don't know if I'd grown tired of that scene or something, but I have not completely dropped it.

This is who I am, to the outside world. Charles accepted that about me. Inside our little island of two, things are just warm, passionate and real that it made the world a little kinder and better. But where exactly are we heading with this? That was the question that has been preying on my mind every time I am left to my thoughts alone. Does this mean that I actually want to be in a deeper relationship with him? Should I dare to think that I could drop all this pretense of hating him when I'm actually falling in love with him? _I admit it now, ok? I'm in love with him...but I can't bring myself to say it out loud to him because I thought it was so gay._ I wonder about my own behavior towards other gay men and my homophobia nowadays. I realize that it was still there, but now, I have my reservations.

People at the office noticed it too. They told me I appeared to have mellowed out, now that Victor and Janos were not around. I still hold to my homophobic disdain, but it was not as open or as extreme as before. Armando was actually one of the people I consider gay, but I treated him with reserved professionalism and I showed everyone I did the same for Charles too by not shouting at him every ten seconds. People began to assume a lot of things about this change in me. Some say it had something to do with my dad because everyone knew he's going to bequeath the company to me and that I should show everyone that I was capable and deserving of the position, so I was grooming myself and improving my image. Some thought it had something to do with my being parted from my best mates. My player status still floated around though and the women in my department knew better than to get involved with me. I had slept with some of them before, but it was just a few one night stands and some naughty play. I'd actually slept with Emma once. She was really good in bed and she knew a lot of sexual kinks and tricks that became quite memorable to me, but she knew who I was so she treated it as a release of sexual tension from the office, nothing more. I felt the same and we never discussed it again. Her assistant Raven though, although forewarned has been showing interest in me. I've flirted with her on occasion, but Emma warned me not to get her in bed.

"That one will pour a bag of cats over your head, I tell you-"Emma told me when I mentioned that her assistant looked mightily voluptuous and looked like a potentially good lay. So, I kept my distance. But lately she had been trying to catch my eye, even going into the office to bring me food and flirt with me. I didn't really think much of it or if it would affect Charles in some way since he did not say anything. She was the one that came on to me when our department had another Company sponsored get-together. This time it was a private Videoke lounge which was becoming the rage these days for corporate individuals to get the stress out of their systems and to relax. The men weren't into it much so a lot of them bowed out. There were only twelve of us that attended and Charles was also there. I did have a good time at first because we were all getting into it and the girls were all excited to sing Britney Spears songs or Spice Girls songs that it had me doubled over with laughter. We had a mini-contest to sing 80's songs and 90's songs that were so obscure we couldn't even get the tone right, but everyone was joining in just for fun. Raven was sitting next to me. She kept rubbing her leg against mine and pressing her body close to my side. Charles quietly drank in one of the corner tables and politely averted his eyes. I tell you, it made me really uneasy having him see me being chased by a woman like this. I don't like making him suffer. But I acted cool and I didn't let on that I didn't want this. I smiled and I even wrapped an arm around Raven while I drank beer.

"Charles why don't you sing something? Everyone else has already had a turn-"Bobby said as he offered the microphone over to Charles. I thought Charles would bow out and not even join in, but Charles solemnly took the mike, flipped through the booklet of songs to look for a specific song he wanted to sing. When he found the song he wanted, he got up from his seat and like everyone else that sang before him, he stood on the mini-stage that was set up so that he could be the center of attention after Bobby entered his song into the player. The others clapped and hooted in encouragement because Charles never really participated before. He was always in the corner just quietly drinking and watching everyone else whenever we went to these get-togethers. Charles was not even looking at the screen when his number began. He was looking straight at me. The people around the table would think he was singing for the group, because everyone else was sitting around me. He began to sing. He was singing this 90's song called 'Only You' by a group called Yazoo and he knew it by heart. Still, his eyes were really on me when he sang it and it made my heart ache listening to him. The tune was simple, but the lyrics...and his voice conveyed the emotion he wanted to deliver and I was struck so hard by it. My heart was beating fast as I listened on. He didn't have a great singing voice, but the soulfulness of it, the sweet imploring coming from him really got to me.

Looking from a window above  
It's like a story of love, can you hear me?  
Came back only yesterday  
I'm moving farther away, want you near me

All I needed was the love you gave  
All I needed for another day  
And all I ever knew, only you

Sometimes when I think of your name  
When it's only a game and I need you  
Listen to the words that you say  
It's getting harder to stay when I see you

All I needed was the love you gave  
All I needed for another day  
And all I ever knew, only you

All I needed was the love you gave  
All I needed for another day  
And all I ever knew, only you

This is going to take a long time  
And I wonder what's mine, can't take no more  
Wonder if you'll understand  
It's just the touch of your hand behind a closed door

All I needed was the love you gave  
All I needed for another day  
And all I ever knew, only you*

When he was done, everyone was stunned silent for a moment that no one even clapped or responded. When the shock had passed from all of us, the lot of us clapped and hooted for him, but I didn't. _I couldn't_. I suddenly found that my throat was dry and tight, but I calmly stood up and told everyone I needed to go to the Men's room. I wanted...what I really wanted was to go over to Charles and hold him in my arms and tell him it was _only him_ for me too. But I went straight out the door and I did not even glance his way. I left them still congratulating Charles for singing like that and then I went to the lavatories and washed my face. My hands shook slightly. When I had composed myself, I began to make my way back the narrow passageway to our room, but Raven was waiting for me out the door.

"Erik, it's getting late. Do you wanna ditch this place?"Raven purred at me and sidled herself up to me. I smiled at her wanly.

"Ditch it for what?"

Raven playfully ran her fingers through the lapels of my suit, looking up at me seductively."Oh you know, to do stuff...with me! I've heard a lot about you-"

"Really now? What have you heard?"

Raven giggled and now she was pressing herself up against me salaciously, rubbing her lower body upon my clothed cock. I hoped she did not notice that I wasn't even hardened by her coming on to me like this. Having Charles in close proximity really put a damper on any sexual mood I would have had. It made me feel as if I was cheating on him, which was bullshit really since we had an _arrangement_. She swooped in, kissing me sloppily. It was awful timing that Charles suddenly opened the door and saw us kissing that we had to stop. Charles became pale and his eyes looked quietly anguished, but he didn't say anything for a moment. Then, he looked away and apologized for intruding on us and headed down the passageway to go to the Men's room himself. Raven ignored him and did not think much on his reaction and tried to kiss me again. I felt so sick and hollow inside, but I pretended that I'm still cool, I'm still myself. Being overly concerned for his feelings was just TOO GAY. I winced at my messed-up thoughts, then I held Raven's arms and pushed her away from me.

"Raven, are you sure you know what you're getting into? I think I told you Emma had put a restraining order on my willy not to go worming around where it's not allowed-"

"Oh forget her! I want us to have sex-"Raven rasped out and hooked her arms about me. I swear to God, I was not even remotely turned on by any of her advances. My mind was on Charles. I smiled at Raven faintly and caressed her hip.

"Well if you are sure-"

Raven squealed annoyingly into my ear and started kissing my throat, but I undid her hands from me again and I told her I had to go and buy some protection first and that she can go freshen up in the Ladies' room while I say goodbye to our other colleagues. I had her wait outside first after I said my farewells to the people in our room and then I told her I will meet her at my car in the parking lot. Raven agreed and got her bag and headed off in the other direction for the Ladies' room next. While she did that, I rushed over to Charles who had stayed in the Men's room and although I did not see him around, I heard him sniffling and crying quietly in one of the cubicles.

"Charles-"I called out to him.

Charles immediately stopped his crying and opened the door of his cubicle slowly. He had hastily tried to wipe his eyes, but I could still see the tears in them and his eyes shone wetly. My heart felt that familiar painful ache again. I couldn't stand any of this anymore! I grabbed his wrist and I led him out of the Men's room and took him to the parking lot and into my car.

"Erik? What are you doing? I have to go back! I left my-"

I shut him up with a quick kiss and then I pulled back."I didn't mean for you to see what happened back there. I don't want her, Charles. I want you-"

He was stunned and he was blushing furiously again. He looked so cute when he blushes like this and his wide blue eyes look up at me tenderly. I drove out of there in a hurry before Raven or anyone else from our group could see us. I don't know why I did such madness! Ditching a girl obviously so hot for me...for him. It's like I've gone so totally crazy that I don't care what I do or if I behave recklessly. I drove us both back to Charles's place and when we got into his house and into his bedroom, I kissed him gently again, like that first time we kissed and I hugged him to myself. I broke the kiss and spoke softly against his cheek.

"Sing for me again, Charles. Sing that song you sang earlier. I want you to sing it only for me-"

Charles was crying again and his voice was trembling when he complied, singing that song slowly for me as I hug him tightly. Our bodies swayed as if to some song being played aside from his voice and we danced on the balls of our feet in the same place. I just swayed him about gently as I held him while he kept crying and singing. How I wished that I could change everything and I was not myself and I was more than who I am now, so that I could freely love Charles and not hurt him over and over when he did not even deserve it. Is this how it's really like when you love someone? That it's so bittersweet that it hurts? Our situation was just so complicated. I gently nuzzle my face into his shoulder and then he suddenly stopped singing. He touched my cheek and drew me close to kiss me softly. When he pulled back, he smiled at me endearingly and his eyes are full of his love for me.

"I love you, Erik-"He whispered.

The weight of these feelings I felt for him, the gravity of it crushed down at my chest. But I refused to say that I love him too. I could only make him feel it. I undressed him and then I had him lying on the bed after I took my own clothes off and the lovemaking was just as hot and as passionate as always. I just can't get enough of it. I pistoned my hips deeply, wanting him to feel every inch of me deep inside him. He clung to me, eyes still wet with tears, reduced to gasping and moaning labor. His brow was furrowed in concentration as he savored my thrusting into his backside. I kissed his sweetly blushing skin everywhere. Licked and sucked the places that had him writhing restlessly and moaning desperately for more. He was gentle, but at the same time he was openly full of lust that it flowed like liquid fire onto me and drowned me in all of him, heart, body and soul. When we were done, bodies cooling down and the sheet twisted between our entwined legs, Charles reached for one of my hands and placed it to his chest, close to where his heart is and smiled up at me sweetly. I fell asleep to the sight of his face before mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Yazoo - Only You Lyrics | MetroLyrics ( I do not take ownership of this but I'm adding the lyrics here for the effect. I modified one part of the words in the lyrics).


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Due to the bad weather, my internet was down at home. We had a massive power outage. I'm currently at work that's why I can access AO3 now. I apologize for the delay because I have to finish my day at work first and only then could I edit my drafts in snatches. Thanks for your time <3

 

All was well with us at first. Life was easy when I'm with Charles and things were starting to look rosy. He didn't mind that we have a secret relationship and that no one knows about us. At the office, all they see is that I grudgingly tolerate him and that I treat him with some mild sexual discrimination, which I had been faking to keep up appearances. On my part, I didn't mind that he was the only one I've been exclusively seeing for months, what with the sex being so good and he was giving me all the satisfaction I need. But don't go thinking it's only all about that! He also made me feel content and happy in other aspects too. It's just that I don't want people knowing about it because I know I'll be accused of being gay even though I don't consider this relationship to be like that. Call it denial, if you will but I know I'm a man, even though I've been avoiding women like the plague lately for Charles's sake. Since I had stood Raven up, she had been cold towards me in the office but I didn't give a fuck about hurting her feelings. Charles had told me I should apologize anyway but I sure as hell wouldn't do that! Why should I? She didn't matter in any way to me. Charles and I had a brief argument over her, of all things! It was because he was insistent that I talk to her at least and clear things up. I did it just so I can get him off my back. Well, turns out it was a good idea because now Raven and I have our professional boundaries and she stopped trying to get into my pants. I mean, I like aggressive women but I don't want them to have irritating tendencies; that kind of turns me off.

I liked that Charles wanted me to be a better person but there are times it annoyed the hell out of me that he was so persistent about it. Like when I cussed out a fag for looking at me while we were walking down the street together in his neighborhood one day and he advised me that I should not assume everyone who looks effeminate or looks at me in a strange way is gay. He actually pointed himself out as an example.

"Charles, you're a different case. You're special and what we have here...it's just that! Special! Don't try to make me go and change my stripes in one day!"

"But wouldn't it be better if you let go of all these feelings of hatred and bigotry? You know, just stop the discrimination! It's just going to fill you up with these negative thoughts and wear you down. Don't go pegging everyone else because they can't conform to your idea of what makes a man _a real man_ -"

"Well I happen to be an expert on what it's like to be a real man! I've executed it quite thoroughly upon you and on every woman who had put out for me!"

Charles put a hand to his face and shook his head."Erik, you can be such a stubborn asshole sometimes!"

"And don't forget 'Handsome', Charles!"I said complacently. Charles just smiled in a resigned way, dropping the issue because he never was one to force things.

As the days passed though, he still kept pestering me about it, trying to get me into these deep and meaningful conversations about my behavior. Shit! It's like he's acting like a woman trying to force me into changing into an ideal man! In short, being turned into someone's bitch! I can't go around being treated like my ass is whupped! I'm my own man! Sometimes I think I got too carried away by my intense feelings for him. I've allowed all this to happen and for what? For the amazing fuck he gives me? Yes, I know I'm lying to myself if I say that it was only all about the sex. It wasn't. Everything about Charles was wonderful to me, even if he gets on my nerves sometimes. I guess that's what it means when you love someone so much that even when you are angry with them, your feelings don't change. Unless of course, the outside world gets in the way.

 

What those guys at our Company Gym had said really got to me. I know I'm above that shit but inside myself, I felt so affected by their conversation; like they were actually talking about me. It was all meaningless locker room talk and they were clearly talking about someone else but as I sat there in the locker room at work, listening to them, it made me cringe inwardly. I had just finished working out earlier and I've now stepped out of the shower room, still wet from my bath. Then those two guys from another department came out of the showers like me and started talking.

"So Abby saw them making out in Jonas's car and then she reported it to Security. When the personnel got there, Jonas was giving Christian a blowjob-"

"Fuck man, that's disgusting!"

"Uh-huh! Then Christian kept telling everyone they were just experimenting. Experimenting my ass! If Abby hadn't seen those two fags French kissing like there was no tomorrow, who knows what other filthy stuff they could have done!"

"Man! I always thought those two were straight!"

"Apparently not! And they did it in the Company parking lot too! Abby spilled the beans and now their Boss sent out an inquiry for indecent office behavior. They probably did some other sex stuff in the office that no one knew about-"

"Gross! Two guys fucking and kissing! I wanna barf just thinking about it!"

"Yeah, a lot of queers coming out of their closet nowadays, huh? So who do you think is the queer one?"

"Both of them I guess! I don't know! If a guy gets it on with another guy they're probably both gay-"

"Ha!Ha!Ha! Yeah!"

The mocking disgust and amusement in their voices as they talked sent a dull flush rising to my cheeks. My ears and the back of my neck felt uncomfortably hot and numb. I stood before my mirror, looking at myself and I realize...I didn't like what I'm seeing all of a sudden. I'm disgusted with myself because I'm in a relationship with another man. I was the one that started it, but what they said made me feel like I've fucked myself over. I'm supposed to be a Homophobic man, but I've eaten my own words and I've turned into the one thing that I loathed: I've turned gay. I wanted to vomit, thinking about all those times I'd had sex with Charles. And now, all I could think of was that it was so dirty and unnatural! It made me so sick to my stomach I almost upchucked onto the floor, but I controlled my rising gorge. Their talk...it snapped me right back to reality. I'm not gay. I'm not like THAT. I had to get my old perspective of things back in order. I already showered, but I rushed right the hell back into the shower room and scrubbed myself raw. As the shower head rained warm water down on me, I cried to myself bitterly. What the hell have I been doing with Charles all this time? IT WAS ALL SICK! DISGUSTING! SHAMEFUL and ABOMINABLE! I felt this loathing for Charles rise in me and I knew when I encounter him, I'd have to undo all this damage I had allowed to happen to myself.

When I got back into the office and I saw Charles, who greeted me with a warm smile, I felt revulsion run right through me. I've remembered all the times I kissed his lips and it just made me want to go over to him to punch his mouth out and make him bleed. I controlled myself mightily so that I wouldn't hurt him. I was in the office after all. I would get in trouble if I did something like that. I did not smile back and I just coldly regarded him as I rushed past his desk to my office. I left the door open this time. Charles did not wonder about my behavior just yet. He remained in his desk and we both worked in silence. He tried to send me an IM asking if I was ok and I told him I just felt ill and closed the IM. I didn't want to talk to him at all, but I had no choice. I had to give him orders and ask him to give me the reports I needed. I did not make any effort to hide the flatness in my voice or the cold derision in my eyes when he approached me. Only then did he notice my odd behavior; I can see it on his face, but he did not say anything. He kept his distance because we were at work. He must have thought that it was an act, part of our usual ruse here at work so he kept quiet about it.

He left early since he usually leaves at an earlier time before me. I had to stay because I had to finish the remaining reports and take care of the administrative dealings in our department. He sent me text messages asking if we could talk; asking if I was still unwell, but I did not respond and I even shut my phone off because I didn't want him calling me. I had hoped that that would have sent the message across that I wanted to avoid him. I was trying to rationalize this sudden loathing I felt for Charles. It wasn’t exactly his fault. I was the one that reached out to him two times and he accepted me readily and offered nothing but his love and affection. But I still wanted to blame him for this bizarre relationship. He infected me with his stupid queer feelings! I should beat him up for that and just break off whatever bond we have and forget it ever happened!

I drove to a bar when I left the office and met a woman there while drinking heavily. Her name was Cindy or Sandy or something, I didn't really give a fuck what her name really was. I just wanted to ball a woman and re-affirm my masculinity. For once, I decided to break my long-standing rule of not taking any slut or easy lay to my apartment. I took Cindy (or was it Sandy?) back to my house and we had sex. It didn't even feel pleasurable at all. My body was responding and I was doing the perfunctory kissing, touching and squeezing; pretending to moan and make the appropriate expressions, but it felt so...empty. When it had been sex with Charles, it was deeper and more meaningful somehow, even if he was a man. That was why I had desired him so much. Why? Why did all of this have to happen? Why did it have to be him?

 What I did to him was really so low. The lowest thing I could have done to him. I felt like a piece of shit after, but I pretended it was all trivial. Why should it affect me so much? It's not like we're married! I had feelings for him, but that was all just some horrible mistake that should never have happened. If I sleep with any woman I want, that's my prerogative. And if I go on being homophobic, what of it? This is who I was before him. And our relationship, whatever the hell it is, I'm done with it. I refuse, I UTTERLY refuse to accept that we are both gay men in a gay relationship. I'm a man, damn it! A man who has needs that he could not fill. Maybe I'm just Bi or whatever the hell they call it now, but I'm dropping all of this shit. He may have mellowed me out and improved me some, but I'm still MYSELF. Whatever stupid love-sick thoughts I had of him, whatever we had shared, it meant nothing to me! NOTHING! I was thinking these angry thoughts as I lay in bed with this woman I just met, who was sidled up to me while she slept and to my immense shock, Charles suddenly entered the room and he had a bag of medicine slung on one arm and he had a casserole in his hands. Our usual routine was that I go to his place so no one would see us, but I had given him keys to my apartment so he could come and go as he wanted. He had probably attempted to contact me, but being unable to reach me, he just came of his own accord out of his concern. He came here now, only thoughtful for my health and had brought me things that would help with my condition since he thought I was sick. _And then he finds me like this._ I felt the blood thudding in my ears and my heart did a downward spiral when I saw the look of hurt on his face, the welcoming smile struck from his expression. Seeing him like this, like the life had suddenly gone out of his eyes, it just broke me free from my old 'self' again.

"Charles-"I began as I rose up from the bed. Charles's face had gone a sickly white and he was shaking terribly as he held the casserole, tears spilling instantly from his eyes. _His eyes_. The pain in them was so deep that when his gaze hit me, I felt immensely guilty. The dismayed hurt on his expression was unbearable to look at. I tried to get up and go to him, but he let out this trembling little cry, dropping the casserole and the bag of medicine to the carpeted floor and dashing away from the room, fast. I hurriedly put my pants on while the woman next to me just dozed on. I rushed down the stairs, barefoot, grabbing my brown coat from a hook by the door, putting it on myself and I ran after Charles out on the dark streets. I caught up with him immediately because he was not running anymore. He appeared to be walking like a catatonic, his back to me; he had his hands up, covering his face and he was wailing loudly, his broken cries reaching up to the skies and it killed me that I hurt him like this. I did this to him. He stumbled, fell to his knees and he kept on weeping on the pavement. He tried to get up, but his shaking knees just can't seem to hold him up. He wept like someone whose entire world had fallen apart.

"Charles!"I called again, but he did not even face me. His eyes were shut tight, hands placed on his knees; his brow was furrowed with his grief. He didn't say anything. He just responded with this shuddery, gasping sobs, his face so anguished as if he had been hurt so deep he would die of it. This was what I saw when I knelt before him. My own chest was aching because of the pain I caused Charles, but then I lashed out at him, pouring my self-loathing towards him. I pulled him up roughly, grabbing at his collar and shaking him about, even as he cried like a little boy before me. He finally looked up at me, sad blue eyes ringed pink because of his crying, tears streaking his face and his closed lips set together in a tight line.

"What are you crying for, huh? Didn't we have an arrangement? Didn't we agree that I can keep on being myself and just see you on the side? That was the plan! What are you getting so worked up for?"I cried out harshly, glaring at him.

I would have welcomed some vehement response. I wanted him to curse me, to hit me or scream out in his anger over what I had done but he just kept on crying sorrowfully, his lower jaw trembling and his eyes flooded over with tears. I suppose he really didn't need to say anything. The anguish in his eyes was so great that it spoke for him and it told me everything I needed to know. He wanted me to know...that all of this meant something deeper to him. It wasn't because he agreed to this relationship, thinking that he could change me; it was because he thought he could change himself for me and give me everything I needed and accept whatever I could give; he selflessly gave everything that was good about himself and I just trampled on it like it was dirt; like it was meaningless. I hated him for making me feel like this, like I'm the worst human being ever to walk this earth. I shook him again, harder this time to try and get a rise out of him, my own face a mask of rage.

"What more do you want from me, Charles? Answer me, Goddammit! Don't clam up on me now! I gave you what you wanted! I did things for you that I never would have done for anyone! What more do you want from me?"I shouted into his face, but he just kept looking at me with that heart-rending expression, his eyes won't seem to stop the flood of tears that just flowed and flowed from his sad blue gaze. I didn't even care if we are making a scene on the streets. I was just so angry with him for making me feel so horrible about myself, almost as if I had killed someone. Finally, he gently reached for my fists and pulled them away from himself slowly. He looked like he was about to say something, but then he stopped and placed a hand to the middle of my chest, smoothing it down with his palm. He drew close and just kissed me softly on one cheek and then he gave me a sad smile. He began to walk away slowly, his shoulders still hitching up from all his crying. And I just stood there...so stunned because he refused to respond in anger. When he was gone, I stamped my foot down and flung a hand out as if I want to lash out at something.

"Fuck this! Christ!"I cursed out loud to no one, still furious with him for the way he had behaved. I went back inside my apartment and the woman (she said her name was actually Candace Southern when I began calling her Sandy) said she had to leave because it seems my mood was broken by some lovers spat and so I let her go. When she left, I grabbed every bottle of hard liquor I could grab and downed everything bitterly, trying to drown out Charles's quiet suffering from my mind. I passed out for a few hours, drank again and then I decided I can't let this night end without speaking to him. I had to go over to his place and square things out. I had to get my anger out of my own chest. I wanted to make him understand my position because he had no right to make me feel like the cruelest asshole ever. So I drove over to his place, speeding through the stoplights and not caring until I arrived at his place. I forced the gate open and went up the steps of his crumbing mansion. I hammered on the door and called out loudly for him. It took a while but he eventually opened the door and then he looked up at me sadly from the doorway. There was still that tender expression on his face, made even more eloquent by the pain in his eyes.

"Erik, what are you doing here?"He asked softly.

"We need to talk-"I said abruptly.

Charles sighed and then he opened the door wide to let me in. I entered and when he closed the door, I grabbed his shoulder and pushed him to sit down on his old, rickety couch.

"Let's get one thing straight, Charles! Did we or did we not have an arrangement? Just answer me that!"

Charles sagged back, his expression anguished but resigned.

"I did agree to this, Erik-"He said, voice still soft and submissive.

"Well if we had an understanding, why are you crying? Why are you showing me this stupid expression on your face like I'd done you the greatest wrong? Don't go and make me feel guilty over something I shouldn't have to be guilty for!"I shouted at him.

His face was crumpled up in pain, trying to prevent himself from crying. He crossed his arms in front of his chest, hugging at his own arms and he regarded me with those clear blue, sorrowful eyes of his. My heart was aching to see him like this. I started this mess. I started it when I kissed him. And now I'm angry with him because this unnatural attraction I have for him had finally caught up with me and made me realize how much of a hypocrite I was and how fucked up I had become. Was it his fault that I forced myself on him, realizing he was in love with me, only for me to take it all back when it dawned on me that this wasn't what I wanted? Was that fair to him? If I was more of my old self, I would not have given a fuck for his feelings. But even after what had happened in the locker room earlier, even though I felt disgust for what I had become, I still _cared_ for him. That would never go away. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here in his house getting worked up over his suffering. But I hated him so much for making me fall for him; turning me into this freak of a man who can't make up his own mind on what he really wants and making me so confused about my sexuality. I couldn't stand it anymore! He made me even more furious because he still would not respond in anger. I reached for his shoulders and shook him as he remained seated.

"Are you fucking mute now or something? Aren't you a man? Try to say something for Chrissakes!"I bellowed out as I continued with my outburst.

His response was to draw me close and hold me in his arms tightly, making me collapse onto my knees before him as he sat there and he just embraced me. I was momentarily startled. My legs just gave out from under me and I let him hold me. I felt so drained from all these god-awful mixed emotions I had been feeling. He gently ran a hand at the back of my neck and spoke calmly.

"We shouldn't fight, Erik. I understand why you did that. Something happened earlier at the office, am I correct? I'm only sorry that I couldn't stop myself from feeling hurt. Let's not fight anymore, please-"

I felt the rage rise in me again. Why did he have to be like this? Why did he have to act all understanding and accepting? Can't he see he's killing me with pain and confusion just by behaving this way? Why did he have to be so gentle with me? It reminded me of how gay all this was again. I slapped his hand away from me and pushed him back towards the couch roughly.

"Will you stop that, you fucking pansy! Stop trying to foist your fucking gayness on me, ok? Don't touch me anymore! I'm sick of all of this! I'm done! Let's just end this!"I cried out angrily and then the tenderness in his eyes vanished. It was replaced by this blank, shocked look; his brow furrowing as if he was suddenly looking at a stranger. The look in his eyes pierced me through the heart again because now, I've really done it. I've said the venomous thoughts I had been thinking earlier. Charles just sat there numbly, that cold and blank look on his face. I snorted and staggered about, pretending I didn't care. I had one of my whiskey bottles in his house. I rummaged through the shelves until I found it and I drank straight from the bottle. I kept on harassing him with my tirade as I weaved about his room, loudly ranting and raving that I only kissed him because he had infected me with his homosexuality; that I still hate all gays and he was not excluded. He just sat there and listened, unmoving. I don't even remember half of what I said. I think at some point, I collapsed onto his floor, still yammering on over how disgusting he was to me. I blacked out; it must have been hours that had passed but I suddenly woke up and I was still on Charles's carpeted floor and I was lying on my side. The room was dim because the lights are out and the embers burned wanly in his fireplace. Charles was pressed up at my back and he was sobbing brokenly as he gently caressed my back, his head nuzzled close to me as well. He didn't realize I was awake. He suddenly spoke and his soft voice, trembling and clotted over with his feelings, broke my heart to pieces all over again when I heard him pour his heart out to me, thinking I was unconscious and that I would never hear his anguished words.

"I know you must have heard something that made you doubt about us, Erik. And I don't know what these people told you but I had wanted to tell you, it doesn't mean that if someone is gay or weak-looking that they are not man enough. Being a real man is someone who can take responsibility for himself and his actions and having the courage to love and accept what he cannot change. Being a real man means facing every day and living life anyway even if there are so many things that could bring him down-"

I listened on quietly as he continued. My chest was hurting so bad, like I might even be having a heart attack but I didn't dare move. I let him continue.

"I love you so much, Erik. I loved you even if I knew it will hurt me just to love you. I let this relationship continue and I endured your hurtful words and your treatment of me just so I can be near you. I know, you don't love me and I'm ok with that because you can't take away this love I feel for you no matter how much you hurt me. I'll always love you, Erik! Always! But please, please understand there's only so much of your hate that I can take. I'm so sorry because I'm so tired; I'm so tired and I don't know if I still have the strength to go on like this-"Then he was reduced to sobs and tears again, crying onto my back.

I cried quietly as I listened to him, hoping he does not sense that I was already conscious. I had wanted to turn around and kiss him and hold him in my arms to wipe away all these hurts that had happened. I wanted to tell him he was wrong, that I do love him and I care about him. But I closed my eyes instead and tried to will myself to become unconscious again since I can't stand all of this anymore. I can't take any more of this pain and hurt. I wanted to just disappear, because I had caused him so much pain and I wish I could take it all back. It seems my wish had been granted by some merciful god. I blacked out instantly and when I woke up, Charles was no longer at my side. He had put a blanket on top of me as I slumbered and even this small act of concern tugged at my heart. My head hurt horribly and I felt so drained even though I had just woken up. I wiped at my face and I looked around. Dawn was just breaking and it cast a grayish light over everything.

"Charles?"I called out. Then I felt it immediately; the feeling of emptiness in this place. I felt my heart thud painfully in my chest as I staggered up. I looked around and everything appears to be in place but something tells me I will not find Charles here anymore. That sense of vacancy hung in the air and it tore right at me. His imploring words from last night had felt so final, like it was his goodbye and even though I knew he will not answer, I called his name from around the rooms downstairs. Then I hurried upstairs and went to his bedroom. I went straight to his closet and when I opened it, it had been cleared out. His bags were gone; his laptop was gone as well as the books that I had given to him as gifts; he took those with him. I still kept calling for him till my voice was hoarse and then I ran back downstairs and flung the front door wide open. I called out even louder, panic making my heart race erratically. He was gone; gone from me forever. I went back into the receiving room and stomped about angrily. How dare he leave me like this! He left me with this terrible, hollow feeling inside because of the things I had done. In a fit of rage, I kicked at a pile of books close by his couch. I wanted to throw his things all about to get this violent anger out of my system but I stopped and I just collapsed to the floor again and I don't know why but I sobbed hysterically instead. I was overcome by this grief like I had lost someone dear to me, like when my sister passed away.

When I got to the office, I pretended everything was fine and I tried to appear cool and collected even though I was dying inside and I felt ill. People were wondering where Charles was because he never missed a day coming to the office unless he was on leave or sick. So naturally, people asked. I don't know why, but I told everyone that Charles would be going on a prolonged leave for health reasons and that he will come back. They asked me when he would be back but I told them I didn't know...that he would update me on it. My gaze kept wandering to his empty table whenever I pass by it to go in and out of the office. I felt like such a fool, after everything that had happened. Why am I so messed up? Why did I have to go and get carried away by someone else's mean words about gay men? As I sat there alone in my office, things are finally coming into focus. What Charles said last night, about what it's really like to be man, it hit me so hard I was still stunned by it. Because what he said was true. All this hatred I had been feeling for people who are different from me, all the gay bashing and homophobia...does it really even matter anymore? Does it even benefit me in some way? Does it do any good at all to keep on hating? The answer to all of that is no. I've cloistered myself in my narrow-minded ideals for the longest time and I've only come to realize it, now that Charles was gone from me. And all this hate I had felt for gay men made sense now too because deep down...I was afraid of who I really was inside. I am gay. I've just been throwing about my manliness to mask who I really was until I met Charles, who had made me feel so open and free. That was why when I was with him, I had felt so at peace with myself.

I'm still a man even if I am gay. Knowing this about myself does not make me any less of a man. Charles had said all the right things to me that night; it was the equivalent of a head-clearing slap now that I was able to assess it. And I've hurt him; I've hurt him so bad that I don't know if there would be any way to even make amends to him. People at the office had noticed a radical change in me. I've become serious and brooding, kind of how Charles was when I was haranguing him in the office because I wanted to rub his gayness into his face before. I didn't go back to dating women anymore or even sleeping around. I saw less of my friends and I did not even let Janos or Victor come to my house when they wanted to come over to watch a game there. I just wanted to be by myself and dwell over my own stupidity and yearn for Charles. I dream about him...a lot. I'd wake up gasping in the middle of the night as I remember his red and sensuous lips against mine, his sweet tongue licking my skin, his hungering palms touching me in places that had me moaning in pleasure. And his amazing blue eyes...that azure blue that made me feel like I am swimming into some deep blue body of water, where all is calm and I feel loved and at peace, I still see it when I close my own eyes. I can’t get his face out of my mind. It hurts to think about him but I let myself suffer like this because I wanted to punish myself. A month passed by, another and then another and I heard no news from Charles. I kept holding onto this hope that he would somehow suddenly come back. When I was at his house after I had sobbed myself to exhaustion the day he left me, I tried to call him and text him and I had thought that must have turned his phone off because I was getting nothing. Then I saw that he had left his phone on one of his tables in the receiving room on purpose. He did not want me to call him so he left it. I did not even know the address of his relatives. I had wondered if he had gone back to them to get away from me. I wanted so badly to see him, to say I was sorry and that I did not mean the things I had said. Another month came around and I was starting to lose hope that he would come back to me.

 

"What are you humming?" Emma asked while we were sitting in one of the meeting rooms, organizing another set of reports for a presentation. It was just the two of us together, working late that day.

"Hmm?"I said and I looked up at her, startled.

Emma was giving me an odd look, her pretty brow furrowed by a soft line. Blond vixen as always and wearing a stylish white dress that complimented her curves, you would never have thought how intelligent and perceptive she could be. All you could see is her brimming sexual attractiveness but she is an assertive woman no less; self-made and independent. She had remained single by choice, even though men flocked to her in droves. Her icy blue eyes regarded me in a penetrating way and she did not say anything for a long time. When she spoke, there was a small knowing smile on her lips.

"That tune you were humming just now...it was the song that Charles sang when we went on a company outing once.’Only you'-"

"I wasn't humming that!"I tried to deny it, fool that I am.

Her eyes lit up, the more she stared at my face, seeming to see something in my expression.

"You were thinking about Charles! I get it now-"

I pretended to frown at her, my voice becoming harsh."What the hell are you talking about?"

She smiled again, looking positively tickled by her discovery of something so delightful."You and him. It all makes sense! All this moping about in the office and spacing out; all this brooding silence...you miss him and you're in love with him!"

I could have puffed up in indignation and disgust at her supposedly preposterous idea, feigning to cover up what I truly felt inside but I've grown so tired of the lies. I sighed and slumped forward on my arms."That obvious, huh?"

Emma's eyes widened at my admission and she put a hand to her mouth, still somehow delighted by it all."Oh my God! I can't believe it! You're not kidding! This is real! The self-proclaimed homophobic asshole brought to his knees by his pretty boy assistant!"

"That's not a picture I would have painted in my head. I'd rather you change the terms you use!"I growled at her. She ignored my angry response and kept on smiling at me. I thought she would be mocking me or even act disgusted by the truth but she looked...pleased. It was odd. Then her face softened and she grew concerned.

"Did you two get into a fight? Is that why he's been gone for months now and you did not bother to get another assistant...because you want him back?"

"I don't want to talk about it!"I said dismissively, wanting to stop all this questioning. Emma suddenly put her pen down and she started to gather her papers. She put them aside then she grabbed my papers too, which I tried to draw away from her reach.

"What are you doing?"

She extended a hand towards me, her head tilted to the side."Let's go out for a drink. You need it-"

"No!"

"Lehnsherr! Bar. Now."Emma said with finality and glared right back at me, grabbing my arm. She had always had this streak of domineering persuasiveness in her. I should know, since I had slept with her. I grudgingly allowed myself to be led and she said she will drive us to this bar she favored. When we got there, she ordered the drinks and then she prodded me for more details about what had happened. I don't know why I opened up to her. Maybe I just needed to tell someone the truth and get it off my chest. So I told her in clear detail, how Charles and I became lovers and why he left. I watched her face intently as I did this and surprisingly...there was no judgment in her eyes. She was open and even sympathetic. When she spoke next, her voice was soft and awed.

"Imagine that man would be the one to change you like this...he looked so geeky and unassuming, who would have thought he had the power to do this? Well, I suppose the remaining question now is what do you want to do about it?"

I ran my hands though my hair, slumping forward on the table and nursing my drink in frustration."I don't know anymore! I don't know what I want! Don't you think this was my karma? My curse for all the things I had done?"

"Not at all! I think you were right when you said this must be who you are on the inside that was why you loathed homosexual men-"

"But Emma, I'm still a man, right? You should know; we've slept together once-"

"A man's sexual prowess isn't the only means to assert maleness or even bullying men you think are lesser than you. Look, I've slept with men, experimented with women but that does not define my sexuality. Those lines are blurred down by all these changes in the world, Erik. What does it matter if a man sleeps with another man...or if a transgender sleeps with a lesbian? What matters most are the relationships we decide to enter into and how we stand by our choices as long as it makes us happy and that our lives become meaningful in the process-"

I sighed audibly and I think I was beginning to see Emma in a different light. "You should become a shrink, Emma-"

Emma chuckled at that, touching my arm affectionately."Then you should be paying up, Erik-"

"What do you think should I do now?"

"Isn't it obvious? You go after the boy!"

"How? I don't know where he is-"

"Go back to his house and look for letters, addresses. Check his resume. Lehnsherr, use your head! The one that actually sits atop your shoulders and not the one between your legs!"

I laughed weakly at that. I was surprised that Emma was not even sarcastic or snide when she discovered my true proclivities. In fact, she was supportive. I asked that she keep this between us because I don't think anyone in the office would be just as understanding and she promised she would not tell a soul.

"Anyway, I don't need to say anything. When the time comes, you'll be the one telling everybody about your relationship-"

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves and hope that does not happen...ever! My image will be smeared all over the ground if I do that!"

Emma gave me that oddly knowing smile again."We'll see-"

I knew I should have done this before. I should have tried to find a means to get to Charles. But I was afraid and unsure over a lot of things. (There, I admitted that!) I was in doubt if he would ever take me back again, or if I would even be able to persuade him to return with me. I got back to that crumbling mansion, using the key he had given me and I looked over his shelves and flipped the pages of the books to see if there were any letters inserted in there and then I did find one envelope with an address. I knew which state his relatives resided in but not the exact address. So when I saw this one envelope, I knew this was the address. I only hoped that he would be there. I immediately filed a leave at the office, distributed the tasks so that our projects will still push through without a hitch even in my absence. I initially worried over a lot of things, like how to even begin getting Charles to see me or to get him into a conversation but fuck it! I'm throwing all caution to the wind! I booked a flight to that state and I rented a car that could endure heavy terrain.

Charles's relatives lived deep in a rural location, where there were almost no amenities and the houses are so far apart that each one feels like a lone planet unto itself. It was like I was in a land of pine trees.Their house was this big, wooden structure of neat logs and it stood two stories high, with more trees surrounding it going as far as the eye could see. It was in a secluded location nestled between low mountains. No one was outside and I wondered briefly if someone was inside the house. I knocked upon the door and then I was greeted by the sight of a surly-faced yet handsome man, his body heavily muscled and he wore a red plaid shirt and denims, his brown hair combed away from his head in sharp angles, almost as if they are horns, emphasized by the beard about his cheeks. The man peered down at me with hardened brown eyes.

"Yeah?"The man asked in a gravelly voice.

"Is Charles Xavier here, Sir? Could you please tell him Erik Lehnsherr would like to see him-"I started off politely.

The man stood there for a moment, seeming to look me over critically and then he stepped back and gestured for me to come close to the door."Sure...come on over, Bub!" I went forward, thinking he was letting me in but he suddenly launched a fist towards my face and punched me, throwing me backwards onto the ground before the steps of their house. Son of a Bitch! That bastard sure packs a wallop! My vision was still blurry and I felt light headed as I struggled to get up because he came stomping towards me again. He wanted to tango some more, it seems.

"You dare show your face here, you Asshole! After what you've done to Charles!"The man cried out truculently and I blocked his first punch but the motherfucker was strong! I did my best to avoid being hit in the face again but he gave me an uppercut and I fell back to the ground once more; I began seeing stars. I glanced towards some movement at the doorway and I see a young man with dark red hair and another young man with blond hair. They watched impassively as I got punched out by this nasty piece of work. A woman with long dark red hair came flying out of the house next and she was running towards us to try and stop the one-sided match.

"Logan! Stop it!"

The man, Logan, seemed to be enjoying me as his sport and he was grinning maliciously at me."Get back inside, Jean. Let me handle this! For once in my life I'll enjoy committing manslaughter and I will not regret it-"

"Logan you don't mean that! Stop it already!" The woman implored; her face pale and frightened.

"Please, I just need to see Charles-"I called out to her and then I turned to the brute before me."What the hell! I just want to talk to him ok? We need to clear things up!"The woman finally reached us and put her hands to Logan's arm to stop his threatening advance.

"Things have been made clear already! You are a bastard who deserves to die! No one hurts Charles like that. _No one._ I'll personally make sure you don't get near him! Not one inch!"

"I'm not leaving this place until I see him, you motherfucking, overzealous yokel! Let me talk to him!"I hollered back.

The man spat on the ground and sneered at me, one eyebrow quirking up disdainfully. He called out towards the house."Charles! You wanna see this Asshole? He's trying to be cute and wishin' for some parley!"

I immediately turn my head towards the door and then I finally saw Charles. I have not seen him in four and a half months. It was strange to see he had grown a short beard and his hair was longer, covering his ears. He looked unkempt, wearing a loose, dirty yellow shirt; ragged jeans and a plaid robe as if he had just got out of bed. He had dark circles under his eyes, which looked lifeless and somehow haunted. Charles glowered at me for a moment and then he pursed his lips together, shaking his head.

"No."Charles said flatly and then he went back inside the house without another glance at me. I couldn't let him dismiss me like that! I made for the door desperately, running as fast as I can but the other two boys blocked my way; they were shaking their heads and looking at me threateningly.

"You come in here and I'm gonna help Uncle Logan bury your body where it won't ever be found!"The blond boy said; his voice quietly furious. The other red-haired boy pushed back at my chest roughly.

"Leave, dipshit!"He spat out derisively.

"Please everyone, let's just act like civilized human beings here!"Jean interjected and she held my gaze as she stepped towards me, her expression hard.

"Mr Lehnsherr, please just leave us in peace. You're causing my family much distress with your presence. Please just go!"

My face crumpled up with my anguish as I tried to control the agony I felt."I just need a few words with Charles. I just want to say I'm sorry-"

Charles must have told them about us, so they have a pretty clear idea that we had a romantic relationship. They probably knew about me and my homophobia and what treatment I subjected Charles to. That was why I understood the hatred in Jean's eyes. She may speak politely but her feelings showed on her face.

"I don't know where you found the gall to come here, Mr Lehnsherr but what you did to Charles, it's just unforgivable. That boy did not deserve to be hurt like that and I'm sorry too but I don't want you speaking to him ever again. So please...just leave-"

I stood there for a while longer, basking in their hostility and wondering if I should have said the right words that might have helped turn things around but I could think of nothing. I felt so helpless and foolish. I finally relented and I walked down towards my car but I did not leave. I stayed in there, trying to wrack my brains for an idea and what to say to make things better between me and Charles. I gazed out of my window at all this wild, thriving wilderness before me. I could hear the cry of birds and beasts of burden in the distance. I sat there till it was dark and then I tried going back to their house again. Before I could even step any closer to the front doorstep, Logan came out and he brandished a shotgun, cocking it and glaring at me menacingly.

"You have royally pissed me off, Bub! We've had enough of you! Can't you get it through your thick head? He doesn't want to see you!"

 "Fine! Shoot me! You can't make me leave here with your empty threats! I have a right to see him, Goddamnit! Let me in or-"

Logan suddenly shot at my feet and the resounding bang echoed around us, sending birds flying and crying indignantly from the trees. I heard a dog bark from somewhere. I nearly pissed my pants because even if it was just a warning shot, I don't know Logan's temperament enough to bluff my way into getting into their house. He might actually shoot me. He blew at the lip of the gun in an exaggerated manner and he sneered at me.

"What were you saying about empty threats?"

His nephews (I believe that is what they are) peered out from the windows at me, snickering amongst themselves. Jean came bounding out again and she snatched the gun from Logan's hands.

"Are you crazy? If you kill him do you think it would be even worth it?" She cried angrily as she held the gun out of his way, glaring at him.

"Yep. Worth every single prison sentence-"Logan said smugly, his eyes still on me.

Jean grabbed at his shoulder so he would face her, her eyes wide.

"So are you going to abandon me and the boys like this? Are you going to leave me to handle all the business? Just to satisfy your stupid pride? Because if you are then you are no different from him!"Jean said as she pointed a shaking finger at me without looking at me. That caused Logan to stop, his shoulders slumping. Even here I have made a mess out of things. But I'm not about to leave without having the chance of talking to Charles. I tried to speak my piece again.

"I'm sorry about all of this. Really, I am. But I went all the way out here from a different state just to talk to him-"

"I don't care if you came from China or wherever the hell you came from! I want you off my property and out of our lives!" Logan screamed at me. He made as if to lunge at me but Jean restrained him. I decided to leave again and go back to my car, with Logan calling out threats from behind me. Jesus! All this stupid drama and struggle just to have a decent conversation with him! I'm sick of it! I had to take matters into my own hands! I stayed in the car again, ate and slept there for a while. When I've determined that they were all asleep and the lights were off, I crept quietly close to the house. I decided I was going to break in. I don't know what happens next but I'll probably have to corner Charles so he would talk to me. I will force him if I have to! I was desperate to talk to him and now I have been reduced to doing this! Damn his stubborn ways! Damn his stupid meddling family! One of the windows was actually half open and I climbed in, leaving my shoes outside.

They must have thought I wouldn't even imagine doing this. The lights were all off and there was actually a dog sleeping close to the fireplace but it did not even wake up. I could only make my way about the rooms with the help of the moonlight streaming in through the windowpanes. I peered into the rooms quietly, opening the doors just a crack so I could see the people sleeping in their beds. The entire house smelled kind of warm and woodsy; the place neat and organized from the inside. I opened the first bedroom door on the lower floor and from the way the forms are positioned on the bed, pressed close together, I was able to discern that it was Logan and his wife Jean. I closed the door as quietly as I could. I climbed up the stairs next and I opened the first door close to the landing. This one had bunk beds and I could hear synchronized snoring coming from both occupants. They must be the two nephews because Charles was a quiet sleeper and he never snored. I then tried the second door on the opposite side but it was locked.  It made me wonder if Charles was the one sleeping in there but maybe I could still try the other doors.

I tip-toed further into the hall and there was a last room at the end. I went to it and slowly turned the doorknob once more. This one was definitely Charles. He was sleeping on his side on the bed and he was facing the door. I could see his troubled-looking face even in the darkness of the room because his lucid and pale skin shone in the dimness. I felt my heart melt at the sight of him. I closed the door behind me and I went to him. I just sat there on the floor, watching him sleep for some time. Even though he looked like this, I still found his face so mesmerizing. He still made my heart race whenever I see him. I reach out to stroke his forehead, gently smoothing his hair away and then his blue eyes flew open.

He instantly got up and pushed my hands away, his face looking hellacious and indignant.

"What are you doing in here?"Charles said loudly but I tried to put a hand to his mouth to silence him. He pushed my hand away roughly, about ready to scream again but I covered his mouth again and restrained him. His window was wide open. I recklessly thought I could escape with him going through there instead. I started to carry him in my arms, like I was kidnapping him! I’ve now resorted to this insanity! He kicked, punched and flailed that it was almost next to impossible to even leave quietly with him now.

"Let me go, you bastard!"Charles hollered out. He managed to free himself from my arms and he collapsed to the carpeted floor on his behind. His face was contorted in rage. I had never seen him this mad before. He suddenly launched himself at me and attacked me, hitting my arms and then he pulled back and threw a punch to my face and I fell to the floor. Holy Fuck! I never realized Charles could hit this hard! My head was spinning and my face hurt like hell, then grew numb. I touched my aching cheek, looking up at him incredulously as he stood there; his chest heaving and hands balled into fist.

"You Asshole! You think your coming here makes any difference?"He screamed at me. His face looked agonized but angry all at the same time.

"Charles! I just want to talk!" I began. Then the lights turned on and in came barging a dark-skinned woman with short hair and she had a baseball bat in her hand. This is just great! More people coming in to get in my way. It pissed me off so much that I glowered at her.

"Who the hell are you?"I cried out to her.

She brought her baseball bat down and she put a hand to her hips, perhaps she also recognized me and restrained herself."I'm Ororo, Charles's aunt-"

I looked over at Charles next, my expression skeptical."You have an Aunt who's black?"

Charles just rolled his eyes at me and he did not answer. He stood there, shaking his head in mild consternation and then he and Ororo looked at each other.

"Is he always this rude wherever he goes, Charles? You want me to pop him one?"Ororo said as she gripped the baseball bat in an unveiled threat of violence. All of this was really annoying the hell out of me and I hit the floor with my fist.

"Damn it, Charles! Why can't I just fucking talk to you without everyone else fucking barging in, huh?"

Ororo widened her eyes at me and raised the bat again."You know I could just break your dirty mouth in, Mister! Didn't your mother ever rinse your mouth for swearing so much?"

Before I could answer her, Charles's entire menagerie of relatives came into the room as well and Logan looked extremely furious as he hurried over to me. His face was crumpled up with rage as he tried to reach for me but Ororo was the one who stopped him, barring his way with her bat. Jean just stood at the doorway next to the boys.

"Logan, let me deal with this!"

"No!"Charles finally spoke and he looked about at the people in the room."Let me talk with him. He won't stop until we've made things final!"

He gestured for everyone to go out of his room so it would be just the two of us."Please just leave us-"

No one made a move to follow, all of them were looking concerned for Charles but Ororo decided to make the first move and everyone else eventually followed. Finally, it was just him and me. It had been so much trouble to talk to him and now that it was just the two of us, I suddenly don't know how to begin. I'd been practicing what I had wanted to say, thinking of all the possible arguments and rebuttals but when he was actually standing right before me, I just lost my cool. Charles was also not helping when he just stared at me in silence, waiting for me to begin. The look of loathing on his face was quite familiar to me. It was the same expression I use when I want my disgust to show on my face. The silence drew on uncomfortably. I remained on the floor and he kept watching me coldly and impassively. I then attempted to break it with some clumsy humor.

"Is violence a genetic thing with you and your family? Because if it is, I might as well get my face insured! I don't want to lose my good looks just about yet-"

More silence as Charles stared me down furiously. I sighed and sat cross-legged on the floor, facing him. It was better if I just gave it straight. "I'm sorry. I know it will take a lifetime and more to make up for what I had done. I know I've hurt you so bad and I've said terrible things but I'm here, Charles to make amends. I went all the way out here because I want you back. Just tell me what you want me to do; I'll do it if it will grant me your forgiveness-"

Charles's face still remained quietly furious, his brow furrowed and his eyebrows and his mouth drawn down angrily. He was looking at me like I was like some species of mutant insect that somehow repulsed him. I felt small and defeated; just by that look on his face. I continued again, hoping that my words are not just bouncing off fruitlessly from this impenetrable wall of hatred and coldness from him.

"Charles, I've suffered too. I was just so messed up when I met you and I've drawn you into my mess. You didn't deserve to be treated like that. When I was with you, things were actually better and I felt like I could be a better person. But I got so affected by someone's careless words about men having relationships with men that I lashed out at you. I want to make up for all of that. Please, just give me a chance! I want you to still be a part of my life. I want us to be together even if our future is uncertain. If I'm with you, I know we can face it-"

He didn't even blink. He stared at me with this frosty blue gaze that sent a cold numbness into my stomach. Am I getting through to his heart at all? I got up slowly and I reached for him, wanting to hold him in my arms but he flung my hands away before I could embrace him and he screamed at me, his face crumpled up in pain.

"I don’t want your suffering! I don’t want your future!"

I struggled with him until I had him in my arms, even though he hit me and scratched at me as he cried. I kissed his temple and held him close to myself.

"I need you, Charles! I need you to love me again-"

Charles cried into my shoulder, giving up on his struggles. He sobbed brokenly, his entire body trembling that it hurts to see him so anguished like this. He was still suffering after all this time.

"I don't...I don't know if I have the strength to keep loving you, Erik-"

"Then it’s going to take the two of us, side by side at a time when we couldn’t be further apart-"I told him gently then I pulled back to look down at him as I held him. "I won't lie to you, Charles. If you come back with me, I can't promise an instant change. We've walked two different paths for me to even get to that point with you but I can promise that if I have you there, If I have your love, I  know I will be able to change into someone who will be worthy of you-"

He looked like he was finally softening. His face had become gentler again but he still looked so uncertain. I lifted his chin so our gazes will meet.

"While we were lying down on your floor, back in the mansion the night before you left...I heard every word you said and I'm glad I heard them because you were right about what you said on what's important on being a real man-"

His eyes widened and he gave me an endearing smile. I missed seeing him smile at me like this! I tell you, my heart was beating so fast in my chest at the sight of it, I had wondered if he could feel it against his own chest. He must have because he reached out to touch the area where my heart is, as if to still it. I couldn't fight this intense longing in me anymore. I drew him close and kissed him passionately. I didn't care if his beard was scratching me up. I just had to kiss him. My tongue dove into his mouth and then I kissed him all over his face and guided him onto the bed so we can continue making out. We didn't have sex. We just lay together on his bed and we talked quietly and kissed until we both fell asleep, holding onto each other. When I woke up in the morning, Charles was not in bed with me anymore. I hastily got up to go look for him but he suddenly came into the room and I saw that he had shaved his beard and his hair was cut short again. He had already showered and his hair was still slightly wet. He was dressed in one of the outfits he always favored, a blue pullover sweater this time with a white shirt underneath.

"Good Morning!"Charles greeted me brightly and then he pecked a kiss on my lips."Let's go downstairs for some breakfast-"He began but I tackled him back onto the bed and I began to kiss him playfully.

"What? I thought I'm having my breakfast now-"

Charles giggled as I was straddled atop him. He was trying to push me away as I nuzzled him and kissed him but he didn't really put much effort in it. We could have kept going but we heard someone clear their throat that Charles hastily pulled away from me. It was the blond boy and he stood at the doorway, rolling his eyes and trying to avert his gaze.

"Uncle Logan says you better come down and eat-"

Charles ran a hand through his hair, blushing furiously but he reached for my hand and we both went downstairs to eat breakfast with his family. I immediately noticed that Charles had already packed his bags and it warmed my heart to see that. It was really uncomfortable, sitting there with his relatives after the fiasco that had happened when we first met but I suppose I had to face them as a sign of respect, no matter how mortified I felt. Jean came out of the kitchen and placed a plate of bacon and eggs before me. Ororo sat to my right and she placed some toast on my plate. Charles sat to my left and he just looked radiant and happy. My gaze kept straying back to him and we smiled at each other as we ate. I was finally introduced formally to everyone. Logan is Charles’s Uncle and Jean was his Aunt. His second Aunt who lived with them was Ororo. The two boys were actually Jean’s adopted brothers, Scott and Alex. The boys looked to be around their twenties. Charles had informed me that they have a Wood Processing business and that was the reason why they had to leave him by himself while he finished college back in our state. Logan sat at the head of the table but he did not even speak to me like everyone else was. He just glared at me, his nostrils flaring.

"So you and him are a...uhm together, right?"Scott asked as he kept on eating his toast and alternately dipping it into his sunny-side up eggs.

"Yes-"I said and I faced Charles. For once, I was not ashamed that I am openly in a relationship with another man. Charles smiled at me affectionately and reached for my wrist.

"All of us had a discussion with Charles early this morning and he said he wanted to go back with you. Now, Mr Lehnsherr I do hope that with Charles making this decision to be with you, you would treat him the way he deserves to be treated. Because if you hurt Charles again, we will all go looking for you and you will have to answer to us-"Ororo said seriously as she looked at me, her gaze intent. I reached out and put an arm around Charles, gazing at him as gently as I could.

"Charles and I will work it out-"I said softly, my eyes only on him.

"You have to say you'll promise!"Alex added, eyes narrowed at me and he had a doubtful expression on his face.

"Yes of course, I promise-"Making my expression solemn so they would know I was serious. I looked around at them wondering why they seem to be so accepting of my relationship with Charles even though they hated my guts initially. They had asked me how I was able to find them and how I got there and then they were actually amused as they recalled my efforts to try and see Charles, except for Logan, who just kept on eating and glaring at me. When we were done eating and I was helping them clear the table, Jean pulled me aside to talk with me while Charles washed dishes with Alex and Scott. Logan still sat at the table, talking to Ororo.

"You must be wondering why we knew about you, Mr Lehnsherr-"Jean began as we stood at the bottom of the stairs. I nodded and waited for her continue.

"Charles always wrote to us or sent us emails about what was happening to him there in the city and he told us about you. He told us he was in a relationship with the man he had wanted to be with for the longest time. At first we were concerned. You see Mr Lehnsherr, ever since he was a little boy, all he had ever talked about was his meeting with you in the cemetery back in the city and how he wished to see you again, so we knew about his inclinations. He'd always talk about you...about the kind boy who comforted him when he was so full of grief. Do you see how much you meant to him, Mr Lehnsherr?"Jean said quietly, her face solemn. My heart wrenched painfully because Charles had probably thought I was the love of his life. I couldn't speak at first because my chest suddenly felt tight again. I could only nod gravely.

"He's a very intelligent young man, although he is unsociable because he's extremely shy. I remember when we lived in the city with him, he tried to date women and befriend other people but these relationships don't last with him because he's too withdrawn and sentimental. You can't imagine how much courage it took for him to try and work in your company. That had always been his problem, you see. In this day and age, it is a rare sight to see someone with a tender soul. He doesn't really belong in your world. He's just trying just so he can be with you. So please, when he comes back with you, I implore you to be there for him-"

"I'll look after him, Jean. I promise I'll do my best-"

"I will hold you to that promise, Mr Lehnsherr-"Jean said in a soft voice.

Later when Charles and I were about to leave, Logan finally decided to talk with me. I was surprised that we managed a somewhat civilized conversation, brief as it is. He had stopped me at the doorway while Charles and cousins brought his luggage into my car. He stood there with his arms crossed in front of himself, staring down at the boys and Charles.

"You and Jean talked?"

"Yes, we did-"

Logan sighed and then he turned to face me."He's a goddamned softie and I can't change that. He's family so we look out for each other, understand?"

I nodded in response. His face drew down distastefully as he frowned at me.

"I have no idea what that boy sees in you but if you hurt him again, I will hunt for you and I will gut you. So whatever promise you made to Jean, keep it!"

I tried to hide my amusement at the threat but he just grumbled and turned away from me. Even though Charles's family was odd, I liked that they cared a lot about him. I was mildly envious that he had such close ties with them when I was barely even close with my own family. Everyone else said their goodbye to Charles and he and I finally left.

I can't tell you how relieved I was to be out of there. It was at least worth it. I have Charles back and he's returning to work for me. We had discussed this on the night that we made up, when I had asked him what he wanted to do once we got back. He said he wanted to keep working at Lehnsherr Enterprises because he still wanted to be with me. I had booked us both flights from online and the plan was that he won't come in to work for a week after my return so that it would not be obvious that we returned together. Of course he had agreed to keep our relationship a secret but I told him I will not be strident with him any longer. I can't bring myself to do it to him anymore. He said I had to keep up appearances but I refused so he had said we will work something out somehow. I had told him that Emma knew about us and that she was the one that suggested I follow him and he was pleased to know that someone was supportive. I was also very excited to get back home so we can have sex again but when we got there, Charles said he was tired out from the trip and that we will do it some other time. So we just made out on his bed and slept but you have no idea how much I was aching for us to fuck! I've been celibate for months for him, saving myself up in the instance that he does return. It made me even more sexually frustrated when he avoided having sex with me in his house. We kept making out like high school kids but he'd gently push me away and stop me, saying he wasn't ready yet. I don't know if he was doing this to get a rise out me. It's like he's begging me to turn this into a rape! But I wanted to be patient with him so I kept my distance when he asked me to stop.

Anyway, I threw myself back into work so that it would get my mind off of that. I didn't bring him all the way back just for the sex, although that was a big part of our relationship. What mattered the most was that we were together and that I've come to terms with my relationship with him. I want to be with him more than anything. I thought fondly of  what the future had in store for us and I don't think I've ever felt this way for another person. I still have my fears and my doubts, sure but I'd rather endure all of that as long as I'm still with him. Emma had asked me furtively if my mission was accomplished and I had told her I was able to win Charles back and that he will be returning to work soon. She congratulated me and wished me well. I tried to maintain that same sobriety that had been my norm since Charles had gone so that people will not sense anything different about me. So it shocked the hell out of me when Charles got back to work sooner than expected. I look up from my desk to see him standing at the door greeting me soberly and goddammit! He looked great in his new blue-gray suit. It brought out the color of his eyes; his radiant and fresh-looking skin, peeking out of his collar was just irresistible. I swallowed thickly.

"Good Morning, Sir!"Charles greeted me and handed in his clearance papers from the office clinic.

"I thought you wouldn't be back until next week, Xavier-"I said calmly as I stared hard at him, not even looking at the papers he brought in.

"I had to come back early because the clinic needed my papers and the date of my uh, recovery on my medical certificate was for this week, not the next-"

"I see-"Charles had gone to a local clinic to try and get 'legitimate' documents for his medical leave and they must have put the wrong date on it. I got up and picked up a large pile of folders and handed it to him. When I drew close to him and I smelled his perfume, that cedar wood scent assaulted my senses. My cock stirred and my brain brought up those memories of that first time we had sex. I tried to sound gruff when I spoke to him. I had hoped my voice did not tremble when I spoke to him.

"Well, since you are here, I might as well brief you in on the new developments we have in Information analysis and the new updates to our methodology in Portfolio organization. A lot of changes had happened since you were gone for four months. Come with me, we're going to a meeting room for your briefing-"

Charles nodded imperceptibly and followed me down the aisle. I stopped to peek in at Bobby who was talking on the phone with our Sales group and I rapped my knuckles at his open door. Bobby mumbled to the other party on his phone and faced me with a questioning look.

"Bobby, tell everyone I'm going on a long meeting. Might take 3 or 4 hours. I don't want to be disturbed. Have Armando take care of the new images for the portfolio. You and Emma can take in the new reports and distribute the tasks to everyone, got it?"

"Yes, Sir!"Bobby called out and I gestured for Charles to continue following me. I decided to take a meeting room that was on another floor so that if anyone tried to look for me, they won't find me easily. I tried to act calm but I was just about exploding on the inside. When Charles and I got to the room, I locked it, made sure the 'In-Use' Signage was up and then I faced Charles, who meekly stood close to the table and placed the folders down on it.

"I'm sorry, Erik! The work must have piled up since I was gone! I probably have to sort through some emails and-"Charles began but I cut him off by grabbing him and kissing him hard on the lips, my tongue darting quickly into his mouth. His eyes widened for a moment, then his eyes became dreamy as I held him and caressed him while drowning him in my hungry kisses. Charles moaned into my mouth and cut off the kiss, smiling faintly.

"Erik we're at work! We can kiss later when we-"

I throttled down on his cock, squeezing hard that it caused him to gasp and pull away. He looked up at me, blushing and incredulous over my sudden sexual attack.

"Erik?"Charles said in a small questioning voice, his blue eyes wide open and looking perturbed. I let out a breath and I started to unbuckle my belt so he would realize my intent in bringing him into the meeting room.

"Charles, I can't stand it anymore! You've pushed me so far up the wall I'm going crazy with this wanting for you!"

"We can...we can have sex later if you really want it. We can do it at my house-"Charles offered hesitantly, looking agitated.

I went over to him and I started to undo the front of his coat and then I unbuttoned his shirt. I rashly undid his pants and pushed it down. He struggled against my grasp but I pushed him towards the table and I started taking his shoes and socks off, pulling his pants off of him completely at the same time. Charles looked like he was in agony, not knowing what to do to stop my advances. I grabbed the back of his neck roughly so he could not squirm away from me.

"No! We are doing this now!"

"But...but-"Charles wildly tried to make some sort of excuse for us to stop. I stopped his stupid protestations by kissing him passionately on the table, hugging him to myself as I pressed up wantonly against him. I pulled back to lick his lips slowly, savoring the softness of it and then I nibbled at his lower lip, making him moan in a trembling voice and he started up in shock at the sensation it brought him. Then my hand went back down to his cock and I started giving him a hand job, making him cry out but he pressed his fisted hand to his mouth and shut his eyes tight, not wanting to cry out loud, perhaps fearful that we might get caught. I didn't care anymore. I just wanted him so badly, having been denied for so long. His scent just drove me crazy on the spur of the moment. I kept kissing him and fondling him as he writhed beneath me, trying to stifle his cries of pleasure. I whispered in his ear how sexy he looked to me right now, lying on this table half naked and how good he smelled. He responded with breathy moans; his heavy lidded eyes overbright with unshed tears. His red lips shone from all the kissing and licking I had dealt upon it. He was so hard already. He must have been trying to stop his own urges all the while that he had been avoiding sex with me. He trembled and moaned quietly at first but then his breathing quickened as my hand quickened and his eyes shut tight again as he savored everything I was doing to him. I made him come and he let out this choked cry that he tried to cut off as his head rolled back onto the table, licking at his own lips slowly.

"See? You wanted me to do this to you-"I huskily whispered in his ear and he opened his eyes to give me a charged stare of lust. My hand traced down upon his chest, his belly, and I smeared the come that had spread on his stomach and around his cock to lubricate my own hand; then my fingers slowly traced down to his hole and he shut his eyes again, uttering a short cry of complaint, putting his fist to his mouth again while his other hand was thrown back over his head. I entered him with my fingers first, just spreading him out and preparing him. I pushed two of my fingers in deep to look for that pleasure spot in him. He started up violently when I had found it and I jabbed at it repeatedly. His head was turning about in denial of this intense pleasure; short, strangled little moans and gasps escaped his lips. His cock, barely recovered was stirring angrily up again. He was still wearing his shirt but I had taken his coat off of him. His forehead was misted over with sweat and darkening his hair. His body was so hot next to mine. I could hear his heartbeat in the silence of the room, along with the sounds of the rough-silk touch of our skin; his cries of pleasure and my breathing filled the air. The dirty and wet sounds of penetration broke the silence too. This was so intense, it was driving me insane with lust. I stopped what I was doing and he let out a soft complaining moan. I drew him close to my lower body, positioning his behind on the edge of the table. His eyes were looking drugged and hazy with want. He let me straddle him and he wrapped his legs around my waist. I took out my cock and guiding his arms so he would wrap them around my neck, I began to enter him slowly; my cock pulsing and causing my balls to tighten for a moment. Still so tight and so hot.

"Hmmmpp!"Charles grunted, shutting his lips tight so that he would not cry out loud. He undulated against me, taking all of me in. His nipples were already taut and hot as he pressed his chest against mine. I fucked him slowly at first, watching the reactions he was making. That was what I liked best when I make love to him. He savored each thrusting and fucking I give him. He always gave me this anguished look like he was hurting but it was a pleasure hurt. When our eyes meet as we fuck he would give me this dark look of wanting. He was doing it now, causing me to quicken the pumping of my hips. I wanted to hear his moans. His moans that tell me that what I was doing to him felt so good it drove him so crazy with desire.

"Moan, Charles. I want to hear you-"I rasped out throatily against his cheek as I licked at it. Charles shook his head in denial.

"I...I...uh! I c-can't! Not here-"Charles said in a small anguished voice, tears starting up from his eyes. His moaning was so restrained right now. I smiled to myself, thinking of the right remedy to this predicament. As I was bucking up into him, his legs wrapped around me as well as his arms, my two hands are free to explore. I used my other arm to brace Charles and steady him. With the other, I reached for his cock and I seductively started to play with it.

"OHMYGOD!"Charles wailed out loud, unable to stop himself. His blush deepened, reaching down to his neck which was already red with all these heated sensations. His eyes trembled with alarm for a moment but then he couldn't stand it anymore. His expression grew blissful and drugged. He moaned into my ear, licking and kissing my cheek.

"Oh God, yes! Oh Fuck me, yeah!"Charles moaned wantonly, nuzzling his face up against mine. We were both fighting for purchase to reach resolution, desperate for that elusive orgasm that had been denied to the both of us for so long. Our hips were quickening and losing volition; my hand was losing that rhythm while I pumped my fist up and down his cock. Charles threw his head back in abandon, mouth hanging open as he enjoyed himself and let go. He was making those breathy cries of lust as he lost himself to it all. That delicious sound coming from him again. I was coming, I was losing it too. If I had looked behind me, I would have seen his toes curling in pleasure, his legs quaking and nearly slipping while we fucked and fucked. I was losing my mind with the unbearable intensity of these sensations. Charles wanted to match my own tempo and come along with me. He brought his head up to meet my heated gaze and he bit his lower lip seductively. Then he suddenly let loose one drawn-out rapturous cry, and ended it with that pleasure-hurt moan that went deep into the core of my being. I had lost all control of myself and I came too, my come gushing hotly and copiously into him. I guided Charles's body back down onto the table, both of us gasping and red faced with our exertions and then I kissed his lips and gently nuzzled his cheek.

"Welcome back-"I whispered to him softly and then he sighed in contentment and smiled.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is in the realm of fairy tale happy endings so just be warned, I milked it for all it's worth XD Don't we all wish for happy endings too? I mean I could totally do an angsty and sad ending but why should a good story have to always be tragic? My personal opinion on this is, I am a fan and at the same time I am a fanfiction writer. I would rather write something that pleases me personally and in a sense, pleases the fans of Cherik. So here you go, a fairy tale ending as always, for my beloved fandom <3 Thanks for taking the time to read everyone and that comes from the bottom of my heart <3

 

We were actually in that meeting room for five straight hours. By the time I was done with him, his legs were shaking and he could barely stand up so I let him rest for an hour before we left the room. He was very embarrassed about his own moaning afterwards but I informed him the room was one of our sound proof rooms in the building. He needn't have worried. I led him to the Men's room where we could freshen up and after we had washed up, we went back to our own floor in Information Analysis. Some of his colleagues greeted Charles and welcomed him back while I headed off by myself back to my office. I hoped no one noticed the dizzy smile of happiness on my face. When Charles got back to our room at the end of the department, away from everyone else, I drew the blinds that covered my Plexiglas wall so I could see him. He smiled back at me but he immediately became serious and pulled up his emails and sorted through them, looking through some new reports. When the day was done, Charles went to the door to say goodbye since he had to leave early as scheduled.

"No Charles. I'm afraid you have to stay a bit more late. I still need you-"I told him blandly from my desk.

"Alright Sir. Do you have anything you need for me to do?"Charles asked, all serious and thinking of work.

"Yes. Come over here and look through these reports, why don't you?"I held the thick folder out to him.

"Yes, Sir!"Charles said and he stepped forward to get them. I suddenly held them out deliberately from his reach and he frowned, trying to go around the table to reach them. I then grabbed his waist so I can draw him close and caress his fine ass. Charles let out a small cry of surprise. I nuzzled my face to his chest as I held him, breathing deeply so I can smell him again.

"Oh..uhm, Sir-"Charles said in a small voice, his face red with embarrassment.

I lifted my head up, leering at him and speaking in a throaty voice."When we get back home later...be prepared-"

Charles shivered slightly at the prospect, reaching out to touch my shoulder gently and pull away from me. There was a faint smile on his lips. He took the report and headed back out to his desk, not saying a word but his heated eyes are on me. We worked for a few more hours and then I told him I was driving him back to my place. He did not hide the excitement he felt. We had violent, desperate sex again at my house, just about demolishing everything in our path and afterwards we grew tender again, our hips bucking up slow and deep against each other; mostly I just explored every inch of him with my kisses and my tongue. I just wanted to see him so aroused by the things I was doing to him and then we quietly lay back in bed after a few hours, both of us smiling and satisfied. Charles was sidled up against me, his chin resting on my chest, arms crossed beneath it and he regarded me with his gentle gaze. I reached out and smoothed the hair that fell on his forehead, just wanting this tender moment between us to last.

"And you didn't want to have sex at first-"I teased him.

"I wanted to take it slow, Erik! I forgot that when it comes to you, there is no such thing! When you want it, where you want it...you just take it. But I guess that's why I love you, for being so passionate and reckless-"

"What else do you love about me, Charles?"I asked him softly, just letting myself get lost in his eyes again as I stared at him.

"Everything that's good about you-"Charles responded softly back, tracing his fingers on my chest.

"What? Tell me-"

"I love your eyes. I know some of our colleagues find your stare kind of deep and penetrating. People are somehow intimidated by it but I love looking into your eyes. They are kind of like you; unpredictable and wonderful. Sometimes they look stormy gray...sometimes they are like a calm green but mostly when you look at me, I can feel this blue heat coming from your eyes-"

"Wow! That's some description, Charles-"

Charles made a small embarrassed sound and hid his face. I reached up to touch his cheek so he would look at me again.

"Well go on now! I love hearing all these desirable qualities you see in me! It makes me feel good about myself-"

Charles giggled quietly and he was still blushing, like he was so mortified that he had to tell me how he really sees me but he went on anyway.

"I think the first time I saw you again as an adult, I fell in love with your face and your voice. You were different when I started in the company; I could only admire you from afar because you loathed me at the onset so I kept my distance. Then when we had a good look into each other's eyes one day and you became...I don't know, sort of softer towards me...I fell in love with you all over again-"

"I feel blessed that you love me even if you don't even know me. I was just a grieving boy. I never knew my actions could have so much significance in your life-"I said solemnly. Now I’m the one feeling embarrassed. Since we are talking about feelings I might as well tell him I love him, right? Unfortunately, I still felt too iffy about saying it just like that. I mean, I do love him and I'm sure he can feel it but that was one hurdle I had to get over myself. I can't find it in myself to say it yet. How can I explain it any better? It's like a muscle in the middle of my being that's atrophied from ill-use and it takes a while to come to life. That's how it’s like for me. It's easy for me to say it to someone I didn't care about but this is Charles we are talking about! I'm scared to death of just saying that to him and then feeling awkward about it after.

"I was glad that you came to your senses because deep down, this is who you are Erik. You're kind and tender. You can be really sweet sometimes when you really mean it-"Charles said brightly. I sighed contentedly putting my arms around him and holding him close.

"Never thought I would be considered a sweet and tender man. Not words I would associate with myself-"I said with dry affection.

"You are to me!"Charles cried out and nuzzled and kissed my chest. We both broke out laughing and ended up kissing passionately afterwards. I really liked this about us. I admit this was similar from when I had my Woman du jour wanting sweet moments with me but it's somehow different with Charles because I am head over heels in love with him. So I can't understand why other people could not see what I see when I look at him. And the things Jean told me about Charles...I can see he wasn't the sociable sort, that was true but how come no one could see how beautiful he is? How come they can't see this kindness and thoughtfulness in him? Then it came to me. He was trying to hide it from everyone else, closed off and retreating to a world all on his own. I was concerned about this behavior of his. He didn't have any confidence in himself. He was brave only when it comes to me. Charles had helped me become a better person. He saved me from the fucked-up state I had become. It was high time I did the same for him.

At the office, I started treating him differently and I did not give a flying fuck what people thought of me after. All I cared about was that Charles was happy and if I can help it, I don't want to hurt him ever again.

"Charles, come over here-"I called out to him as I worked on my laptop, reviewing the new reports coming in and cross-checking the flow of information being shared by all the other departments so that I may organize a cohesive report which we will bring up with the board, then to our Merchants. Charles peeked in, smiling faintly and then he entered the room. I tell you, nothing looked sexier to me than seeing Charles wearing a suit and a tie. I care not for the corporate looking ladies that surrounded the office, with their sleek skirts and stilettos. I had to control this raging urge in me to grab him and render him senseless with lust on my table. He wore a navy blue suit and a black button down shirt underneath and he wore a dark gray silk tie today.

"I might be a while with this new report that came in. Why don't you buy us some Earl Grey Tea and some cake? You make the pick-"

Charles hesitated a moment."Um, Sir? How many cups of tea do you need me to-"

"Two. One for you and me. Get yourself a cake too-"I said with emphasis and a straight face but I was gleeful on the inside because Charles brightened at the fact that I asked him to bring me tea instead of coffee, knowing that I did not dare drink tea here at work because I considered it gay before. _And I included him in my order this time._ He still looked hesitant but he followed my orders and bought us tea and cake with my credit card. I wanted to do some naughty fun in the office with him and I have been thinking of something I wanted to do to him. I gave him a sly smile whenever he would glance over to me and then he would look away, looking flustered and acting shy. He saw that I had my naughty look on and he was worried over what I would do. He tried not to look at me anymore so he could focus on his work. But I was feeling so horny for him all over again. I just couldn't help myself! Seeing that handsome profile of his, his large blue eyes all serious and his sweet red lips drawn down as he concentrated, it made me want to go over there and just ravish him! I decided to go ahead with my plan and get it on with him in my office. I did not call out but instead, I used my IM and sent him a message to come on over. Charles entered the room his demeanor all serious and focused.

"Yes Sir?"

"Can you run the agenda by me? The one for tomorrow. I need to check on my schedule-"

"I sent it to you an hour ago, Sir-"

"Well I want you to read it to me anyway! I didn't look at your email-"I said dryly.

Charles looked mildly reproachful since I should be responsible enough to check my emails constantly for all the updates coming in. It was important in our line of work to be up to date and informed of new developments. I already read it actually but I just said an outright lie as an excuse to get him alone. He left the room momentarily so he could get a copy of the agenda on a tablet PC. I asked him to close the door since I wanted to discuss some other aspect of the new reports with him and he complied, eyeing me warily.

"At nine o' clock sharp, a meeting with the department officers and assistants for the new Merchant's portfolio-"Charles began.

"Good. I'll be available on that time. What's next?"

"A video conference call with the Sales Supervisors and Leads on the projected Sales analysis for the quarterly report at eleven am-"

"Ok, go on-"

"A run of the schematics for the new Merchant's portfolio in Meeting Room M at one pm-"

"Wait-"

"What is it, Sir?"

I pushed myself away from my table, while still remaining seated and I gestured for him to come closer.

"I can't have you reading the report just like that! You must be uncomfortable! Here, come on over-"I slapped my hands on my thighs, giving him a lewd smile and he actually frowned at me.

"Sir, we are all very busy here! I have no time for games-"

I rolled my eyes at him."Yes, yes! Just do as you're told, Xavier! Get over here or I'm going to go over there and I will do something that will make you scream out loud-"I said by way of a threat. Charles knew I meant it too. He sighed in resignation and finally sat on my lap as he held the tablet in his hands.

"Does this work for you, Sir?"Charles asked stiffly, a soft blush rising to his cheeks.

I nuzzled my face into his neck, breathing in his scent and I smiled up at him languidly."Continue. What's the content of the minutes of meeting for the Merchant's portfolio?"

Charles began reading off the highlights of the meeting while my hands started wandering up his thighs, close to his crotch. I kissed his throat hotly and I hoped he could feel me grinding up my hard-on against his bottom. Charles's body was actually getting hotter and his voice took on a trembling quality as he kept on reading. He let out a low moan as my hands started wandering into his pants and I was fondling him while I kissed his temple and his cheek.

"T-the issue being brought up with the analysts is the...ohhh God...is the lack of stability in our technology and the need for...for...Erik! Uhnnn!"Charles whimpered quietly, restless as my hands explored him. His head turned from side to side, his face reddening and burning with arousal. His hands shook as he struggled to read the minutes from the tablet. We could have gone even farther too if we weren't interrupted by someone clearing their throat with deliberate loudness.

"Ahem!"It was Emma. Charles suddenly jumped out of my lap as if he had sat on something that burned him and he hurriedly buttoned his pants, turning away from us and looking nervous and flustered. He nearly dropped the tablet PC as he zipped his fly up. Charles stood there awkwardly, his face so red with shame; his expression agonized. I thought he looked so cute when he was embarrassed like this. I languidly turned to Emma, unabashed to be caught out on my indecent actions. I lifted my eyebrow at her questioningly, albeit indignant with her for this interruption in my seduction of Charles.

"I did knock loudly, several times but you weren't responding. You both looked very, uh, engrossed-"Emma said by way of apology and then she turned to smile brightly at Charles.

"Glad to have you back, Mr Xavier! I see you are getting settled into your role with Mr Lehnsherr again. I do hope he's not working you to death. He can be quite the slave driver because he's so insatiably... _driven_ -"Emma said silkily, seeming to enjoy Charles's state too.

"Um...I...um thank you!"Charles said in a nervous voice, his head bowed low. Emma stepped forward and surprised him when she smoothed the hair away from his face and helped him straighten up his tie.

"Oh look at you, you poor dear! You've been so thoroughly _harassed_! Now if you had been working for me, things would have been different-"Emma purred. Charles did not know what to say so he remained quiet, suffering his humiliation quietly. I sighed and put my hands behind my head, unruffled by her presence.

"So to what do I owe this interruption, Emma?"I drawled out.

"There's a new development with the Merchant's group. It seems they are pulling out of two projects due to the failing service levels-"

My face darkened at that."What?"

Emma nodded gravely."The sales reports did look stable and our percentages are high but there is something that we may have missed-"

I turned to face Charles, All brisk and business-like again so that he could get himself together."Charles, move the meeting to eight AM for tomorrow and I want you to send an email to all concerned parties about the change. Pull me up the files of the last four reports that came out of our department. I also need you to coordinate with Bobby on the current Sales analysis-"

Charles immediately collected himself and headed out the door."Yes, sir!"

'Surely, the fault wasn't from our group-"Emma said as I pulled up my own applications on my laptop that help me monitor the state of our projects and the general information about each of them. I looked up at her and shook my head.

"Something was missed. It wasn't from our end-"

Emma nodded at that and I advised her to check the reports she received on her end as well. She left the room promptly. We all ended up getting so busy that day, that all thought of kinky games was struck from my mind. We had to salvage this and find out what could have caused the Merchants to pull out if one data was missing. I remembered Charles reading off to me that there was a lack of stability in technology that we were supposed to look into. I called Charles over again and I had him bring me the report about IT.

"There! I got it!"I said under my breath when I found what had caused the problem. It was because of the poor website service that had been ongoing and IT had done nothing to fix the problem, causing prospective customers to lose interest and disregard the site offerings. I contacted a lot of groups involved, gathering data via phone and email, while I had Charles running all over the place sending reports to everyone concerned in our department using hard copies and printouts. He had been at the photocopy machine all day long working on this and at the same time, I had him comb through some previous data. By the time he sat back in his desk, he was exhausted. I had him stay anyway because I needed his help in organizing my findings. It was another long day at work for us both. I looked over at Charles and I could see him leaning back on his chair with his eyes closed. I could see his profile again, the shape of his neck and I realized that I'm still feeling so horny for him. I smiled faintly to myself and I spoke into the intercom, which I didn't even use before since I liked having people hear me shout for his name when I was the homophobic ass.

"Charles, come in here please-"

Charles regarded me from the glass, his brow furrowed and I tried to put on my best 'this is serious shit' face. He got up and went towards my table, cautious and skeptical."Sir?"

I gestured for him to sit in a chair before my desk and then I placed a copy of my own reports before him."Help me look these through. I had Emma set up an emergency meeting with the Merchants to explain what caused the problem and how we have worked to fix it. We'll advise them that we will re-establish a new portfolio on why they need this ongoing service-"

Charles visibly relaxed when he realized I meant to focus on work and that I was not planning anything raunchy. We both looked over the data and when Charles found an item that was missed I was the one that sent the emails to the groups that should be providing the information we needed. I let this go on for about an hour then I told Charles I will need to pick up a report that was sent to one of our fax machines outside and that he should continue poring over the reports. Charles murmured his assent but was too focused on the data to look up. I smiled to myself and then I looked about outside the office. Everyone had already gone and the cleaners were already at work. They didn't have much to clean really and would be gone soon. I told them not to clean the office at the end of the department and that they should leave immediately. I whistled to myself as I briskly went back to my office. I locked the main door to our room and then I entered my own office. Charles was still there studiously bent over the papers. I furtively walked over to my glass wall and drew down the blinds and then I sat back in my chair, just staring at Charles.

"Are you tired, Charles? You want to rest for a moment?"I asked him gently.

Charles wore his glasses today and he took them off to pinch at the bridge of his nose."I am a bit tired but we have to get this done. I know this is pretty serious-"

"I'm glad you stayed to help me-"

Charles gave me a soft smile, his eyes downcast."I'm only here to help you in any way I can-"He put his glasses on and avoided meeting my eyes.

Damn. Why does he keep making that adorable face? I want to wipe it off of him and reduce him to moans and make his expression grow sexually dark with lust. I tried to calmly tell him to come around to my side of the table because I wanted to show him something. I hoped he did not notice the slight trembling in my voice. Charles stood up and went close to me, unwittingly drawing close to my indecent fingers. He bent over the paper I wanted to show him and then I pounced and grabbed his waist, forcing him to sit on my lap. I smiled at him lewdly as he looked over to me in alarm.

"E-Erik?"

I started kissing his back and his neck as he squirmed and struggled weakly in my lap."Erik please! If...if we do that here, I won't be able to stop my moaning-"

I started to unbuckle his belt, kissing his shoulders as I did so."Exactly what I want-"

"But...but I'll be heard by other people!"Charles said in a low, petulant voice.

"I don't care if they hear us-"And that was the truth. I simply didn't care anymore. I don't care if people find out about us or if I am so aroused by him that I would recklessly take him in the office. I just want to drown myself in this lust and love I feel for him. From behind, I was already unbuttoning his suit coat and unbuttoning his shirt, my arms around him so that he would not be able to flee.  My fingers sought for his nipples and I gently rub them and pinched at them, causing Charles to start up in shock at the sensations. I put an arm about his waist and using one hand, I started to remove his shoes from him, along with his socks. I then wrestled with him to remove his pants and his underwear over his protestations. I pushed his suit coat aside and it fell to the floor. I began to undo his tie and as I undid the knot, I held both ends; I used it as some form of restraint to draw him close and kiss him hungrily. He moaned into the kiss, trying to pull back but slowly, his struggles had stopped and he was reduced to a languorous puddle upon my lap, his eyes growing heavy and dreamy with arousal. He was blushing furiously again and that was one of the things I loved about his pale skin. When he feels any strong emotions, he cannot hide it from me. Down below, his stirring cock tells me that he's already aroused; his body was always so honest when it comes to his lust. I keep coming back to that, don't I? His honesty and openness; the things that drove me crazy insane with love for him in the first place.

He was so aroused that he was gasping and moaning at the same time, his trembling fingers holding on to my shoulders. He shifted on my lap to get into a proper position and I bet he could feel the rock-hard press of my erection in my pants. I was in pain, just trying to stop myself from coming. He now only wore his button-down shirt and his glasses, his back towards my table while I kissed him all over, sucking hard on his skin so that I would leave my kiss marks on him. His head lolled about in his arousal and I stopped kissing him a moment to stare at his face. When I had stopped, he was actually reaching for my collar and he was kissing me back, licking at my lips and biting my lower lip hard. His skin was so feverish and flushed as he nuzzled up against me. His moans quickened as he undulated his behind upon my cock. When he couldn't stand it anymore, he was the one reaching for my zipper to undo my pants, desperate to fuck. I let him continue as I wrap my arms around his shoulders and kissed his hair and his neck. He was able to free my cock and I grunted at the jolt of electric sensations. His palm was wrapped around my cock and he licked his lips as he positioned himself so I would enter him but I stopped him.

"Wait. I don't want to hurt you. Let's put something on first-"I rasped out. My hands were shaking as I rummaged in my cabinets for some KY I had handy while Charles clung onto me and kissed my neck and shoulders. When I had slathered some lubrication on, I slowly guided Charles onto my aching cock and I was subjected to a different kind of pain this time. Ah fuck! Still so tight and when I went in deep into him it felt like he was burning hot down there. I couldn't stop these loud moans coming from my throat and Charles tried to shush me and cover my mouth with his palm. I licked his palm in response instead and I chuckled, wincing as I bucked up into him slow. A trembling cry of pleasure escaped him and his eyes shut tight for a moment, feeling every inch of me as I stabbed into that pleasure gland in him. He braced himself against my chest as I undulated my hips upward, the strokes slow at first. Then I quickened, bucking up wildly into him that the chair made creaking noises, regardless if it was an expensive, ergonomic brand. He started making those cries again. The cries of someone steeped in so much pleasure that it hurts because it felt so good.

"Ahhh! Ahhh! Ahhh!" Charles howled out, eyes squeezing shut; face contorted as he endured my frantic thrusting.

His head was thrown back and his lower back arched and trembled as he got into it. I guided his back to lean on the table while I pummeled him so that it wouldn't be uncomfortable for him. His shoulders relaxed back onto the table, his ass still seated on my lap while my rigid cock slid in and out of him. He was getting so lost in the act that he didn't care if he pushed portfolios and folders away, sending papers flying elsewhere. His head rolled from side to side, sweat misting his furrowed brow. He savored every thrusting I gave him and he responded with more cries of lust. His glasses were actually steamed over that the surface had gone misty with his rising body heat. I wanted to see him go wild on top of me. I reached for his cock and gave him a hand job while I kept up with my bucking. That did it. He started to wail louder, his cries sounding anguished and crazed with lust.

"Yeah! Oh fuck me! Yeah!"He cried out, not caring if he was heard moaning in a pornographic way. His hips were frantically undulating; tightening the muscles in his backside so we can both really feel all these agonizingly pleasurable sensations. Oh God! I was losing it! I quickened my fisted hand on his slick and erect cock. He sobbed for more, his face growing blank in his lust as the need to release peaked and peaked in us both. My heart ached as it did its own ramming inside of my chest, protesting against the building pressure. I could hear his own heart clipping madly in his chest. He was biting down on his lips, licking his tongue over them and when we both couldn't endure it any longer, the dam broke and we both orgasmed. He came in my hand, my other hand still clutching at his hip as his body stuttered, his spasms overtaking him. His come dribbled down from my fingers and onto his belly. I came inside of him and I felt some of it trickling from his backside back onto my lap, my balls seizing up as I kept spending into him. We were gasping and breathless after. We both sagged back in place as the blood rush coursed through us and then our quickening hearts and racing pulses calmed down. I absently wiped at the sweat from my brow and stared down at him. He looked like he had fallen from some great height and he could not move, his chest still heaving; his face looked dreamy with his sexual satisfaction. His head was to the side and his glasses are now askew on his face, still misted over by the steam from his body. He still had on that black shirt, parted open so I can see his sweaty chest and his pert pink nipples. His shirt was probably soaked through with sweat at the back. His arms were still thrown back above him onto the table, bent at the elbows and his fists close to his ears. His cock was pressed up to his belly when I released it so that it glistened wetly under the lighting, still pink and throbbing from all the squeezing I had done upon it. He looked so enticing again, my lusty, winsome nerd.

He opened his blue eyes and his red face seemed to redden even more when he realized I had been staring down at him while he was like this. On top of that, he screamed out in his lust and he feared that someone may have heard us. He licked his lips quickly and he bit his lower lip. He had no idea that that act alone could spur me on for more. My cock stirred in him and he felt it.

"Oh God, Erik-"Charles said in a small, breathless voice.

I circled my hips seductively  at his backside, jabbing into his still sensitive gland and he trembled. He looked like he was close to tears again, unsure of how to feel. A gasping sob escaped his sensuous lips.

"Erik...don't. You're driving me so crazy-"He shivered as he lay there, his shoulders hitching up along with his cock, which started to spasm and come alive again. He was probably still so sensitive but so aroused that he wanted it as badly as I did. I just wanted him so bad that I didn't care if I lost my mind and take him here until morning comes. I fucked him again, harder and more violent than the first time and he was wailing, his face going blank with lust again as he lost himself to the things I did to him in my office.

Not sure how we ended up on the floor but I lost consciousness at some point and I woke up to find him lying next to me, kissing my face and my lips; his gentle fingers smoothing over my brow. I reached for him rashly, kissed him hard and I clutched possessively at the back of his neck.

"I could eat you up all day long-"I told him huskily when I pulled back. He giggled at my words, his blue eyes rolling at how silly I was and he smiled that sweet endearing smile once more.

"You're insane, you know that?"Charles chided me softly.

I sighed contentedly and sat back up, my grin probably still lewd and looking ready for some more fun.

"We have to go, Erik. It's getting so late-"

I finally relented and we fixed the place up as best as we could, righted the portfolios and organized the reports again and then we both prepared to go back home. He was staying at my house temporarily so I took him back there. We had a very nice warm 'shower' together and then I lay contentedly next to him in bed, running my hand softly over his skin. That 'I love you' hovered inside of my throat once more. I was almost close to uttering it but I stopped myself again. I felt so stupid. Why can't I just say it out loud? I'm so in love with him but that was the one thing that was so hard for me to do. Charles had been nothing but understanding and thoughtful and so damned sexy that it should have been easy. I reached for his hand instead and we quietly regarded each other. He never asked for me to say it to him, perhaps because he understood it was hard for someone like me. We slept next to each other but that thought kept niggling at me. How could I begin to say to him that I love him and how to say it at the right time? I mean, it’s like we are married already. It should have been easier-

 

"Both the Merchants will be here on the same schedule? What happened?"I asked Emma pointedly while we were all in the meeting room with the other Information Analysts. Emma ran a hand through her blond hair, unruffled.

"It seems the other Merchant decided to come in any way at the same time as the other. That was not my fault, Erik. You know I added your name in my email and I informed their offices of our schedule-"

"Christ! Nothing we can do about it now, is there? Yeah, I know it was not your fault and you did a great job in convincing them to come, Emma-"

"Noted-"Emma nodded back graciously and crossed her legs.

"I'll make the presentation for the first Merchant-"I told everyone and they heaved a sigh of relief at that.

"But what are we to do about the other problem? Who's going to make a presentation of the revised portfolio to the other Merchant?"Armando asked as he looked about at everyone at the table. All the heads of the department and the assistants are in there with me in the meeting room. I sat back in my chair, mulling over this and then my eyes fell on Charles, who was quietly looking through the reports again. I inclined my head towards Charles.

"My apprentice will do the other presentation-"I said steadily.

Everyone at that table was shocked, with Charles more so than the rest. His blue eyes were large enough but they grew even wider, trembling in their sockets.

"S-sir?"

"He knows the content of all of the reports. He has worked with me all night collating all the data. If the Merchants have any questions, he's sure to answer them-"

Emma frowned at me, shaking her head minutely."Erik, he's never done a presentation before! Are you sure? Forgive me but it's not a lack of confidence in Mr Xavier that prevents me from agreeing with your decision, but his inexperience might appear as a weakness to the Merchants and the executives who will attend the meeting-"

"I have faith in him. He's a smart young man and he can be outspoken when given the right...prodding-"I said smoothly as I smiled at everyone.

"Erik, this is a big deal! We are not playing around here. If we fuck this one over we are screwed!"Emma cried out in a rare show of emotion. She looked angry. She must've thought I was doing this to torture Charles when in fact, my intentions are deeper than that. I want Charles to have more confidence in himself and what better way to start than to throw him into what he knows best? He knows all of this by heart now and even when we are alone together, he had been the one that had presented all possible arguments over the problems in the reports. Charles suddenly stood up and he hesitated a moment, looking around at all of us.

"Excuse me!"Charles said in a trembling voice and hurried for the door awkwardly. I immediately stood up to bar his way.

"Where are you going?"I demanded, looking hard at him.

Charles looked down at his shoes and he would not look at me, trembling slightly as he stood there. It must have shocked everyone even more when I reached out and gently touched the nape of Charles's neck, caressing him.

"What are you afraid of? You know this like the back of your hand!"

Charles blushed furiously at my touch and looked up at me then. He was close to tears with his fear.

"I can't, Sir. I'm scared of speaking in front of other people-"Charles said in a small voice, bowing his head low again.

I reached for his shoulders and softly ran my hands over them."Look at me, Charles-"

I smiled at him affectionately and our colleagues are probably flipping over and wondering in awed silence why I am like this with Charles. I simply did not care.

"Charles, you're my apprentice. The business we work in is pretty cutthroat and requires assertion and confidence. If you are ever going to move ahead, the time is now. Stand up for yourself and face your fears. I believe in you, ok?"

Charles was shocked by the words coming from my mouth. Everyone was stunned silent and did not say anything for some time. I finally cleared my throat, turned Charles around to sit back in his seat and I returned to my chair, smiling at everyone confidently.

"So here's the plan. I will present the portfolio to our scheduled Client while Charles will present the other portfolio to our second Client. Emma, you'll serve as Charles's proxy and mediator in case he needs help-"

"Alright-"Emma said, her eyes narrowed down at me and probably thinking I had gone insane. An apprentice doing a portfolio presentation is unheard of! Everyone murmured their agreement, going along with my decisions since I'm the head of this project anyway. When we had all stood up to prepare for the presentation, Emma grasped my elbow and drew me to a corner.

"What the hell, Erik! How can you do this to him? Do you know what you're playing at? If he fails, it's going to be you that will be held accountable for this!"She hissed at me.

I just smiled at her and patted her shoulders while I pulled away."Trust me, I know what I'm doing-"

"And I thought you loved the guy-"

I just gave her a mysterious smile and let them continue with their preparation. Charles had to go over with Emma to discuss the schematics while I had Bobby at my side. We gathered all our data in our hard copies to be distributed later to the company executives and to the representatives of the Merchants group. We were all in the elevator, heading out to the floor where all the meeting rooms are and before we stepped out, I faced Charles. He was pale and he trembled slightly. His eyes are moist and full of fear. I thought at that point I should have said something to bolster his confidence, some words of encouragement that would make him brave enough to face this challenge I had given him. But I just gazed at his quiet apprehension. He could not back away from this one now.

When we were finally on the floor where the meeting rooms are, I suddenly reached for Charles's wrist and pulled him towards me. I gave him a brief hug and I whispered into his ear.

"I did this for your sake, Charles. When you're in there, just show them what you can do! I know you can do this-"

"Erik, I don't know-"Charles said in a choked voice. I pulled back and touched his cheek and Both Bobby and Emma exchanged looks. Bobby was immensely incredulous over the fact that I was audacious and reckless enough to touch Charles openly. I had been notorious as the Homophobic boss from hell and here I am, touching my own assistant with affection. He must have found it odd that we were also on first name terms in front of them too. But Emma was giving us both knowing looks, finally realizing why I was doing this to Charles. By the time we return to our floor, I'm sure the news about the things I had been doing to Charles would have spread all over. I don't really give a shit what they will think of me anymore. I'm the son of the owner of this company. I can do whatever the hell I want and bend the rules to suit me. And if I fell like letting everyone know who I really am, then they can shove it and choke on it if they don't like it!

Charles had noticed what I was doing too and tried to pull away but I reached for him again so our gazes would meet.

"I may not be in that room Charles but just remember what I told you before. Like the wind, ok?"I said softly.

Both Emma and Bobby did not get what I meant but Charles immediately understood. He tried not to cry and finally smiled up at me. He straightened up and took his portfolio and papers, giving me one last look of affection and he entered his own meeting room with Emma. Bobby was still looking mystified as he eyed me warily.

"Errr, you're not going to go and do that to me too, are you Sir?"

I suddenly laughed wryly at Bobby, shaking my head."Not on your life, Mr Drake! Let's hustle! I don't want to keep the Client waiting-"

"Sir, do you mind if I ask-"Bobby began but I pushed him on and grinned at him.

"Yes, he's my boyfriend Mr Drake-" I said dryly and Bobby looked like he got an electric shock, his mouth hanging open so far down it could have fallen down to the floor.

"Are we going to discuss more details about my love life, Mr Drake? I could give you a detailed play-by-play if you want but allow me the opportunity to get this meeting on before we do so!"I said sarcastically. Bobby shook himself and grinned at me good-naturedly, somewhat sheepish.

"No Sir-"

"Well let's get this done then! Time's already wasted with you jawing about!"I said crisply and Bobby just smiled and apologized. I'm surprised he wasn't even silently mocking me about it too, which was actually a good thing. We went into the meeting room and met up with the Merchant representatives. One of our executives was also there to oversee the presentation. We took about 30 minutes or so and when we were done, we were able to convince the Merchant to continue with the project presented in the portfolio after we informed them the percentage of sales will rise now that the site for the products and services being offered has improved. We had also informed them of the benefits covered by the project and why the product was relevant to their company. My father's executive congratulated us on salvaging the project and for a job well done. I looked over at Charles's meeting room door and it appears they were still not done so Bobby and I hung around the lobby to wait for them. When they came out, the Merchant representatives shook my hand and told me they will continue and it was an exceptional opportunity. By the looks of things, it seems Charles's presentation was a success. They kept praising the presenter and the detailed presentation and left. The second executive from my father's group came over and shook my hand as well.

"I was informed you made the decision to have your protégé make the presentation. Good call on that ballsy move! He's a very bright young man! He'll be going far in this business if you continue what you are doing! Congratulations!"

"Thank you, Sir!"

The man shook my hand paternally and patted my back at the same time."No, Thank you! I will inform your father of this! He'll be pleased to know your decision-making in this company reflects favorably of him-"

I thanked him again and the man finally left. I turned to face Emma, Bobby and Charles. Charles was flushed but otherwise, he looked pleased by all the praise he had received, obviously relieved that it was over. Emma put an arm around him.

"Lehnsherr, I can't believe you have this raw talent under your wing! He single-handedly pulled that presentation through-"

I smiled at Charles lovingly, our gazes locking."Never doubted him for a minute-"

We all headed back to our own floor and made our way into our offices. Bobby announced to everyone that the two projects were saved and everyone clapped and congratulated us. I pretended to be annoyed and told everyone to get back to work but the happy mood was not broken. Everyone was in high spirits because this was another win for our department. I headed into my own office and Charles followed, taking his place at his desk. He seemed to be in deep thought for a moment and then he stood up and knocked on my door.

"Mr Lehnsherr, Sir? May I speak with you?"

"Yes you may, Charles. Please sit down-"I gestured to the chair before my table and he sat down. He smiled at me hesitantly, those blue eyes so beguiling as they stared up at me affectionately.

"Sir, thank you...for what you did for me back there. I never knew I could do it but your encouragement really empowered me-"

"Just helping you along, Mr Xavier. You just needed the right push-"

"Well speaking of the right push, may I ask-"Charles peered at the door as if someone might suddenly enter and then he bent close to the table and spoke in a low voice.

"I know it's out of place for me to say this but is it that hard for you to tell me that you love me, Erik?"Charles said and arched one eyebrow at me, a faintly amused and hopeful smile on his face. I smiled at him complacently and leaned forward, rolling my eyes as if what he said was trivial.

"Tsk, Charles! What does it matter if I say it or not if you know I feel it and that I've made it quite plain that you are the only one for me-"

Charles frowned at me."There you go again, Erik! Eating your own words! You made such a show of giving me that support and you forced me to face my own fears but you can't say these simple words to me!"

"Don't go comparing my situation with your own qualms! Just remember that I'm still your boss and you should still know your place in my office, Mr Xavier-"I said frostily but he did not notice the twinkle of amusement in my eye. Charles was taken aback by what I had said and narrowed his eyes at me. He did not say anything for a while.

"Fine! be that way!"Charles suddenly said haughtily and then he got up quickly from the chair. He looked mad enough to chew nails and I was practically enjoying the fact that he does value those words; he did want to hear me say them. He walked about around the front of his desk restlessly, wiping at his reddening face.

"Charles!"I called out dryly to him but he turned his blazing eyes at me from my view of him from the Plexiglas wall that divided our offices and he flung the main door to our office open. He stomped out angrily and I chuckled to myself. _Oh you fool! You really do want me to give it to you, don't you?_

I stood up and I watched him march off, as if he can't stand being near me at the moment and I called loudly for him at the doorway of our office.

"Mr Xavier! When I am speaking to you, you do not turn your back on me! Now stop right where you are!"

Everyone who was doing their work in front of their computers or talking on the phone suddenly stopped. Their eyes are on Charles, who had to stop in the middle of the department floor, fuming. His jaw was tightening and working angrily as he turned to face me. I sauntered over to him and gave him my most supercilious and haughty expression when I stopped before him. He met my eyes with a defiant and angry stare.

"What the hell, Xavier! How dare you walk out on me when I was about to tell you that I love you!"I said in that arrogant tone that I used on him before when I was the asshole Boss that made him suffer. Now the entire department grew stock still and icily silent at hearing me say the words. I could have heard a pin drop in that lengthy, shocked silence. These were the words that had meant so much to Charles and now...I've just announced to the entire department that I love him. Charles's face grew endearingly tender again, at first unsure of what he heard.

"S-sir? What did you just say?"Charles asked in a small voice, his blush rising instantly and his eyes growing round and moist, glimmering with his feelings.

"Are you deaf Xavier? I said I love you! Is it still not getting across to you? My God! You are still so slow!"I said gruffly but I was smiling at him lovingly now and I noticed that everyone else was starting to smile in understanding and approval. I grabbed him before he could say anything else and I kissed him passionately, right there on the floor in front of everyone else and they all broke out in hoots of encouragement and happy laughter. I finally pulled back so that Charles could catch his breath and he was smiling up at me tenderly, somehow embarrassed that we have made a scene in front of everyone and now they know about us. He pushed his glasses back, quietly flustered by the stares of his colleagues. I kept him in place as I embraced him, without shame or fear.

"I should have said that with more finesse, had you given me the chance. Let me start over. I love you, Charles. I love you so much I want the whole world to know it-" I whispered softly into his ear and Charles could not help it but he started to cry as I held him. He was left speechless and could only look up at me happily.

So there you have it, this was how Charles Xavier changed my life and made me more than I could ever be. I'm a changed man and if you ask me, I wouldn't want it any other way.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a POV for Charles. It might be a bit different because I did not completely follow in the same vein of dialogue as with Erik's POV. I know this was much awaited and I apologize to my readers for the delays. I'm a hot mess and there are so many things happening with me :/ I will honestly admit I had too much on my plate and I am struggling to dish it out, so again, I'm sorry for that. I only aim to write and give you the Cherik entertainment that you so deserve. Thank you for your time :)

 

_**CHARLES** _

 

Have you ever met someone that has touched your entire being in such a way that you can't ever get them out of your mind? Not just in romantic terms, but I mean someone who has changed you and changed your outlook in life that when things get so bad and you suddenly want to think of something to lift your spirits up, you remember this person and you instantly feel like smiling; your worries melt away and that good memory that they impressed upon you rises up and things begin to get better. You start to think: I have this memory, this precious memory of something good and true and no one can take it away from me no matter how much everything or everyone else wears me down. I just have to remember this person...and he or she makes me smile. I'm glad I had such a person in my life. You must be wondering who or where this person is that had such a profound influence on me. To tell you the truth, he was a complete stranger to me and we only met once when I was six. It’s funny isn't it? I was just a little boy then and yet I'm holding on to a childish memory that should have been brushed off by the worries of adulthood and the passing of years. I suppose it has something more to do with what was impressed upon me and how that person had done it so you would understand why.

You see, both my parents died in a terrible plane crash, along with an uncle and aunt. Since I was an only child, I felt alone and so full of despair. I had no one to comfort me at that time. I was left in the care of a family priest who was a distant relative and he said that there will be another set of relatives who will come for me to take care of me. The priest was a very nice man but he treated me with a polite sympathy. I understand of course, because he's too busy with so many things; he would have no time to tend to a grieving boy. I cried a lot for days after my parents died and the priest could see I was inconsolable. I was a precocious child so when he explained to me about my parents passing away, I understood what death is about. It means that I would never see my parents again; It means no more story time from either of my parents. It means no more running on the lawn flying a kite with my dad or playing with toy battleships at the fountain. No more of the warm, milky smell from my mom as she hugs me and comforts me when I'm hurt or when I cry. No more movie nights. You must think the worries of a child are so simple but I was devastated and my heart was broken. I loved my parents because I had always thought that they will always be there for me and they are the only people in the world who would love me for who I am. To suffer this kind of loss at a young age, you would have thought I would not understand and that it will pass away quickly; but I do understand and it never passed away for some time. _Until I met him._ The kind boy at the cemetery.

Father Warren had always known me to be an introverted child so he had let me go through my grief quietly but as the months went by, he noticed that I was not getting any better. I am different from the other children because I prefer things to be quiet; I'd rather go through my picture books or stay in the house watching movies than play with the other children in his neighborhood. I had to stay with him until my relatives take me to live with them. He had seen the immense sadness and lifelessness in me that he decided I should go pay my respects at my parents' grave, perhaps to find closure, because after they were buried, I never went to see their graves. He took me to the cemetery one afternoon and I had carried flowers I picked up by myself in his garden. My chest hurt at the thought of seeing their graves again and my eyes stung with unshed tears. When I got to where my parents were buried, I wept openly and let the anguish rip right through me. I was in so much pain that I thought there would be no more rising from it, but then I felt a presence next to me as I knelt before the gravestone and I lifted my eyes up to a boy older than me. He looked like he had been crying himself. To my astonishment, he suddenly reached for me and hugged me gently. It was strange, and yet it was the first true comfort I felt after my parents' death and I was moved by it. When he pulled back, the first thing I saw was the intense look from his blue-green eyes. He looked as solemn and sad as I was that I immediately understood that he came here to grieve for someone as well and I was right.

"I lost my sister too. Her name is Ruth-"He said in a quiet voice. He pointed out to her grave as he kept an arm about me. I can't seem to stop crying and I kept sniveling loudly that I suddenly felt ashamed to be sobbing like this in front of this older boy. He must have thought I was so pathetic! My nose was dripping and I kept trying to wipe it off with my sleeve. He noticed and he suddenly took out a handkerchief, helping me wipe my face and he did not look like he was disgusted with me as I blubbered like an idiot. He was very gentle with me and looked down at me kindly. I tried to control my crying but I just couldn't and my chest heaved painfully. The boy regarded me with that tender look in his eyes and it just mesmerized me to look up at him. He was so dignified, even in his grief and I thought he looked so handsome and strong that I wished I was like him. He startled me again when he hugged me to himself once more and then he said the words that became forever etched in my mind.

"Don't worry. They're watching over you anyway, even if they are not here. They're up in the sky but it doesn't mean that they don't love you. They still do. Love never goes away. It's like the wind; you feel it even if it’s not there. It's going to be hard, I know but I promise, it will get better-" He whispered softly as he kept embracing me.

My chest began to ache in a different way. I hoped he did not feel the quickening beat of my heart or feel the heat that rose to my cheeks. He held me for a long time and he would have gone on doing it too if Father Warren had not called me from the gates. Father Warren wanted to give me a private moment as I grieved but he was never far. I had to go even though I really didn't feel like leaving. The boy and I gazed at each other for a while, just smiling faintly at each other and I was thinking he thought the same as I did. We felt comfort in holding onto each other and it made us both feel that the words he said rang true. With each step I took when I finally bounded away, my heart began to feel lighter. Only when I was in the taxicab with Father Warren did I realize that I forgot to ask the boy his name. I thought to myself that if fate permits it, I will know his name and meet him again.

Later that evening, while I was in Father Warren's garden just sitting on one of the benches, a gust of wind suddenly blew my way and I felt it ruffle my hair and touch my cheeks. I close my eyes and I smile when I remember what that boy said about the wind and it feels as if...it was my mother ruffling my hair and touching my cheek that I felt comforted once more. Do you see what this boy has done to me? I had never felt something as intense as this over someone. His kindness reached out to me and it moved me in a way that I never thought possible. I couldn't stop thinking about him that when Father Warren said he had to handle the affairs of the church, I asked to accompany him. He told me to behave myself and stay out of trouble. I went to the cemetery of course, hoping to see him again. _That boy_. But he wasn't there. I waited all day that afternoon to see if he will be back but he never returned. I know I shouldn't expect him to come around so soon but I was hoping to speak with him again; to be with him. I went to his sister's grave instead and I stared at her gravestone. The boy left a single daisy on top of her grave and I touched it gently, leaving it where it was placed. I saw this image of his sister, smiling from a picture in the gravestone and I thought with a brother like him, she must also be a kind girl. Her name was Ruth Lehnsherr.

I went back to Father Warren's office at the church and while he was busy, I had thought that there must be records of that boy's family here. I remember seeing people sign in something called a funeral registry and I looked these over. They were in these log books in one of the shelves. I pulled up a chair to reach it and I looked over the new log, then I saw it. _Lehnsherr_. Jakob Lehnsherr, Edie Lehnsherr and Erik Lehnsherr for Ruth Lehnsherr. _Erik_. That was the boy's name and I traced my fingers over his fine handwriting because he signed his own name on the registry and I recognize a child's handwriting when I see one. I did not think his name would be Jakob because the handwriting was long and looping, done with a flourish and it had an adult feel to it. I never stopped thinking about him and I had been hoping to see him at the church or the cemetery but I never did. I kept trying to remember the boy's face, picturing him as this dignified and solemn character. His eyes swam before my own vision as I imagine him and remember that moment in the cemetery, over and over again. Uncle Logan and my odd family came to live with me in the Xavier Mansion. Aunt Ororo went to pick up my two baby cousins from another state; their names are Alex and Scott. Their parents were with my parents when their plane crashed. I suppose we were all in the same situation so our relatives had decided we should all be together and attend one place for our schooling. They thought it would be better to get our education in the city. I frequently ask Aunt Jean to take me to the cemetery in the hopes that I will suddenly see that boy again but our paths never crossed. I did try to search for information about him online when I was in elementary school but I guess I was too afraid to go any further. I also thought at that time that it was rude to do something like that, like I was stalking him and it made me feel ashamed of myself. Many years passed by but I never forgot about him. And then...I did meet him again but it was not what I had expected it to be.

I had been living by myself for some time now. Uncle Logan and the rest had returned to their country home to expand on the business that they had planned on building before I came into their lives. Alex and Scott, now both done with college went to join them. Uncle Logan decided it would be ok to go back to the place they considered home after they determined I would be ok by myself because I still refused to leave the city. Growing up in this neighborhood, I had come to love this place that time seemed to have left alone. There are still the small independent shops all about and there were a lot of old people in this place. Most of the houses were still intact but half of them are crumbling and growing gray with age. At night, it was still safe to walk in this part of the neighborhood because no one cared to mug the humble people in this part of the city. Even my own mansion was crumbling and growing dilapidated, eroded by time. I let the grass grow on the large lawn because it was too much work to maintain it all by myself but I never left because I loved the mansion even in its state of decay and this place meant a lot to me.

I worked for a small company close by as an account service representative but the pay was not satisfactory to me. I realized I've been coasting around working desk jobs and I thought it was time to move up to a bigger company to get a better pay. My intention was to earn enough money to help pay for the renovation of the mansion and perhaps use it as a form of investment, either to rent it out or make it into some sort of public library. I was looking online one night for a good company and then I saw this online article about Lehnsherr Enterprises. My heart skipped a beat, the moment I saw it. There was a captioned picture of Jakob Lehnsherr and his son, Erik Lehnsherr shaking hands at a gala party held by their company and when I saw Erik's picture I was riveted. I stared at his face for the longest time. He looked so handsome. His dark brown hair had gone a light brown and he looked so different from how I remembered him. His expression was arrogant in the picture, even somewhat intimidating. I read on about the company itself and I realized their line of work required a lot of communication, building up associations with other companies to promote various services and products. I had been turned down by other companies before because it had been pointed out to me that I had poor people skills and that I was not assertive enough. _Can I even make it past the first interview in their company if I tried?_ I looked at the available positions and I saw that they needed assistants in their research department. If there was one thing I was good at, it was research. I realized the company was too big and that it was impossible for me to even be able to see Erik, let alone have a chance to speak to him...but I had to try. I was extremely anxious over it as I prepared my resume and set up a walk-in interview from their website. I made a video call with Aunt Jean after and I informed her that I had found the boy that I met at the cemetery. My meeting with Erik was never a secret to them and I shared everything with my Aunts and Uncle. Even Alex and Scott, who had teased me incessantly over how sick and tired they are of hearing me talk about my boring encounter with that boy. It was just that each time I'm in a difficult situation or if things get bad, I always bring him up in conversations because it helped me relive that moment when I found comfort and acceptance from a kind stranger. I'm weird that way, I guess. I tend to hold on to things because of my sentimentality. At the moment, Aunt Jean was skeptical about my decision.

"Charles I have always supported you in everything that you do but are you sure you can handle working in that company? From what you are telling me, it sounds a bit out of your comfort zone-"

I sighed."Yes it is. But I have to try, Aunt Jean. I mean, I have to move up in my career and at the same time...I want to see if I can meet him again-"

"Charles it has been a long time and it was just one chance meeting between you two. He might be different from how you remember him-"

Of course he would not be the same anymore. Once we meet it might even turn out awkward but I had to give it a shot. I just had to see him again. I swallowed thickly and let out a breath."I just have to do this, Aunt Jean-"

Aunt Jean did not say anything for a long time and then she visibly sighed from across the video call. I understand that she was just worried for me but I'm a grown man and I want to make my own decisions."Alright Charles but please don't expect too much from meeting him. As for working in that company, I wish you luck on your interview-"

"Thank you! I'll let you know how it goes!"

We talked of a different topic afterwards and once we were done and I am all by myself, I could feel the flutter of nervousness coming back in my belly. I was scared to death but I was determined to push through with this. It was now or never. I prepared the attire that I would wear and I kept thinking of all the possible interview questions that they would ask me. I got myself ready and I kept giving myself a pep talk about how I'm sure to get this while I lay in bed. Needless to say, my interview did go surprisingly well and I was hired on the spot. I was told I was to report to the Information Analysis Department for tomorrow at 8AM. I had to send an immediate resignation at my current work and wrapped all loose ends up with them. When I got home, I was still trembling with excitement. I just can't believe that I was able to do it. This was something so new to me and the one thought that kept me going was that I might be able to meet him. Even if I don't get to really speak with him, as long as I do see him...I suppose that would be enough. The next morning, imagine my shock when I discovered that Erik was actually one of the Lead Officers at the Information Analysis Department and his specialty was Project Reviews. I felt my heart beat faster at the thought of working close to him. I saw his pictures on the bulletin board at the main hallway of the department floor. At that time, the way I looked at him was more of admiration, rather than infatuation. I had wanted to befriend him and become a part of his life in some way. I suppose you might even think I'm naive and foolish for wanting to associate myself with this man, who I only met when we were both young boys and who had probably forgotten he met me. I was not even assigned to work under him. I was supposed to work under a Miss Emma Frost but there appeared to be some confusion because Miss Frost still wanted to retain her previous assistant. I became a reserve in the instance she did not come back so I was given temporary work as a reviewer for any of the leads who needed assistance. I was given some basic training over what we do in the company and after a week, I was allowed to review actual portfolios.

I finally met him in person but I was quietly disappointed because he was so different now...and not in a good way. I did not think he would recognize me; we were little kids after all when we first met so I did not expect him to remember me. What dismayed me the most was that he had an awful reputation at the office. People had been talking about him in a not so flattering manner. They called him a homophobic player and that he was mean to anyone he considers gay in his estimation and he slept around with any woman who caught his eye. People bandied about the words, 'asshole', jerk, arrogant bastard when they talk about him and I was appalled that they hated him behind his back. I suppose he acted a bit supercilious because he is the son of the owner of the company and he could do whatever he wanted. We had a brief look at each other in the department hallway one day. He was talking to someone on his cell phone and then he glanced over at me and he looked at me like I was something so disgusting. The expression on his face really hurt me but I did not let on that it affected me and kept my expression blank. He did not make an effort to hide his dislike of me. Whenever I am in his sights, he scowled at me or glowered at me. Sometimes, I think he was making fun of me behind my back when talking to his two friends, Mr Quested and Mr Creed. It became apparent to me that he thought I was gay. I admit I do look kind of...timid. I can't help how I look like and how I behave. I have really pale skin that won't tan no matter how hard I try, made even worse by my lips that are naturally red. I have a slight body and a tender-looking face. The soft expression I have was how I usually look and I can't change that. I can't even defend myself to him by telling him _I am a man_ , because he already decided I was gay. I was contemplating a resignation but I had given up my comfy position from my previous job, where I did not have to associate with other people much and only spoke to 3 or 4 people in the office. All my efforts would have been for nothing if I quit now. I was at my desk typing up a report for one of the leads when I received an email from HR that they found a permanent position for me as Erik's assistant. I was shocked when I saw the email. _To work under him?_ Thoughts of quitting rose up in me again but I steeled myself and headed for his office anyway. I knocked on his door and he spoke in a deep and strangely calm voice.

"Come in-"

I opened the door and entered, keeping my eyes down. I was told that he hated being directly gazed at by someone he thought of as gay or 'effeminate' so I dared not to look at him directly. From my downcast lashes, I can already see his pleasant expression fall, replaced by an insolent glower.

"Sir, HR informed me that I was to report to you as your assistant-"

"What? Stand straight and speak clearly, boy! I can't understand what the hell you just mumbled!"He cried out in a peeved voice. I had to repeat what I had said in a louder voice as I kept my eyes averted.

"What's your name, boy?"He said brusquely. I winced. I think he did not read my resume so he did not know my true age.

"My name is Charles Xavier, Sir-"I heard the trembling in my own voice and he made some sort of amused snort when he heard it too. I blushed at the thought that I lost all composure before him, when I had been striving to be braver.

"Well Xavier, the next time you come into this office, make sure to wear something more corporate, got it? This is an office, not a college editorial for a gay fan club-"He drawled out in a scornful voice.

I felt a dull flash of fury inside of me. I did not want him to keep assuming I was gay. I had no control when I stammered a confused response."I don't...y-yes Sir!"

"What? Were you going to say something?"He asked truculently, glaring hard at me.

"I don't belong to a gay fan club, Sir-"

"Hah! Could've fooled anyone! If you want to be taken seriously, try to behave and dress like someone who works in a professional setting-"Mr Lehnsherr said in that same strident tone.

"I'm sorry Sir. I'll try my best to look more corporate tomorrow-"I said in a small voice, keeping my head down. He did have a point. I had to dress more professionally since this is a big company and we represent it so we have to look the part. He was making faces at me, rolling his eyes about and then he gestured for me to come closer.

"Fine! Come over here so I could give you your instructions and the memorandum!"

I stepped closer but I saw the disgust cross his face again and I wished that a hole would suddenly pop up for me to disappear into. He made me feel small and ashamed of myself for some reason. The thought that kept running through my head was where was that sweet boy who had embraced me gently and had wiped away my tears? Where was that boy who had said kind and wise words to me and did not find me repellant? This man could not be him. He was an arrogant, judgmental person now and I find him so disappointing I almost wanted to shout out my resignation. But I braced myself for more of his abuse instead as I took my seat outside of his office. He stepped out of his own office momentarily, giving me a disdainful glare and he threw the main door open. He also kept his own door open and drew up the blinds over his Plexiglas walls so that he wouldn't have to see me. It was a really insulting gesture. I sighed quietly and read through his memorandum and then he sent me emails of the additional tasks that he needed me to do. That was the first time we had actually spoken as adults and I find myself feeling ill, wondering what more was in store for me, working under him. I instantly regretted my decision to work for this company. When the day was over, I was relieved and rushing to get back home. As I rode the subway, I kept repeating the words he said to me when we were little. I kept thinking, maybe he had some sort of bad experience or he was not raised right that was why he was like this now. Maybe in time, things will get better between us.

But I was wrong. I didn't realize that I would go through the worst hell imaginable, working for him.

He was dismissive and spoke to me curtly. Everything I do seemed to dissatisfy him and he was always angrily calling out my name. He pointed out my mistakes as I sent him the reports I had typed on my computer, attached to an email so he could review it. He also piled up a load of binders for me to comb through to review and when I took my time to look at them carefully per his instructions, he came to my desk shouting that I was taking too long. He told me he could do half this load in less than an hour and I was only able to read one binder of the analysis reports. I don't know how he could have possibly done it. It looked so difficult but then he taught me how to review it the right way, skimming through the unnecessary parts that I was able to do it the way he did it. I admit, I was learning a lot from him. If only he did not humiliate me as he corrected me. He loudly informed me how incompetent I was and how slow I was moving. He had me running back and forth to the photocopy machine too, for the printout of the reviews that had to be distributed to the other lead officers, post-haste and he would order me to always get him coffee, not from the machine at the office but from outside. He has a preference for a particular Starbucks brand that was so far off that I had to race back like my my life depended on it because I had a lot of reports I needed to finish for him. He'd be at my desk, furiously waiting for me. He would tell me that I had wasted his time by taking so long. I know I should complain about his pushy and abusive behavior but with the high pressure requirements of our work, it was understandable that he would have a short fuse and demand that I meet his expectations. Everyone else at the office seemed to be like him, always in a rush to get things done. People would be shouting rudely at each other over missed reports and I see a lot of scowling, harried faces in the office when things don't go right. The only other person I saw who never lost her cool was Miss Frost, aptly named as she is.

I find it odd that even though he was a homophobic man, he never once called me gay to my face or made jabs at my sexual orientation; he would either insinuate it in a veiled and indirect manner or even show it through the loathing in his eyes. He only put me down when I did not do things right at work and he was chillingly cruel when he does point out my glaring mistakes. He was not exactly a model employee himself. Perhaps he felt it was not necessary to burden himself with too much tasks because he will eventually inherit the company. Under his management, I had seen him send out rushed and mediocre reports. Sometimes he would leave me alone to finish it for him. He mostly hung out with his friends, Mr Creed and Mr Quested, smoking or eating outside. They would go to the Recreation room playing billiards; hang around at the coffee room gossiping and saying mean things about anyone that became their topic of the day. Most of the time, they hung about the office doing nothing and ogling at some of our lady colleagues at work. Mr Lehnsherr was constantly on his cell phone, talking to a different woman each time and if he wasn't doing that, he would be playing games on his phone. To be honest, I was becoming like the other people at the office. I came to despise him. And why shouldn't I? He had me so overloaded with work that by the end of the day, I was so tired. I'd go home, with barely any time to read books; falling asleep wearing my rumpled work attire, only to wake up groaning in the morning and wondering what I had subjected myself to. My life became so hellishly routine. I had to make sure his coffee was ready in the morning and that it should still be warm. I had to be at the office very early because I had to prepare the reports and portfolios and he wanted them arranged on his desk in a certain order; important ones first and then the less important tasks at the bottom, meaning I had to read them through before he reads them. I take in his internal department calls to inform the caller he is not available, taking messages for him. I check his agenda and make sure everything was done on time. I actually prefer it when he is not around because when he is, he would be shouting out my name and asking me why something was not done right and he would accuse me of being the one at fault. Not a day would pass by that he would not find anything to harass me with.

He was pushing me to my limit and I feel so tired and angry all the time that it made me want to quit. But I didn't. Do you want to know why? I did not want to give him the satisfaction that he was getting to me. I thought the only way he was ever going to get rid of me was if I did not go by his rules and I have always followed them to the letter; even though his requests are sometimes impossible, I was able to manage them somehow. At the onset, I had failed countless times but as time went by, I became so used to being under pressure that it became so ingrained in me. The more he grilled me down, the more I fought on and took it, striving to do better each time. The months were marching by and I'm amazed I was able to stay on the way I did. I heard the other assistants that worked under him never even lasted more than three months! I was proud of myself with my achievements, even though he never noticed. He simply did not care to congratulate me or acknowledge me. Why would he? He thinks I'm gay, a behavior he deemed vile and repulsive. In turn, I consider him the worst human specimen I have ever had the misfortune of meeting and I had forgotten the fact that he had started out kind once. I come to the office with nothing to smile about. I'm no longer the newbie. Some of our colleagues think I'm always so serious and quiet. I didn't want to fraternize with anyone of them at all. I just wanted my day to be done and go home. I was able to maximize my schedule, allowing me some time for myself and I was glad I had devised a system that made my life easy.

I worked even harder the more he tried to run me down and because I have an understanding of how he 'works'; I was able to get one step ahead of him and he did not like it at all. He grew even more abusive when he saw that all his tactics were not working on me. I clung on and I must have pissed him off so much because when we were at a company sponsored event affair for our department, he made a poke at my supposed gayness. I didn't really want to go but I was told it was compulsory since the company had already paid for the headcount so I went with them at that bar. I tried to talk with my fellows but I was met with an obvious lack of enthusiasm so I quit trying and just drank my beer in silence. Most of the men were talking about sports so I could not catch on as to what they were talking about. They mostly laughed at the things Mr Lehnsherr told them and I was quietly envious that he was so popular and friendly with the male staff. I felt my heart drop to my stomach when he suddenly brought up 'amusing facts' about gay men.

"I mean, come on! If you're not gay, would you be reading a fucking Jane Austen book while on a break? What straight guy in his right mind does that?" Mr Lehnsherr said mockingly, even though he was not looking at me directly.

Wild laughter all about the table and I felt my cheeks flush with shame. I read  Jane Austen's work while on break.

"Ok one other thing I know is definitely gay. Drinking tea from a fucking small tea cup...when you're not even a Brit!"Mr Lehnsherr then mimicked the gesture of drinking tea with his little finger held out, making fluttery eyes at his audience and everyone about him were all laughing uproariously. I felt the back of my neck grow hot with humiliation. I drink tea at work. I had my own tea set I had put up at my desk. He said more and I wish I could just fade away at the terrible things he said, even though they were not directly about me. He mocked my haircut, the way I dress and everything else about me _indirectly_. I couldn't take any more of it so I left, without telling them I was departing. I don't think any of them would notice anyway. I went straight back home and I sat in my couch for a long time, staring into space and thinking about what had happened. I felt sick and depressed. I tried not to cry because that would just be reinforcing his idea of gayness. _Am I really that much of an unmanly man?_ I then thought that if Mr Lehnsherr is the epitome of maleness, then I suppose I should emulate some of his characteristics so that people wouldn't think I'm such a pussy. I decided to buy new clothing during the weekend, similar to his  and changed my hair style. I decided I will also stop reading books at work or even drinking tea. I should do the things that he did, even though they don't interest me in the slightest. I should probably go for those energy drinks I had seen a colleague drink at work. I couldn't drink coffee because I didn't like the taste it leaves in my mouth. Come Monday, Mr Lehnsherr had a skeptical look on his face like he couldn't believe I had changed radically but I chose to ignore his appraisal since he did not say anything. I could tell I had mightily annoyed him with the things I had done. I didn't think he would do something to 'get back' at me for it, but what he did to me after was just so cruel.

Every Halloween, I go home to Uncle Logan's country house so I could spend time with my close relatives and at my previous job, it had been easy to file leaves. Here at Lehnsherr Enterprises, filing a leave was a hassle because I had to ask permission from my immediate supervisor, which is Mr Lehnsherr. I thought he would tell me no, but I was surprised when he readily said yes. I had to book a flight immediately so that I wouldn't lose a good booking and I was surprised once more when he asked me if I booked a flight. What a fool I was when I showed him the tickets, thinking he was finally letting go of the hostilities. I even smiled at him and I showed him how pleased I was that he was talking to me like a normal person. I didn't know that when I was actually at the airport, right before I could board a plane, he would send his driver, Azazel to stop me from getting on. I was told it was an emergency at work and that Mr Lehnsherr left his phone at home so he could not call me. Azazel drove me straight to Mr Lehnsherr's house and I was so mad when he told me the 'emergency' was that he needed someone to take care of his house while he was gone for a business trip to Switzerland. He didn't even tell me he had a trip planned out too, which tells me he had schemed to do this all along. I was fuming for an entire week; each time I remembered this awful thing he had done to me while I took care of his laundry and cleaned his house and took the calls from his cell phone. He had a lot of women calling him and leaving dirty messages. I wasn't able to spend the entire week with my relatives because of _this_. When he got back, he gave everyone Swiss chocolates at work and walked about with a mocking smile on his face as he ignored me. He did not even apologize so I knew he did this on purpose. I glared at him as he laughed along with his friends in his office. I had to do something. I had to get this off my chest. Near the end of the day when there was less work, I knocked on his open door and asked if I could speak to him in private. He said sure and he had me take a seat in his office while he peered at my desk for my phone. He always made sure that if I was to speak with him alone, that I leave my phone in my in-tray, so that there would be no distractions.

"What is this about?"He said as he eyed me in an intimidating manner.

I was planning on speaking calmly, not wanting to lose my cool or my professionalism, but my voice wavered and I know I could not hide the hurt I felt over what he had done."Sir, I don't want to sound like I am accusing you of anything but if you had an important business trip to go to, why didn't you tell me beforehand so I could have cancelled my own trip? You knew I booked tickets for my flight back home to my relatives!"

"It was an emergency trip, Xavier! And I left my phone at my apartment! That was why I had my driver inform you-"He began defensively but I cut him off.

"From the way everyone here at the office is talking, it did not sound like it was a business trip. It sounded more like a vacation to me-"My heart was beating fast in my chest because I dared myself to talk back at him and cut him off, things he did not want anyone doing to him, especially not from a person he thinks is gay.

"I met up with a client about the details of an acquisition. The client had to show me around and see the sights-"He said evenly and he was glaring hard at me now. His expression was becoming angrier by the minute. I don't know how he could make me feel like this but he had turned the tables around and he was making me guilty for some reason. He must be telling the truth. The angry words he said next sent a numbing flash of coldness in the pit of my stomach.

"Anyway, why the fuck do I have to answer to you? You are just my assistant! And yet you come in here accusing me of just lazing about? I only went on that trip for business! What are you saying here? That you are not up to the job? Hmm? If you can't accommodate the needs of this department and your superior, if you can't be relied on to do your job, you might as well quit! I'm not holding back the door for you! It's always wide open! You are free to go! I don't need you! You've been nothing but an annoyance to me!"

I should have responded in anger too...but I just couldn't for some reason. I just felt this terrible sadness in me that he thought of me as an annoyance. This situation I am in, it's just hopeless. We will never be friends. He will never treat me like a decent human being and he will always think I am just a homosexual hindrance and an eyesore. I took my glasses off and I finally decided to look him straight in the eyes because he was about to fire me anyway. I just wanted to pour my heart out even if he will just trample on my words and find my pain amusing. He was staring at me blankly for a moment, awaiting my bitter tirade but I spoke softly, my voice choked over with the hurt I am feeling.

"Sir, I don't know what else I could possibly do to make you see I'm trying so hard! I'm doing the best I could at work so that you can see that I want to meet your expectations! I want to prove to you that I'm not like the rest! I'm only here to do my job and to stay if I can! What more do you want from me?"

I let out a breath and tried to wipe at my eyes before my tears flowed but I felt a tear slide down hotly upon my cheek.  I felt so helpless as I quietly grieved over the loss of that kind boy that he once was. He will never be that boy again and he had taken away that one thing I had been holding on that had lifted my spirits up when I was sad. He was the one person that had made me think that there is still some kindness in this world and that things will get better...but I guess they are just empty memories and words now. I had stayed on because the pay was extremely good and I was learning a lot from this business. Mostly, I stayed for _him_. I wanted to prove I was capable and in turn, I had hoped when he sees how good I was at my job, he would see beyond his assumptions over my sexuality and eventually we would become friends.

"Even if you don't say it outright, Sir. I know you think I'm a gay. Everyone here at the office tells me how much of a self-professed Homophobic you are but I didn't want to let that get in the way of what I needed to do here. I came here for the work, to add the name of your company to my resume and step up the ranks. That's all! Please just accept me for the work I do, not for what you think of me personally! I'm sorry that I am an annoyance to you but it makes me want to prove to you all the more that no matter what you put me through, I'm going to stay-"

I lifted my eyes up, expecting some shouting and cursing but he just looked...shocked. I don't know. His expression was really odd. His face looked stormy for a moment and then his expression softened. His eyes grew tender and there was a bemused smile that formed on his lips.

"Are you sure you want to stay under me, Xavier? You know how much of a slave driver I am-"

I was stunned. Was he challenging me to stay on? I squared my shoulders and dared myself to meet his eyes once more."I do, Sir-"

"I know I've put you through a lot, Charles and much as I hate to say this, you truly are doing great at this job. If you want to stay, fine. But I think we can make arrangements for an apprenticeship under me-"

I was not sure I heard him right. He was speaking so simply and without anger that I was starting to think something worse was about to happen."P-pardon?"

He spoke slowly next."We can't just have you staying as an assistant now, can we? Since you've made your point that you've been trying hard to meet my demands! I'll bring this up with HR tomorrow. Remind me if you must and put it on my schedule-"

"I'm not sure I understand? You're not pulling my leg are you, Sir?"I asked dubiously. Perhaps any minute now he was going to burst out laughing, telling me I've been punk'd and that I am officially fired. He rolled his eyes at me and made a face.

"Oh for crying out loud! You want me to spell it out? I'm promoting you! And by the way, I will reimburse you your plane fare. It will come out of my own pocket. I apologize if my business trip had caused you such trouble-"He said tersely but his eyes were still...tender. I can't understand what was happening. I was expecting to be fired and now he was promoting me and keeping me under his wing? He must have seen the doubt in my expression because he suddenly drew out a box of Swiss chocolates from his drawer, it was bigger than any of the boxes he gave the others and held the box out to me.

"Here, your present. I forgot to give it to you-"He drawled out and I stared at it stupidly for a moment. I just couldn't move. I was so shocked by what was happening, thinking I must have fallen into another dimension and everything happening was just unreal. How could you expect me to believe him? It would have been preposterous to think that he suddenly had a change of heart because of what I had said. I suddenly jumped in shock in my chair when he reached out and _touched_ my hand. There was no loathing in his expression as he placed the box upon my hand. _He touched me._

"Snap out of it, Xavier! Get your present and just go! Leave my office if you don't have anything else to say!"He cried out in an annoyed voice but his eyes still looked kind. I hurriedly got up from the chair and I turned to face him. Moments ago, I felt like my career in this company was about to end and I thought I had lost all hope that he will ever be kind to me but he did it again. He made my heart race warmly. I could not stop myself from smiling at him as I left his office.

"Thank you so much, Sir! Thank you! I'll do my best!"

I sat back in my chair, still too stunned to move. A greater part of me doubted it but I started believing him only when he sent me an email with instructions to send a message to HR to schedule an appointment about my promotion and then he had me go back into his office and he wrote out a check to pay for my plane fare. I kept trying to replay what had happened in his office inside of my head and I can't for the life of me figure out what had changed and why he was suddenly being so kind, _in his own way_. This just wasn't like him. Could he have pitied me when I was getting all emotional? The next day I greeted him and smiled at him and he actually smiled back at me, returning my greeting. I felt so relieved that entire day and I guess my happiness showed on my face. I thanked my other colleagues who congratulated me on my promotion. I was finally moving forward in my career and Erik was slowly softening towards me. I should have kept my enthusiasm in check because he suddenly became cold again when I endeavored to smile at him and get him into a conversation the day after. Of course I shouldn't assume that we would be on friendly terms. His reputation would be questioned if he fraternized with me. We had a silent understanding over the matter and we were back to the way we were. Sometime during the week, I saw him getting into a heated discussion with his friends and he looked pissed. I decided to make myself scarce and keep away from him. When he entered our office though, I had no choice but to talk to him and remind him of the report that he was supposed to do and he suddenly blew up at me.

"If that report was so important why the hell did you not notify me sooner?"He shouted, his face a mask of fury.

"I tried to call you, Sir but you must have been so busy because you did not answer my call-"I said in a quiet voice.

"Fine! Just bring it in! I'm doing it!"He shouted again and I jumped in my seat when he slammed his door close. I must have done something that annoyed him so I kept out of his way. He barely spoke to me in the office and it made me sad that he was behaving like this again. When I got home later, I decided to go out and watch a movie at the cinema to relax. I showered and changed clothes. It was a Friday night so I might as well enjoy the things that I liked the most. I don't really have any close friends or even a girlfriend to join me so I watched a movie by myself. I think it’s kind of an odd twist of fate because when I got out of the movie house, who should I meet but the one person I did not want to see. It was Mr Lehnsherr and it looked like he had been beaten up. I immediately assumed that he was mugged. I reluctantly walked over to him.

"Sir! What happened to you? Were you mugged?"I dared not reach for his arm to aid him because I know he will just react towards me with revulsion. He shook his head and answered me.

"No, I was thrown out of a bar for trying to hit on a girl and the bouncer taught me a lesson in manners-"

"I'm sorry to hear that Sir. Do you need help? Do you need me to call you a cab?"

He frowned at me and waved a hand dismissively."No! Just go home Xavier! I don't want you talking to me!"

I hesitated. He must be drunk. In his condition, since he hadn't been mugged yet, he will be with the way he was weaving and staggering about. I braced myself and refused his order."I know you don't like me coming close to you but I can't leave you like this, Sir!"

Mr Lehnsherr glowered at me and rolled his eyes about in his annoyance."Fine! Get me a cab!"

I nodded and tried to get a taxicab for him but this part of the street was not a good location for a cab so I asked him if we could move towards the main street. He complied but when we rounded the corner though, we saw a drag queen and the man huskily purred at us.

"My, aren't you boys mighty fine? I could have me a go at both of you!"

Mr Lehnsherr seemed to have gone berserk at what he had heard. In his condition, he was able to stomp towards the drag queen and he gave the poor man a hard punch in the face. I was too late to stop him and to my horror, he began to kick at the unconscious man violently.

"Fuck! Shit! You fucking stupid dumb-ass homos! Fucking cocksuckers! I hate all of you! Why don't you all just die of AIDS?"He screamed down at the man. I was confused at this point and I reached for his arm to stop him. I thought he would punch me out too for touching him but Mr Lehnsherr did not attack me. He was still swaying on his feet, his chest heaving and he wiped at his face as I checked the poor man he had beaten up. He looked like he will survive so I hastily stood up and hailed for a cab, flailing my arms out wildly. A cab immediately stopped before us. I looked about me quickly, making sure there was no police. There were only a few people around and they did not seem to care about the fracas. I grabbed Mr Lehnsherr's arm again and shoved him into the cab but he suddenly pulled at my arm and forced me to come in with him.

"Get in here, Xavier! We need to talk!"

"Sir, you're drunk, you are in no position to talk-"

"I'm not drunk! I can say what I fucking want and if I want to talk, we'll talk!"He cried out, holding onto my wrist tightly. I let out a tired sigh and got in with him, otherwise he will just cause more of a scene and I did not want us both to end up in jail. I gave the cab driver the address and then Mr Lehnsherr suddenly shot his arm out and hugged me to himself. He had startled me again because he acted so disgusted before but he did not seem to find my nearness repulsive. He squeezed at my arm and my shoulders hitched upwards at his touch.

"You know, Xavier. We never got down to discussing that crucial part of our office relationship. I wanna ask and you better answer me honestly. Are you really gay?"He uttered in a slurred voice, his alcohol-laden breath puffing out against the skin of my face. God, he was just too close to me. I can smell his perfume and I could feel the heat of his body next to mine. His face was so close, close enough to kiss...

 _What the hell am I thinking? He's an utter bastard and a goddamned homophobe but why is he behaving like this? He's  just making me dizzy and confused because he's too near. That was it._ I gave him a sideways glance and I flatly told him no, I am not gay.

"Good!’Cause if you act like that fucking homo clown back there, I'll beat the shit out of you, you got that? All that disgusting behavior...all of them should be shot dead! Wiped off the face of the earth!"

I didn't immediately respond to his insolent words. Not yet. His behavior got me thinking again. How could he have changed into this? What happened to him? I had to find out and perhaps if I did, I will understand him a little more. Maybe that will give his behavior some justification. I suddenly voiced out the question that had been running through my mind.

"Why do you hate them, Sir?"

"Why? You ask me why? They're like fucking amoebas! Like viruses, spreading an infectious disease over the natural order of things! They're all over the fucking planet! Can't you see how abominable they are? Their lewd, unnatural behavior-"

"I don't see them the way you see them, Sir. I admire them! In fact I think they are rather intriguing. They are honest about who they are and they aren't afraid to show it to the world. They have a right to behave in whatever way they want and they have a right to be themselves because that is who they want to be. This is a free country after all-"

"Don't involve politics in their defense! They are a disease, Xavier! They spread their filth, their ideals and their eyesore. But you know what? The thing I hate the most are those closet homosexuals that try to infiltrate the decency of a professional institution. You never can tell if they are really straight or not-"

That really pissed me off with him again. _Why in God's name is being gay or being unmanly so wrong to him?_ I was getting mad with all of his stupid ideals. I'm sick and tired of it that I suddenly turned to face him and I raised my voice at him for the first time.

"Why should someone's sexuality affect their work ethics? That does not stop them from being successful individuals, Sir! Do you want me to tell you what I think of you, since you are in a tell-all mood? I think you are a close-minded, homophobic bigot who also happens to be a chauvinistic pig, thinking you are God's gift to women! I don't know if that is because of a feeling of overcompensation to prove your manliness or if you were raised to think you really are the epitome of male perfection! You think you are better than other people but you are not! The world does not revolve around you, Mr Lehnsherr! And if you keep up with this type of behavior, people will just hate you behind your back and they will keep thinking you are the world's biggest asshole!"

I was breathing sharply through my nose after my outburst as I glared up at him. He was silently stupefied by the words I had said. No one must have had the balls to speak to him like this before and I thought he was going to beat me up then and there but he nodded to himself, staring straight ahead, seeming to ponder upon my words. His arm was still about me and I thought it might offend him if I brush him off so we both sat there in awkward silence until we got to his house. I paid the cabbie and then I led Mr Lehnsherr to his front steps and guided him to sit there but he grabbed at my coat, stopping me from leaving.

"Wait. We aren't done talking yet. Let's get inside-"

I tried telling him off but he refused to take no for an answer and so we both got into his house and he sat heavily upon the sofa after we took our coats off, tilting his head back and letting out a breath. I got him some water since I am familiar with his place and he swigged it up and finished the entire bottle. We were silent again for some time that I had to finally break it so we can finish with our talk. He won't let me leave unless I give in to his whims.

"Sir, why do you hate so much? Why are you like this?"

"Someone I knew from a long time ago betrayed my trust and ever since then, I lost any faith in people. People, they are all dirt to me. They show you this false side of themselves but they are all ugly inside. So why should I be any different? Why should I not shove the dirt right back in their throats?"He said in a distracted voice.

"Oh. Then are you saying Sir that it is ok for you to wallow along with them and become like them? Do you have to live by the adage that if you cannot beat them, you join them? Why not rise above it? Why not be different?"

"Why do you ask so many damned questions?"He sounded annoyed with me again. I had to chuckle because he was so mercurial.

"You asked me to come in here to talk with you. How can a conversation start if a question is not asked and there is no interesting exchange of banter?"

"So you find conversations with me interesting then?"

"No, Sir. You are too one-dimensional, if you want my honest opinion. You only stick to this hard-bitten belief of hating anyone different from you and from the way you treat women, I would have to say you probably hate women too-"

"That's not true! I love women! I give them all the loving they need in bed!"He said with some mild sarcasm and it made me feel sorry for him for being so cynical. I had to look away from his penetrating gaze.

"Mind if I note how honest to a fault you are? I have never had anyone thoroughly run me down with a list of all my endearing flaws-"

"I know about your reputation at work from the beginning, Sir-"I said, bowing my head low and feeling my cheeks burn. He was right. I've been so audacious with him that I can't seem to stop running my mouth off and being up front with him.

"Well I don't deny any of them because they're all true-"He still kept giving me that intent gaze that I could not lift my head up. I was afraid of looking him straight in the eyes for some reason.

"Do you hate me, Charles?"He suddenly asked in a solemn voice. I couldn't answer at first, trying to understand how I really feel about him. I spoke carefully and I told him what I was thinking of him.

"I hated you at first. I thought you were the worst person I have ever met in my life and there have been so many times I wanted to quit but I did not want to give you the satisfaction that you got to me, because I kept thinking things will get better somehow and when you promoted me and even praised me...I thought to myself there must be something more to you. There must be an actual human being underneath all that narcissistic, inflated ego of yours. I think...I think you can be a better person, if you wanted to-"

I looked up at him curiously."Why did you do it, Sir? For a moment there, I thought you were going to fire me or force me to resign-"

I could see the discomfort on his face and he looked like he was as confused as I was. He suddenly stood up, hesitating there for a moment.

"I...I uh, I have to take a bath! Clear my head out. I think I've been talking nonsense all night. Wait here and don't leave. We'll continue our discussion-"He left me in a hurry before I could protest. I obeyed him and I sat there staring about his state of the art lavish home. He must have hired a designer to make it look the way it does. It reminded me of the fact that I had to save enough money to get the mansion remodeled and I still have a long way to go. I started to wonder why I was being so outspoken with him all of a sudden. Maybe I was taking advantage of the fact that he was drunk. I tried to delve more into my feelings about him. I have always quietly admired him even though he was a mean person because aside from being so handsome, he was popular even though he was despised and he was assertive where I am not. He sure can put his money where his mouth is. This admiration I feel for him...was there something more to it? I did not want to think that I might actually be attracted to him. It would be foolishness on my part to fall for the man who made me miserable. Does it perhaps, have something to do with our past? I was still mulling over this when I realized it was getting late and he had not returned from his bath yet. I thought it would be impolite of me to intrude, deciding on just leaving but he might get mad if I left without saying goodbye so I tentatively climbed upstairs to go to his bedroom. His bathroom is inside of his bedroom so I quietly knocked outside first. No response. I called his name softly but he must not have heard me. I then went into his bedroom and I hesitated for a moment before knocking on his bathroom door.

After a while, he finally opened the door and peered at me darkly. I thought he was mad at me for daring to enter his private quarters. I offered up a legitimate reason for intruding. "Sir? I've been calling for you but you weren't answering. Do you still need me to stay and talk? I'm sorry but it's getting kind of late, so-"

He suddenly grabbed at my shoulders and slowly guided me towards his bed, his gaze intense as he kept on holding me and I was startled when he suddenly reached up to touch my lower lip with his finger. The act itself was strangely tender and so surprising that I was left speechless. Our gazes were locked on and I can't seem to stop staring up at him as he touched me. His eyes were gently searching my face, his expression soft and dreamy for once that I was stunned by it.

"You looked like you were wearing lipstick all the time. I guess I was wrong-"He said in a husky voice and then he drew closer and kissed me on the lips. Things went out-of-hand crazy from there. _What happened to me? Why did I respond to his touch the way that I did? This was insane! He's a homophobe and now he's kissing and touching me intimately?_ I thought I must have been drugged or perhaps I was really still downstairs and I had fallen asleep, dreaming this but the irrevocable truth of his gentle touch and his delicious kisses told my own feverish body otherwise. I couldn't stop responding to him. He was a really good kisser and I was attracted to him, I couldn't deny that anymore. His blue-green eyes held me fast, with such an intense, sexual glare. I didn't even really object. I _tried_ to, but I was strangely drawn to him, like what was happening was meant to be, reckless and insane as it is. So I...surrendered to my unnatural desire for him. I gave him everything...all of me, my entire being. He was my first and I've never had something that made me feel so different; made me feel at one with another like this. He was so desperate for me and his desire so intense. We had sex all night long until I fell asleep, only to have him waking me up and wanting to have sex once more.

When I woke up in the morning, I was shocked into an instant wakefulness when I felt his arm draped over my waist, his face shoved against my head. He was still out cold. I carefully pulled back, realizing that if he woke up and saw me next to him and sees us both naked, he would come to his senses and accuse me of contaminating him with my 'homosexuality' and he would probably beat me up. I was trembling in fear but I moved as carefully as I possibly can and I took a quick bath in his shower room. I didn't want to go out looking the way I did and when I looked myself over in the mirror, I saw all the bruises and kiss marks he left all over my chest and neck. Shuddering, I dressed quickly, about ready to open the door when he called out to me.

"Where are you going?"He called out in a commanding voice.

I was frozen, my body running cold."Sir?"

"Come back here!"

I reluctantly went closer to the bed."Sir, about last night. I don't know what happened. Please don't beat me up because I-"

He grabbed me and held me close to his warm body. I hoped he did not feel the heat rising from me. He made me so light-headed and comforted for some reason. I don't know why. It felt so right, to be held by him like this. I closed my eyes and sighed softly.

"How many times do you need me to tell you? Call me Erik-"His voice was so gentle and calm that it really stunned me that he would act this way towards me.

"I'm sorry-"

"What are you sorry for? It's me who should be sorry! You think this is easy for me? I was the one that kissed you and forced myself on you! What does that make me now?"He sounded confused and angry but it was not directed to me. He must be at war with himself over what had just transpired between us. It was just so insane, both of us unsure on where this is all going. I didn't say anything. I just did not know what to say. I was afraid. We were silent for sometime but he was still holding me in his arms then he broke the silence.

"Look at me, Charles-"

I could barely lift my head. I was agonizing over my strange predicament, unsure of what he would say but what he said next really shocked the hell out of me."Don't involve the outside world, Charles. Let's just...let's just pretend that inside here, it’s different between you and me-"

He wanted us to go on? It was just unbelievable! I can't describe this feeling that came over me when he said that. Even though he was the way he is, he didn't care about my gender at that moment. All that mattered was this uncontrollable desire we felt for each other...this need. I could see on his face that he was still lusting after me. Can he see me tremble? Can he see this hungering in me for more of him? He must have seen it on my face because he reached for my hand so that I could touch his face.

"Touch me. It's ok. You can do what you want with me. You can let go and lose control-"

I didn't know what came over me after he said that. Within me, there was this steady beating, like there was a heart or a pulsing nerve in the middle of my being and there is a deeper meaning to that beat. That beat was pure lust and it coursed all over me and I surrendered to it completely. We were like mindless rutting animals. His hips slipped familiarly against mine; his cock slid within me with that thrilling combination of pleasure and pain. His tongue traced all over my body, lapping up my feverish skin and sweat. We couldn't stop touching or kissing each other. We couldn't even stop fucking even though it caused us both pain. It was that intense. All was lust and heat. I didn't think I would be this wild or erotic in bed with another man, but we made love so many times it feels as if we are one being, just letting that incandescent lust burn out from the both of us with each orgasm, each ecstatic sexual high. The fucking tapered off at the end, leading to some soft touching and kissing. We were in bed for almost an entire day. He was a goddamned machine! He was reluctant to actually allow me to leave but we had work the following day and so I practically hobbled home on the subway, a drugged smile stuck to my face and even as I lay in bed. This high I was feeling couldn't have been caused by the pain reliever I took for my aching hips. It was him. He gave me this...this soaring feeling. I can't begin to describe it! He was attracted to me sexually. He made it quite clear with the way he attacked me last night, making me realize that his homophobia had an underlying meaning that even _he_ did not understand yet. He said what we had was different. Could it be possible that...he was falling for me?

I contemplated on the craziness that had occurred between us and I thought that maybe, just maybe...a part of him was like that because of what happened in our past; that subconsciously, he felt affection for me. I was exhilarated by this prospect, making me so excited to go to work the next day. I had everything in order when I got to the office early. It was so stupid of me to assume that Erik would change overnight and treat me decently at work but I was in for a shocking blow. When I greeted him, his brow furrowed as he regarded me like I was some vermin. His response was an indifferent silence. Right then and there, my world fell apart. I was soaring last night and now this unbearable pain crushed at my chest. Things will never change between us. Whatever happened, it was nothing special. I was just another one of his one night stands. A long and bizarre one, yes, but I saw in his eyes...that I was nothing to him.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this has long been awaited and I'm sure my readers are aware of real life things getting in the way. :\ This POV isn't a complete follow-through of Erik's timeline so don't be surprised if the flow is different. Thank you for still reading my fics <3

 

I've been beating myself up over this stupid thing that I had allowed to happen. I could go right ahead and accuse him of being the one who took advantage of me but the truth of it is, I allowed it to happen because deep down, I was having feelings for him and it all goes back to these pathetic attempts of mine to hold on to our past together. I'm such an idiot! I slept with him and I should have known that this would be the end result. It's not like he owed me anything. What's worse is that after everything I knew about him, after being treated like trash by him, I gave in because of that one moment when he was tender with me...when he made me feel loved. I should have kneed him in the balls right then and there in bed! I was like this for several days at work that I could not concentrate on one thing; I couldn't focus on what I was doing, arousing more of his ire. All I can think about was how awful I felt over giving myself to him so easily. When I got over it, I acted as if nothing happened, the same way that he was acting like nothing happened between us. And yet, I couldn't hide the sadness I felt over the entire affair. I'm only human; I can't pretend that what happened didn't affect me in some way. I think he could see it in my face and it seemed to make him even angrier and it made going to work so unbearable but I fought on; I struggled with myself. I wanted to resign so badly but the problem is, it was almost Christmas and to be out of work at that time would just depress me even further. I had to make myself tougher than this.  I have to forget that that day we made love even happened.

But how can I? I couldn't stop thinking about him and the agonizing part is I see him every day at the office and I feel like dying, seeing him so cold and indifferent towards my feelings, day in and day out. What was I thinking? Was I such a glutton for punishment? Am I some sort of emotional masochist? I could have filed for a request to be transferred to a different department and I would have gone and done that if not for these strange things he had been doing in the office. No one else seemed to notice it but I did. Out of the corner of my eye, I would notice him staring at me. He began to do it on occasion actually, when he thought I wasn't looking. He would look at me and then quickly look away and I would catch that fleeting look of...of _yearning_ on his face. I couldn't help but feel I wasn't imagining it but I think he still thinks about what happened between us. Once when we were in one of the conference rooms and I was looking away, I noticed his gaze lingering over me, when I saw his reflection on one of the glass boards. He made a show of being vile towards me when around other people but when it was just the two of us, he was silent and seemed intent on his work. He would speak to me with a little more kindness in his voice. I may be over-thinking his actions but what decided it for me was when he made every effort so that we would be together, even though he does not speak to me or engage me in any conversation. We would talk of things pertaining to work and discuss our research portfolios, sure, but the fact that he wanted me there, it ushered this tiny pinprick of hope inside of my heart that maybe...what happened wasn't just something so insignificant to him. It wasn't just some temporary insanity thing.

Perhaps that was why on the eve before Christmas, when it was just the two of us in the office again, finishing a holiday report that had to be rushed…he tried to talk to me, like how he would have talked normally with any other colleague.

"Are you done with that batch?"

"Yes, Sir-"

"Well then, we are almost finished here!" He said quickly and then he yawned and stretched. I knew he must be itching to get out of the office to unwind. Knowing him, he probably has some lady friend lined up to spend Christmas with. He didn't look like a family-oriented man. I overheard him on the phone earlier, when he turned down an invitation from his father to come over for Christmas dinner. We couldn't be any more different. If I had the opportunity, I would have spent my Christmas at the cabin up in the mountain where my family lives. Uncle Logan would have prepared his special ham and Aunt Jean would have made her plum pudding. We would be around the table laughing over Alex and Scott's antics while Aunt Ororo would be regaling us with how she spent her past Christmases with a Kenyan tribe. I could almost see it clearly in my head as I imagined what it would be like. Sadly, I wasn't able to get the booking I wanted at any airline because I ran out of time. Last minute booking for an affordable flight is really not advisable when the holidays come around.

Erik suddenly asked me a question which broke through my reverie."So, since you weren't able to catch a flight, where will you be celebrating your Christmas?"

"I'll be visiting my Mom and Dad-"

He must have noticed something in my voice or my face because he suddenly looked hesitant, then he dropped all attempts to try and talk about anything mundane. He cleared his throat and went back to his paperwork while I went back to mine. When we were done, we both left in separate directions. I got out of the office a little later than him because I had to make sure things are in order in our office before I left for the day. I had put on my coat and the scarf Aunt Ororo sent me as a holiday present, about ready to head for the subway station when I heard him calling for me.

"Charles, wait!"

I turned to look towards the glass doorway and there was this anxious look in his eyes when he came closer to me. It was really so out of character for him to look that way that it startled me. I hope my face did not betray me and cause me to blush because when he looked at me that way, with that odd yearning in his eyes, I couldn't help it. My heart was beating a little faster inside of my chest at the sight of him. He always looked so handsome; today he was wearing his tan coat, his light brown hair combed to the side so neatly. His face was clean-shaven and his blue-green eyes looked intense as he stared at me. He tried to regain his composure and that arrogant expression was back on his face.

"It's really late. I owe you for that cab ride from before. I'd like to drive you back to your place-"

Of course I was dubious about his motives but why would he be this civil towards me? What was the point of it? Unless of course he wanted to accomplish one kind act for all the nasty things he had done to me. It was Christmas after all and none of our colleagues are around anymore. Honestly, I found it odd that he would even take on the holiday report, knowing that he slacked around and that he wasn't really that gung-ho over doing stressful work. No, he couldn't have done all of this just so he could be with me. That would just be too preposterous. My self-restraint finally crumbled and I gave in to him. Again. I didn't want to say anything stupid so I just nodded in acquiescence. I couldn't understand that flash of elation that crossed his face when I accepted his offer of a ride. He tried to control the smile that rose to his lips as he led me to the parking lot. Too late. I already saw it. I noticed that there was slight shake to his hand when he tried to put the keys in the ignition and an idea suddenly came to my head. I thought if I tried to ask more of him, he would start yelling again. Or maybe not. I wanted to test this theory I had so I dove in and asked him straight out.

"Would it be alright Mr Lehnsherr if we make a quick stop over at the corner store? I'm not sure if they are still open but I just need to buy something for my parents first-"

"Sure-"He said smoothly, and that expression on his face did not change. He looked somewhat...excited. He was trying to hide it but it shone out of his face and he did not even realize it. _Is it possible that he was happy to be with me?_ I wanted to push through with this even further, just to see his reactions. He didn't seem to have realized the change in his behavior towards me just yet. I purchased the flowers but I bought something extra just for him. I bought a large bouquet for my parents and he grinned when he saw it. I think I knew what he was thinking, the moment he saw those flowers. He must have thought my gift to my parents was too gay.

"I know this is asking too much from you, Sir but would it be ok if you just dropped me off at the Graymalkin church instead? No need to take me to my house-"

"No Charles, I promised to take you back home so let me do this for you-"

"I hope you don't mind me making these side trips, Mr Lehnsherr-"I watched him intently as I said this, because he still wanted to do things for me, without being cross or rude when he responded. It's like he wasn't even aware of what he was doing. Or if he was, he would brush it off as acting civilized towards me on a holiday.

"No, this I actually got to see! I haven't been to that Church in ages!"

"Oh you want to join me?"

"Hell yeah! I wanna see what the inside of it looks now. I recall I've visited that church when I was very little-"He didn't even find it odd that I didn't ask him about his history with the Church.

"Are you sure? I'm sorry if I have already inconvenienced you for driving me to my destinations-"

"Why not? It’s a Christmas day, anyway!"Ah there it is. He must have noticed he was being too generous with his time and that I might start wondering why. Still, I wanted to know what he really thought so I went with it and at the same time, I wanted to make him remember me. This was the best opportunity to do so. I went into the church to offer up a prayer for my parents and my family. Father Warren was not around. He must have gone off to some fund raiser for the poor or feeding the homeless and spending Christmas with them. Erik stood by the church door. Surprisingly, he looked patient and subdued. He didn't say anything mean or make any rude gestures. I finished praying and then I got up and led him to the side gate that opened up to the cemetery and when I turned to stare at him, he looked guilty when he realized why I bought the flowers. It wasn't my intention to make him feel that way other than to make him remember me and remember something important in his past. I placed the flowers upon my parents' grave and greeted them.

"Merry Christmas, Mom and Dad!"

Erik looked uncomfortable then, like he wanted to leave but he couldn't out of this sudden need to be polite. I think he was like that because he was right before the grave of the parents of the person whose life he had messed up, suddenly ashamed over the way he had treated me. I think he still didn't even remember about his sister and I thought that was just sad, that he would forget that this was also the place where she was interred. I took out the small bouquet I had in a paper bag and I held it out to him. He looked even more confused, staring at the flowers in my hand.

"Here, you do the honors. You haven't visited her in a while. You might as well give the flowers this time-"

"What?"He looked genuinely puzzled.

"Your sister! You haven't visited her grave for the longest time. I see your father come here sometimes but I haven't seen your mom or you come around-"

Then the realization came over him when he remembered about his sister. His expression changed even further, softening with emotion and when he looked at me; he finally figured out who I was. He remembered that he comforted me in this very cemetery, the day I visited my parents. He also figured out that I knew who he was before I worked for him.

"It was you? That little boy? How could you remember all of that? It was a long time ago!"He sounded as if he was still astounded by this revelation. I smiled at him gently, pitying him. Imagine that? Me, pitying the man who made me suffer and turned my world upside down and then I looked up at the skies, hoping my parents could see me now and see that I am a decent person, even though I have turned up the way I did, even though my life has been so hard.

"I remember what you told me back then. I never forgot that, Mr Lehnsherr. I always repeat those words over and over in my head and I have it by heart. You said to me, 'Don't worry. They're watching over you anyway, even if they are not here. They're up in the sky but it doesn't mean that they don't love you. They still do. Love never goes away. It's like the wind; you feel it even if it’s not there. It's going to be hard, I know but I promise, it will get better.' I thought those were the kindest words I have ever heard anyone say to me, even if they were from a total stranger-"

Mr Lehnsherr's face was screwed up in an odd way, as if he was grappling internally over some strong feeling. I know I was merciless that night but I wanted to see how he would react.

"That's why, even if you are like this now, even if you have turned bitter and cruel and full of hatred, I know there is some kindness in you. I always remind myself that it will get better because one day, it will be better for you too-"

He looked like he was about to fall down to his knees but he controlled himself. He tried to move away, flinging a desperate glance toward the gates but I stopped him before he could run off and leave. I held the flowers towards him again.

"It's time, Erik. You have to go and visit Ruth and remember her. You deserve this much for yourself-"

His face was contorting with a mix of emotions, like he wanted to scream in agony or rage, or possibly to burst out crying. This must be an entirely alien thing for him to feel and I'm sure, he did not like what he was feeling now. I thought he was going to get mad at me but he took the flowers from me instead and he remembered where Ruth was buried. His eyes were narrowed down as he continued to struggle with his emotions. He gently laid the flowers upon her grave and knelt down before her, his face looking so lost and anguished.

"I visit her grave sometimes on your behalf, Erik. I think she understands you are too busy-"

"Why would you do that? I was just a strange kid back then-"He said tightly.

"It doesn't matter. You were a kind boy and I wanted to do something to honor the kind words you said to me-"

He tried to sound sarcastic in his response to me."Wow, now you've made me feel like a total ass because of how I have treated you as a man!"

Now it was my turn to feel ashamed. I had no ill intention for bringing him here. It wasn't some scheme. I just wanted him to remember me and remember who he once was and perhaps in this way, he would understand why I was the way I am when I was with him. I tried to offer up an explanation.

"Goodness, Mr Lehnsherr! I didn't mean to make you feel that way. I just-"

He suddenly pulled me down upon the soft grass, to a kneeling position like him and then he hugged me to himself.

"Oh!"I was so shocked that he did that. It was completely unexpected. I was expecting him to shout at me or even push me away but not this. I was left in such a state that I could not move away. I let him hug me and I hope to God he would not feel the hammering of my heart, or feel the heat rising from me. A warm feeling was spreading within me and I think he felt the same.

"Thank you-"He whispered in my ear and I let out a soft sound of surprise at that but I accepted it. He was hugging me tight but my arms remained dangling at my sides, feeling awkward that he should hold me like this. Slowly, I lifted my own arms up and I hugged him back, sighing contentedly against him. He held me for a long time but he suddenly released me when he felt awkward about what he was doing, saying it was too cold in that cemetery by way of an excuse.

"Come on! Let me take you home-"

"No need, Mr Lehnsherr. It's just a few blocks away. I could walk there-"

"I insist!"

Because he was being insistent, I reluctantly accepted his offer. I didn't really want him to see my house. I felt a bit embarrassed over its current condition but I was proud of it too. Not many people own such a large expanse of land as I do. When we got there, he took a long look at the mansion. We were still in the car and he still had the heater on.

"You live here by yourself?"

"My relatives used to live here with me several years ago, but they had to move to another state for a better career and for business opportunities. I know I shouldn't stay here anymore but this place had given me such fond memories-"

"Why didn't you have it repaired, then?"

"My parents only left me a small inheritance, enough to get me through college so when the money ran out I couldn't afford to have it repaired anymore. I don't exactly earn six figures at work so I left it as it is-"

"Well the foundation looks sound but the wooden parts of the structure might be decaying. It could become a residential hazard later on-"

"I know, but I'm a sentimental fool-"I said softly and he was looking at me tenderly again, like how he looked at me back in the cemetery. His concern over my safety tugged at my heart, even though he was indirect about it. I could see it in his eyes. We remained like that in the car and he did not say anything more, only holding my gaze in his but he somehow looked...expectant. I suddenly realized what he wanted.

"Would you like to come inside and see it for yourself?"

"Yes, of course!"He said immediately, along with a quick smile. I led him inside and the look of awe on his face was not contrived. I was watching him intently as he looked over my books and the wide receiving hall. I know my place looked more like a wizard's haphazard abode because it was filled with thick books and antiquated decorations, most of which are crumbling and falling apart. I gestured for him to follow me as I gave him a short tour.

"Wow, if you really had the money, this place would look fantastic! But a young man like you shouldn't be living here all by yourself! It's not safe-"

"Sir, I'm 33. I'm hardly a boy-"

"Well you look so young. I thought you were just twenty-something or whatever-"He looked surprised when he found out how old I was.

"Yes, I get that sometimes. People are just surprised when I tell them how old I really am-"

We still wore our coats as we walked from one hall and room after another and when I was satisfied that he had seen enough, I led him back to the receiving hall and I started a fire to warm us both up. I could see that he looked ponderous, perhaps he wanted to ask me a few more things and then he went straight to it once we were seated in the large couch.

"Did you work at Lehnsherr Enterprises, knowing that I was working there and that my father owns the company? Is that why you were willing to work under me?"

"Yes. I wanted to see you again. When I was looking online for some good companies to work in at and build a career, I saw that Lehnsherr Enterprises had an opening so I submitted my resume. I was thrilled that I would be working in your company, even though at first I thought I would probably never get to see you or speak to you and then I ended up in your department after all. I was told I was supposed to be Ms Emma Frost's assistant but it turns out I was placed under your management. People at the office immediately warned me about you. They said all these awful things about you and I didn't want to believe it at first but when I saw you again for the first time and you frowned at me and passed your eyes over me like you were disgusted with me, I realized you had changed so much from when I last saw you. But I still wanted to see you anyway because I hoped that you would really take a good look at me one day and really see me-"

"Was that why you let me kiss you and make love to you, Charles?"

He said these words gently and the sound of his voice and his nearness made me feel some strange warmth build inside of me. My face felt so hot and I hoped he did not notice the look of surprise in my face but I suppose he did because he suddenly lifted my chin up so we can look at each other face to face.

"Why didn't you tell me it was you? Why didn't you remind me of that time when we met as little boys?"He said in a soft voice.

"I...I wanted to tell you but I thought that had been so long ago and I supposed you wouldn't care anymore because you've changed so much. I thought it wouldn't matter or make a difference to you-"I stammered stupidly and I thought I am such an idiot for acting so flustered by his nearness. The next words he said seemed to cause my heart to slam up against my chest even faster.

"Would it surprise you if I told you that it does matter?"

I was shocked by his words, my mouth half-open and he suddenly pounced on me. He kissed me in that passionate and gentle manner, like how he kissed me that first time in his bedroom. I moaned, intending to voice out a denial over his advances because I can't let this happen again! That would be foolish of me to give in like that! But why? Why can't I stop when it comes to him? I let him kiss me and then I found myself kissing him back. He was a really good kisser, his tongue diving into my mouth, seeming to lap up my lips and then his teeth would gently graze and nibble on my lower lip, making me shiver and he seemed to enjoy the sight of me like this, swooning and giving in but I didn't care if I'm acting this way again. I just needed him so badly, needing him to hold me and kiss me like this. We kissed for some time. He would allow me to take breaks from our torrid kissing so that I could catch my breath. He would peck kisses on every exposed part of my skin and when he licked and kissed at my throat, I started losing it. I hoped to God he does not feel my erection. I was writhing restlessly in his arms, unable to stop this helpless wanting in me and then I recalled how vile he was towards me after that first time we did it and I didn't want to feel like that again. I pulled away from him, pushed at his shoulders, standing up and gasping as if I had run. His eyes looked up at me in a drugged way, confused by my actions.

"It's getting late, Sir! You must have somewhere you need to go to and I've kept you! I'm sorry! Thank you for the ride! I'm going to go get your coat-"I said quickly in one breath I was almost hyperventilating with it.

Erik made a face at what I had said, seemingly amused by me. "I've nowhere to go to, Charles! And you're sending me off when you haven't even offered me anything to drink yet!"

I was thrown off by what he had said. He wanted to stay a while longer? He was looking at me expectantly and I started acting like a flustered idiot again, unsure of how to say no. I did not want him here anymore and I had wanted to send him off but I was such a weakling. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Sir! I don't have any coffee or beer! I only have tea!"

"Well go make some tea then!"He said in that arrogant tone of voice and he sat back crossing his arms in front of himself, making it obvious that he was not leaving any time soon.

"Yes, Sir!"I hurried into my kitchen, rummaging my fridge for anything that I could offer him, hoping I don't serve him anything that he would turn his nose up at. I was so butterfingered that I almost spilled everything I held in my hands all over the place. Before I went back into the receiving room, I did my best to compose myself, checking my reflection in the mirror and seeing my face so flushed, I wiped at my cheeks with a paper towel along with a cold splash of water. I let out a breath and went right back to him, preparing the tea in the customary manner that I had grown used to and he watched the ritual with keen interest. When I handed him the cup, he took it gingerly, suddenly unsure if he did want it when he had sniffed the fragrant steam rising from the cup.

"What the hell is it?"He asked warily, as if I had served him poison!

"It's Earl Grey, Sir. It's my favorite tea. I wish I had something more to offer but I only have milk and water in the fridge. I don't think you would like those-"I murmured, hoping he wouldn't say something crude. He drank the tea anyway and I waited with bated breath, I waited for him to spit it out or swear on how nasty it tasted but surprisingly, he drank it all up, smacking his lips, as if he is savoring the taste and then he asked for a second cup and I could not believe my ears when he said that. I couldn't hide the smile on my face as I poured him another cupful and he ate the cake and fruit I brought, enjoying how it tasted with the tea. He suddenly looked up at the clock and then he smiled at me kindly, lifting his cup up.

"Merry Christmas, Charles!"

"Merry Christmas, Sir!"I felt stupid all over again because I sounded like a dizzily happy fool, with the way I responded. Was I that eager for his kind treatment?

"Tell me about yourself, Charles. Tell me how you've come to live here-"

Looking at his face, I can see he was intent on listening on what I had to say so I told him of my history.

"When my parents died, my relatives came to live with me in this mansion so that I could have a proper education in the city. Uncle Logan was reluctant at first but Aunt Jean convinced him that it's better if we lived here and I'm glad we stayed-"

"Where are your relatives now?"

"They moved deep into the old country up in the mountains. I've gone there on several occasions, just to visit and spend the holidays with them-"

"So you are close to them?"

"Yes! All of them! Even my cousins. They always make fun of me back then, but they were young; so young when their parents died that I forgave them quite a lot even after they did really mean things to me-"

"Like what?"

My eyes misted over one awful memory. It was funny, yes, but it also had me so frightened about losing my hair."I was sleeping on the couch once, in fact it was on that very couch you are sitting on Sir. When I woke up, I heard some hushed snickering and when I opened my eyes, my cousins were ogling at me, looking very much amused. They then started to laugh cruelly and when I reached up to smooth the hair away from my face, I realized...I was bald. They shaved my entire head while I slept! I screamed in horror and looked down at my pillow and saw all of my hair, scattered all over! I wept so loud that my Aunt Jean came running in and she gave my two cousins, Alex and Scott a spanking-"

I was still not finished with the story but Erik was already chuckling over that traumatic experience in my life. I had inadvertently admitted one of the most mortifying events of my childhood to him, my face flaming up and I could not hide the hurt in my voice."They apologized of course and then my Aunt and my Uncle assured me my hair would grow back and it did. I'm very particular about my hair, Mr Lehnsherr. It's my one vanity in life-"

Erik uttered a low chuckle, trying to stop himself from laughing out loud at my mishap and wiping at his eyes. "I think I understand where you get your fortitude and tolerance-"I had to smile because he was somewhat right.

"So why didn't you go with them? Why didn't you leave?"

I smiled at him gently."This place is full of my memories. All the wonderful and sad things that happened in my childhood...that's why I love living here. Not only that, I love the neighborhood. I like walking around town and seeing the familiar faces and the familiar establishments. It feels like home to me here. I guess one of my favorite haunts was the cemetery at the church, because I was...because I was hoping to have a glimpse of you-"

I blushed hotly because I dared myself to admit these things to him, not daring to look at him. He did not say anything for some time so I finally had to look up and I could see him staring at me intently, looking thoughtful and when he spoke, I was quietly startled at his question."Charles, what did you hope to accomplish in wanting to see me again?"

I looked to the fireplace, confused over the entire thing myself."To be honest, I don't really know, Sir. Maybe I just hoped that we could be friends-"

He let out a breath at that, his lips coming together in a thin line after."I'm sorry to have shattered your illusion of any budding friendship. As you can see, I am not exactly what you had thought me to be. I'm a horrible person-"

"No you're not Sir!"I quickly said and I blushed again because it was foolish of me to say something in his defense. My response seemed to annoy him and he leaned back in the couch and glared at me.

"Look how I treat you in the office now, Charles. I use my position to be rude and abusive towards you, just so I can show everyone else that I hate gay people and despise you personally because you look effeminate and queer to me-"

I bowed my head, not wanting to look at him anymore because seeing that insolent expression on his face reminded me of his cruelty towards me. Our light conversation had just become quite serious, now that we are discussing our Employer-Employee relationship. I tried to offer up an excuse for his actions again. I can't seem to stop myself from trying to see some good in him, trying to explain away his actions."I understand why you had to do that, Sir. Your reputation would be put into question if you treat me better in the office-"

"Exactly! See, I'm a selfish prick, right? I don't care about your feelings or anyone else's for that matter. If you keep staying under me, you will just experience more abuse. I'll just keep saying all the hurtful words I have always said to you and you will see me doing things that will break your heart-"

"It's ok, as long as I see you-"I whispered, my eyes feeling moist because that is the truth. I can't leave the company or even move to a different department. I just want to see his face and keep on seeing him, even if it hurts.

"What did you say?"He demanded, because I whispered my answer so I spoke a little louder.

"It's ok if you do that to me, Sir. As long as I can still see you-"I had kept my eyes down and I shivered slightly because of the thunderous silence that came between us after. I thought he was going to finally leave, because the discussion had grown so awkward but then I was startled when he sat next to me, leaned in close and placed his head affectionately against my shoulder. I was looking down at him with wide eyes as he looked up at me, his eyes spilling over with tears. I was shocked to see him behaving like this.

"Why? Why are you like this?"He said this last, his voice breaking and then, just when I thought he could not shock me any further, he started to cry and then he embraced me. He wasn't even drunk this time but he showed me this side of him that was so vulnerable; that he was a man who could easily break down and I could do nothing but hug him back. I was left stunned and speechless by his open display of emotions. Am I really sitting here, hugging and comforting Mr Lehnsherr? This was so unreal to me. But we stayed there, holding on to each other and then I decided he couldn’t go home like this, looking like a wreck. I wondered perhaps if I could persuade him to lie down and sleep it off. So after a long time had passed, I led him upstairs. We did not even have any further conversation after that. I just supported him as I guided him upstairs and then I had him lying upon my bed. I was intending to leave him to sleep there alone but he would not let me go. He looked so fraught with worry, over us being parted that I held him in my arms until sleep found the both of us. I determined that he finally fell asleep when he had stopped sniffling and his eyes are closed, his expression still troubled somehow. I was able to sleep for several hours and then I snapped into wakefulness when I felt this electric shock of sensation upon my chest and I looked down to see Mr Lehnsherr's fingers squeezing and tugging at my nipple right through my shirt, his crotch rubbing up against my sex and he was so hard and so hot next to me. I looked up and his face was mere inches from mine, eyes full of heat and a glowering lust that threatened to rage violently.

"Erik?"I said hesitantly.

And then...I lost it once more. He grabbed the back of my neck as he lunged forward to kiss me hungrily, eating up my lips and I was engulfed by his mouth, drowning in his scent and his heat for me and I responded eagerly, wanting this; wanting him. I held on to him as our lower bodies rubbed up against each other and I could feel his rock-hard erection pressing urgently against mine, grinding seductively and I matched his movements with my own desperate need to touch him. I reached out for his chest and blindly felt for his nipples, returning the favor and he moaned into our torrid kissing at the same time that I was moaning into his mouth. We fought against each other, the way two frantic lovers would do it, pawing at each other, attacking each other with hungering kisses and tearing desperately at each other's clothes. We rolled around on the bed, fighting for purchase; hands all over each other's hot and sweaty skin; burning lips aching for kisses and tongue ready to taste and lap up every exposed feverish flesh, yielding and aching for more. Oh God! It was so hot it just about burned my brain cells away. I don't know how it came about but we managed to take our clothes off somehow, even with this mindless need to fuck superseding any thought and his eyes looked so intense and half-drugged at the same time, frantically sweeping over my table and then he found a bottle of lotion. There were no more preliminaries. He lubricated himself, smearing some at my backside and then he entered me with one hard thrust and I think everything else stopped for me. There was only this undeniable sensation of fullness in my backside, the heat and friction melting into me until his cock found that secret place in me that begged to be prodded.

He inched deeper and deeper into me and it was all I could do not to howl out loud at how good it felt to be fucked by him. My own hips ached, the muscles around my belly tightening because I couldn't stand the desperation in me any longer. I shut my eyes and put a fist to my mouth, trying to control myself but I was just so lost in the pleasure of it all. He was pounding into me violently, holding me down on one wrist and I finally started to scream lustily. I didn't care anymore. I just want it so bad because it hurts. It hurt to hold myself back. I just wanted all of him. My erect cock was bobbing up and hitting his belly, my body jounced and jolted about roughly with our frantic fucking, my bed creaking as he took me over again. My legs were locked around his waist, toes curling and my arms wrapped around him as I held on. We were getting towards that mind-burning edge of orgasm and I was so crazed for it that I was yelling insensible cries, like I was an animal in pain. My senses spun; I was drunk on him and it was so intense that I didn't give a damn if I seemed like some lust-crazed fool. He came first and I felt the hot gush of his come inside of me. I wanted to join him in that state so I punished my cock roughly, wanting to orgasm too and then I let out a soft, strangled moan when I came. I felt the come, hot and slick spilling from me and onto my stomach. This feeling of coming, there's nothing quite like it. I sighed out happily, gasping at the same time but so satisfied by the fucking that I was not able to move. I was still feeling the spasms deep within me. I drew close to him so we could kiss and caress each other, until eventually we fell back into asleep.

 

I was the one who woke up first. I awoke to the sight of Erik facing me, his arm slung over my waist and he looked so handsome, even in repose. His lashes are long and curly, not common in men and I love that his eyebrows are drawn close to his expressive and deep set eyes. He has that odd kind of eye color wherein one cannot tell if his eyes are blue or green or gray and I find that this makes his gaze all the more attractive. Right now his eyes are still closed and his thin lips are half open. He breathed in steadily and deeply. I reached out to trace at the small scar on his upper lip and I wondered where he could have gotten it. Softly, I ran my fingertips over his wide brow, the slight lines at the side of his eye, tracing down to his aquiline nose. I wished my nose wasn't so hooked but I smiled faintly as I recalled him kissing the bridge of my nose and looking down at me as if he found me so desirable and endearing. I stopped touching him and I pulled away, just to watch him sleep and then I was overcome with the realization that this...whatever happened between us, it means nothing. I meant nothing to him. I was probably just a one night stand to him, or someone he could use for some sort of sexual experimentation. Perhaps he was trying to defy his own homophobia but I don't know what he could really be thinking. I don't know where all of this is headed and I felt so stupid all over again for relenting to his charms.

Suddenly, I just couldn't stand staying in bed with him any longer, the painful reality of what comes after hitting home to me. I got up from the bed and then I glanced down and saw his shirt on the floor. I picked it up, intending to put it away but I sat back upon the bed again, feeling drained and I started to cry instead, pressing his shirt to my face, inhaling the scent of his perfume upon it. I don't know why but I felt so hopeless over my situation. I was in love with a man who would never acknowledge me or love me back in front of other people but I could not turn him away now because I wanted to be near him, even though the face he presented to the world was that of an arrogant homophobe. I gently ran my fingers over the fabric of his shirt, wanting to remember how he smelled like and I was so pathetic because I couldn't stop crying. The bed shifted; he was awake and he sidled closer to me, looking quite concerned. He didn't say anything for some time and only gazed at me. When he spoke, his voice was gentle.

"What's wrong, Charles?"

I couldn't control the feelings that wanted to rise out of me."Everything is wrong, Erik! Everything! You've thoroughly destroyed me! You've taken over my body and soul and yet...I can't stop wanting you. Isn't that insane?"

I looked away from him and I started to sob, not caring if he sees me like this and then he placed an arm about me and I felt him press his head against the side of my head. The words he said next really stunned me.

"What have I told you before Charles, huh? Inside here, when it's just the two of us, things will be different between you and me. If you want me to be gentle and warm, I'll do that for you. If you want us to both go wild and lose control, I’ll give you that too. Can't you see that I want you too? That I want to touch you and kiss you and make love to you so bad its killing me?"

I was really surprised that he would be talking like this. _Him_. The way he spoke to me, his words full of his feeling and his desire for me—It made me hope that maybe...just maybe—I could have a relationship with him, even though at the same time, he was telling me that I would have to consign myself to an awful fate of being his doormat in front of others; even if he had to show them that he hated me because of his ideals against homosexuality, when the irony of the fact is that he is willing to enter into such a relationship with me. He rubbed his face against me gently, prompting me to speak and I was left speechless at the moment. All I could do was sniffle and draw in choked little gasps. We both knew the difficult position he was placing me in.

"I just want to know, do you want this to continue? Because if all of this is just hurting you and making you miserable, we can stop. You can resign if you want to-"

My eyes widened at that and I shook my head in negation."Erik, I do want you! I don't want us to stop seeing each other! I...I just want to be near you always-"

"Well then, do you agree to an arrangement between us?"

I still couldn't seem to find the words to respond with so I just nodded solemnly.

He gave me a huge, naughty grin when I agreed to this... _whatever this is_."I was about to do something...what was it? Ah!"

He suddenly reached between my legs and he started fondling me roughly, subjecting me to a state of pleasure that had me losing myself all over again, driving me so wild that it must have startled him because I've let myself completely go, just for him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Sorry for the long wait. I know a lot of you are probably wondering why it's taking me so long to write this when it is just a POV. You see, I wrote this story initially with no intention to do a POV, but people sort of requested that I make one so even if this thing was really out of the plan, I ventured to write it anyway. Don't worry, I have no intention of leaving you guys hanging by not finishing this fic. I am working on it in snatches because my life is such a mess right now. One thing you must know about me is that I make it a point to finish all of my fics. ;)
> 
> P.S. Sorry I haven't been around much in tumblr and I haven't been active here for a while. I got very busy at work and I was ill (again) :\

   
  
Erik can be a kind man if he really wanted to. I've seen this side of him when it was just the two of us. After we made love into the afternoon on Christmas day, I felt his stomach gurgling against my belly as we hugged each other and so I thought I should prepare him a meal. Nothing fancy, but probably some dishes that could easily be done in no time. I told him we should go down and eat something. The moment I set foot upon the steps of the stairway, my hips started aching like hell. God! He's really wild in bed, but I suppose I was equally at fault in this instance. I hobbled about like an old man in the kitchen and my hands were palsied as I labored and moved about, but he suddenly hugged me tenderly and reached out to stop me from chopping the vegetables. He pressed his lips to my ear and then he was gently kissing me.  
  
"Look at you, Charles. You're still trembling all over. Don't force yourself to cook something for me-"  
  
"I want to do this for you, Erik-"I said softly and I turned around to kiss him back. He did his best to help me. He was not very handy in the kitchen, but he gave it some effort and I can't help but appreciate him for it. When I looked up from my work, I saw him gazing down at me affectionately and I felt this thrill run through me because I can feel the desire in his heated stare. His eyes were riveted only to me. I felt self-conscious at first, but slowly I became used to his attention. I've never had anyone desiring me like this. The way he looked at me made me feel special somehow. We ate our late breakfast and then we took a shower together, after which, we went back to bed, touching and kissing each other softly until we fell asleep again.  
  
I was the first to wake up to the sight of Erik, still sound asleep. I watched him sleep for a while, admiring his handsomeness and then I sat in one of the wing chairs in my room to read a book. I had put some clothes on at this point. Erik woke up moments later and he got out of bed to join me, wearing his rumpled shirt and pants. We didn't even need to say anything to each other. We exchanged smiles and then Erik picked up a book and started reading as well. I went down once more so that I could make us some tea and it was just lovely, doing something together like this.  
  
Later on, we headed downstairs to watch a movie. We watched Lawrence of Arabia and when we were done with the movie, we talked for hours, sitting next to each other, just talking about everything, sharing things about ourselves. Initially, we talked about the movie. We had polarized opinions over it. He found it meaningful, I found it tragic. I discovered that his favorite color was blue and that he was a frustrated musician; that he loved watching movies too and that there are times he preferred solitude over company. I looked over at him, my eyebrow shooting upwards in my incredulity. He chuckled when he saw my expression.  
  
"Why won't you believe me? It's the truth. I like being alone sometimes-"  
  
"I wouldn't have thought that about you because of your...er-"  
  
"You think I can't stand being alone, is that it? Because I sleep with a lot of women? Well you thought wrong. I only did these things because it feels as if there is something lacking in me. I don't know. I guess I'm craving for something, but I just can't figure out what it is I'm looking for. And, you know I do these things out of the need to establish my masculinity-"  
  
His candor really startled me. He was being open about his own internal struggle that I thought to press him for more."Why do you act this way, Erik? Was it something in your past?"  
  
Erik sighed, suddenly uncomfortable. He didn't want our discussion to continue after all so I decided to drop the topic. A moment of silence fell between us. For some strange reason, it did not feel awkward at all. I thought of something else that I wanted to do with him and I looked over at him shyly.  
  
"Erik, would it be ok if we...if we took a walk back to the church? I'd like to visit my parents' grave again-"  
  
Erik smiled at me with tender affection, caressing my cheek."You're a sweet man, Charles. Even though your parents had passed away, you still remember them and cherish them. I've never met anyone like you before."  
  
I felt quite embarrassed then, that he would think that about me, my cheeks burning with my feelings, but I was pleased that he agreed to go with me. We took a slow and leisurely walk through the streets and I was startled when he reached for my hand automatically, holding on tight. It felt so right to hold his hand like this. We stayed together a while longer until it was time for him to go. I could see his reluctance to leave me but we had to part, for obvious reasons. When he left, I gave my family my late holiday greetings online and then I told my Aunts about me and Erik. I hid nothing from them (I didn't tell them about the amazing sex I've been having with Erik, heaven forbid that they should know about that!). I told them I was seeing my boss and they immediately responded with concern. Uncle Logan had already left the room to go outside so he did not hear what I had just shared with Aunt Jean and Aunt Ororo. The boys (Alex and Scott) already left because they wanted to play a video game after they had a brief exchange with me. At first, both of my aunts faces were eager and happy. As I told them more and they realized that I meant Erik was the one I was seeing, the smiles were practically wiped from their faces. Aunt Ororo spoke up when she got a word in edgewise.  
  
"Charles, you told us he wasn't exactly a nice man. I mean, I'm happy you found someone you like, but of all people, why did you have to choose him?"Aunt Ororo asked and even from online, I could see how worried she was for me.  
  
"Don't worry about me. I know things will work out-"  
  
Aunt Jean and Aunt Ororo exchanged quick glances.  
  
"With the kind of man that he is, we are not really confident about your relationship with him. We just don't want to see you getting hurt, Charles-"Aunt Jean added, voicing out her own concerns. I reassured them both that I am doing fine; that I know what I was getting into. In this assumption perhaps, I was wrong.  
  
A few days after our brief respite from the office, Erik and I encountered each other at the elevator lobby from work. He did not acknowledge me. His face was expressionless as we both got on an elevator along with the other employees of the company. I was the one fidgeting, appearing ill at ease. I was conscious of his nearness and I didn't really know what to do. He maintained a cool and collected demeanor, doing a really good job of ignoring me. When we were both in his office, he spoke to me in his usual manner, gruff and rudely abrupt. I calmly accepted his treatment. I was used to it anyway.  
  
While we were going about our usual day, someone brought in a portfolio that needed to be finished that same day and Erik assembled a team to handle it. I assisted him and as usual, he was shouting at me tersely, looking displeased with me whenever I was near. He pretended to be rude towards me in front of everyone else but after we were done with the portfolio, he had pasted a post it note on my monitor, thanking me. He could have done away with doing something like that but I was happy that he cared enough to acknowledge me this time, regardless if it was stealthily done. I was pleasantly surprised when he sent me a cute IM but then he had to leave for lunch with Mr Creed. He put on that act again, of being vile towards me, treating me as if I was incompetent. Of course I had to continue the act along with him so I showed Mr Creed my usual grim expression. An hour or so later, Erik placed something on my table as he rushed past me and I nearly giggled in delight at the sight of it. A heart shaped cookie! It was a silly and sweet gesture and yet I felt this warmth spreading within my chest at the thought that he would do some of these small things to let me know that he cares about me.  
  
   
  
What was that term? What do you call someone who ends up being summoned for late night liaisons, someone who engages in clandestine sexual encounters? Ah, that's it. A booty call. I became his goddamned booty call. The man was just insatiable! It all started on the day he gave me that sugar cookie. I had gone home thinking quiet and relaxing thoughts that night, intending to watch a movie by myself when there was an urgent knocking at my door. I never thought that it would be Erik. I absently opened the door, thinking it was a solicitor or some religious nutter, intending to politely send them away only to find that it was actually Erik. He suddenly attacked me! He grabbed my cheeks so he could kiss me frantically upon the lips, pushing his tongue into my mouth.  
  
"Hmmpp!"Was all I could utter.  
  
He blindly kicked the door close and then we both got down on the floor, restlessly kissing and touching. Stupidly enough, I responded to his touch. I was that easy. when it comes to him, I just give in. He was tearing away at the buttons of my shirt, kissing my throat and my chest possessively, his tongue trailing about my nipples and causing me to arch my back, aching for more. It was all desperate and frantic that it was just...erotic. I don't know how we ended up getting naked so quickly but we were rolling about the faded carpet, eating at each other's lips, hands restlessly touching each other, skin on skin, fondling and caressing. I was burning up, like I had a fever, just to have him moving on top of me, the contact of his skin sending heat and electric shocks running right through me. My own hips rose up to grind up against him and as we continued, he ended up straddling me from behind, fucking me so urgently that I was left breathless. He used one of his lubricated condoms, the ones he had in one of his pockets and then we were at it again until I was gorged on so much pleasure. He carried me up the stairs so we could continue upon my bed. He was so desperate for me that I was overwhelmed by it.  
  
He came back for me, again and again over the next few days. He did not even send me a message to warn me. He would just come up unannounced at my doorstep and then he would be pushing me in and forcing himself upon me. And I let him continue. I let all of this go on. It was like, he was sexually starved for me and I wanted it anyway. I wanted him. Who in their right mind wouldn't want a man like him? Not only was he an expert kisser, he was really good in bed. I'm not a licentious man but he made me so horny; made me lose control of myself. I never knew that there was this side of me that could be like this. I began to wonder if my elderly neighbors could hear my screams of ecstasy, deep into the night. I was hoping that with the size of the mansion's yard, none of them heard me. It would have been mortifying if they came up to me one day, scolding me for all the noise.  
  
It continued even in the office, the very place that I thought he would have avoided doing such things with me. Especially with me. He was my homophobic boss, after all. People would not have suspected that we were having a sexual relationship, but if we were exposed, both of our careers would be in jeopardy. It started in one of the elevators one day. We both arrived early and surprisingly, it was just the two of us. Erik closed the door the moment we both got in and then he reached for me, pressing me up against the elevator wall, caressing my hip.  
  
"Erik no! The c-camera!"I moaned against his lips as he gave me a gnashing kiss, nipping on my lower lip and licking me, forcing me to open my mouth so he could prod me with his tongue. He was obscenely grinding up against me.  
  
"Relax. It's broken!"Erik said smoothly, kissing my throat now. I looked up at the circular surveillance camera and sure enough, I only saw exposed wires. How could Erik have known that it would be broken? He must have seen the look of befuddlement on my face as I gaped up at the camera, while he kissed my face all over. He pulled back, uttering a low laugh.  
  
"I broke it late last night. They couldn't send a repairman in that soon-"  
  
I was appalled that he would do this, my eyes growing wide as I pushed him away."Erik are you insane? What if...What if someone-"  
  
"No one saw me, I did it from the outside when the door opened. Now shut up and let's kiss. We only have a short time!"  
  
I timidly gave in, letting him kiss me passionately and by the time we reached our floor, my hair was mussed up and my lips were red and swollen. I saw a reflection of myself in a small mirror I have at my desk and I was worried over how I looked. I splashed cold water over my face while I was in the washroom, to calm the furious blush that rose to my cheeks, but it was difficult to conceal the kiss marks upon my throat. When I walked around at our office, I reeled about as if I was tipsy and Erik found it amusing. He had this naughty smile on while no one was looking because he was pleased that his kisses sent me into this state. I felt like an idiot all day, butterfingered and looking so lost that people thought I was sick. I sent him an IM, telling him that he was crazy but he just responded with a laughing smiley. Honestly, it was all pretty kinky and later when we met at my house we had wild, unbridled sex yet again. I howled out so loud that I knew for sure, my neighbors must have heard me this time. But I didn't care anymore. All I cared about was that Erik desired me and I was falling in love with him, deeply and helplessly.  
  
The company announced an event. The New Year's eve ball. I had bought a new suit for myself because I wanted to look my best for Erik, even though I knew that he would never interact with me at that party. The event was all the company ladies had ever talked about over the last few weeks and of course, I was caught up in the buzz of the excitement. Like all the men, I had my suit ready, hanging on a hook at my locker door and I showered and shaved at work. I spent some time alone in one of the lounges until it was time for the party itself. I've never attended anything this big before. When I entered the function room, I was amazed by the lavish decor and the enticing buffet. The company really went all out for this bash. I felt out of place as I stood close to the caterer's table, so that I would be out of the way. The people weren't rushing to eat just yet. They hung around at the mobile bar and the tables were filling up with people carrying their colorful alcoholic drinks and their champagne. They were all wearing their best outfits that my own suit felt simple compared to theirs. A band was playing some catchy modern tune and just to get in the spirit of things, I swayed about on the balls of my feet, smiling softly to myself. Then I saw him. He walked confidently towards the bar, the women at the party all had their eyes on him but he gave me a brief glance and in that moment, I could see the affection in his gaze as he looked me over. I blushed, self-conscious because of the look in his eyes, but I turned my head away so that people wouldn't notice that our eyes met. Erik headed straight for his friends. I looked over at him longingly. I knew that we should never be seen in each other's company and yet I had this brief fantasy of us talking casually and that it was alright for us to talk and flirt at that party. It was only a fantasy, really. Nothing more.  
  
I was able to take a seat next to Miss Kitty Pryde and we were having a pleasant conversation about our careers when someone tapped my shoulder. It was Mr Quested's assistant. She informed me that Erik had given her instructions for me to do a reprint of the portfolio we just recently finished because he would like to review it later. I thought it odd that he would ask that of me, right in the middle of a celebration but I thought he had his reasons. There must be something that we had missed and he was concerned about botching this job. It could be something serious. I excused myself from Miss Pryde's company and I briskly walked out of the function room, heading for the elevators. The lights were off on our department floor and I could not locate the light switches. Some dim light came from the windows and from the outer lighting of the office. I headed straight for the photocopy room and then someone suddenly grabbed at my arms from behind and some sort of cloth bag was thrown over my head. I felt rough hands grabbing at me as I struggled and panicked. My clothes were being removed from me and this reminded me of those moments when I was bullied back in high school, when the school bully would strip me and throw my clothes up a tree. Even as an adult I had to endure something as awful as this. Whoever they were, these men laughed at me as I screamed for help. No one would be coming around because the floor was completely empty. My heart was in my throat and I felt so helpless. What were they intending to do to me? They removed every article of clothing I wore and then one of them kicked me from behind.  
  
"Compliments of Erik, you fucking fag!"Mr Creed said. His voice was unmistakable."Have a Happy Holiday all by yourself...for two days!"  
  
I knew it was him and the man laughing insolently next to him was Mr Quested. I was about to voice out some angry response when I heard the slamming of the door and all went dark. I saw a bit of illumination earlier, even with the bag over my head and then to my horror, I realized that they had locked me in the photocopy room. I tore at the bag over my head and my worst fears are finally confirmed. My heart was thudding in my chest, fear flooding my entire body. We all knew no cleaners or guards would be inspecting this floor because it was already done earlier to make way for the attendants at the party and for the staff to go on their holiday. I could end up trapped here for two days, like Mr Creed had said. I knew there was a water dispenser in the photocopy room and a snack machine but this...this was extremely cruel. Did Erik arrange for this to happen to me? I thought things were going well between us. Why did he allow this cruel joke to be dealt upon me? Was it because he had to prove something to his friends? I pounded on the door and I screamed, hoping someone would be coming around but it was no use. No one could hear me. I would be humiliated, the staff would find me in here, naked and God forbid, I would have to use the very place I was confined in as a lavatory. It was a terrible, childish prank. I couldn't help it but I slumped on the floor, close to the printers and I began to cry in the absolute darkness.  
  
Lights suddenly came on from outside after half an hour had passed. It came in through the crack at the bottom of the door. I thought it was Mr Quested and Mr Janos, intending to deal me something much worse than being locked naked in a dark room but when the door opened and the lights came on, it was actually Erik. He looked genuinely horror-stricken to see what had been done to me when he turned on the lights. He approached me but I sat stiffly as I looked up at him, my cheeks wet with my tears and my entire body shaking with my sobs.  
  
"Charles-"He said calmly.  
  
He made as if to reach for me but I flinched and shoved myself against the side of the printer. "Why did you have them do this to me, Erik? Do you hate me this much?"I said in a tear-clotted voice.  
  
"Please believe me, Charles. I didn't know Janos and Victor would do this. If they hadn't told me, I wouldn't have known. I'm so sorry they did this to you-"Erik said in an imploring voice, his eyes looking wounded.  
  
"I...I don't know if I could believe that, Erik!"  
  
He suddenly put his coat around me, the one he had draped over his arm.  
  
"Come on, come up from there. I'll take you away from here-"  
  
I fought against his grip and I tried to pull away but then he wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly, running his hand at the back of my head. When he spoke next, he sounded heart-broken and miserable.  
  
"Charles, I care about you. Believe me, I would never have thought to do this to you. Please come with me-"  
  
I finally relented when I realized that he would not be here right now if he did not mean the things he had said. I nodded against his shoulder and he pulled back so he could help me up and then he put his gabardine coat on me, rolling up the sleeves because it was too long for me. He guided me and looked about furtively, making sure no one was around. He took me straight to the parking lot. He helped me get into his car and then he said had to get something and would return for me. I waited only a few minutes and then he came back, carrying my clothes, the ones that Mr Creed and Mr Quested had stripped off of me. Perhaps they had thrown my clothes away in the garbage chute.  
  
"Here, I got your clothes back-"  
  
"Thank you, Erik-"  
  
"Charles, I know you are distraught right now but could you please duck down until we get out of this place? Could you do that for me?"  
  
I nodded weakly and crouched down before my seat. When we were adequately some distance away from our company building, I sat back in the passenger seat. I thought he was going to drive me back to the Xavier Mansion but he took me back to his apartment house instead. He parked his car in his garage and then he stopped a moment to send someone a message on his phone. He led me by the hand into his living room and then he moved about, turning on the lights and the heating and then he put aside his suit coat and turned his attention to me as I stood there awkwardly in the middle of the room.  
  
"Give me your clothes; we have to wash them up first. They're filthy-"  
  
I gave him the clothes that I had been hugging to myself and he gestured that I should sit down while I waited for him. I heard him as he made his way down below, where the washing machine was located (I knew where it is because I've done one stint of house-sitting for him before) and then I heard the ritualistic sounds of the washing machine and then the dryer. When he was done, he went back to me and he sat next to me on the couch, not saying a word. The silence between us deepened. He was the one who broke it.  
  
"Charles, I can't apologize enough for what had happened-"  
  
I did my best to show him that it was alright, that I understand that it was not his fault. "I understand, Erik-"  
  
Erik suddenly reached out and smoothed away at my hair, his voice a soft velvety murmur when he spoke next."You must have been so scared-"  
  
I could not lie about how I really felt at that moment. it was like I was back in secondary school again. I shuddered visibly. "I was! I thought I was going to be stuck in there for days and people will come in from work seeing me like that-"  
  
"God, those fucking jerks! I wanted to punch their faces in for what they did to you!"Erik suddenly cried out vehemently, his face darkening with his barely suppressed rage.  
  
I blurted out the next words, almost sounding bitter."But you couldn't, right Erik? Because they are your friends-"  
  
Erik became subdued, just to hear me say these things. "I'm sorry. Do you want me to keep apologizing? I'll keep saying it if that's what it takes to make it better-"  
  
Intending to reassure him, I suddenly reached for his hand."No! I'm sorry! I think I'm not coming across clearly. I understand why you can't and I'm not accusing you. It's just the sad fact that they did this to me and you're stuck in this position-"  
  
"Don't think about me, Charles. Think about yourself! I'm going to have to do something so they don't do this to you again! I won't stand for it! I have to get back at them somehow!"Erik swore, his eyes narrowed and still full of his seething anger. I recalled what he had done to that poor man wearing drag and out of my fear, I implored him to just forget about these things.  
  
"No, Erik! No! Forget about it! Let's just not talk about it anymore! I'm just glad you came for me and rescued me-"  
  
 Erik drew me into his arms so that he could offer what small comfort his embrace could give me. I closed my eyes and sidled up against him, content that he was treating me so tenderly. We hugged for some time until I noticed the time. I pulled away, my voice strained and uncomfortable sounding.  
  
"Oh Erik! You're missing your New Year's party! Weren't you meeting a woman to, um, to celebrate with?"  
  
Erik did not say anything for some time. He just stared at me intently, his penetrating gaze focused only on me. Then, he smiled his usual insolent grin and he reached for my hand so that he could kiss it.  
  
"Don't you worry about any of that, Charles. There are plenty of them out there, waiting for me but what matters now is I have to make it up to you-"  
  
He caressed my cheek gently, his eyes warm and full of affection."Well what do you want me to do to make it up to you? I know! I know! I shouldn't but I want to anyway! So tell me! Anything you want, I'm yours tonight, Charles-"  
  
I felt my cheeks grow very hot and I know for sure that my pale skin became flushed red with a deep blush. I was speechless and flustered by what he had said. When I found my voice, I started to stutter like a fool."Um, I want...that is...I...I want to-"  
  
I jumped in my seat when I found his hand wandering up my thigh, then he leaned in close and began to run his hot fingers over the skin of my neck, his fingertips soft and sensuously swirling upon my heated skin.  
  
"You want?"He said throatily and then he swooped forward and kissed me hungrily, sucking on my lower lip, his tongue sliding into my mouth insistently. I kissed him back in much the same way, moaning into his mouth indecently and the way I responded, like I'm so desperate for him made me feel conscious of myself. I pulled back, putting a hand to my mouth, trembling, my entire body burning up all over again.  
  
"I want to make love, Erik-"I whispered, blushing hotly and wondering if I sound like such an idiot for saying it so plainly. He responded by kissing my forehead, pecking a kiss at my cheek and licking at my earlobe that he drove me into this state of trembling and anticipation.  
  
"How do you want it?"He whispered into my ear and my skin broke up with goose bumps, just to hear his voice. I felt this electric shock go through my cock and my balls. I just had no control over myself any longer. I flung myself at him and I was frantically attacking him, kissing and licking any part of him that my mouth could touch and trail with heated kisses.  
  
"Just love me, Erik! Just love me! I need you!"I cried out recklessly. We attacked each other, trying to remove our clothes from one another. Then, failing in that, we just pushed aside whatever deterrent was in in our way, just so he could enter me. He was a bit more rough than the usual and I could see the desperation in him and I am sure, he could see the same in me. We grabbed at each other, hands restless; our mouths met in a frantic kiss, tongues touching and licking possessively at each other, breathless, mind gone to heat that there was no stopping us. I think if someone tried to part us we'd both be in a manic rage. That strange heat that possessed both of us hung between us like some animal scent, it was that raw; that primal. I clung on to him, moaning, not caring for anything else but to have him inside me, to draw him into my depth and feel every inch of him. There was nothing like this passion that we felt for each other. He made love to me, long and hard on that couch until I came, my own fisted hand working upon my cock. He climaxed first, his eyes drooping, looking drugged and satisfied, mouth hung open as he let it run its course. Seeing that look upon his face made me come with such intensity that I thought my sanity would break. I wanted it to go on, to wipe all sense from me that I didn't want to care about anything else. When we pulled away from each other, we were both left in awe over what had passed between us. It was that deep, that profound; like a taste so elusive that it left us both hungering for more.  
  
Even though Erik desired me all the more because of it, I know I'm awkward and unskilled when it comes to being seductive. I don't know why I suddenly behaved the way I did. While we were both recovering, I sat up so I could remove Erik's coat and I moved carefully this time. I undid the buckles and the buttons and then I opened the coat and leaned back, touching myself as I licked my lips, holding his sultry gaze in my own, enticing him with my body and then I crawled over to him and I went down on him, taking his cock out his pants and sucking hard at it.  
  
"Oh fuck!"Erik moaned out loud, his voice shaking. He writhed about his seat, throwing his head back as if he could not stand it. He never wanted to do something like this with me but I was curious to know what it was like. I wanted to taste him, to take his cock in my mouth. We both delved in the heat of the moment, my head bobbing up and down his lap frantically until I made him come. Erik was just big and he came hard into my mouth. I swallowed all of it, licking and kissing his cock into ecstasies that his hips ground upwards for more. I pulled back smiling at him tentatively, my lips red and thick with my exertions.  
  
"I'm sorry. You said you didn't want me doing that to you but I just couldn't help it-"  
  
I grew bold and smiled at him insolently."Did you like it?"  
  
 He didn't say anything at first, glaring down at me darkly and then he grabbed me and kissed me roughly upon the lips. I responded by pushing my tongue into his mouth and we ended up making love again to the sound of fireworks exploding outside. There was no lubrication this time and it hurt when he entered me but he slid into me very carefully and even though I know it must have hurt him too, he moved his hips slowly. He used some spit and that finally eased things and he quickened, fueled by the raging desire we had for each other, things became desperate again and we were at each other like we couldn't get enough of it. I stayed the night in Erik's bed and he was holding me in his arms possessively. I pressed myself against him, content to have him against my body.  
  
   
  
I didn't think he would follow through on what he had said. He did get back at his own friends. He did these things for me. Me. I didn't think I was that important in his life for him to do something like that. A couple of weeks had passed when he exacted his vengeance on them and I could only sit in my chair as I listened for Mr Creed and Mr Quested banging on about losing their comfy positions in our department. They were moving on to Sales and Customer Service. An email has been sent out to the rest of the department about the 'promotion' of sorts, but both men were unhappy about the move. Rightly so, I must say because people never really liked it in Sales. After Erik had sent them off, things had started to become a bit more harmonious in our department. I think it had a lot more to do with Erik's suggestion to promote Mr Bobby Drake and Mr Armando Muñoz to spearhead the department's Sales Reports and Portfolio organization. They really helped with the improvement of our department's performance. Erik changed his ways too by being professional towards everyone, including me. He didn't keep our office door open anymore. He closed it, even locked it a few times so we could have some privacy. Towards the end of the day, when it was just the two of us, he'd lead me towards his office couch and make out with me or he would kiss and fondle me in my own seat, his hands all over me. It was all I could do not to moan and scream whenever he did these things to me. Our relationship has taken a totally sexual turn and....I actually like it.  
  
"Oh God!"I moaned against his chest as he moved on top of me, my shirt was half-open, my own hands holding on tightly on to the lapels of his coat. I had one leg slung over his waist as we writhed and grinded against each other in his couch, kissing hungrily like a couple of oversexed teenagers. My head lolled about helplessly as he kissed my throat and licked at my chin.  
  
"Charles-"He whispered into my ear and we could have gone all the way had I not been so worried about getting caught making out with him in the office. When things got too hot, I'd pull away. I was afraid to lose control in that place.  
  
"Charles, don't leave me hanging like this!"Erik complained and I'd tell him softly that I'd make it up to him once we were back in the mansion, only then would he reluctantly leave me alone. His darkening stare would follow me about as we finished our work. It was all I could do not to get too distracted. Our workstations are separated only by a plexiglass wall and through it, I could see him glancing over at me darkly. He would be licking his lips in anticipation, a wicked smile pasted to his face and I could do nothing but tremble in my chair, my thighs restlessly moving about underneath the table and my cock straining inside my pants. Sometimes he would be the first to leave, sometimes I would be the one to leave ahead of time, depending on what tasks we had to accomplish that day and today, I was the first to punch out. I would hurry for the subway, hot and bothered, all my thoughts centered on nothing but Erik, craving for what would undoubtedly happen between us in my dilapidated mansion. I would hurriedly shower and then I would light us some candles in my room. I would hear his familiar knock upon my door. I would be racing downstairs to let him in and then we would be at each other. It became quite routine, really, but never boring. The sex with him...it was getting quite addictive. He made me burn, made me lose control of myself and he filled up this empty space within me. He was the perfect lover; calm and studied, hips sliding up against my own so familiarly, his lips sought my hungering mouth, wiping my mind clean with the white-hot blaze of his passion.  
  
After the umpteenth time that he had made me orgasm, he pulled away from me, sweating and gasping, both of us naked and languorous. I ran a hand into my sweaty hair, chest heaving and feeling so satisfied after another bout of sex. He reached out and touched my hip, caressing my skin, gazing down at me, that ardent heat still in his eyes.  
  
"How many times?"  
  
I was still breathless as I turned to look at him, blinking repeatedly."Sorry, what?"  
  
"How many times did you come?"He asked throatily, smiling lewdly at me as his hand moved towards that area above my groin, stroking me slowly.  
  
I turned to look at him, biting on my lower lip. I released a shuddery breath, feeling mortified that he should ask me that."Eight-"I said softly.  
  
His eyes widened at my answer."It's not even the middle of the night and you've come that many times?"  
  
"It's...It's true. It's just that you make me feel so good that I can't help myself-"  
  
He drew close nuzzling my cheek with his nose."I'm that good, am I?"  
  
I felt embarrassed over how much I lose control when he takes me that I could not answer him. He kissed my cheek gently and moved on top of me again to kiss me and God help me, he's doing it to me again. Burning, my sanity was being burned away and I want it so bad it's like a wrenching pain in the depths of my being.  
  
So, day in and day out, this was the state of affairs between us and no one was the wiser for it. Even if he flirted with the women in the office, even if he acted indifferent and cold towards me in front of our other colleagues, he always came back to me. He would always come knocking upon my door and he would be in my bed, making love to me with that same wild passion like every time...was like the first time and I'm falling so in love with him that there was nothing else that mattered. It was like we were living together as partners, because each morning, I would wake up feeling his body next to mine, or find him lying on top of me and even though at times it hurts me that we couldn't have a normal relationship, I was happy that he wanted to be with me. I would make us breakfast and then we'd shower together and then I would help him put on his suit and fix his tie for him. He had left his clothes and his toiletries in my house so it would be easy for him to get dressed and he would leave first. Then I would leave for the subway and we would meet in the office again and he would smile at me tenderly when it was just the two of us. We didn't have to say anything to each other. Mostly, we talked on IM and we'd share a secret joke or two about our sex life.  
  
I knew Miss Darkholme was persistently flirting with him, right in front of me and I could see Erik's discomfort. Miss Darkholme did not seem to notice it or perhaps she chose to ignore it. She'd bring him sweets and make supposedly mild sexual overtures about it and I could see Erik wanting to roll his eyes over how blatant she was. Erik had confessed to me that he was not seeing any women lately. He had joked that maybe he was getting bored with them. I quietly hoped that he had not grown bored with me. Erik does have a reputation. I was surprised when he told me that I was his longest sexual partner. I was quietly pleased when he told me that he still found something so mysterious about me, something sexually alluring that he was constantly drawn to me. I really don't know what he sees in me. I had prepared myself for the possibility that he would go searching for someone else to satisfy him and yet I still dreaded that day. That day would come nevertheless and it would hurt me deeply. I knew it would, but I went on with what he wanted anyway because I loved him, even though he did not really love me back. He only felt affection and desire for me, that's true, but love...he wasn't the kind of man to get into something like that.  
  
   
  
Seeing him kiss Miss Darkholme at our company get-together really broke my heart. I couldn't stop myself from crying over it. I headed for the men's room and hid myself in a cubicle so no one would see me crying. I should have prepared myself for something like this. I've already seen him constantly flirting with other women at the company but I suppose it is different when I actually see him making out with one of them right before my eyes. I'm not thick-skinned or numb. It really hurts to see the man I love doing something like this, knowing that he is only doing what came naturally to him because this was how the world sees him. He was supposed to be a homophobic player and yet I agreed to have a relationship with him because he wanted me and I wanted him. I know I should understand his position. I agreed to all of this after all. But why? Why does it still hurt so bad? I sobbed quietly, wiping furiously at my eyes and feeling stupid over the entire matter. He had to do something like that after I had poured my heart out singing to him. It was a song close to my heart because when I listen to it, I think of him. He knew I sang that song only for him and I could see he struggled not to bolt out of the room when he heard me. I had made him feel uneasy. Maybe that was why he kissed Miss Darkholme, so that I could get it into my thick head that I'm just someone he sleeps with. I sobbed again over how hopeless my situation is when I heard him call my name.  
  
"Charles-"  
  
I stiffened while I sat on the lid of the toilet seat. I thought I was imagining things. I got up and opened the door and then I saw him. His eyes seemed to tremble with feeling. He didn't scold me over my crying. He didn't say a word. He just grabbed my wrist and walked briskly out towards the exit while he tugged on my arm. I was concerned that someone might see us and I looked about quickly. He was leading me towards the parking lot. He was intending to drive us both out of there. I remembered that my coat was still in the Videoke lounge. I could actually hear the muffled singing of someone from our group.  
  
"Erik? What are you doing? I have to go back! I left my-"  
  
He suddenly grabbed my chin and kissed me hard on the lips. He drew away and gazed down at me affectionately. "I didn't mean for you to see what happened back there. I don't want her, Charles. I want you-"  
  
I felt myself melting against him, I was stunned by what he had said. He wanted only me! I gazed over at him lovingly as he drove us both back to my house and he took me into my bedroom, holding me close and planting soft and tender kisses upon my lips. He drew away and whispered against my cheek.  
  
"Sing for me again, Charles. Sing that song you sang earlier. I want you to sing it only for me-"  
  
I did as he asked of me and we swayed about, as if we were dancing and I was crying again like a bloody idiot but I couldn't help myself. He hugged me and he kissed me as we danced and I wondered if he could feel my heart beating inside my chest. I suppose he could feel it because our bodies were so close. I had to tell him how I really feel about him. I drew away so I could look up at him, pouring all my emotion in my loving gaze.  
  
"I love you, Erik-"  
  
His eyes shone with some suppressed feeling , as if he was about to cry himself but he didn't say the same thing back. He was silent as he held me, his eyes intensely holding my own. He was silent for a long time. I wanted to hear him say the same thing to me because...because I could see in his eyes that he did love me, even though he refused to say the words. I could understand why he would be like this. He took my clothes off and he led me into bed instead, doing what he knew best. It was different somehow because his expression was different, the way he gazed down at me, like I was the only one he wanted made me shiver with desire, my chest filling up with some warm feeling as he kissed me gently and made love to me slowly.


	9. Chapter 9

 

I could see that Erik wanted things to get deeper between us and I was very happy when he confessed to me that he had been seeing only me exclusively, even though we had to keep our relationship a secret. Of course, I didn't want Erik's reputation to be sullied so I accepted things as they were. He deceived everyone at the office by pretending to be seeing other women when in fact, he was seeing only me. He made a show of talking to someone on the phone, making everyone believe it was a woman (he was actually calling me during my lunchtime) and then he would flirt with the ladies in the office, the ones that he knew who didn't have the 'hots' for him, keeping up appearances. I think he did these things because he was concerned over my feelings, even going so far as to apologize to Raven when I had asked him to. This was when he skipped on her after she had offered to sleep with him. So you see, I had assumed at this point that Erik wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I just didn't account for Erik's uncertainty.

He was the one that came to my house frequently so that we could spend time together. There were only occasional moments when he would invite me into his house and he had even given me his keys, something he did not allow any women in his life to have. When he admitted this to me, I felt...privileged and special. It was so unlike him to do such a thing. We'd have our romantic dinners at my house and of course, the sex, the wild passionate sex that we both can't seem to get enough of. Sometimes we would go to his house, but we rarely do this because we didn't want to be seen together in his neighborhood. Those quiet moments, sitting together and watching movies, playing chess or reading books next to each other...it was just wonderful. I would look over to Erik sometimes and I could see the love and affection in his gaze and it made me feel so happy, just to have these moments with him.

At the office, he still acted like the mean boss, but he wasn't as stringent as he was before so it came as a surprise to me one day when he entered our office and it felt like he was the 'old' Erik again. I could see the coldness and the loathing in his eyes when he looked at me. And, I could definitely feel it too. I smiled at him in greeting, perhaps in an attempt to soften him, but he did not smile back. Instead, he headed straight for his office and left the door open. I found it odd that he would do that. I wasn't sure if this was an 'act', that he might be expecting someone to come around to look in on us, but no one entered the office. Still, I thought this was the only plausible explanation. I suppose at that time, I was making excuses for his odd behavior and this was the only thing I could think of.

A long spell of silence fell between us and I was becoming uneasy about it. Whatever I was feeling at that time, I tried to contain it. I didn't want to cause any hassle for him so I let him continue with this 'act'. When I couldn't stand it any longer, I sent him an IM.

[Is everything ok, Erik?]

He did not answer me for some time. And, when he did, he gave me a brief response.

[I don't feel so well. Don't bother me for now.]

I stared at the message for a while, my mouth going dry. Erik was just being Erik. He didn't want to appear weak so he distanced himself from other people whenever he felt ill or vulnerable. In the back of my mind, I knew that something awful must have happened, causing him to behave towards me like this, but I chose to ignore it. I wanted to believe that everything was still okay. We continued with our work, but I could not get this nagging feeling within me to go away. I wanted to confront him about it, but I was afraid of what I might hear him say. We went on with our day like that, silent and awkward towards each other. When he spoke to me about work-related matters, his voice was flat and cold, even though no one was within earshot. It was like he couldn't stand being in my presence. I quietly accepted his behavior. I've endured him all this time anyway. As I sat before my desk, my mind kept circling back to what he had said before about our relationship, when he was trying to turn over a new leaf and I was encouraging him to continue what he was doing. I didn't understand at that time that he was changing himself because of me and I think, it was the same for him. He wasn't aware that I was also changing for him.

_"Charles, you're a different case. You're special and what we have here...it's just that! Special! Don't try to make me go and change my stripes in one day!"_

What did he even really mean by that? Surely, he must be aware that if he is seeing another man, it simply means we are no different from any other homosexual couple out there. I suppose it's typical of Erik to think that he is above such things. I tried to talk to him about it, but he constantly brushed it off. He was avoiding the reality of our relationship. Was I too pushy? Was that it? I thought what I was doing was helping him, encouraging him to understand himself, but maybe I was wrong. I delivered some portfolios by his desk and I could see this vague and distracted look upon his face. He avoided meeting my eyes. He did in fact, looked a bit pale. It hurts me that he would treat me this way, but I mustered myself to be a little more understanding towards him. It felt like an eternity as I waited for Erik to acknowledge me, to say something at least. The only response I received was his silence. I went to his door and I informed him I was leaving when the end of my shift came, but he just nodded absently, without looking my way. I headed for the main door, my shoulders sagging in dejection. I was stung by his indifference. As I rode the subway, staring off into space, I decided I had to pursue this, to let Erik know I was concerned for him. Now that I was not in the office, I whipped out my cell phone and sent him a text message.

[Hi Erik! Are you still not well? Maybe you should go by the office clinic and have them look you over. I'm just worried about you, ok?]

I sent the message and waited for a response. I kept glancing at my phone that I almost missed my stop. He never replied back. That heavy feeling was back again and it made me feel terrible. He usually texted back a quick response, no matter where he was or even if he was in a meeting, but this time, it was obvious that he was deliberately ignoring me. I was walking listlessly back home and then I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk to text him again.

[Erik, can we please talk? Something's wrong and I think we had better talk it over.]

I waited and stared at my phone for hours once I was inside the house. I was afraid that if I attempted to call him, I would only get his voice mail or perhaps, get an out-of-service messaging, which would mean that he had turned off his phone because of me. I felt sick to my stomach, thinking that he might be avoiding me and I did not even know why. My thoughts swung back to this stupid idea that he must really be sick. I moved about the house restlessly and then an idea came to me. I thought that I should show him that no matter how awful he treated me, my feelings for him remained constant; that I still cared about him. I rushed off to the store to purchase some cold and fever medicine, along with some pain relievers. I wasn't sure if he was really coming down with something, but I recklessly bought the medicine, just assuming that whatever he might need, I would have it ready for him. I headed back home and I prepared him some chicken soup. When I was done, I groomed myself and wore a change of clothing. I headed out again and I took a cab, even though it was expensive. I had the casserole in a casserole warmer, the medicine in a plastic bag in my other hand.

I quietly contemplated on what I was doing and I kept wondering, what was up with Erik? I was hoping that once we discussed this, we could clear things up. Whatever troubling thoughts he was keeping to himself, I wanted us to talk it over. I was sure Erik would be back in his apartment house by then. I was right. I saw that the lights were on in his apartment. I paid the cabbie and exhaled a bracing breath when I faced his house once more. Here goes nothing. I climbed up the front steps and opened the door using the key he gave me. My plan was to give him a surprise. He was not in the living room so I assumed he was upstairs. I didn't call out for Erik just yet. I headed for his kitchen and unwrapped the casserole from the warmer, picked up a spoon and then I climbed upstairs. I sensed that he was still awake when I saw from the slit underneath his bedroom door that the lights were still on. When I opened the door and stepped in, a bright smile still pasted to my face, I was shocked by what I had seen. What I saw broke my heart into a million pieces. I was so naive. What the hell was I thinking? I should have known that Erik would do something like this to me!

It was like my vision had narrowed down and the edges had become blurry. It might be because my eyes had instantly flooded with tears. All I could see was Erik lying in bed with another woman. My Erik. It was obvious they were both naked underneath the sheets and their clothes were scattered all over the floor. It was also obvious that they just had sex. I could smell it in the air. I felt like someone had stomped down on my chest and was crushing down hard with a cleated boot. I couldn't bear this sudden pain I was feeling, my head reeled with it. It was like I was falling and falling forever into some deep pit of despair. It was just awful. Erik saw the hurt expression I was making and he spoke warily.

"Charles-"

Erik began to get up from the bed and I struggled stupidly to hold on to the casserole in my hands along with the medicine. I was shaking with some feeling I could not comprehend. My face felt numb and then I felt the hot tears spilling down my cheeks. Erik was putting on his underwear and then he was reaching for me, looking worried that I might fly into a rage. I didn't want him to touch me. I felt too sick to my stomach to even stand it. I wished that pit I had imagined in my mind would suddenly materialize and swallow me whole. I just had to get away from him. I uttered some shaky cry and I dropped everything I was holding. I bolted from there, as if I was being chased by some wild animal. I wanted to forget what I had seen, to wipe it from my memory, but I couldn't. It was the only thing that filled my mind. Erik promised me that I was the only one he was seeing, but knowing Erik, why would he hold on to that promise? _What was I to him? I was nothing to him!_ I was just someone he sleeps with. This should not have come as a surprise. I ran as fast as my feet could carry me, but then I stopped running, the awfulness of the entire situation taking its toll on me. I walked on stilted legs and then I began to cry. I was so hurt and yet, I had no right to be hurt.

 _I should have known_ -This was the thought that repeated itself over and over in my head. I reached up and placed my hands over my stinging eyes. I couldn't help it when I wailed out loud like a little boy, crying over some slight. I felt so empty and lost and so full of despair that all the good things that happened between me and Erik shattered before my eyes like meaningless, fractured pictures... like these things happened to someone else and not to us. I stumbled down on to my knees because I wasn't watching where I was going and I didn't care anymore if I looked like some pathetic idiot crying out in the streets. No one else would care anyway. I think I heard someone calling my name, but I was drowning in my own pain to even respond.

Someone grabbed roughly at my collar, shaking me about and I knew it was Erik. I opened my eyes and I looked up into his furious eyes. He looked about ready to punch me in the face and beat me to a pulp. He was that mad.

"What are you crying for, huh? Didn't we have an arrangement? Didn't we agree that I can keep on being myself and just see you on the side? That was the plan! What are you getting so worked up for?"He shouted down at me as he held me up by the collar of my shirt. His feet were bare and he only had on his pants and his long coat.

There was a moment when his expression softened and we stared at each other for some time as I sobbed, my face a wet mess of tears, my nose running, but I was past caring about any of that. I was hurting so bad that I couldn't hide the hurt from my eyes because all of this...meant something more to me. I loved Erik so much. I had hoped that my eyes would have conveyed how much he meant to me, but then he started shaking me around again, shouting out loud and not giving a damn what his own neighbors might think.

"What more do you want from me, Charles? Answer me, Goddammit! Don't clam up on me now! I gave you what you wanted! I did things for you that I never would have done for anyone! What more do you want from me?" He screamed down at me.

And then it came to me. I understood why he was so mad. He wasn't angry about my weeping or my reaction. He was angry with himself over something that must have happened at the office. Someone told him something and he lashed out at me and at himself. He did these things...because he must have thought his masculinity was compromised and he needed to re-establish himself. I knew it was pointless to stay here with him to talk it out or even argue. He was right...for the wrong reasons. I reached up and firmly, yet gently removed his hands from my collar. I stopped crying and then I met his angry eyes. I wanted to tell him that I understood his situation, but I thought better of it. I reached out instead and tenderly smoothed my hand down the front of his chest, intending only to soothe him. This seemed to startle him, his brow furrowing in disbelief. He did not expect me to respond with tenderness. I leaned in close and then I kissed him softly on the cheek, pulling away and smiling sadly. There was no point in getting angry or hurt anymore. I walked away and I left him there, perhaps he was too stunned by my response that he just stood there staring after me. I exhaled a shaky breath and looked up at the bleak skies as I walked, crossing my arms in front of me, hugging myself. This will pass. Let him think about what happened and afterwards, there might be time to talk about it. Right now, Erik was not thinking straight so I thought it best to leave him alone. I got on a bus, wiping my face with a handkerchief and ignoring the curious stares of some of the passengers because it was obvious I had been crying.

 _We'll eventually get this terrible day past us. Things will get better_ -This was what I told myself as I sat in my seat and watched the city streets rushing by.

 

I thought tonight was one of the worst nights of my life; that it could not get any worse. I was wrong. I was already in bed, hoping that I could sleep off this awful day and not think about the events that had happened, but then I heard some repeated pounding at my front door and I could hear Erik shouting out for me. What was he doing here? I looked over at the clock at my bedside table and I saw how late the hour was. I quickly got up from the bed and rushed downstairs. I was embarrassed that he was making such a ruckus. I was concerned that he might disturb my elderly neighbors. I opened the door and the first thing that hit me was the smell emanating from Erik. He had been drinking, his eyes were bloodshot with it and his breath smelled like a distillery.

"Erik, what are you doing here?"I voiced out the question I had been thinking.

"We need to talk-"

I sighed in resignation. So, he didn't have any intention of letting things pass. All of a sudden, he wanted to talk it out. He was drunk right now and of course, I knew it would be hard to reason with someone in this condition. I let him into the house because I knew he would just stubbornly insist that we should talk and he would force his way in, just to get his way. When I closed the door, he grabbed at my shoulder, startling me and then he dragged me towards the couch and flung me down on to it. He glared down at me angrily and when he spoke, he tried to enunciate his words clearly, his voice strained and gratingly harsh.

"Let's get one thing straight, Charles! Did we or did we not have an arrangement? Just answer me that!"

I was stunned silent at that. He wanted to discuss this now. I felt a painful wrenching within me, but I managed to answer him."I did agree to this, Erik-"

"Well if we had an understanding, why are you crying? Why are you showing me this stupid expression on your face like I'd done you the greatest wrong? Don't go and make me feel guilty over something I shouldn't have to be guilty for!" Erik cried out at me, his expression wrathful and just seeing that expression on his face, the feelings I had earlier came flooding back, my chest aching painfully with it. I realized that Erik might actually break up with me tonight. I wasn't sure if I could take any more of this. I didn't want to see Erik staring at me hatefully, shouting at me and treating me so callously. It was okay when he was just pretending to do it at the office for appearances sake, but this was different. I crossed my arms in front of me and I could not stop myself from crying again. I didn't say anything. My throat felt too tight to even utter any words.

I wasn't surprised when he reached down and shook me about by my shoulders, glaring down at me wrathfully."Are you fucking mute now or something? Aren't you a man? Try to say something for Chrissakes!"

I couldn't stand seeing him like this, looking at me with hatred. All I could do was to reach out and embrace him tightly, to calm the rage and the hate in him. I thought, responding in anger would only cause more bad feelings to rise between us. I ran my hand gently at the back of his neck, trying to soothe him. My face was wet with tears again as I held him, wishing he would just stop getting mad at me. I tried to still the trembling in my voice as I implored him. "We shouldn't fight, Erik. I understand why you did that. Something happened earlier at the office, am I correct? I'm only sorry that I couldn't stop myself from feeling hurt. Let's not fight anymore, please-"

I thought I could reach into him and end this anger he was feeling, but I was shocked when he tugged my hand away roughly from the back of his neck and pushed me from himself, his expression full of his disgust.

"Will you stop that, you fucking pansy! Stop trying to foist your fucking gayness on me, ok? Don't touch me anymore! I'm sick of all of this! I'm done! Let's just end this!"

That look on his face. It killed something inside me, like a light went off in my head. It was the same look he gave that drag queen he had beaten up in the streets many months before, when I was helping him look for a cab. That stare was just filled with pure revulsion, causing his nose to wrinkle in distaste and his mouth to sneer upwards to the side. It was a look he reserved for people he deemed repulsively homosexual. What happened to the man who gazed at me with warm affection? Who is this man before me now? The painful words he said caused my blood to run cold. I couldn't move, and so I sat there, feeling numb and empty. How could he say these things to me? I've done nothing but give myself over to him and I had also given him my heart. It was so easy for him to hurt me like this because I meant nothing to him. The things he did to me today confirmed it.

He got up, scoffing at my reaction and he went to look for that bottle of whiskey he had left in my house from his previous visit and he swallowed it in large gulps. He did not leave just yet. Oh no. He wasn't through with me. He started to recite his usual invectives towards homosexuals, telling me how I had infected him with my homosexuality because we had to breathe the same air in the office. He told me how disgusting I was and that it sickened him to think he had kissed my lips. He kept on ranting like that and I watched him coldly, wondering how could I have ever fallen in love with such an asshole. He kept on ranting until his voice was a rasping slur and then he fell unconscious as he remained lying down on the floor. I watched him numbly for a while and then I got up and I went upstairs, heading for my bedroom. I just left him down there. I didn't even want to give a shit what happens to him anymore and then I collapsed before my bed, my knees giving out. I wept out loud and I screamed, drowning in my pain. There was no rising from this hurt he had caused me. He destroyed whatever good we had between us. I realized I was such a fool, giving in to him so easily and letting him treat me like dirt over and over!

When I was done with my crying, I slowly got up from the floor. I knew what I had to do. I had to get away from all of this awfulness. I had to get away from him. I took out my suitcase and I packed my clothes in as fast as I could. I took whatever items I wanted to take with me, leaving the rest and then I booked a flight, the fastest I could get at that late hour. I then called for a cab service and I informed the cab company what time they could pick me up. I quietly brought my suitcase and my bag downstairs. Erik was still sleeping on the floor, lying on his side. I had the bags ready by the door and then I turned off the main electrical power outlet to my house. We were plunged in darkness and the only light came from the fireplace. I couldn't stand being near him any longer. I was about to go outside, to wait for my cab out there and then I heard him mutter my name in his sleep. I stopped turning the doorknob and then as my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I looked over to where he was lying on the floor. The sight of him lying down like that tugged at my heart. I'm sure he had drank himself into a stupor that would keep him unconscious for hours.  I just had to say something to him, even though he would not hear my words. I just had to do it. I walked over to him and then I was lying down next to him. Hesitantly, I reached for his back, touching him gently and then I couldn't help myself. I sobbed against him, wishing things did not turn out the way it did. A part of me regretted that I ever met him, but there was also a part of me that still loved him and this gave me the strength to say what I had to say.

"I know you must have heard something that made you doubt about us, Erik. And I don't know what these people told you, but I had wanted to tell you, it doesn't mean that if someone is gay or weak-looking that they are not man enough. Being a real man is someone who can take responsibility for himself and his actions and having the courage to love and accept what he cannot change. Being a real man means facing every day and living life anyway even if there are so many things that could bring him down-"

I stopped a moment as I sobbed uncontrollably at his back, running my fingers gently over the nape of his neck. He was still out of it. When I got my wind back, my voice came out in small breathy hitches.

"I love you so much, Erik. I loved you even if I knew it will hurt me just to love you. I let this relationship continue and I endured your hurtful words and your treatment of me just so I can be near you. I know, you don't love me and I'm ok with that because you can't take away this love I feel for you no matter how much you hurt me. I'll always love you, Erik! Always! But please, please understand there's only so much of your hate that I can take. I'm so sorry because I'm so tired; I'm so tired and I don't know if I still have the strength to go on like this-"

I remained like that, lying next to him with his back towards me. I pressed my face to his back, sobbing my heart out and when I had been husked out from my crying, I finally got up and opened the front door. I took one last look at his sleeping form and then I stepped out into the cold night, waiting for my cab. I was silent and miserable during my journey back home, fleeing, heading back to the only people who really cared about me...my family.

 

"That fucking asshole! I should go over there and beat the shit out of him!"Uncle Logan shouted angrily, his face menacing and contorted with rage. They were all surprised by my sudden arrival. I wasn't able to call in because I left my cell phone on purpose back at the Xavier Mansion so that Erik would not be able to reach me. I did not tell him the whereabouts of my family and the only means he could contact me, was through my cell phone. I had cut off any means of communication between us because I did not want to see him or hear from him again. I don't even care what he would say to the people at our work.

"Logan, watch your mouth!"Aunt Ororo cried out vehemently, holding both Alex and Scott's shoulders. Aunt Jean shook her head in disapproval as well.

"They ain't kids anymore, Ororo! They already finished college for God's sake! These boys should understand how things run in the world!"Uncle Logan continued, his voice an angry rasp. The journey back home was a mind-numbing blur. I felt ill and detached from everything else around me. The only thing urging me to go on was my need to get back to my family. When I came into the house and they saw the miserable expression on my face, Aunt Jean immediately hugged me and I cried into her shoulders. I was already exhausted from my constant crying, but it seems there were still more tears left within me. They all hugged me, including Uncle Logan and then I told them what had happened. I meekly looked up at uncle Logan, hoping he would not turn me away after finding out that I had a relationship with a man. I was startled to find his expression looking hurt, not because of my admission, but because of the fact that he sympathized with me and accepted the truth about me. He reached out and gripped my shoulder affectionately, his eyes holding my own, filled with nothing but understanding and concern.

"Y-Your not angry, Logan?"

"Why should I be? Charles, I don't care who you want to see as long as you're happy. From the looks of it, you just got into a bad relationship. You're a good kid. You deserved better-"

I was still stunned by Uncle Logan's acceptance. I was also surprised by the support I received from Alex and Scott. They were uneasy about it at first, but they both showed me that they accepted me and stayed with me for the entire day, engaging me in a lengthy conversation and telling me everything that happened at the cabin, along with the crazy things they have been up to. A part of me was relieved to be home, but one small part of me...longed to see Erik again. I wondered if he was alright back at the mansion or if he was feeling well. He must have downed a lot of alcohol to get that hammered. Erik rarely got drunk. Perhaps he got that drunk because he was guilty over what he had done to me, but with Erik, I just couldn't be sure.

"You're thinking about him, aren't you?"Scott asked as he eyed me. We were all sitting on a fallen log close by the cabin, just appreciating the scenic view of the mountains and the trees. Alex sat on my other side and he also disapproved of my silent melancholy. I know my sad thoughts of Erik was evident upon my expression because I could not hide it. I sighed and looked up at the afternoon sky, it was golden and perfect and it should have helped me find some small measure of peace, but it did not.

"I'm sorry. I thought...I thought what Erik and I had was something special. That it meant something deeper, but I was wrong. Erik has hurt me so bad and...and..."My lower jaw trembled and I could not help it when I began to cry again. My eyes are already puffed up and painful from all the crying I had done. The tears trailed down my cheeks as I looked away, my face crumpled up and I knew I looked so pathetic, crying like this. Alex and Scott were looking at me uncomfortably, both of them speechless. They did not know what to say so they just remained silent as I cried. I cried for some time and then I was startled when someone hugged me from behind. I turned to look over and I saw that it was Aunt Jean. She was misty-eyed too, as if she was trying to stifle her tears and I turned around to hug her again. She was surprisingly subdued and silent ever since I came back home, looking the way I did. I felt Aunt Jean caressing the back of my head and hugging me tightly.

"Boys, why don't you go inside and help Ororo with dinner? She's making that Yam pie that you love so much-"

"Yeah, sure Aunt Jean!"Scott said quickly and both he and Alex hurried to leave me in Aunt Jean's capable hands, both of them giving my shoulder one awkward pat. Aunt Jean sat next to me and just embraced me, knowing this was exactly what I needed. I closed my eyes and nuzzled against her, comforted by her love and her warmth. My tears are still trailing down my face and my breath came out in hitches. I felt like a little boy again as she held me. We were silent for a while and then Aunt Jean finally spoke.

"I know you are hurting right now and I'm not going to pretend that everything will be ok. Only you can decide when it will be ok.  We'll talk when you are ready to talk. So, for now... just cry, Charles. Let it all out and don't keep it inside you. Just cry and I'm going to be here and I'll hold you-"

I felt a painful twinge in my chest. After she had said those words, I finally released all the heart-rending pain I was feeling. I wailed out loud and I cried, my shoulders and my entire frame shaking and Aunt Jean just held me until I have been husked out. It was a long while before we got back into the cabin and the rest of them had already eaten dinner. They did not wait for us, knowing that I had to get my grief out of my system. I was grieving over the fact that my relationship with Erik has ended and it had affected me so much because it meant something more to me. It was the one true relationship that I have ever had and it really hurts to break things off like this with Erik. I ate half-heartedly before Aunt Jean, both of us silent. Aunt Jean's brown eyes regarded me gently, her gaze full of sympathy and understanding and I felt like crying again because she had to see me like this. I thought I could make it on my own, but here I am running back to them, cowed and defeated because one man had to break my heart. I felt so foolish, acting the way I did. I wondered at times, why can't I be braver? Instead of breaking things off with Erik, face-to-face, I fled from him. Aunt Jean seemed to know what I was thinking. I can see it in her eyes. She reached out and gently touched my hand.

"I failed you, Aunt Jean and I failed myself-"I said in a deadened voice.

"No Charles. You haven't failed me or yourself. I'm proud of you, no matter what. You made it out there in the city all on your own, working in a large company. You set out to accomplish that task and you did it. And, Mr Lehnsherr's coming into your life isn't a bad thing. I don't like that man and I'm glad you are no longer with him, but he has still given your life meaning-"

I looked up at Aunt Jean, waiting for her to continue. She kept on holding my hand and the words she said in her soft-spoken voice really got to me.

"When we learn to love and hate, that is when we realize that we have lived because that is what being human is all about, Charles. To feel, to go through these emotions, whether if it's going to be good or bad. Mr Lehnsherr has taught you about hatred, but in so doing, he has shown you that you are his complete opposite. You are a loving person and he reacted the way he did because he's not brave enough to love. Loving is not just limited to the romantic. Surely, you must know that. You still have the love of your family. No matter what, we are here for you-"

I understood what Aunt Jean said and I was touched by it, but after what Erik did to me...would I still want to even feel anything? There's this wound in the middle of my being and I don't know if it would ever heal. I shook my head slowly, pulling away from Aunt Jean's touch.

"Thank you. I needed to hear that, Aunt Jean-"

"But you don't accept it."She said sadly.

"I don't...I don't know what to feel. I just want to be numb right now-"I admitted to her. After that, there was nothing left to say. We settled back into silence and Aunt Jean did not prod me any further.

That first night, back in the cabin, I barely had any sleep. I spent the night watching movies, but I was not really absorbing what I was watching. My mind kept going back to Erik, thinking of the times we had spent together...especially those nights when he would be in my bed, making love to me. The way he touched me, like he was hungry and full of this craving for me, his tenderness and passion all rolled into one, I wanted those moments back again. But it hurts to remember. It hurts to think. I wish there was something that could stop this pain I was feeling. I know my family is there for me, but Erik had cut something deep in me and it won't seem to mend.

In the days, weeks and months that followed, I just sat in my room, indifferent to everything else. I didn't bother with grooming myself or even joining in on any activity with my family. I would just lie around in bed, reading or I would watch movies, living life through an imagined world, watching any movie fodder my brain could latch on to. I only went outside occasionally, to join everyone else when it was time to eat or I would go for walks with one of them, but then I would go back to holing myself up in my room, cutting myself off from the rest of the world. By this time, Uncle Logan would have been shouting at me to get my act together, or Aunt Ororo would lecture me about my defeatist behavior. I found it curious that they all left me alone; that they respected my need to close myself off. They all did their best to keep me company, to show me that they do support me and I love them for that. It's just that...it was taking me such a long time to get Erik out of my system.

 

I thought perhaps that it might only take a couple of months, to get over Erik, but it was taking longer than I expected. I hated myself for behaving like this. I didn't know how long this self-imposed alienation would last. I felt guilty over the fact that I was such a deadweight to my own family, that I was being selfish, but Aunt Jean reassured me that it was ok. I had to get through this on my own. They were all so understanding that I quietly loathed myself for letting them down. One night, I heard Aunt Jean and Aunt Ororo talking about me in the dining room. They must have thought I had gone to sleep.

"I know he'll get over this Erik eventually, but don't you think it's time we talked him out of it?"Aunt Ororo asked Aunt Jean. They had kept their voices down but I overheard them because I was intending to get a glass of water in the kitchen and I stopped at the dining room's doorway, listening in on their conversation.

"Ororo, you must understand. Charles is the kind of man who loves deeply and with that kind of love, the pain of a heart break would be just as deep. It's just the way he is. We have to let him get through this-"

"I just can't stand to see him hurting any longer, moping around all day like someone died!"

"I suppose in a way his pain is equal to that. He's grieving for the love he has lost, but we both know that one day, he'll be free of it-"

They grew silent as I stood there, and I was riddled with guilt over my actions. Am I so consumed by Erik that nothing else mattered? I quietly went back to bed and I thought about the things Aunt Ororo and Aunt Jean had said. I have to let go of this pain. I have to move on and live my life. I might even go back to the Xavier Mansion, look for another job and just forget about Erik completely. It's just that, it was so hard to forget about him when all I see in my dreams is his face and then I would stare off into space and thoughts of him would come to me. I would remember his smile and his laughter, remember the nights of his passionate kisses and his comforting embrace and it made me loathe myself even more. After how things had ended between us, he would probably be back to his old ways. He probably never even thought about me since he finds me so abhorrent and homosexual. Imagine my shock when he showed up at the cabin out of the blue. I was in my room reading a book when I heard voices shouting from outside.

"You dare show your face here, you Asshole! After what you've done to Charles!"Uncle Logan bellowed.

"Logan! Stop it!"Aunt jean cried out.

"Get back inside, Jean. Let me handle this! For once in my life I'll enjoy committing manslaughter and I will not regret it-"

"Logan you don't mean that! Stop it already!"

"Please, I just need to see Charles-"Erik said in a pleading tone.

That voice. It was Erik! I was shocked to my core, just to hear his voice. _He's here! He's really here!_ My heart suddenly started slamming painfully inside my chest and I peered over the edge of the window, my eyes wide and startled. Uncle Logan had just punched Erik and he was down on the ground, rubbing at his bruised face.

"What the hell! I just want to talk to him ok? We need to clear things up!"

"Things have been made clear already! You are a bastard who deserves to die! No one hurts Charles like that. No one _._ I'll personally make sure you don't get near him! Not one inch!"Uncle Logan shouted at him and I was overwhelmed with this wave of affection for Uncle Logan. He wanted to defend me, prevent me from getting hurt again and he would do all these things for me, but I was equally overwhelmed by the fact that Erik went all the way out here for me. _He came for me._ I hurriedly went down the stairs and I just saw Alex and Scott going out the front door. Aunt Ororo was still in her room in a video chat with a botanist friend of hers. She must not have noticed all the shouting outside. I had my back to the wall close by the front door, waiting tensely. How did he find me? How was I to deal with this? This was just crazy! Why would he go all the way out here?

"I'm not leaving this place until I see him, you motherfucking, overzealous yokel! Let me talk to him!"Erik cried out vehemently, standing his ground.

I suddenly heard Uncle Logan calling out for me. He was aware that I have heard everything happening outside. "Charles! You wanna see this Asshole? He's trying to be cute and wishin' for some parley!"

I stiffened against the wall for a moment, my heart still thudding painfully from within. No. I can't let Erik sway me! He's an egotistical bastard and he has treated me like dirt. If I gave in to his words, I would be subjecting myself to that treatment all over again. There is no future for us both because he's a known homophobe. All we would ever have is a secret relationship, but what kind of a life is that? Would we even last together? He has made it clear that his own reputation mattered more than anything and I was just his idiotic booty call. I was the only one who thought things could get serious between us. I must turn him away, for my sanity's sake and for my family. I stepped outside, facing Erik for the first time in the months. He had his hair cut short and he was wearing a light violet button-down shirt and dark denims. His eyes were wide and imploring as he gazed out at me. I know I looked like hell but I didn't care anymore. I remained in the doorway. I didn't want Erik to come near me or to even touch me. I stared at him hard, letting him see how much I hated him. I wanted to say only one thing to him, to let him know that I reject him with absolute finality.

"No."

I then turned away from everyone else; they were all staring at me and I rushed back upstairs to hide from all of them. Erik must have made an attempt to come after me because I heard Alex threatening him.

"You come in here and I'm gonna help Uncle Logan bury your body where it won't ever be found!"

"Leave, dipshit!"Scott rejoined. I didn't hear anything else as I slammed my door close along with my window. I did not want to hear Erik's voice, I did not want to see him. I picked up my headphones and listened to some music to drown them all out, but I was scowling all the while. Aunt Ororo was finally alerted to the commotion and looked in on me. She mouthed the words 'Are you ok?' and I just shook my head, my lips pressed together tightly and I shoved my face in my pillow. Why did he have to come here? Why now? The entire house was tense because of Erik's presence. I avoided going downstairs, locking myself in my room and then I ventured to get out of bed and pulled the drapes from my window. I could see Erik's car in the distance. The fucker just won't go away. He can be so damned stubborn sometimes! I didn't care if he rotted out in his car, waiting to speak to me. I won't let him come into my life and break my heart all over again! I just can't bear with it. Evening came and it found me sitting in my bed, my thoughts as dark as the night. Erik was still out there and he made a second attempt to talk his way in. I could hear their raised voices once more because I opened my window earlier to peer out at Erik's car.

"You have royally pissed me off, Bub! We've had enough of you! Can't you get it through your thick head? He doesn't want to see you!"

 "Fine! Shoot me! You can't make me leave here with your empty threats! I have a right to see him, Goddamnit! Let me in or-"

A shot was fired and the resounding gun fire made me start up in shock in my seat. I thought Uncle Logan had shot Erik and I rushed to the window, sick to my stomach at the thought that Uncle Logan had killed Erik, but I was relieved when I saw that Uncle Logan just fired a warning shot.

"What were you saying about empty threats?"

I heard Aunt Jean getting mad at Uncle Logan next."Are you crazy? If you kill him do you think it would be even worth it?"

"Yep. Worth every single prison sentence-"Uncle Logan said in a self-satisfied tone of voice.

"So are you going to abandon me and the boys like this? Are you going to leave me to handle all the business? Just to satisfy your stupid pride? Because if you are then you are no different from him!"Aunt Jean scolded Uncle Logan.

"I'm sorry about all of this. Really, I am. But I went all the way out here from a different state just to talk to him-"Erik said imploringly.

"I don't care if you came from China or wherever the hell you came from! I want you off my property and out of our lives!"Uncle Logan shouted in response.

I saw Erik turning away and making his way back to his car, his shoulders slumped down in defeat as Uncle Logan shouted curses his way. But he did not leave just yet. He just sat in his car and he meant it when he said he will not leave until he has spoken to me.

"Stubborn asshole!"I muttered to myself and I went back to bed. Like Uncle Logan, I didn't care if he was trying to make amends. What was he thinking? That if he came here, it would right all the wrongs and fix things between us? I fumed silently, convincing myself that his coming here did not matter. Later, I went down to eat dinner with everyone and I could see how uncomfortable they all were. They were all uneasy around me. We ate quietly and only muttered the occasional polite conversation one would reserve when dining with family. I took a quick bath afterwards and then I retired to bed. My thoughts kept straying back to Erik. I was too conscious of him being out there. It took a while but I was finally able to get some sleep. I've been spending too many sleepless nights that exhaustion finally took its toll on me. Of all the things I could dream about, it had to be Erik,  lying in bed next to me and gently touching my face. His fingers were gently tracing over the line of my nose, my lips and my cheeks. His gaze was loving and kind and I was smiling up at him as he reached up to push the hair away that fell over my forehead. I stirred in bed because it felt so...real. My eyes opened in an instant when I sensed that someone really was touching me. It was Erik! He broke into the house so that he could come in here! My eyes adjusted to the dim light and I found Erik staring down at me apprehensively.

"What are you doing in here?"I said out loud, hoping that this would alert everyone to Erik's presence. Erik looked absolutely desperate. He placed a hand over my mouth to silence me, but I fought him, intending to get away. The bastard had the nerve to haul me up over his shoulder and he hurried for the window, as if he was about to kidnap me! I didn't want to give in without a fight, so I started to hit him, kicking and punching at him violently. He didn't have his hand over my mouth anymore so I screamed as loud as I could.

"Let me go, you bastard!"

I struggled and squirmed against his grasp until I was free. I was in a state of rage over his audacity to come in here, thinking he could abscond with me and that I would just willingly go with him like that. Did he think I was that weak? I stood with my legs wide apart and then I launched a fist up to punch him in the face. He fell on to the floor with a loud thud, wincing at the pain I had caused him and I found it so satisfying to have dealt him some hurting.

"You Asshole! You think your coming here makes any difference?"I shouted down at him.

"Charles! I just want to talk!"Erik cried out, lifting a placating hand. That was when Aunt Ororo came into my room and she turned on the lights, a baseball bat held in her hands. Erik was getting annoyed over his predicament and it was evident in his voice when he spoke next.

"Who the hell are you?"

"I'm Ororo, Charles's aunt-"

Erik looked over to me, incredulous."You have an Aunt who's black?"

I rolled my eyes and I shook my head weakly at Erik, amazed that he would say something so insensitive. I exchanged a look with Aunt Ororo even though she seemed to take his words in stride. She responded with a dry question of her own."Is he always this rude wherever he goes, Charles? You want me to pop him one?"

Erik was breathing harshly through his nose and he looked like he had lost whatever patience he had left. "Damn it, Charles! Why can't I just fucking talk to you without everyone else fucking barging in, huh?"

Aunt Ororo's eyes widened at that angrily and she held the bat up as if to hit him."You know I could just break your dirty mouth in, Mister! Didn't your mother ever rinse your mouth for swearing so much?"

Before Erik could say anything else, everyone else had finally entered the room. Scott and Alex came in first, followed by Aunt Jean and then Uncle Logan. Uncle Logan looked positively livid at seeing Erik in the house. He was about ready to beat him to a pulp but Aunt Ororo stopped him.

"Logan, let me deal with this!"

It was turning into a compete fiasco and I couldn't let things go on like this any longer. This was my mess and now it's time I took care of it. I spoke loud and clear before any voices would be raised in anger."No! Let me talk with him. He won't stop until we've made things final!"

I calmly regarded everyone else, ignoring Erik for a moment."Please just leave us-"

They were all glowering at Erik, concerned and protective towards me. This was the reason why they didn't make a move to leave, a tense silence hanging in the air for a long while until Aunt Ororo made the first move. Everyone followed after. Uncle Logan was the last to leave and he gave Erik a murderous stare, but Erik's eyes were only on me. When they left, I turned to look over at Erik, looking at him fixedly and pouring all my anger in my gaze. With his coming here, he had just opened up this wound in my heart and the pain came flooding back afresh. He had no idea how much I had to put up with on the day that he had treated me so viciously and what also broke my heart that day was the look of disgust he had given me. I returned that look now and I could see him cowering at it. I didn't say anything. I waited for him to say his piece. He began by trying to joke about the situation.

"Is violence a genetic thing with you and your family? Because if it is, I might as well get my face insured! I don't want to lose my good looks just about yet-"

I just regarded him impassively. He looked uneasy, but he met my eyes and spoke as sincerely as he could."I'm sorry. I know it will take a lifetime and more to make up for what I had done. I know I've hurt you so bad and I've said terrible things but I'm here, Charles to make amends. I went all the way out here because I want you back. Just tell me what you want me to do; I'll do it if it will grant me your forgiveness-"

God! He's such an asshole! Am I supposed to swoon and fall for his charms again? Am I going to subject myself to more of his homophobic treatment? Did he think I am so easy to dupe that he could come here and say these things and that I should just accept them? I silently fumed as I kept on staring at him coldly, letting him know his words are as meaningless as dust. He stopped when he realized I was not going to concede. He licked his lips and continued again.

"Charles, I've suffered too. I was just so messed up when I met you and I've drawn you into my mess. You didn't deserve to be treated like that. When I was with you, things were actually better and I felt like I could be a better person. But I got so affected by someone's careless words about men having relationships with men that I lashed out at you. I want to make up for all of that. Please, just give me a chance! I want you to still be a part of my life. I want us to be together even if our future is uncertain. If I'm with you, I know we can face it-"

I hardened my own heart, willing myself not to respond to his stupid entreaties. I'd play the fool again if I did but he startled me when he suddenly got up from where he was sitting cross-legged on the floor and he kept his eyes on me, holding my gaze in his own and he was reaching for me. I stiffened and I flung his hands away before he could embrace me. I could feel the blood rushing up to my face and pounding within my ears. I hated him for coming here and getting me into this state again!

"I don’t want your suffering! I don’t want your future!"I screamed at him, but he kept on trying to embrace me. I resorted to hitting him, pushing him away and struggling violently. I kept on doing this until...until I couldn't fight him anymore. When he had me in his arms, the wall I've been trying to put up against him crumbled away and it only revealed the pain I've kept inside me for so long. I sobbed against him and I finally allowed him embrace me. He had no idea that just with a touch, he could move such strong feelings within me. His nearness and his warmth made me lose my resolve.

"I need you, Charles! I need you to love me again-"Erik whispered against my temple, kissing me softly.

I hesitated."I don't...I don't know if I have the strength to keep loving you, Erik-"

"Then it’s going to take the two of us, side by side at a time when we couldn’t be further apart-"

I think I understood what he meant. We belong in two different worlds and we are complete opposites of each other. He was telling me that he wanted to continue with our relationship, even if the odds are against us and that we should work on it _together_. He confirmed my thoughts when he pulled away to gaze down at me affectionately. "I won't lie to you, Charles. If you come back with me, I can't promise an instant change. We've walked two different paths for me to even get to that point with you but I can promise that if I have you there, If I have your love, I  know I will be able to change into someone who will be worthy of you-"

Hearing him say these things really touched me, but I still felt uneasy about continuing like this. Erik had even admitted to me before that he was too settled in his ways to ever change. He must have recalled the same thing because he lifted my chin up so that he could look me in the eye.

"While we were lying down on your floor, back in the mansion the night before you left...I heard every word you said and I'm glad I heard them because you were right about what you said on what's important on being a real man-"

And just like that, I fell in love with Erik all over again. He had broken through my barriers completely and I willingly gave in because he would not have come here and made every effort to talk to me, if he did not care about me and he would not be looking at me the way he did if he didn't love me. I was hoping he would tell me that he loves me but he did no such thing. He didn't have to say it anyway. I could see it in his eyes and I could feel it in his loving embrace. He was so close that I could hear his heart beating fast and I reached up to smooth my hand over his chest, as if to calm the intensity of his feelings for me. He drew close, kissing me with that same aching passion as before that it burned away at my senses.

"Come back with me, Charles. I want you to keep on working for me at Lehnsherr Enterprises-"Erik said, gazing at me hopefully after we momentarily parted from our kissing. Erik kept on embracing me, like he never wanted us to part at all.

"It might look obvious if we both returned to the office at the same time, Erik-"

"Then I'll go back first. You can follow a week after. Does that work for you?"

"Um, are you sure it's ok to-"

"Charles, I don't ever want to lose you now that I have you back-"Erik said with feeling, his penetrating gaze only riveted to me. I blushed furiously, my body temperature rising again with this feverish longing for him. I could see that he wanted us to make love, but he didn't push it. Perhaps he was too conscious of my family within the house to even consider doing the act with me, since we both know I couldn't stop myself from moaning out loud when we have sex. Erik caressed my shoulder gently and smoothed my hair away.

"I don't want anyone else, Charles. From now on, it's only you-"Erik said with conviction.

He must have thought of the song I had sang to him and saying the title of the song was intentional on his part. I sighed contentedly and nuzzled up against him, my heart finally beginning to mend. Erik's warm smell made me feel heady and I think Erik could feel my skin burning with arousal. We have both been denied for so long. Erik's dreamy eyes regarded me gently and he could see the need in me. A silent pact passed between us and we kissed and touched each other hungrily instead until sleep found us.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone. I apologize for the delay in posting this last chapter. I've had personal stuff I needed to address and I was busy with work, as usual. I'm not sure if it's noticeable but that way the narrative flows for Charles' POV is that it appears somewhat closed-off and withdrawn; angsty and hesitant. The reason behind this is because of Charles' character. There has to be a distinction, between Erik and Charles' characters and I wanted that to shine through. Not sure if I did it successfully, but I tried my best. Thanks and P.S. There's a bonus chapter ;)

 

It was just surreal, to find Erik lying in bed next to me. He was still asleep. He must have been so tired. He made the trip to head out here, deep in the near-wilderness where Uncle Logan's cabin is located, right after he got off the plane. He then rented a car and waited all day long yesterday to speak to me. Now that I recall the things that had happened, I thought some of it was pretty hilarious. I still can't get over the amazing things he said to me. He loved me that much to look past our extreme differences. He wanted to be with me! Knowing the kind of man that he was, he could have chosen a woman as a partner, but he chose to turn on his own beliefs so he could be with me. If his being here wasn't proof enough of his love, I don't know what else it would take to change what I thought of him. I gently touched Erik's clean-shaven cheek, tracing the faint lines upon his forehead as he slept on and then I reached up to touch my beard. It was a wonder he did not suffer any beard burns while we kissed last night. Erik told me...that he wanted me to go back with him, but my mind was already made up, even before he asked me to come back with him. I wanted to return to the city immediately and keep on working at Lehnsherr enterprises. But, first things first; I will have to have a talk with my family. Because Erik slept the night in my bed, they must have realized by now that I had patched things up with him. The inevitable questions would be asked over what my next plans would be. I quietly slipped out from the bed, leaving Erik to his much deserved rest and then I went straight to Alex and Scott's bedroom. They were already up and about and they were playing with one of their video games, cross-legged before the LCD TV.

"Hey-"Scott nodded towards me and I nodded back.

"All cool?"Alex asked and when I drew near, he slapped a hand at my leg and I sat between them as they played on.

"Yeah. Question is, am I cool with you guys? You know, about Erik-"

Scott starting hitting the keys on his controller with more force."He's an arrogant son of a bitch, sneaking into the house like that!"

"He was desperate to talk with me,"I reasoned.

"He deserved to suffer! Look what he did to you!"Alex muttered and he looked over at me, his expression stung. They must have thought that I had let Erik off the hook way too soon and that he didn't even deserve my forgiveness. I sighed wearily.

"He told me he suffered too. Come on, guys! He came here because he wanted me back-"

Scott flushed at what I had said."Don't take it wrong Charles. We accept you as you are because you're family and we are used to your weird shit, but seeing you with that guy and thinking that you really were, um, together like that, it still boggles us. It's just beyond your usual weirdness, you know?"

"I know-"I said, my face suddenly feeling hot. It was true. I suppose it is different when you say you are open to this kind of relationship, but once it's happening right before your eyes, it's an entirely different matter. There's still that level of awkwardness.  Alex suddenly reached out and grasped my shoulder, ignoring his game. He looked straight into my eyes.

"But Charles, Scott and I both know, that this guy meant a lot to you. Ever since we were little, you just couldn't shut up about him. Whatever you both had, it must have been something deep, 'cause it's not just about both of you being guys. I don't really know all the details, but when I saw you with him in your bedroom and you were all angry with him, you still looked like you were _together_. You have something and it just...clicks."

What Alex said really shook me up because he just hit the nail on the head. My own family could see the depth of my relationship with Erik, while everyone else at work was none the wiser. My eyes grew moist, but I controlled myself and I patted both their backs. I stood up slowly. They continued with their game without looking up at me anymore and somehow, we had a silent understanding. They accepted things and that was that. Now, I had to clear things up with the rest of the family.

Aunt Ororo, Aunt Jean and Uncle Logan were all at the dining table, waiting expectantly for me. Our dog Lockheed was sitting close by, as if he was waiting for me as well. He was a Golden Retriever mix breed and he was pretty old. I suppose it was one of the reasons why he was not able to alert the household when Erik crept in. I went to Lockheed and ruffled the fur about his neck.

"There boy! Thanks for not chewing Erik to pieces-"I whispered to him and Lockheed whined in pleasure at my touch.

"That useless dog! I oughta put him down!"Uncle Logan heard what I said and grumbled, arms crossed in front of himself and Aunt Jean elbowed him for saying something so cruel. We all knew Uncle Logan didn't mean it. Uncle Logan snorted and waited for me to sit with them. The smell of morning coffee and tea mingled in the air and as I slid into one of the chairs, Aunt Ororo pushed a cup of tea my way.

"I guess you all know Erik and I made up-"I began and Aunt Jean reached out to touch my hand.

"Charles, I still don't trust Mr Lehnsherr. You told us about the kind of relationship you had with him and the way he treated you was just awful. I don't think it’s right for things to continue like that. You don't have to subject yourself to that kind of treatment all over again! You deserve some respect and that respect should start with you. You have to respect yourself enough to walk away from this!"Aunt Jean pleaded.

"You only heard my side of things. You didn't know about the good things Erik did for me. He does love me...in his own way and I love him-"I said softly.

"Charles think about it! He was cruel to you!"

"I know what I'm getting into and I want to give Erik a chance!"I said with feeling, meeting their gazes. I felt like a selfish brat for behaving like this, but I wanted to fight for my right to make my own decisions. I even met Uncle Logan's hardened stare as he remained stoically silent. They all remained quiet for some time, contemplating what I had said and they exchanged knowing glances.

Aunt Jean shook her head weakly, looking away."It's up to you, then. We can't make your decision for you but please, consider the fact that this...this man is an idiot if he thinks he can keep on treating you the way he does! He should know your worth by now-"

"He does Aunt Jean, he does! He would not have come all the way out here if he didn't-"

Aunt Ororo also joined in."Charles, if you ever need us, you know we are here for you. If he does anything to hurt you, I swear I am going to go all the way to the city and I am going to beat him senseless!"

"Hah, you and me both, Ororo! That prick is in for it if he thinks he can get away with treating you like that again!"Uncle Logan growled, about ready to chew nails at the thought that Erik would hurt me again. It seems they were resigned to my decision, knowing that it was leading up to this point. They must have heard the conversation between me and Erik last night. I shook my head and smiled at all of them.

"Thanks for putting up with me for so many months, but I'm going back with Erik, now that we've made up-"

Aunt Jean kept on holding my wrist affectionately."You were no trouble at all, Charles. Come back to us anytime you want to-"

I nodded and smiled at her gently, speechless because they were so understanding; they have always been there for me and I'm lucky to have people who care for me like this."Erik said he will be the one to pay for my plane fare. He said he paid for my bills at the Xavier mansion while I was away and that he kept my position at work in case I went back with him," I told them so they wouldn't think Erik was such a jerk. I wanted them to see that Erik can be a kind and thoughtful man.

"Yeah, well he ought to! Hell, he could've given us some dough for all the trouble he's caused, being rich and all!"Uncle Logan muttered and Aunt Jean elbowed him with much force this time.

"Logan!"Aunt Jean and Aunt Ororo both said at the same time and I had to giggle at that. I left them so I could pack up and prepare for the trip back with Erik. I had Aunt Ororo help me with cutting my hair and then I shaved my beard after I took a bath. Afterwards I went into my bedroom to find that Erik was already awake.

"Good Morning!"I went over to him and gave him a reassuring kiss. He looked worried somehow, perhaps because I was not at his side when he regained consciousness."Let's go downstairs for some breakfast-"

He suddenly grabbed me and pushed me back towards the bed so he could make out with me. I tried to push him away but he had me entrapped in his arms as he was straddled atop me. He pulled back to give me that usual arrogant smile of his."What? I thought I'm having my breakfast now-"

He rained kisses upon my face and my throat, getting me hot all over again. I was laughing nervously because I was aware of my family's presence in the house. Even if this was something intimate between me and Erik, I knew it would take some getting used to when they see us together. I'm not embarrassed over loving Erik, it's just that I know people would feel awkward around us. We heard someone uttering a throat-clearing sound and I looked up to see Alex at the doorway.

"Uncle Logan says you better come down and eat-"

I hastily pulled away from Erik, my face burning. I was frightened of the prospect of leading Erik downstairs and having everyone chew him out and interrogate him, but it was important that they have a talk with Erik so they would understand why I love him. Erik looked equally uneasy because of the things that happened yesterday. I could see how tense he was so I held his hand reassuringly as we both went to the dining table and the awkward introductions were made. Erik took in their silence and their disapproving stares, bearing with it patiently. His expression was appropriately contrite. No matter how weird things got, Erik was doing his best to get into their good graces.

"So you and him are a...uhm together, right?"Scott began.

I looked up into Erik's face and I could see that there is no hesitation or doubt in him when he said, "Yes-"

I felt this swell of pride in me because Erik was actually proud when he said it. I reached out to hold his hand and our gazes met in affection. Aunt Ororo suddenly turned in her seat next to Erik and she gestured towards him so that he would face her.

"All of us had a discussion with Charles early this morning and he said he wanted to go back with you. Now, Mr Lehnsherr I do hope that with Charles making this decision to be with you, you would treat him the way he deserves to be treated. Because if you hurt Charles again, we will all go looking for you and you will have to answer to us-"

Erik turned to face me and then he startled me when he put his arm around me, without fear and he spoke in that same determined tone of voice."Charles and I will work it out-"

"You have to say you'll promise!"Alex suddenly cried out vehemently.

"Yes of course, I promise-"Erik said in a grave tone of voice, to let them know he was taking things seriously. I could see this curious look in Erik's eyes as he looked about the table. He must be wondering why everyone was so accepting of his relationship with me. I suppose it was because family was an alien concept to him and the thought that people are more open-minded seemed so impossible to him. Erik had to voice out his thoughts about their behavior because of this.

"I'm glad you guys are taking it so well. Yesterday, I thought you guys were really out for my blood. You didn't mean it when you said you were going to kill me, right?"Erik said, chuckling as he brought up a forkful of bacon and then he stopped short when he saw everyone regarding him with a meaningful look, as if they actually contemplated the prospect. Aunt Ororo and Aunt Jean grinned at each other surreptitiously when they saw his sudden agitation.

"Dude, we were dead serious,"Alex said grimly, trying to control the twitch of laughter that wanted to rise from his throat, causing Erik's eyes to widen because he thought Alex wasn't joking. And then everyone else started laughing at how alarmed Erik was. Well, everyone that is, except Uncle Logan. He still glared at Erik menacingly.

"Man, you shoulda seen the look on your face when Uncle Logan fired a warning shot at you!"Scott chortled with his mouth full that Aunt Ororo reached out and gave his arm a slap. 

"Swallow your food before speaking, young man!"

"Geez, Aunt Ororo!"Scott rolled his eyes at her. They continued to talk with Erik in such a civil and good-natured manner that I felt at ease, now that everything was finally going to be alright between Erik and my family. They accepted him. With Uncle Logan though, it’s a different story. I just didn't know what he was really thinking about. Everyone else had their turn of having a bit of discussion with Erik before we left and I was surprised when Uncle Logan took Erik to the side and spoke to him. They appeared to be having a civilized conversation so I didn't go over to check in on Erik. After my bags were packed up in Erik's car and I said my heartfelt goodbye to everyone, Erik told me what Uncle Logan said to him before we drove off and I had to chuckle. It was so typical of Uncle Logan to say something like that.

"I'm really appalled by this violent inclination in your family Charles. Everyone just about gave me an ultimatum about hurting you again. What have I gotten myself into?"Erik joked as he drove on and we both had a good laugh over it. 

 

He was doing it again. Giving me that heated stare that sent ripples of heat and cold running down my spine, making my cheeks burn. I knew exactly what he was thinking. He couldn't stop staring at my face while we were on the plane and once we arrived at the Xavier mansion, he made an attempt to reach out for me, intending to tackle me on to the floor to have his way with me so I rushed upstairs and I locked myself in the bedroom to avoid him. I jumped slightly when he knocked upon my door.

"Charles, open up and let me in!"Erik called out.

"Um, it’s a mess in here! Let me clean up first!"I said, busying myself and trying to tidy up my room.

"Oh, alright!"Erik said, sounding resigned and then he went downstairs. I had no idea what he could be doing, but I was glad he left me alone to organize things in my room. When I went down to join him, I could see that Erik was preparing something for us to eat in the kitchen. He gave me that hungry look again. He wanted our return home to culminate in sex and I don't know why, but I felt that, it would trivialize things between us if we did. I wanted to take things slow and I told him outright that we shouldn't get into that. I didn't want to just be his booty call. I thought at first, he wasn't going to listen because he was following me around with that smoldering gaze that demanded my total capitulation, but he was the one who relented...for a moment. We ate and talked quietly as he updated me on the things that happened at the office and after we finished our dinner, we sat before the fireplace to drink our tea. He suddenly turned towards me and he started kissing the side of my head and my neck, his kisses hungry and insistent. I couldn't help it when I shivered at his touch and then he was reaching for my shoulders, hugging me to himself and tracing kisses around my face. His burning lips found my own and then his tongue slid into my mouth. He began to kiss me passionately and I thought at that moment that I would lose it if I let this go on. I pushed him away.

"Erik, please! I'm still tired from the trip-"I murmured softly.

Erik leered down at me, as if he was not taking what I had said seriously. He reached down to fondle my clothed sex, squeezing down possessively and I trembled and moaned at his touch, my entire body burning up.

"Uh-huh. But how come you're so hard? You can't be that tired-"Erik teased.

i pressed my shaking knees together, drawing away from him. "Can't we take things slow?"

That seemed to have stopped him and his expression softened. He pulled me back into his embrace and kissed my forehead softly.

"Of course we can. I'm sorry. It's just that I missed you so much and I've been...aching for you-"

"Well you could've had your pick while I was away-"I joked, but Erik's expression grew serious as he pulled away to look at me.

"Charles, I haven't slept with anyone. Not after how things ended between us and besides, I want to be with no one else but you-"

I shook my head in disbelief. Did I have that much of an effect on him that he would do something like that? He was running his fingers through my hair, looking down at me tenderly. It was pretty distracting. I decided to give him a compromise.

"We could just kiss, if you are ok with that-"

He pounced on me the moment I said that. He grabbed the back of my neck and gave me a torrid kiss on the lips. The way he kissed me...there's just nothing like it. I have kissed a couple of the women I've dated before, but none of them had given me such an intense feeling as this. That tantalizing drag of his teeth over my lower lip, the way he touched tongues with me seductively, it just makes me want to lose control. By the time he was done with me, my entire body was running with this feverish heat for him and I was reduced to breathy gasps. Still, he kept his promise. He never pushed for sex, not even once while we were lying in bed together, just touching and kissing. We talked about how I would make my comeback at work and then he slept next to me in bed. I could see how languid he was, like he felt at peace now that I am back with him. It made me happy about my decision to continue our relationship because I know, things are finally going to get better between us. He left very early the next day to prepare for work and I could see his reluctance when he had to go. He kept texting me and calling just to ask how I was doing and I would ask him how things are at work. I never thought Erik would be this affectionate with me. When he came home that night, the first thing he wanted to do was make out and it took every ounce of my strength to resist the temptation of sex. I could see that it pained him that we couldn't get any more intimate than this.

"How come you're this horny Erik? I mean Jesus! I haven't met anyone who is this desperate for intimacy like you!"I suddenly cried out when I pushed him from me, catching my breath after a bout of frantic kissing and fondling. Erik blushed at what I had said, suddenly embarrassed. I reached out to touch his cheek, intending to soothe him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Charles, it's ok. It's just that, every time I see you and I'm near you, I can't help myself. I've never wanted anyone as much as I wanted you and I just want to be with you, always-"Erik said softly, his eyes trembling with some deep emotion.

"Well, since you put it that way-"I said, grinning at him. I pulled him in for another passionate kiss and he melted against me, but I ended up pulling away again because things were getting hot and heavy. We went on like this for a few days and I guess I drove him to the point of losing all control because he laid it down, hard, when I came back to work. I didn't think he would do something this crazy. He left for work that day while I went to a local clinic to follow up on my medical certificate. Erik had suggested that I do this. I thought it was rather underhanded, lying about what really happened to me and why I left, but Erik said this was the best way to go about it. So I went to the clinic, but they must have had a misunderstanding about the time frame we agreed upon for my return to work. The clinic's doctor had left for an emergency at a general hospital so the wrong time was stamped on my papers. I had to go back to Lehnsherr enterprises for my clearance at the office clinic. I was advised I had to acquire Erik's signature on my papers so I headed over to our department floor and I could feel the people staring at me as I walked past their desks and their cubicles. I knocked quietly upon Erik's door and it must have surprised him to see me back so soon.

"Good Morning, Sir!"

He regarded me with a look of stunned silence before he spoke."I thought you wouldn't be back until next week, Xavier-"

"I had to come back early because the clinic needed my papers and the date of my uh, recovery on my medical certificate was for this week, not the next-"

I had handed him my papers and I was standing next to his desk and he closed his eyes for a moment, sniffing at the air softly."I see-"

We were silent for a moment as we stared at each other meaningfully and then he cleared his throat. He stood up and then he was handing over some thick folders to me. He drew in a sharp breath as he stood close to me and I could feel this palpable exchange of heat between us. I knew Erik wouldn't try to do anything with me in his office, not with the main door open and with everyone sitting in their desks outside. Plus, it was my first day back. He wouldn't dare.

"Well, since you are here, I might as well brief you in on the new developments we have in Information analysis and the new updates to our methodology in Portfolio organization. A lot of changes had happened since you were gone for four months. Come with me, we're going to a meeting room for your briefing-"Erik said abruptly.

Erik sorted some folders from on top of his table, locking his laptop and then he gestured with his fingers for me to follow him and I did. We then stopped by Bobby's office, knocking upon his door.

"Bobby, tell everyone I'm going on a long meeting. Might take 3 or 4 hours. I don't want to be disturbed. Have Armando take care of the new images for the portfolio. You and Emma can take in the new reports and distribute the tasks to everyone, got it?"

"Yes, Sir!"Bobby said, covering a hand over the mouth of the transmitter on the telephone and then he continued without another look at us. I followed Erik, satisfied in the knowledge that Erik would just be discussing the details of the new updates. I was wrong. The moment we entered a meeting room and I placed the folders on to the table, Erik launched himself at me, the equivalent of which was like Armageddon being unleashed. Erik made violent love to me upon the meeting room table and it was like every aching desire in him was poured into each kiss, each touch, like he was going to lose his mind if he didn't do it. He kept on nuzzling his face into my skin, drawing in a deep breath as if he was breathing me in. I think my perfume had a lot to do with this lunacy. I tried to protest, fearful that someone might hear us, but I was the one who relented. There was just no stopping Erik as he kissed me hungrily upon the lips and partly undressed me in the meeting room, doing just about every indecency he could think of doing to me on that table. I looked about in agitation, hoping there was no camera in the room and there isn't one. I tried to control my cries of pleasure, but I couldn't stand it anymore. My own lust made me so reckless.

He gave me a handjob first, whispering indecent things into my ear. He was telling me how much he wanted me and how good I smelled. Oh God! The way he kissed me, like he wanted to eat me up, nipping at my lips slowly as he kept at it, was just so erotic. His hands fondled me desperately and found the right places that made me want to scream in pleasure. And I didn't hold back too. He had me losing control of myself. He entered me from behind, took me in every imaginative way he could think of on that table, both of us sweaty and hard and groaning lustily, so lost in the lust of each orgasmic moment. He'd pummel me from behind, or he would be lying on top of me, hips grinding forward possessively, his dark eyes on mine, full of smoky heat and lust, burning away at my sanity. He took me on the carpeted floor, lifting one of my legs up so he could drive his cock into me even deeper, harder. He couldn't stop staring at me all the while, watching every reaction I made as he took me and I did the same thing. His heavy-lidded eyes were charged with his sexual desire for me as continued. I've never had anyone wanting me like this. It made me feel good and bad at the same time. I don't know what I'm saying. What we have between us was just something so dark and dangerous and lustful that I could only surrender to it because I wanted it too.

We made love for hours, only stopping because Erik thought people might start looking for him, but then I realized...we weren't really done just yet. We went into one of the lavatories to clean up, fixing our hair and our clothes, washing up as well as we could over at the men's room sinks and using up a lot of hand wash and tissues. When we were presentable, we went back to our own floor and everyone greeted me while Erik headed back into our office. Even though no one could see it, I could see that Erik was very happy to have me back in the office with him, possibly thinking of all the naughty things he could do to me and I finally grew resigned to it. We kept looking at each other through the Plexiglas wall. He had drawn the blinds away so he could stare at me dreamily. It was with much reluctance, but I tried to focus on my work, checking my emails and sorting out the new tasks I was assigned, getting myself acclimated again, so to speak. He asked for me to stay to work on some projects and as I stepped forward to retrieve the documents, he grabbed me and fondled my behind, pressing his face to my chest unabashedly.

"Oh..uhm, Sir-"I murmured.

"When we get back home later...be prepared-"Erik said huskily. I gave in again. Why would I deny this man, who wanted me so much? He made me feel good about myself and made me excited all over again and I want this feeling to grow deeper with him and him alone. I guess he was past the point of caring about what people thought of him too because when he drove me out of the office in his car, intending to take me back into his house, he did not ask me to hide or crouch down. I was giddy with happiness that he was becoming more open about _us_. I gazed at him affectionately as he drove on and when we got to his house, he was all over me again, like he couldn't get enough of kissing me and touching me.

Before we could even close the front door, Erik was tearing away at my clothes, torridly kissing me as we went about it. We weren't exactly able to take our clothes completely off because we ended up making love in the hallway, smashing things about and then Erik would prop me up or he would have me bending over upon the furniture just so he could take me. It was crazy. We eventually ended up in his bedroom, but by this time, things had slowed down between us. Erik kissed me languorously, his lips passing over my own lips slowly and I could feel this strange tingling at the back of my throat as we kissed. His fingers traced the faint lines upon my face, as if he wanted to recall each part of me and he covetously passed his hand all over my body. He did it softly, keeping his burning gaze on me. When we finished, it was my turn to regard him while he was lying back on the bed, looking quite satisfied and smiling up at me affectionately as I propped myself on top of his chest. He was running his fingers through my hair and touching my forehead when he broke the comfortable silence between us.

"And you didn't want to have sex at first-"

I chuckled at what he had said, resting my chin upon his chest."I wanted to take it slow, Erik! I forgot that when it comes to you, there is no such thing! When you want it, where you want it...you just take it. But I guess that's why I love you, for being so passionate and reckless-"

"What else do you love about me, Charles?"He asked throatily.

"Everything that's good about you-"

"What? Tell me-"

"I love your eyes. I know some of our colleagues find your stare kind of deep and penetrating. People are somehow intimidated by it but I love looking into your eyes. They are kind of like you; unpredictable and wonderful. Sometimes they look stormy gray...sometimes they are like a calm green but mostly when you look at me, I can feel this blue heat coming from your eyes-"I felt awkward, just saying what I thought of his eyes and his personality, but he looked flattered and even amazed by it.

"Wow! That's some description, Charles-"

 I moaned and buried my face in his chest, feeling embarrassed. Erik tenderly touched my cheek so I would meet his gaze once more. Erik was not turned off by what I had said. In fact, he was looking at me gently, his eyes warm and full of his affection for me.

"Well go on now! I love hearing all these desirable qualities you see in me! It makes me feel good about myself-"

"I think the first time I saw you again as an adult, I fell in love with your face and your voice. You were different when I started in the company; I could only admire you from afar because you loathed me at the onset so I kept my distance. Then when we had a good look into each other's eyes one day and you became...I don't know, sort of softer towards me...I fell in love with you all over again-"I said carefully, my face burning with my feelings. I looked away for a moment and when I looked up again, Erik had grown solemn.

"I feel blessed that you love me even if you don't even know me. I was just a grieving boy. I never knew my actions could have so much significance in your life-"Erik said quietly.

"I was glad that you came to your senses because deep down, this is who you are Erik. You're kind and tender. You can be really sweet sometimes when you really mean it-"I said softly and then Erik was drawing me close to himself, sighing as if he was so relieved at the things I was saying. He managed to respond with some gruff humor.

"Never thought I would be considered a sweet and tender man. Not words I would associate with myself-"

"You are to me!"I cried out affectionately and then I rained kisses upon his chest until he pulled me up so I would kiss his lips instead. We fell asleep in each other's arms, and just like what Alex had said, that sense of belonging to each other was just sure and strong and with each passing day, it never waned. We simply clicked and I slept, content with this thought that our love will endure.

 

Erik made it clear at the office that he was not going to behave like a mean boss towards me any longer. He greeted me back affectionately when I greeted him and he allowed me to use his credit card to purchase food for the both of us. He did not hide the fact that he preferred being in my company and he even joined me for lunch. He made it a point to show everyone he wanted me with him at all times. At first I was mortified because of the way he was looking at me in the office and the way he would place an arm around me in front of everyone else, like he did not find me repellant anymore. The people in our department were starting to wonder about his odd behavior. I tried to maintain a serious demeanor at work, but Erik was making it so hard. He's such a goddamned horn dog, pulling every indecent stunt he could pull and having his way with me! I couldn't even concentrate on what I was doing. I was too self-conscious of his presence and I couldn't hide the blush that rose to my cheeks when thoughts of the lewd things he has been doing to me in the office would come to mind, even while I was in front of my office mates. It was because of that leering grin he would give me when he would pass me by.

I did notice something else. Erik gave me various tasks that required me to coordinate with everyone in our department, having me preside over several portfolio presentations before our group and assigning me the task of arranging the meetings for him, running through the communications network. It made me uncomfortable to do these things because I disliked being the center of attention. Speaking before a panel was one of my worst fears. I'm not exactly what you would call a 'people person'. I'm an introvert, through and through. I have made attempts to befriend my colleagues before, but I have failed countless times.  I prefer sitting quietly by myself and just doing the work that I needed to do. I was content with this routine that I had with Erik, but he seemed to be driving me to take up a more social task, getting me out of my comfort zone. So you can imagine my immense shock when we had an emergency at work and he informed everyone in the meeting room that I am to take up the daunting task of being the presenter for one of our portfolios. This role would require me to speak before third-party merchants who would make use of our services and products.

It began while we were in one of our meeting rooms, setting up an action plan for the presentations we were to make before two different merchants. Recently, we were informed that these two merchants would be dropping our services due to some inconsistency and Erik had figured out that it had something to do with the website offerings plummeting because IT failed to fix a glitch in these websites, causing the merchants to lose prospective online customers even though their products were popular. This would have dealt a blow to Lehnsherr enterprises and cause the company to lose credibility. To lose two merchants was bad. It was a huge deal, even though the fault was not caused by our department. So Erik and I had worked hard last night to prepare all the necessary information, inviting the merchants to a meeting for tomorrow so that our group could present an updated portfolio with the pertinent information about the website problems being mitigated and explaining to the best of our abilities why they need our services. Well, we worked all night long and we had some raunchy sex on his table while we were at it. I felt my cheeks flaming at the memory of the things we did in his office. I shook myself from my sexual reveries when I heard the seriousness in Erik's tone.

"Both the Merchants will be here on the same schedule? What happened?"Erik asked grimly as he looked over to Ms Emma Frost then to the people sitting before him in the meeting room.

"It seems the other Merchant decided to come in any way at the same time as the other. That was not my fault, Erik. You know I added your name in my email and I informed their offices of our schedule-"Emma said in a low voice, sounding slightly defensive.

"Christ! Nothing we can do about it now, is there? Yeah, I know it was not your fault and you did a great job in convincing them to come, Emma-"Erik said, reassuring her that she was not to blame.

"Noted-"Emma said abruptly and waited for Erik to continue.

"But what are we to do about the other problem? Who's going to make a presentation of the revised portfolio to the other Merchant?"Armando suddenly asked as he looked around at the others, his expression grave like everyone else. They grew silent for a while. I looked down at our documents, skimming through it, confident that our findings would be sufficient to pull us through and then Erik surprised me with his next words.

"My apprentice will do the other presentation-"

I looked up, my eyes nearly popping out of my head and then I looked about at the other people sitting around the table, their jaws nearly dropping because even they were incredulous over what Erik had said.

"S-sir?"I squeaked out in a small voice, embarrassed that all eyes were suddenly on me. What could Erik be thinking? Why was he doing this to me?

"He knows the content of all of the reports. He has worked with me all night collating all the data. If the Merchants have any questions, he's sure to answer them-"Erik said confidently, his eyes steady on me.

Ms Frost immediately voiced out her negation."Erik, he's never done a presentation before! Are you sure? Forgive me but it's not a lack of confidence in Mr Xavier that prevents me from agreeing with your decision, but his inexperience might appear as a weakness to the Merchants and the executives who will attend the meeting-"

"I have faith in him. He's a smart young man and he can be outspoken when given the right...prodding-"Erik said in an assured voice, smiling at everyone around the table.

Ms Frost glared up at Erik."Erik, this is a big deal! We are not playing around here. If we fuck this one over we are screwed!"

I couldn't stand it any longer. I rashly stood up, looking around at everyone else and letting them see my agitation and then I hurried for the door."Excuse me!"

Before I could even pull the door open, Erik blocked my path and he gave me a hardened stare."Where are you going?"

I was speechless. I didn't know what to say to him while everyone else was looking at us. I gave him an imploring gaze, letting him know I was afraid of speaking before those merchants and executives. I was sure to make a fool of myself and that I would sound stupid before I could even complete a sentence. I know I already looked awkward, trembling as I stood there, fearful of being given such a task. I bowed my head low, close to tears, but Erik shocked me when he reached out to touch the back of my neck, smoothing down the hairs at my nape. It must have shocked everyone else to see Erik doing this tender gesture.

"What are you afraid of? You know this like the back of your hand!"Erik whispered gently close to my face.

"I can't, Sir. I'm scared of speaking in front of other people-"I said thinly.

He reached for me, passing his hand over my shoulders reassuringly."Look at me, Charles-"

I lifted my eyes to meet his calm blue eyes and I could see his conviction and belief in me. "Charles, you're my apprentice. The business we work in is pretty cutthroat and requires assertion and confidence. If you are ever going to move ahead, the time is now. Stand up for yourself and face your fears. I believe in you, ok?"

What am I to say to that? Erik was depending on me. He believed in what I could do and I am suddenly under pressure not to let them all down, not to let the company down. Erik was our boss. We have to follow his orders and even though Erik and I are a couple, that does not exclude me from performing my duties for him. I know he was doing this to help boost my confidence and to help me move forward in the company, but he does not understand this terror I am feeling over taking such a role. Erik guided me back to my chair and he sat back in his seat as if nothing untoward happened.

"So here's the plan. I will present the portfolio to our scheduled Client while Charles will present the other portfolio to our second Client. Emma, you'll serve as Charles's proxy and mediator in case he needs help-"

"Alright-"Ms Frost said lifelessly. She was totally against Erik's decision and I don't blame her for not trusting me. I don't even trust myself. Erik left me with Ms Frost so we can make our preparations for the portfolio presentation. Erik was right in one thing. I know the details of the portfolio. I knew all the data and analysis needed to back up our services, but the problem is, I'm scared shitless to speak before the merchants and the executives that I have to make this presentation for. Ms Emma did her best to boost my confidence, telling me I did not need to memorize the details but mainly to run through the data we have on print.

"If it becomes too overwhelming, you can hand over the presentation to me. I'll take care of it The nerve of that Lehnsherr!"Ms Frost said spitefully. I nodded and remained silent, just going through the flow of preparing our video and slide presentations, the one Erik had Armando make earlier in the day. We met with Erik and Bobby in the main lobby, ready to head for the floor level where the merchants and executives were waiting. I felt sick to my stomach and my throat felt so tight, I didn't know if I wanted to vomit or if I was coming down with something. While we were in the elevator, riding up to the meeting room area, Erik just stared at me quietly, not saying a word. Once we were out of the elevators walking to my imminent doom, Erik reached for my wrist and drew me towards him, I was startled when he hugged me, unashamed of doing something like this before Bobby and Ms Emma Frost.

"I did this for your sake, Charles. When you're in there, just show them what you can do! I know you can do this-"Erik whispered to me.

"Erik, I don't know-"I said in a tight voice. My heart was already pounding away in fear, my hands sweaty with my nervousness.

Erik suddenly reached for my cheek, gently touching me. His eyes tender and full of his love for me. I tried to pull away, conscious of Ms Frost and Bobby watching me but Erik held me firmly in place and his next words just astounded me.

"I may not be in that room Charles but just remember what I told you before. Like the wind, ok?"

When he said that, I realized that indirectly, he was telling me that he loved me. Erik was reminding me of that time in the cemetery when we were young, and he reassured me that even though my parents were not there, their love will see me through, like his love will see me through this challenge. I was so nervous earlier but I suddenly felt calm. My eyes trembled with unshed tears, but I managed to control myself. I smiled up at Erik endearingly, letting him know I understood what he meant and I picked up my papers and the portfolio, giving Erik one last meaningful look before I entered the meeting room with Ms Frost. Both she and Bobby were shocked silent over what had just transpired. Now they know about me and Erik and somehow...I knew everything was going to be ok with the presentation. There were eight men in that meeting room and they were looking at me intently as I prepared my papers at the head of the table and distributed copies of the updated portfolio content. Emma sat next to me and was looking at me in concern, waiting for me to introduce her as the presenter. For some reason, I suddenly found my courage and I gazed out at everyone warmly.

"Good morning, gentlemen. I am sure you know why we have invited you here. Let me begin by telling you why you need Lehnsherr enterprises' technology to propel your business to the top-"

And just like that, everything flowed from me easily. I was able to answer their questions, even when they raised a sound argument, I straightened it out. I wasn't afraid anymore because Erik was right. I know this like the back of my hand. I knew exactly what to say. We took a while to wrap up and when we left the meeting room, Erik and Bobby were already waiting for us outside. Erik and I smiled at each other, an understanding passing between us and then one of the executives from Mr Jakob Lehnsherr's group came over to praise me. I was embarrassed by the compliment, but I quietly accepted it. Even Ms Emma Frost was praising me.

"Lehnsherr, I can't believe you have this raw talent under your wing! He single-handedly pulled that presentation through-"

"Never doubted him for a minute-"Erik said, his eyes only on me. I smiled at him, feeling like I was on top of the world. When we got back to our department's floor, Bobby had announced that we salvaged the projects and that the merchants will continue to do business with us. Everyone was hooting and laughing, clapping each other's backs now that the department got through this tough situation. I felt proud of myself because I made this possible. I was part of this. Erik told everyone to get back to work, his tone dry and I suddenly wondered, why was it hard for Erik to tell me that he loved me? Every time I look into his eyes, I could see that he loves me and at times, I almost thought he was about to tell me that he loves me because he looked like it hovered there, on his tongue wanting to spill out from him. I thought that after I had my success in the meeting room and I was still feeling confident, I had to ask him why he just can't say it. I was thinking about this as I sat in my desk and then I stood up and walked over to his door, knocking politely.

"Mr Lehnsherr, Sir? May I speak with you?"

"Yes you may, Charles. Please sit down-"Erik inclined his head towards a chair, a faint smile still on his lips.

"Sir, thank you...for what you did for me back there. I never knew I could do it but your encouragement really empowered me-"I began.

"Just helping you along, Mr Xavier. You just needed the right push-"Erik said magnanimously.

"Well speaking of the right push, may I ask-"I leaned in close and spoke in a low voice, hoping no one would suddenly come in through the door and interrupt us. I wanted Erik to answer me honestly this time.

"I know it's out of place for me to say this but is it that hard for you to tell me that you love me, Erik?"

Erik suddenly smiled insolently, rolling his eyes about and I found myself annoyed at his reaction. Does he think that this was not a serious matter worth discussing? After all that display of affection before Bobby and Ms Frost? He practically trivialized that powerful exchange between us. He must have only said those words to push my buttons to get me to do his bidding.

"Tsk, Charles! What does it matter if I say it or not if you know I feel it and that I've made it quite plain that you are the only one for me-"Erik said casually, sounding somewhat dismissive and I found myself seething at it. I know my tone carried my irritation when I spoke next.

"There you go again, Erik! Eating your own words! You made such a show of giving me that support and you forced me to face my own fears but you can't say these simple words to me!"

 Erik's voice became harsh when he spoke next, his eyes narrowed at me."Don't go comparing my situation with your own qualms! Just remember that I'm still your boss and you should still know your place in my office, Mr Xavier-"

I was stunned. What kind of a game is Erik playing at? Did he really just encourage me, only to crush me down because it suited him at the moment? Because he wanted to toy with my feelings? Did I mean so little to him that it was easy for him to act like the mean boss all over again? I felt this indignant anger rising within me because of his behavior. I realized he did all this, because he was just using me. I've allowed myself to be duped all over again. God! Why did I have to fall for such an asshole?

"Fine! be that way!"I cried out indignantly and I rushed out of his office, wiping at my burning face and vying for control. I might actually punch him out if I remained in that office with him. I had to get away from him and get my act together.

"Charles!"Erik called out to me but I ignored him. I forcibly opened our main door and stomped out of there, visibly fuming for all to see.

"Mr Xavier! When I am speaking to you, you do not turn your back on me! Now stop right where you are!"Erik suddenly bellowed out angrily.

Everyone in the room stopped what they were all doing and they have grown silent, staring at me and then at Erik as he stood at the doorway of our office, glaring at me angrily because of my insolence. I stopped in the middle of the room, defiantly glaring back at him, waiting for him to come close. Because I knew Erik so well, I knew he intended to humiliate me for talking back. He was going to blow up on me in front of everyone else and I steeled myself against it.

"What the hell, Xavier! How dare you walk out on me when I was about to tell you that I love you!"Erik snapped at me in a supercilious tone and I was about to shout back a retort, but then the words he said started to sink in. Did he just tell me, right in front of all my co-workers that he loves me? I wasn't sure I heard him right.

"S-sir? What did you just say?"I stammered.

"Are you deaf Xavier? I said I love you! Is it still not getting across to you? My God! You are still so slow!"Erik said in a mocking tone that did not match the look in his eyes. He was looking down at me lovingly. I wanted to burst into tears because he openly informed everyone that he loves me and his eyes were tender and kind as he regarded me. I was frozen there, I didn't know what to say or do. My heart was pounding furiously in my chest and I know my face was burning with a strange mix of feelings. I felt embarrassed and overjoyed at the same time and I felt my heart soaring just to hear him say the words that I longed to hear him say to me. Without another word he suddenly reached for me and kissed me, right in front of everyone else and I could barely hear their cries of elation and encouragement over the blood rush within my ears and my hammering heart. It seems they were ok with Erik and me being together. Erik pulled back and I was gasping, overwhelmed by my own emotions as I smiled up at him happily. I pushed my glasses back up; I was mortified due to everyone's attention being on me. I tried to move away, to walk back into our office, but Erik held on to my shoulders and he looked down at me affectionately.

"I should have said that with more finesse, had you given me the chance. Let me start over. I love you, Charles. I love you so much I want the whole world to know it-"Erik whispered softly to me and I couldn't stop myself from finally crying, I pressed my face to Erik's chest and he hugged me while everyone hooted on in encouragement and clapped their hands. It felt as if I was in a dream and any moment now, I would wake up and all of this would not be real, but Erik gently kissed my cheek all of a sudden and I knew...that even if I opened my eyes, all of this would remain and I will see Erik's eyes staring down at me with love.

 

 


	11. Bonus Chapter: Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is actually dedicated to lamlinh, who suggested I wrap up Erik and Charles's story with a vacation AU. Hope it worked out the way I wanted it to. Thanks so much to everyone who followed this fic and I thank you for your patience in all the delays. I've had personal things I had to deal with and I couldn't write. I finally found the heart in me to write again and I hope you enjoy my offering. <3

 

Everyone in their department knew about Erik and Charles's relationship, but no one reported on it and no one gossiped about it to the other departments. It was simply something they accepted and kept within their own group. This deliberate need to be clandestine came about because there has been a crackdown on same-sex relationships within their company, due to Jonas Graymalkin and Christian Frost's coming out after the sexual nature of their relationship was exposed (Christian was actually a distant relative of Emma). Although no gay couples were terminated, these individuals were advised via a new office mandate to declare their relationships so that they may be kept apart, the purpose of which is to maintain their professionalism in the workplace area. The reason for this strict implementation against gay couples was because of the scandal that occurred in Jonas and Christian's department. Hence, an unspoken agreement came about under Erik's team to keep mum on the matter of their superior and Charles's status as a couple.

Besides that, everything was going so well for them in Lehnsherr enterprises. Their department was awarded top marks during the company's mid-year review and as a reward, Lehnsherr Senior had decided to take Erik's entire department on a weekend trip on his private cruise ship, wherein the employees were encouraged to take their families as well. There was only one problem. Lehnsherr Senior had decided to join the trip at the last moment and both Erik and Charles were unaware of it. They had planned their romantic moments together on the ship, even sharing one room together, not knowing that Lehnsherr Senior was visiting each and every area to talk and mingle with everybody. Lehnsherr Senior wanted to have a chat with Charles Xavier, because he wanted to congratulate the other for being the company's performer. Charles was mainly responsible for taking Erik's department to the top, with heap upon heap of special projects that launched successfully, due to Charles's acumen for the business and his merchant presentations. Lehnsherr Senior was going through the cruise ship registry and wanted to know where Charles Xavier's room was so he could personally hand him a gift. He had no idea that Charles was in Erik's room at the moment and that they were making out passionately upon their bed. Lehnsherr Senior saw Bobby Drake leaning on one of the ship's rails, talking to his girlfriend, Kitty Pryde. The mild-mannered old man walked over to them and tapped Bobby's shoulder politely. Bobby looked up distractedly and then he was awestruck to be face to face with their company's CEO. Before Bobby could stutter a greeting, Lehnsherr senior immediately put in a question.

"I apologize for interrupting your discussion with Miss Pryde, Mr Drake, but have you seen Mr Xavier around? I wanted to present him with a gift, but I cannot seem to locate his room in the ship's registry-"

Bobby's face grew flush, his eyes darting meaningfully towards Kitty and warily meeting Mr Lehnsherr's eyes."Uh, I don't know where they...I mean where he is at, Sir-"

Kitty elbowed Bobby sharply, giving him a warning look for almost slipping and saying something about Erik and Charles. Kitty was aware of Charles and Erik's relationship too but had kept quiet about it. Senior Lehnsherr nodded in understanding, smiling benignly at the both of them.

"Never mind then. I shall eventually find him myself. How are you taking things so far, Mr Drake? What do you think of the ship?"

"It's amazing, Sir. I've never been on a private cruise ship before. It's really something-"Both Bobby and Kitty were actually enjoying the salty tang of the sea air, admiring the view of the city as it grew distant from them, their ship sailing them off to their second venue. The weather was warm and the blue skies were clear. It was a perfect day for their trip to commence.

"Yes, it is one of the few ships that I own. I do hope you enjoy yourselves. You've earned it-"Mr Lehnsherr said, tipping Bobby and Kitty a wink when he drew his sunglasses down and then he walked down the wide passage, followed by two assistants who were still wearing their suits. He did not wait for Bobby's response, the other was too speechless to say anything anyway.

Mr Lehnsherr was wearing a pale gray Hawaiian shirt with red and yellow festive designs upon the print and long tan shorts that ended just above the knees. He was also wearing black shades, along with a gold-plated wristwatch and carrying his reading glasses in a custom-made box designed for holding his eyeglasses, his wavy white hair billowing in the wind. Bobby swallowed thickly and looked over at Kitty, who was also looking pale and worried for Erik Lehnsherr and Charles. They waited until Lehnsherr senior was gone and then Bobby attempted to contact Charles, texting him first and then calling him, but Bobby was unable to reach him.

"I think we had better warn Mr Lehnsherr and Charles that his dad is looking for Charles-"Bobby said tightly.

"Do you know where they are staying at?"Kitty asked worriedly.

"They are in the presidential suite at the top floor of the ship. Holy shit! I bet they share the same floor level as Mr Lehnsherr's room!"

"We better get over there and inform them! They might run into Mr Lehnsherr, Bobby!"

"Right, let's go!"Bobby said and grabbed his girlfriend's hand. They ran the opposite way, intending to head up the presidential suite using the elevator. Bobby was planning on calling Erik first before knocking on their door. He looked over to Kitty, who was wearing a yellow two-piece bathing suit underneath a see-through black romper. Her glossy brown hair was tied back in a ponytail and Bobby thought she looked so fine in her outfit, that he didn't care to look at the voluptuous bodies of Miss Frost and Miss Raven, both of whom are sunning themselves while lying on the lounge chairs down the walkway. Emma Frost lifted her head up, noticing the worried expression on their faces.

"Bobby, what's wrong?"Emma called out to them. She had on a white cut-out bathing suit which was belted. She had taken off the see-through white caftan she had been wearing over her stylish bathing suit so that she would get a tan in the right places. Raven was lying on her back on the other lounge chair, wearing sunglasses and donning a one-piece blue bathing suit with a v-shaped front that exposed her cleavage, the cut of which was nearly reaching her belly button. It was practically molded over the curves of her body that it had the men in the ship drooling at the sight of her. Bobby stopped short, with Kitty walking beside him.

"Mr Jakob Lehnsherr is on the ship and he's looking for Charles!"

Raven shrugged at that and made a face. She still can't get over the fact that Erik was actually in a relationship with Charles. She felt mildly resentful, but she did not tattle on them. That would make her seem bitter if she did something like that and Emma had cautioned her over doing such a thing to Charles. Once she got to know him, Raven had found that Charles was a pretty sweet guy; he was thoughtful and kind, perhaps this was why Erik fell for him. Charles was initially such a quiet wallflower in their department, but then things turned around when they were all made privy to the budding romance between Erik and Charles. Emma scooted out of her chair in an instant, tensing up.

"What? Where is Mr Jakob?"

"He headed on to the other side of the ship. Kitty and I are off to warn Erik and Charles before he gets to them. He might eventually go over to Erik's room to find out where Charles is-"

"Ok. Let us help you! Raven and I will delay Mr Jakob in any way we can while you contact Erik on his cell phone-"Emma began, but they were suddenly interrupted when Armando came racing towards their group, looking harried like the rest of them.

"Mr Jakob Lehnsherr is looking for Charles!"

"We know!" All of them said at the same time and then they looked around at each other strangely.

Armando stopped short, trying to catch his breath, hands on his knees. He shook his head weakly. "No, you don't understand. He can't locate Charles so he is off to look for Charles's family to talk with them-"

"Oh no! They don't know that Mr Jakob does not know about Erik and Charles!"Emma said, alarmed. She grabbed Raven's arm.

"Hey!"Raven cried out, looking annoyed.

"Help me detain Mr Jakob, Raven!"

"Why should I care? We aren't even at work!"Raven whined.

Emma gave Raven an icy stare, her tone venomous."If you don't do as I say Raven, I'll make you sorry you ever disobeyed me. If you think Erik's the boss from hell, wait until we get back in the office. I'll show you what hell really is like-"

That got Raven’s attention; she was looking at Emma with wide and wary eyes. She knew Emma meant what she said and she knew about Emma's frightful temper. Raven hastily got up and pulled up a dark blue wrap to cover her bottom."Ok, I'm coming!"

Emma nodded in satisfaction. She gestured for everyone to listen to her."Before we stop Mr Lehnsherr, here's the plan-"

 

"Why Mr Lehnsherr! Fancy seeing you here!"Emma cried out brightly as she stepped towards Mr Jakob Lehnsherr. Mr Jakob uttered a low laugh and gave her a small wave. Emma sidled up closer to him, barring him from taking another step.

"Hello Ms Frost, a pleasure to see you too!"

"The pleasure is mine, Sir. I'm somewhat star-struck. I didn't think you would join us-"Emma gushed. The ship was already out in the middle of the ocean, set on a straight course to a private resort where they were to continue with the trip.

"It was a last minute decision really after I had cleared up a few things at work-"Mr Jakob said mildly. He was about to walk past her, a hail of parting words about to rise from his throat, when she stepped in his way again, preventing him from moving forward and causing him to give her a curious look.

"Yes, Ms Frost?"

Emma smiled at Mr Jakob, trying to turn up her charm. She reached for his hand and she shook it warmly."Sir, I would just like to take this moment to thank you for this wonderful cruise trip. It has certainly encouraged me to continue working for Lehnsherr enterprises. I don't believe any other company would offer such a perk! Really, Sir! You are quite generous-"

"Of course! I value the people who work under me, Ms Frost. By the way, have you seen Mr Xavier? I would like to give him a gift for his exceptional performance in your department-"

"I think I saw him dining in the ship's mess hall, Sir! If you want, I can accompany you in your search-"

"How kind of you, Ms Frost. I hope I am not interrupting anything-"

"I have all the time in the world, Sir-"

"Come along then! Let us go see Mr Xavier-"

Emma sidled up to Jakob Lehnsherr familiarly and linked arms with him. She gushed on and kept on pouring praises towards the old man, it was completely out-of-character for her to do something like this, but she did this so she could keep the old man distracted. Raven was close by and she kept on trying to call Erik and Charles on their cell phones, but she was getting nowhere. Meanwhile, Bobby, Kitty and Armando had gone to look for Charles's family to warn them to keep quiet about Erik and Charles's relationship since Erik's father still had no knowledge of it. They found Logan and Jean first, drinking and talking intimately while sitting in the Ship's bar. They were hugging each other and whispering. Bobby warily drew close to Logan first. Mr Logan was wearing a white t-shirt which exposed his well-muscled arms, the fabric stretched tightly across his muscled chest and underneath, he wore black board shorts while Jean Grey was wearing a green and yellow sundress that complimented the color of her skin and her dark red hair. Bobby was aware of Logan's acerbic personality but he plodded on.

"Uhm, Mr Logan, sorry to interrupt you-"Bobby began.

Mr Logan flung a steely glare towards Bobby, his expression frightening."Go fuck yourself!"

"Ok!"Bobby said in his best choir-boy wannabe voice. He felt like he was going to wet himself just looking into Mr Logan's furious eyes.

"Logan! Don't be rude!"Jean Grey cried out indignantly and reached for Bobby's arm, reassuringly smiling up at him."I'm sorry. He's always like this, but underneath that he's a nice man-"

"In his sleep, maybe-"Kitty muttered sarcastically and Logan gave her a sour look, causing her to look away, rolling her eyes about and looking sheepish. Logan then turned his attention to Bobby.

"Boy, you do not interrupt a man when he is having a moment with his wife, you got that?"Logan growled at him, still enraged over being disturbed.

"Sorry, but Mr Logan it's about Charles-"

"Yeah, what about him?"

"Mr Jakob Lehnsherr, Erik's father is looking for Charles. He doesn't know about them being, you know, together-"

"Oh my!"Jean suddenly cried out, putting a hand to her mouth.

"We just want you to be on the alert in case Mr Jakob talks to you. If he finds out Erik and Charles are a couple, he'll drive them apart-"Kitty said in a low voice, her expression as grave as Bobby's. Armando had parted from them earlier, but he entered the bar room and informed them that he has spoken to Ororo as well as Charles's cousins, Scott and Alex.

"Thank you for informing us. We'll be careful over what we say when we speak to Mr Jakob Lehnsherr-"Jean assured them. Logan just nodded in agreement and had kept his silence. Bobby and his friends eventually left them and while they were walking down the opposite side of the walkway, Raven called Bobby on his cell phone and informed him that she could not reach Charles or Erik.

"They must have turned their cell phones off. Apparently, they are at it like rabbits in heat-"Raven said dryly, rolling her eyes at the thought that those two were probably doing something nasty in bed and they turned off their phones so that they would not be disturbed. She didn't know if she felt jealous or annoyed with this knowledge, it was probably both. Bobby made a face and he looked around at Kitty and Armando desperately.

"I think there's still time. Ms Frost has delayed Mr Jakob by taking him into the mess hall-"

"Do you mean-"Kitty began.

"We're going directly to Charles and Erik's suite. We'll have to warn them that Erik's dad is here-"

"Ugh, good luck then!"Raven said and then she ended the call. Now, she had to accomplish a second task for Emma since she failed to contact Erik and Charles. She would have to cause a commotion on the ship to delay Mr Jakob Lehnsherr even further. But what kind of commotion could she do in this instance? She suddenly saw Azazel, Erik's driver and she smiled.

Erik and Charles were oblivious to the events unfolding in the ship because they were too busy kissing and fondling each other hungrily. It was like Charles had some sort of aphrodisiac on his skin and Erik could not resist touching and kissing him. They were already both naked underneath the sheets and Charles ground his hips up to meet Erik's hips, feeling the heat and hardness of his cock. Charles broke the kiss and bit down on his lower lip seductively, eyes heavy-lidded and looking drugged. Erik could never grow tired of staring at the mesmerizing blue eyes that stared up at him; he craved to touch the pale, blushing skin of his lover, feel his skin grow feverish at his touch and he wanted Charles's sweet red lips to kiss him over and over. He propped himself up on his arms, just admiring Charles's beauty and he circled his hips provocatively, rubbing himself up against Charles.

"Did you bring any-"Charles murmured in a husky voice and Erik instantly whipped up the KY Jelly. Charles chuckled at Erik's eagerness and he reached out to kiss Erik, his tongue diving into Erik's mouth and flicking about seductively. Charles turned his head about the pillow, moaning softly as Erik prepped him, his legs trembling in anticipation and his toes curling in pleasure as Erik's fingers sought him. He licked his lips slowly and waited for Erik to mount him. Charles was waiting for the bliss of Erik's cock entering him, but Erik had his attention elsewhere. Charles opened his eyes to look up at Erik, reaching for his chest.

"Erik, please don't stop-"

"Didn't you hear that? I set my phone to silent mode but I can hear it vibrating. I think someone's trying to call me-"

Charles uttered a complaining sigh."Erik, the only vibrating I care about is the one you are about to give me. Now get over here and fuck me!"

Erik had to chuckle at that."I love it when you talk dirty, Charles-"

"That's not the only thing my mouth is capable of, Erik. I can do some dirty things with it too. Do you want to know what those things are?"Charles said in a naughty manner, lifting one eyebrow up. Before Erik could say anything else, Charles rolled Erik on to his back and straddled him, causing the sheet to fall to the side of the bed. Erik uttered a low laugh and waited to see what Charles would do. Charles gave him a sloppy kiss on the lips, licking at Erik's lower lip and then he bit on it. Erik moaned, reaching for Charles's waist.

"Oh yeah!"Erik cried out lustily when Charles began to guide his cock to home and he slid into the tightness of Charles's backside. Charles moaned out indecently, matching the undulating of Erik's hips and then they began to fuck frantically. They were too busy with having sex that they did not hear Bobby knocking at their door. By this time, Mr Jakob Lehnsherr had exited the mess hall. Both Lehnsherr senior and Emma ran into Charles's cousins, Scott and Alex as they sampled the food at the buffet. They denied seeing Charles, but had informed Jakob and Emma that Charles was probably in their room, sleeping.

"Ah, no wonder I didn't see his name in the registry. He was lodging with his cousins. Rather odd though, that his name is not under the log for that room number-"

Emma shook her head minutely, her smile a tad fake."Must be some sort of misunderstanding, Sir. Well, Charles is still sleeping it seems. I'm sure he needs his rest. Why don't we head over to the entertainment hall and listen to some music. We have a few talented singers in our department and they are performing there now-"

"I will listen to them later. Since I was not able to speak to Mr Xavier, I might as well have a talk with my son. We haven't spoken in a while. Where is he, though? I would have thought he would be strutting around the deck like a self-important peacock!"Jakob Lehnsherr said with some dry humor.

"Sir, it has been a privilege to work with your son. I admire the way he runs our department. His leadership has been nothing but commendable-"

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Ms Frost. My son is a selfish prick!"

Emma did not know what to say so she just kept on giving him that toothpaste commercial smile she reserved for people she wanted to butter up. She had done such a thing before while trying to get a tough executive to close a deal and she hated kissing ass like this. _Erik owes me for this_ , Emma fumed silently.

"But, ever since Charles Xavier came under his wing, I did notice a change in Erik. He's much more mature and level-headed. That is one of the reasons why I wanted to speak to Mr Xavier. We both know of his, uh, how shall I say this? Gentle nature and Erik usually detests people who are like that. He has this bull-headed idea about gay men and I don't want to make any assumptions about Mr Xavier's sexuality, but it seems he's the only person in the history of your department to ever remain in the company, regardless if he looks effeminate. Why, he even got promoted! I find him interesting because of this-"

"Your son saw such potential in Charles, Sir. That is why he promoted him. Charles deserved it-"Emma said in a subdued voice.

"And I could see the results! If he could turn my son around to his side, there must be something special about Mr Xavier-"

Emma had to smile affectionately at the idea. Charles is a special guy. She had never met anyone as sweet and thoughtful as Charles. Things had changed in their department because of him. Charles slowly befriended all of his colleagues during the course of his comeback. He was the only guy who remembered birthdays without fail and he would visit a sick co-worker. He even baked cookies for everyone to celebrate their department's top marks. She was distracted for a moment but she stiffened up when she heard Jakob Lehnsherr's next words.

"I think I know where my son is! He's probably in his room, sleeping. His company driver told me that Erik was exhausted from last night. He failed to elaborate on what Erik could be doing last night, but knowing my son-"Mr Jakob trailed off and headed for the elevators.

 _Oh no!_ Emma wailed inside her head, desperately trying to think of a way to prevent Mr Jakob from going to Erik's room.

Before she could utter another word, There was suddenly a commotion at the lobby, barring their way to the elevators. For Lehnsherr senior to get to Erik, he would either have to go around or climb the stairs. Both Emma and Jakob exchanged curious looks and then they headed off to the lobby to see what the trouble was about. It was Raven. It seems she has fainted and now her head was resting on Azazel's lap as he tried to fan her.

"Everyone, please move away! Give her some space!"Azazel cried out, but the throng of men kept ogling at Raven as she kept lying down in such a provocative position, her back slightly arched and enhancing the thrust of her breasts against her suit. Emma grinned to herself. She was silently high-fiving Raven for thinking up such a plan. She had hoped this had bought them enough time for Bobby to warn Erik and Charles so that Charles could clear out of Erik's room and hide his luggage. Unfortunately, this was not the case.

Charles was currently straddling Erik, thrusting himself up and down Erik's cock, moaning incoherently, too aroused to ever notice anything else but this delicious sensation Erik was giving him. Erik was bucking up frantically, pounding right up into Charles's tight and hot little hole and groaning at the intensity of the pleasure he felt. He was somewhat distracted again when he heard some thumping at the door.

"C-Charles. Oh God!"Erik howled out as Charles tightened his backside muscles, biting on his lower lip and undulating forward in a slow and seductive manner, his hips rocking forward faster and harder. The thump came again, much louder this time.

"I...I think someone's at the door-"Erik groaned tightly, but there was no stopping Charles. He was concentrating on fucking Erik out of his mind that he couldn't care less who was knocking on the door. Charles had braced his hands over Erik's shoulders, continuing with the manic tempo of his thrusting hips and then Charles screamed out in shock when Bobby flopped down into their open balcony door. Bobby had apparently climbed at the topmost part of the ship, nearly killing himself as he slid over the edge and precariously balanced on the side rails to drop himself directly down Erik's balcony. Charles scrambled to get the bed sheet over his body, blushing furiously while Erik grabbed at the terry cloth bathrobe he had lying on the floor.

"What the hell, Bobby!"Erik cried out vehemently, tying the knot of his robe.

Bobby righted himself up and held his hands up placatingly."Sir! Your father is on the ship and he's probably heading up here right now. He was looking for Charles!"

"What?"Both Erik and Charles cried out in unison.

"Once he figures out that Charles is nowhere around, he's sure to look for you!"Bobby added, his face crumpled up with concern and that got the alarm bells knocking between Erik and Charles.

"What the hell is he doing on the ship? He wasn't supposed to be here!"Erik said in a tight voice as both he and Charles moved around the room to hide Charles's things, sliding Charles's luggage under the bed, running about in a panic and then there was a knock on Erik's door.

"Erik? Open the door, please-"It was Mr Jakob Lehnsherr.

Bobby slapped a hand over his eyes. They were too late. Both Armando and Kitty, who were waiting outside the door probably hid themselves and now Bobby was stuck in the room with Charles and Erik.

"Quick, hide in the balcony!"Erik hissed at Bobby and then Erik grasped Charles's wrist.

"Hide under the bed, Charles!"

"But-"Charles said, slipping on his tan pants.

"Just do it!"Erik said in a sibilant voice laced with hysteria. His father must not find Charles in his room.

"Erik, if you don't open the door I will have to use my key card-"Lehnsherr senior called out. Charles instantly dropped to the floor and squirmed under the bed while Bobby rushed off to the balcony and he drew the blinds, closing the door behind him. Erik exhaled a bracing breath, running his hands through his hair and then when he composed himself, he opened the door, acting peeved.

"I was sleeping!"Erik grumbled out convincingly.

"Odd, I thought you were speaking with someone-"

"Well, you and this goddamned call just woke me up!"Erik said in a cranky voice, walking back into the room while Jakob closed the door behind them. Charles struggled to keep his breathing even. He didn't want Mr Jakob to sense his presence in the room. His heart was already clipping painfully in his chest and he fought to keep it under control. Someone sat on the edge of the bed. It was Mr Jakob Lehnsherr.

"I'm sorry if I had disturbed you. I know you must have had a rough time last night. Your driver told me-"

Erik's face twitched, but Lehnsherr senior did not seem to have noticed it. Azazel was well aware that he was boning Charles in the back of the limousine while they were headed off to a gala function last night. Erik dismissively threw a hand up at that, trying to hide the blush that rose to his cheeks.

"It was nothing. Did you want to talk to me about something?"

"Yes. I wanted to talk to you about Mr Charles Xavier-"

"About what?"Erik said offhandedly.

"I would just like to say, that I am proud of you for not sending Mr Xavier off. He is an asset to our company, now that he has proved himself to you. I know you must have put him through hell under your supervision, but you have shown me your maturity by not letting gender get in the way of a sound business decision. I do hope you continue down this path, Erik. I'm sure our company will have a bright future under you once I've stepped down-"

"Dad, don't get all sentimental on me!"Erik bemoaned, embarrassed that his father should speak like this and that he was aware of Charles hearing the conversation.

"But it's true and I admire Mr Xavier's tenacity, working under you. That young man sure has a lot of guts. We all know what you were like before. I was actually having this conversation with Ms Frost about you. That you've somehow changed and you've changed for the better-"

Erik ran a hand at the back of his head, flustered that his old man should speak to him like this.

"Do you like him?"Mr Jakob suddenly asked and Erik suddenly felt his entire body flush, right down to his toes. Charles's ears were perked up as he listened on, curious as to what Erik would say.

"He's a good worker!"Erik said in a gruff voice, his cheeks burning.

"Is that all?"Mr Jakob said meaningfully and Charles suddenly wondered if Mr Jakob was aware of his and Erik's relationship. Charles's thudding heart suddenly switched gears and he felt as if his entire body had grown icy cold at this idea. He had no idea that Erik struggled mightily with himself. He wanted to tell his father the truth but was worried that he would be parted from Charles if he did something like that. He decided to come off as vague and if his father prodded further, he will steer the topic elsewhere.

"No, that's not all-"Erik said softly.

"What else then?"

"He's ok! He's a great guy!"Erik said hotly, wanting his father to drop the topic.

"I see. So you do like him after all. Does this mean that you have abandoned your homophobic ideals?"

"I...I may have had a change of heart about it-"Erik said in a feeble voice.

Mr Jakob did not say anything for some time and then he stood up, feeling around his pockets for something."Good. Well I hope we get to talk some more during the dinner party I had arranged for you and your staff. Here, Mr Xavier, I would like to give you a token of my appreciation for your dedication and hard work. I hope it's not too uncomfortable under the bed for you-"

Erik's jaw just about dropped right down to the floor in his immense astonishment. His father knew that Charles was under the bed?

The muscles in his face twitched violently, his round eyes blinking in disbelief. Charles himself felt a thud down the pit of his stomach. Mr Jakob knew he was in Erik's room! How could he have known? There was no sense to keep on hiding. Charles slowly slid out from under the bed, his face flushed a deep red. He was not in a respectable state to meet Mr Jakob Lehnsherr like this. His hair was tousled about and he was bare-chested, wearing only his tan pants.

"Uhm, Sir. I'm sorry you had to see me like this-"

"I didn't mean to embarrass you and Erik. I simply had to give you my gift and be on my way. Here, please take the gift-"

Charles took the brown velvet box from Mr Jakob and when he opened it, he saw that the other had gifted him custom-made cuff links made of platinum and gold, with the initial of his last name stamped upon it. They were quite lovely.

"Thank you, Sir-"Charles said in a soft voice, his lashes downcast as he kept on kneeling down the floor. He did not see that Erik was still shocked and immobile, looking like a marble statue, standing to the side, his mouth hanging open and his eyes round and bewildered. For once, Erik was rendered speechless.

"How did you know about me? About us?"Charles asked quietly, keeping his head down, afraid to see the man sneering at him.

"Young man, I wasn't born yesterday. I knew something was up because Erik kept you working under his department. If he wanted to, he could have sent you away, or worse, sent you packing like so many of the other young men who came before you. But, he kept you under his watchful eye and kept you close by his side. And why? It was because he liked you. We both know about my son's reputation and yet, the irony of it is that he is now seeing you. What I like about you Mr Xavier is that you changed my son. You've taken him towards a straight path. He was spiraling out of control before he met you and now, I feel at peace, knowing that I am going to leave my company to my son and knowing he has finally earned it-"Lehnsherr senior said kindly, causing Charles to look up at him in awe.

"You...you know about me and Erik all this time?"

"My apologies, Charles. I had a private investigator follow you. You see, I have been curious for some time about the state of my deceased daughter's grave. My beautiful Ruth! It was a mystery to me as to why it was always so well-maintained and that I always find fresh flowers even before I visit her grave on the anniversary of her death. It could not have been my ex-wife. She lives in Alaska and when I asked her, she told me she did not hire anyone to maintain it because she thought I had seen to it. I was quite sure Erik had nothing to do with it because he had his head stuck..elsewhere. You know what I mean. I didn't even think to hire someone to maintain her grave at that time. Then I found out it was you and that somehow, you knew Erik from long ago. I asked this priest, his name was Father Worthington and he knew who you were. He said he was your distant Uncle. He mentioned that you met a boy in the cemetery, long ago and that he comforted you-"

"It was Erik,"Charles said softly and then he and Erik exchanged glances after Erik got over his shock. Jakob Lehnsherr shrugged.

"After that, the private investigator had seen you with Erik frequently, especially after work. Erik would go over to your house and spend the night there and my investigator would inform me about it-"

"Uhm,"Charles flushed again, right to the roots of his hair.

"Then I knew, it was you. You helped change Erik. Charles, this has nothing to do with your sexuality. It took me a long time to think this through and I realized, I would be a hypocrite like my son here-"

"Dad!"Erik said in a small, infuriated voice.

"-if I started thinking in those terms. You are a good person and that is all that matters. I mean this frankly when I say, I am not against you seeing my son. In fact, I encourage you to keep on seeing him, because he needs you. He needs someone like you in his life and he's lucky to have found you-"

Charles's eyes trembled with unshed tears. He was thankful that Mr Jakob Lehnsherr was such an understanding man. Mr Lehnsherr helped him up and shook his hand.

"Well, this was an awkward yet highly emotional meeting and I'm glad we were able to talk this through-"Mr Lehnsherr said brightly and then he went over to Erik and patted his shoulder.

"Sorry if I had interrupted you, son. I hope you wouldn't be too tired to meet me for that dinner party-"Mr Jakob then tipped Erik a conspiratorial wink and then he left Erik and Charles standing there, stunned and staring after him, just about shocked beyond comprehension.

Bobby heard everything and later on at the dinner party, Bobby shared this information with everyone else involved. Everyone else was amused but relieved at the same time. They were not going to lose Charles from their department after all. Charles was sitting happily next to Erik as the other held his hand, smiling down at him gently, gazing at each other with affection, unafraid now that Lehnsherr senior knew about them. Their other co-workers and their families were out on the floor dancing while some of them were sitting around at the tables, eating and drinking merrily. Azazel had led Raven to dance with him earlier and now she was sitting with the group, blissfully careless about Erik and Charles's relationship because it seems she was about to get one of her own. They had seen Mr Logan and Jean Grey talking to Charles earlier, perhaps Charles had informed them of what has transpired in Erik's room and now Logan and Jean Grey were dancing to some slow music. It somehow did not suit Mr Logan, in Bobby's estimation. They next saw Ms Ororo Munroe dancing with one of her nephews, the blond one, Alex, while Scott sampled all the costly and delicious food served buffet-style, informing his brother that this was a once and a lifetime opportunity to eat 'rich people's' food and so he didn't care about horking it all down.

"Aren't you just happy for Mr Xavier and Mr Lehnsherr? They totally deserve each other!"Kitty sighed as she sat next to Bobby, enjoying the same drink that everyone else was drinking. Bobby shook his head weakly.

"What?"Aren't you happy for them, Bobby?"Kitty asked and everyone else looked over at Bobby in disbelief.

"Yeah, I would have been thrilled for them right this moment, if I hadn't gotten stuck in their room while they had sex for hours, right after Mr Jakob left. They were wailing like a couple of wildcats in heat. Jesus! I'm scarred for life!"

Everyone started laughing at that uproariously. Charles looked over at them, his blue eyes innocently round and curious.

 

 


End file.
